T-Backs, T-Shirts, Coat, and Suit

  WANDA (Only her head and neck are in view. She moistens her lips, smiles into the camera.): Wearing a T-back is a form of self-expression. (The camera pans over the row of blue-blobs. Velma, her head turned so far around that the veins in her neck look like the coils of a spiral notebook, comes into sharp focus. Her smile is as wide as a porpoise’s. She moistens her lips twice before the camera moves on.)

  RICHARD ROEBUCK: Self-expression? The disgruntled employee who called us did not call it that. Whatever you say it is, you have to admit that business on Talleyrand … is … booming.

  ANCHOR I (fighting back a smile): Have they broken any laws?

  ROEBUCK: None that we could find. The city has no ordinance banning T-backs or, as some people call them, thongs.

  ANCHOR II: Thank you, Richard. Florida’s most endangered species has a new friend. That and more coming up after these commercial messages.

  ANCHORS I AND II shuffle papers, smile at each other.

  Chloë turned off the TV. “Who do you think was the disgruntled employee?”

  “Probably Wanda,” Bernadette replied.

  Chloë said, “I thought that disgruntled meant that the employee was unhappy with the situation.”

  Bernadette smiled. “Depends on the situation.”

  * * *

  Wanda lived in a house that was a twin of Bernadette’s, except that it was as far west of Talleyrand as Bernadette’s was south of it. Tyler waited in the carport. He wore bicycle pants, knee pads, and wrist and elbow braces. His blades were tied together over his shoulder. He looked professional. Chloë’s heart sank.

  Wanda and Velma were also in the carport. Bernadette asked them about their appearance on the local news. Velma bragged about how Wanda had called the television station to tell them that there might be a story on Talleyrand if they got a reporter there at 10 A.M.

  Chloë asked, “How come the reporter said that they answered a call from a disgruntled employee?”

  Wanda laughed. “Honey, so little attention was being paid to the revolution down there on Talleyrand, that me and Velma was disgruntled, weren’t we, Velma?”

  Chloë said, “Bernadette guessed it was you.” She started to say something else, but Bernadette flashed her a look that silenced her.

  Velma said, “Well, you know how they are always asking people to dial star-five and phone in fast-breaking news stories. Well, Wanda figured we was worth five stars.”

  Wanda bragged, “They asked me if they should send an investigative reporter or just a field man, and I said, ’Honey, just send the straightest talker with the best eyesight.’” She stared at Bernadette’s glasses and smiled. “No offense meant.”

  Bernadette said, “No offense taken.”

  “Did they also bring the blue blobs?” Chloë asked.

  “Honey, they put them on at the TV station itself. That reporter never even mentioned that they would. I have half a mind to sue them for infringing on my First Amendment rights.”

  “What rights might those be?” Chloë asked.

  “Why, freedom of speech, I think it is.”

  Bernadette laughed. “It’s called freedom of expression, Wanda. You might as well learn the proper terms because I can tell, you’re going to need to know them.”

  Chloë kept sniffing the air. The carport was filled with a familiar smell that she couldn’t name. And then she recognized it. It was coconut. Coconut in the middle of the carport. “Is somebody baking cookies?” she asked.

  Tyler said, “Heck, no.”

  “What is that smell?”

  “Coconut oil. My momma and Aunt Wanda oil their body parts before they go to work. In their line of work, the sun is very hard on their skin.”

  Certain of Wanda’s and Velma’s body parts looked as glossy as Christmas-tree ornaments.

  Wanda said, “Why don’t you wear a T-back, Bernadette? You’re in good shape for a woman of your years.”

  Bernadette smiled and shook her head. “No,” she said, “there are parts of me that I don’t care for the world to see.”

  “Now, that’s just false modesty,” Velma said.

  “In my case, I would say, the modesty is well deserved.” Bernadette smiled and promised to bring Tyler back in a couple of hours.

  * * *

  Chloë was furious with Velma and Wanda, and Tyler too. She was glad that she had a plan to show him up for the fool he was. Bernadette had been going to bed early since they got the highway route, and most nights they didn’t even play cribbage. Chloë had been studying in the evenings, preparing for the conversation she was about to have.

