Found in Bliss

  “I love you, Caleb Burke.” She loved him with her whole heart. She had almost from the moment she’d seen him.

  “Holly.” He swallowed as though there were words in his throat, but he would never let them out.

  She placed a finger to his lips. He didn’t need to say a thing. He was damaged, brutally so. He’d lost his wife. That was all she really knew. He might never love again, but he should know he was loved. She would give him what he needed. A pass. “Hush. You don’t have to say it back. I don’t want to hear it. I just needed to say it.”

  She mounted him. His cock thrust up between his legs. She gripped him gently and placed his dick at her entrance. So good. He felt so good. Every muscle rippled as she let gravity do its worst. She lowered herself onto him inch by delicious inch. Caleb’s hands clutched the bed sheets under him as though he was trying really hard not to take control.

  She worked her way down. She was so wet that despite the size difference, she slid onto his cock. He was big and thick inside her. She was so full. What would it be like when Alexei was with them? She let her head fall back as she took him as far as she could go. Every inch of her pussy was filled with Caleb Burke. She experimented a little, bouncing up and coming back down.

  “Oh, god, you feel so good. More. Holly, fuck me harder.”

  It briefly flashed through her brain to tease him the way he’d teased her, but she wanted him too badly. She ground down on him, loving the groan she elicited from him. His hands found her hips, seemingly unable to stay out of the game for a minute more. He circled her waist and forced her down on his dick.

  “God, that’s it, baby. Fuck me hard. Ride me.”

  She balanced herself on his chest and took off. She fucked him, letting his hands steady her. She felt wild and free, powerful for maybe the first time in her life. She found the perfect angle and worked it. His cock slid over some place deep inside her as she ground down on him, her clit hitting his pelvis in perfect harmony. She went off like a rocket, the second orgasm even more powerful than the first. She was just starting to come down when Caleb took over. He rolled her on her back, rearranged her legs, and thrust back in.

  “You know how hot you are? Do you know how hot you make me? Fuck, baby, watching you come is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t for one moment think you aren’t beautiful.” Caleb didn’t hold back now. He pounded into her. He reared back and shot forward. He leaned down and joined their bodies, cock in pussy, belly to belly, her nipples pressed against his chest. He kissed her and completed the circle of their bodies, his tongue thrusting in her mouth, and he came. His body stiffened, and he lost control. His hips hammered, but she could taste herself on his tongue. He ground down against her, and pleasure flared to life again.

  She might have been frigid before, but there was nothing cold about her now.

  Caleb’s body stiffened one last time before he slumped on top of her as though all his strength was gone. He kissed her, his tongue playing, but it was a lazy thing now.

  He finally rolled off her. “Do you feel better, baby?”

  “Thank you.” He’d given her exactly what she needed.

  But that look was back in his eyes. Now that the sex was over, it seemed Caleb was back. “I’m going to go clean up. I’ll get you a hot towel.”

  “Caleb, if you want to go, you can. It’s okay.” She’d play it his way for now. He’d given her what she needed. If he needed space, she would give it to him.

  Caleb seemed to come to some decision. “No. No. I want to stay. Alexei got to watch. I want to watch, too.”

  “I am thinking I should be the one to go, dushka.” Alexei’s voice was still deep, but he sounded smaller now.

  God, she’d told Caleb she loved him.

  Caleb rolled off the bed. “I’ll leave you two alone for a minute. I don’t think you should go, Alexei. I really don’t want that. I thought I would, but I don’t.” He walked out after a momentary pause but left the door open behind him as if he needed the reminder that he was welcome.

  “Why would you leave?”

  “Dushka, you love him. It is plain. He is foolish man who is allowing his hurt to silence his mouth. He loves you, too. Perhaps it is better I leave you to work out.”

  And just like that, she really, truly understood that this wasn’t a game for Alexei. He really thought they could make this whole thing work. He wanted it to work. He wanted her and not for a little while. He wasn’t biding his time.

  “Nothing has been real for you, has it?” She thought about what his life had been like. He’d told her in his letters. He’d written long passages about what his life had been like since his brother had been killed. Every moment of his adult life had been a lie. He’d lied to go into the mob, and he’d hidden huge pieces of himself to stay alive.

  He shook his head sadly. “No, my dushka. It has not been real. This is real to me. I want for your happiness. I see you with Caleb, and you are so happy with him. You are in love with him. I will take that as consolation. I cannot be the third. I cannot be the one who is merely here for fun.”

  He meant every word he’d said to her. She’d discounted him because he was so much younger, but he knew what he wanted. He’d said he wanted her, and he’d meant it. He didn’t play games anymore. He needed something real. He wouldn’t accept less. She finally got it.

  She had power over both these men. She would never abuse it. It was a gift she’d waited for all of her life.

  She didn’t bother to cover herself up now. The instinct had been so strong just an hour before, and now it had fled. It was right to be naked in front of Alexei. He was hers. He’d offered that huge heart to her on a silver platter, and she’d been too insecure to see it. She wasn’t stupid enough to turn him away. Beneath his rough, gorgeous exterior was a man with a breathtakingly beautiful soul. “Alexei, I love you, too.”

  He shook his head. “No. You do not have to say.”

  She took his face between her palms. “Alexei, I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll say it until you believe it.”

  He looked up at her, his eyes so serious. “I love you. I never say this to any woman except my mother. No woman but you.”

  She took his hand and led him to the bed. She lay down and pulled him on top of her. “Make love to me.”

  “With much pleasures, dushka.”

  He spread her legs and worked his way inside after rolling a condom on his cock. Holly sighed as the pleasure built, and she vowed she would do anything to keep her men.

  Chapter Ten

  Caleb gingerly rolled out of bed, praying he didn’t wake either of the people currently sleeping under the soft quilts. Holly was exhausted. And probably sore. Yet she hadn’t turned them away. Caleb had taken her twice followed each time by Alexei, as though neither of them could stand to not take their fair share out of her gorgeous hide.

  She’d welcomed them. She’d held out her arms each time and welcomed them into her body. It had felt like coming home.

  She loved him.

  What the fuck had he done?

  He glanced at the clock. It was almost two in the morning. He couldn’t stay in bed. He was too antsy, his eyes constantly going to the door. There was a thin line of light coming from under the door, taunting him. It had taken just about everything he’d had to lie there and wait for them to fall asleep. He’d simply watched the door, waiting for it to open and something terrible to crawl through. Something terrible always came through.

  Wolf was so right. He’d never really left that damn box.

  He scrubbed a hand through his hair and wished he was a better man. He glanced back and Holly was lying there, the moonlight hitting her face. So fucking gorgeous. She turned as though she realized he wasn’t in bed any longer and sought the other source of warmth. Alexei’s arms came around her, and she sighed as she settled back down. They nestled together, obviously warm and happy.

  They didn’t need him. He was free to go. He’d done exactly what he’d promi
sed. He’d given her a night of passion. He’d given her a fantasy. So why did it feel like it had been his own fantasy that had come true? One he didn’t even realize he’d had. For those hours, he’d been happy. He’d been focused on her. He’d belonged.

  As quietly as he could, he walked across the floor, closing the door behind him. He made a beeline for the bathroom. He turned on the light and washed up as best he could. He didn’t want to shower. He smelled like her. How long could he go before he ran patients off?

  He looked up in the mirror and stared. When the hell had he stopped trying? The man who looked back at him seemed older, more gaunt than he remembered himself being. He was sleepwalking through life, and he couldn’t quite make himself wake up.

  He loved Holly. He couldn’t say it to her. He felt it in his soul, but she deserved more. And maybe he deserved far less.

  He hadn’t thought about Caroline once after he’d started making love to Holly. All of the other women he’d fucked had somehow morphed into her. She was a ghost who constantly clung to him. He hadn’t loved her. He’d thought he had in the beginning, but they had become two completely separate people. She’d begged him not to go into the jungle. She’d told him he would die out there.

  She’d been the one to die. How was he supposed to be happy after he’d caused so much misery?

  It was better to leave. Alexei had offered him everything he could have hoped for. He could enjoy Holly in the only way he was capable of. He thought briefly about leaving town permanently, but he was honest enough that he knew he wouldn’t. He would come back as often as they would let him. He would be their third because it was all he would allow himself. He would watch as they moved in together, built a life together, and he showed up for sex. It was pathetic, but he would do it because he couldn’t walk away. He needed this place. He needed her.

  And he needed to leave.

  He slipped out of the bathroom and started to look for his pants.

  “You leave so soon?” Alexei’s voice startled him. Caleb nearly jumped out of his skin. Which was also all he was wearing.

  “Damn it. You can’t do that to a person.” Now that there wasn’t a woman in the room, two dudes talking with their junk hanging out seemed wrong. He skipped the underwear and went straight for the jeans, scooping them off the floor and stepping into them as quickly as he could.

  “You sneak out, I sneak up. There is no difference.” Alexei didn’t seem bothered by the whole nude dude thing.

  Crap. He wasn’t expecting to deal with Alexei. Alexei was supposed to be perfectly happy to see his ass leave. Alexei should have stayed curled around Holly. “Go back to bed, man. I’m going to head home.”

  “You have trouble sleeping?” Alexei’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully.

  “I don’t sleep much, no.” He looked around for his shirt. The room was littered with hastily tossed off clothes. Holly’s dress had been thrown across the long sofa. Her shoes had made it to the tiny kitchen. There was a bra on the fireplace. He located Alexei’s slacks hanging over the TV and tossed them his way. “If we’re going to have a conversation, put on some pants, man.”

  “Americans.” Alexei pulled his slacks on while shaking his head. “We will not mind if you toss and turn. Come back to bed, my friend. In morning, we will make love to Holly all over again.”

  They might mind when he woke up screaming and in a cold sweat. They certainly might mind when he punched and kicked, trying to get out of the cage he found himself in every night when he closed his eyes. He could hurt Holly. He hadn’t actually hurt anyone in a while, but it could always come back. He couldn’t risk it. “No.”

  A long sigh came from Alexei’s mouth. “Yes, that would be answer. You say no a lot, Caleb. We must find things for you to say yes to.”