  Bernadette dropped them off by the curb instead of driving around to the back of the dollar-movie parking lot. As they walked back, Chloë asked Tyler what he was learning at the Bible school at the Church of the Endless Horizon.

  “Stuff.”

  “Stuff?” Chloë asked. “Stuff is what you get in a Christmas stocking. What kind of stuff?”

  “Bible stories.”

  “That can’t be all that you study.”

  “Hymns. We learn a lot of hymns.”

  “There must be something else. Don’t you have tests at your school?”

  “Every school has tests.”

  “I’m talking about witch tests,” she said. “Are you familiar with the witch tests?” she asked, emphasizing the word familiar.

  “I am,” he replied.

  “Which ones are you familiar with?” she asked.

  “You tell me which ones you know, and I’ll tell you if they’re right.”

  “Well, I know the reason witches don’t go in the water. Even if they’re teaching someone to swim, they don’t go in over their heads. That’s because witches don’t sink. The water won’t take them. You can bind them up. You can bind their arms, just the way that Bernadette’s arm is all bound up in that cast, and they won’t sink. That’s because they’ve never been baptized by water, and the water rejects them.”

  Tyler said, “That’s absolutely right.”

  Then Chloë said, “So you’re familiar with that one?”

  Tyler said, “I just told you I was.”

  Then Chloë asked, “Are you familiar with the way that Bernadette got Daisy?”

  He said, “My aunt Wanda told me a little bit about it, but you go ahead and tell me your version.”

  Tyler hardly noticed that they were already back at the marked-off part of the parking lot before Chloë finished telling the story of Jake and Daisy. He sat down on the curb and made no effort to put on his skates. He was silent for a minute after Chloë had finished. Then he said, “I never thought Daisy was no normal dog. I reckon Daisy was Jake’s familiar. A familiar is the animal form that a witch’s spirit takes. Then when Jake died, his spirit left a spot for Bernadette’s to pop right in. That’s the way them things work.”

  “Are you just guessing?”

  “Not at all. I tell you, Daisy is your auntie’s familiar.”

  “Did your teacher also explain that a witch can only summon her familiars and have them do her bidding when she is at rest? Usually at night.”

  “Yes,” Tyler nodded. “It happens at night.”

  Then, acting as if the thought had just occurred to her, Chloë said, “It’s funny to hear you say that. Do you know Daisy sleeps at the foot of Bernadette’s bed, and Bernadette won’t let me or anyone—anyone—into her bedroom at night after she has closed the door to go to sleep.”

  “No wonder your aunt didn’t want no tercel. She has that there dog. You have to admit it would be better to have a dog than a bird. People don’t suspect a dog that much.” Chloë smiled to herself. Tyler had fallen into every trap she had set. She was enjoying this. She just hoped it wouldn’t be too easy.

  * * *

  Tyler skated circles around everyone at the dollar-movie parking lot. Someone had brought a ramp like the ones they put in doorways for the handicapped. By skating fast, a good skater could glide to the top of the ramp and sail off. Those who were really go
od landed on their feet. Tyler not only landed on his feet, he did a full turn after landing, skated into the center ring, and did a spin and a world-class Hamill camel. Chloë was awed. So was everyone.

  * * *

  When Bernadette picked them up, she said that she was stopping at the Dairy Queen to celebrate the good report she had gotten from the doctor. They ordered from the drive-through window. The girl handed Bernadette the cones, and she in turn offered them one at a time to Chloë and to Tyler. She passed them some extra napkins before pulling away from the window to a parking space. With her arm in a cast it was not easy for her to eat and drive at the same time.

  Tyler unwrapped the napkin that had been around his cone and replaced it with a fresh one. Before he took the first bite, he bowed his head and asked the Lord to bless the food he was about to eat. Out loud.

  “How come you didn’t say a prayer before you ate pizza the other night?” Chloë asked.

  “I just learned it at my Bible school.”

  “You mean they taught you a blessing for frozen custard?”

  “No. We learned to thank God for the food we put in our mouths, and frozen custard is food.”

  Bernadette stopped licking her cone. She lifted her head, and Chloë caught her eyes in the rearview mirror. Bernadette lifted her eyebrows and smiled. Chloë smiled back.

  Complaints about the T-backs arrived at the TV station within minutes of Richard Roebuck’s first report. The first to complain was a Reverend Mr. Butler, who headlined the news the following evening. That tape runs as follows:

  THE REVEREND MR. BUTLER: We have put together a group to protest the wearing of T-backs. Our group will be called the Citizens Opposing All T-backs and will be known by its initials, COAT. COAT will gather names on a petition to pass a law forbidding the wearing of T-backs in this community. Mrs. Westbeth will lead the petition drive.

  RICHARD ROEBUCK (to Mrs. Westbeth): What are your plans for COAT?

  MRS. WESTBETH: Our goal is to see this obscene form of dress made illegal. T-backs are not only immoral, they are un-American.

  ROEBUCK: Do you intend to ban T-backs on the beaches?

  MRS. WESTBETH: Certainly. The beaches are where this whole thing got started, by foreigners. They started it with the two-piece bathing suit, then they went to the bikini, then the T-back. And if you want to see how it will end up, you get yourself on a plane ride over to Europe and have a look. You’ll find people walking those beaches in the full light of God’s good sun without a strip on. Is that what you want for our town? Nakedness? I’m here to tell you, we have to get these T-backs off of these people if we’re gonna see what’s decent in this town.”

  The morning following the formation of COAT, Richard Roebuck showed up at Zack’s. That was the first day that all the driver-servers, except Bernadette, Chloë, and Grady, wore T-backs to the commissary. Someone had given them the word, and that evening they were on the six o’clock news.

  RICHARD ROEBUCK (He is standing next to Wanda in front of a sign that says ZACK’S MEALS-ON-WHEELS): We went out today for a response to Mrs. Westbeth. (He holds the microphone up to Wanda’s face.) Do you have anything to say about these accusations of indecency?

  WANDA: I sure do. (She smiles.) I say to all you people out there, you dress-for-success your way, and I’ll dress-for-success mine.” (She moistens her lips, smiles at the camera, turns on her high heels and walks away. The blue blob follows.)

  After watching this newscast, Chloë said, “I don’t like Wanda very much. Or Velma either. And even if they look terrific wearing T-backs, I don’t think they ought to wear them to work.”

  Bernadette laughed. “I don’t like them very much either.”

  “Which? Wanda and Velma or T-backs?”

  “I don’t like T-backs, but if Wanda and Velma want to wear them, I think they should.”

  “What’s going to happen next, Bernadette?”

  “Next, we’ll have the suit.”

  * * *

  Tyler had asked if they could go Rollerblading at the dollar-movie parking lot again, and Bernadette had agreed to pick him up the following day. When she and Chloë got to Wanda’s, he was waiting on the front stoop. He ran down to the car and told Bernadette that Wanda wanted to see her. “If she wants to see me,” Bernadette said, “tell her to come on out to the car and take a look.” Bernadette waited, not too patiently, as Tyler ran back to the house and back out again. “She’s coming. My momma’s coming too,” Tyler shouted from halfway down the walk. “They said for you to wait.”

  “Did they bother to say please?” Bernadette asked.

  “They might of,” Tyler said. “But they sure do want for you to wait.”

  Bernadette stared out the windshield. “It’s about the suit,” she said. “He’s here. I know he is.”

  Wanda bounced over to the car, leaned in the window on the driver’s side and said, “Our lawyer wants to talk to you. He come on over to the house to discuss our case, and we told him you’d be by for Tyler, and he’s been waiting to talk to you. Didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “I do,” Bernadette replied.

  “Well, excu-u-u-u-se me,” Wanda said. “You must realize that you are the lone holdout at our commissary.”

  Bernadette said, “I do realize that, Wanda.”

  Velma said, “I happen to know that it’s a constitutional right to bare arms. It’s in all the papers.”

  “Velma,” Bernadette said, “bearing arms does not mean baring arms.”