  He made it sound so damn simple. “I’m not saying I won’t come back.”

  “You simply will not to sleep with her. Or is it me?”

  Fuck, this was so awkward. “You seriously think I would fuck with you in the same room, but I won’t sleep in the same bed? No. It’s not that. I just don’t like to sleep with anyone.”

  There was a long pause as though Alexei was trying to figure out just how to deal with him. This was precisely why Caleb had stayed out of relationships. He didn’t want to be figured out.

  “Is it because of what happen in Sierra Leone, Dr. Sommerville?”

  Alexei’s words stopped him in his tracks. It was as though Alexei had just pulled the pin on a grenade, and now Caleb had to wait to see if it was going to go off and kill them all. “You know who I am.”

  Alexei shrugged. “I had not much to do in witness protection. Your family is very celebrated. It was not difficult. There were many, many articles about your family. One of the US Marshals I worked with thought she recognized you in the hospital. Why do you hide this? You are hero, Caleb.”

  Some fucking hero. He’d led ten people to their deaths. His wife. Two nurses. Three local aid workers. Five patients who had come to his clinic seeking anyone who could help them and their children. They had all been slaughtered because a group of soldiers had seen a spectacularly heady payday.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” He never talked about it.

  Alexei shook his head. “I do not be understanding, Caleb. I know what happen in Africa was bad, but it was not your fault. You were victim.”

  “I took them there.” He’d led them into hell.

  “You take them to help people,” Alexei insisted. “You take them to bring medicine and healing to people with no hope.”

  Yes, he’d done it for that reason, but it was more complex than just that. He’d also done it to get away from a marriage that wasn’t working. His charity work had become his world. He’d ignored everyone and everything because it was easier to focus on people who only needed him for his skill. He should have known that Caroline would turn to another man. If he’d had half a heart, he would have freed her before he went into the jungle. If he’d done that, she wouldn’t have come after him in search of her divorce. “You don’t know anything about it, Markov.”

  “Then explain to me. Maybe you should talk about it.”

  He fucking thought about it all the time. He didn’t want to talk about it. Anger started to simmer inside him. Alexei thought he could walk back in and put him in some weird kind of therapy. Or was there something more sinister at work? Maybe Alexei wasn’t as friendly as he seemed. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had gotten close to him in order to feed off his family. “And I was beginning to think I was wrong about you. Tell me something, are you planning on telling Holly?”

  Alexei leaned against the wall. “I don’t understand why you hide this, Caleb. She would understand better if you tell her the story.”

  “Yes, she would love it. I chose to go by my mother’s maiden name a long time ago. I don’t live in my brothers’ world. I don’t fit there. I never really did. So, let’s skip all the small talk and get to the shakedown portion of the evening. How much?”

  For the first time, Alexei didn’t look totally self-assured. “I don’t to understand.”

  God, that whole “I don’t get English” thing was probably a scam, too. “How much to keep your mouth shut? How much to get you to leave? Money. That’s what we’re talking about. How much of the Sommerville pie do you intend to get your hands on? It’s a big fucking pie. I’m sure you think you’re entitled to a slice. I have to say, I appreciate your tactics better than the last fuckers who got a little out of me. At least you didn’t kill my wife and shove me in a cage. The sex thing was a much better way to start your extortion play. Did they teach you that in the mob?”

  Alexei stood up straight, his face opening. “Caleb, what are you talking about? This has nothing to do with mob. This is one friend trying to watch after another friend.”

  “Sure it is.” Why hadn’t he seen it? He’d let his lust for Holly blind him. Holly. Alexei had seemed to want her so badly. She was going to be hurt, too. Mothe
rfucker. “Did you think about her for one second? Did you think that she would fall in love with you, or was that part of your plan, too?”

  Alexei’s eyes went cold. “Do not bring her into this. And do not question my feelings for her. I know who you are. I am not the one keeping secrets from her about myself. I have not told her about you. I will not tell her, but how will she feel when she realizes you did not trust her?”

  He trusted Holly. At first he’d just wanted to keep everything quiet. Wolf had promised him that this was a place where he wouldn’t have to worry about reporters and where almost no one would know or care who his family was. Stefan Talbot had known, but he’d promised to keep quiet. The town had needed a doctor. It had seemed like a place where he could do his work and be alone.

  And then he’d met Holly. And the more he knew about Holly’s past, the deeper he realized he was in. Holly had gotten the shit kicked out of her by one political family. How the hell would she feel about the fact that he had a brother in the Senate, two cousins in Congress, and a father who had served as the Secretary of the Interior. The Sommervilles made the Langs look like tiny gnats. She would flip out at the prospect of dating a Sommerville.

  And perhaps at one point in time she would have been right to do so, but Caleb was done with the whole scene. He couldn’t explain to her that his brother wouldn’t look down on her. His brother would just be happy that he was dating someone. Dating would be normal, and Eli would probably dance a jig if he knew about it. As for his younger brother, Josh would probably fight him over Holly. Holly was just his type.

  But she didn’t have to know until fucking Alexei came along. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I agree. You are not your family. But I wonder. You do so many good things. Why do you hide them?”

  “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  Alexei held up a hand. “Then we will not.”