  Velma looked puzzled. “You just said it. How can baring arms not mean baring arms?” She turned to Wanda and repeated. “Didn’t she just say that …”

  “Have your lawyer check it out,” Bernadette suggested.

  Wanda asked, “Well, Bernadette, are you coming or not?”

  Bernadette said, “C’mon, Chloë. Might as well get it over with. Let’s meet the suit.”

  The suit was sitting on the blue brocade sofa in Wanda’s living room when they arrived. He got up as soon as Bernadette and Chloë entered the room.

  “Hi, Bayard,” Bernadette said. “I thought it would be you.” She put her hand on Chloë’s shoulder. “I’d like you to meet Miss Chloë Pollack. She’s Nick’s kid.”

  “Nick’s kid,” he repeated and extended his hand. “Bayard McKnight. Pleased to meet you, young lady.” Chloë shook his hand.

  Wanda said, “I didn’t know you knew Bernadette.”

  “We had some dealings a while ago.” He didn’t offer any more explanation but asked, “How you been keeping, Bernadette?”

  “Happy. Busy. Staying out of trouble,” she replied.

  “Was you in trouble before?” Tyler asked.

  “Ms. Pollack was once involved in a protest. You know about protests, don’t you, young man?”

  Tyler shook his head.

  Turning his attention to Bernadette, he said, “You know why I’m here, don’t you?”

  Bernadette replied, “I guessed.”

  “You know it is not my habit to check guesses, Bernadette, so I’ll take a minute to review, if you don’t mind.” He wiped his forehead. His handkerchief was sodden. The air conditioner in the window was making glug-glug sounds like a kid drinking a glass of water too fast. Mr. McKnight had on his working clothes—a suit—and a half-moon of sweat darkened his jacket from shoulder to shoulder. “Mind if I sit down?” he asked. He was a tall man who did not look overweight as much as he looked out-of-condition.

  Tyler quickly pushed a hardback chair over. The lawyer thanked him. “This is the story. The Reverend Mr. Butler’s group, COAT, is asking the city to pass a law banning T-backs. The law would ban T-backs on the beaches and even in your own backyard unless you are under ten years old. I believe such a law would be a violation of our First Amendment rights to freedom of expression. Mrs. Westbeth, the reverend’s first lieutenant in the army of COAT, has noticed that you do not wear a T-back, the only one at Zack’s who does not …”

  Chloë interrupted. “I do
n’t. And neither does Grady. That’s Grady Oates. He doesn’t wear one either. That makes a total of three. Bernadette, Grady, and me.”

  Bayard grew testy. “Little lady,” he said, “I don’t believe COAT wants to sign up Grady Oates. He’s an old man, and he’s crippled, and no one cares if he wears a T-back. And much as you may not want to believe it, no one really cares if you do either.” He looked at Bernadette. “But you—you, Bernadette Pollack—you are a different matter. You are at the top of the list of COAT’s most wanted. COAT has concluded that you are the one driver-server who still has some morals.”

  Bernadette said, “Morals have nothing to do with it.”

  Bayard said, “I know.”

  Tyler said, “Does that mean that you’ll be signing up with them COATs?”

  Bernadette said, “No.”

  Tyler let out a sigh so loud it sounded like grown-up relief. No one but Chloë paid attention. She wondered why Tyler was relieved that Bernadette would not be joining COAT.

  Bayard said, “The best thing for our side, Bernadette, would be for you to wear a T-back.”

  Velma added, “You wouldn’t have to wear one every day.”

  “But at least once, so that the public can see solidarity,” Wanda added. “I’ll call the TV news when you do, and they’ll see you’re on our side.”

  Bernadette said, “I won’t do that.”

  “Why?” Wanda asked.

  “You need to tell us why,” Velma added.

  Bernadette said, “No, I don’t.”

  Bayard asked Bernadette to at least make a statement that they could give to the press. She didn’t answer immediately.

  “Well?” Wanda said.

  “Well?” Velma said.

  “Well?” Bayard said.

  “Can’t you see she’s thinking?” Chloë asked. “You guys are as bad as TV anchors. You finish each other’s sentences, and you can’t stand a minute of silence.”