The Year of Falling in Love

  "Um, no, he's not," I protest, my voice high, like I just sucked helium out of a balloon.

  "He might not be there yet, but he almost is," she says. "Guys don't just do favors like this for girls they're sorta friends with."

  Unsure what to say, I keep my lips zipped. I don't believe for one second Kai's in love with me. Sure, we're friends, and yeah, we flirt. But that's just Kai. He's a flirt.

  "And eventually, you're going to fall in love with him, too." She flicks her cigarette butt out the window. "Maybe not right now, but definitely this year."

  "What? Are your psychic abilities kicking in again or something?" I joke in an attempt to divert the whole love conversation.

  She takes my hand and leans over, pretending to read my palm. "Yep, you're definitely going to fall in love this year."

  Love. Really? I've never been in love before. I've never been loved. The only love I've ever been shown is from my grandma and grandpa and sometimes Indigo, and those instances were smack dab in the middle of hate that filled my life.

  Lynn, Hannah, and my dad worked so hard to prove how little I was worth. They made it a point to show me I meant nothing to them. And now I find out my mom might have killed someone ... So, yeah, call me a pessimist or whatever, but I just don't see myself falling in love very soon or anyone falling in love with me.

  "Speaking of falling in love, here comes mister soon-to-be-the-love-of-your-life." She faces forward in her seat.

  Seconds later, Kai opens the back door of the car. He nudges my feet out of the way, sets a bag on the floor, and then slides into the seat beside me. He's changed into a different hoodie and jeans and is sporting a grey, knitted beanie. I don't know why, but I find myself searching his face for fresh wounds. The only injuries I can see are the ones from yesterday, though.

  "Everything okay?" I sit up as Indigo pulls out onto the road.

  "Yeah, everything's good," he says without looking at me. "I grabbed some stuff ... clothes and shit. I hope that's okay."

  "It's fine." I steal a glance at my house before we drive away. My dad's car is gone, and the house looks so peaceful and quiet. I wonder where they are, if they went to one of their shopping/lunch things they do on Sundays sometimes. I don't know why I care. It's not like they ever took me with them. Yet, part of me does care.

  "Did you talk to your parents at all?"

  "My dad was there."

  I want to ask him more, but before I can, he scoots forward in the seat. "Hey, turn this up," he tells Indigo. "It's my jam."

  When Indigo cranks up the song, Kai reaches out, catches my arm, and pulls me across the seat until I'm sitting right beside him. Then he starts singing and dancing and tickling me, and for a crazy, wild second, everything seems normal. But then the song ends and another one turns on that no one knows. All we're left with to distract us is the silence.

  And the silence says too much, whispers my worst fears to me, tells me Kai's not okay.

  It tells me I'm not okay.

  Chapter 16

  Isabella

  When we're parking the car in front of Grandma Stephy's apartment complex, I inform Indigo and Kai that I decided to be liar, liar, pants on fire and text my grandma, telling her that I'm not going to do anything with the flash drive. She responds with a smiley face and tells me she was glad I made that decision and that she'll have her retired policeman friend look into it to see what he can find. I hope for the sake of having to lie some more that he does find out something.

  "But you still want me to open it, right?" Kai asks as he opens the car door to get out.

  I nod, sliding to the edge of the seat. "I just think it might be easier on her if she doesn't know you're doing it."

  He nods understandingly, collecting his bag off the floor. I haven't asked him yet how long he's staying or what his parents said to him about the condition of his face, but I plan on getting to the bottom of it as soon as it's just the two of us.

  Without saying anything else, the three of us walk into the apartment. The moment we step inside, my nostrils are engulfed with the fresh scent of ...

  "Cookies!" I squeal at the sight of Grandma Stephy in the kitchen, wearing an apron and using a spatula to transfer cookies off a pan and onto a plate.

  "I thought you could probably use some sugar," she says to me.

  I bounce into the kitchen. "I could use a butt load of sugar."

  "Don't eat too much." She slides the plate of cookies across the counter toward me. They are my favorite kind--sugar with buttercream frosting. "For dinner, I'm making those chicken wraps you love."

  Great. Now I feel even guiltier about telling her I'm not going to have Kai mess around with the flash drive.

  I pluck a cookie on the plate and nibble on it. It's still warm and melts on my tongue. I let out a groan as I turn around to offer Indigo and Kai a cookie. When I find Kai watching me with a curious, intense look on his face, I can't help thinking of what Indigo said in the car about Kai maybe being in love with me.

  I hold the plate of cookies out to him. "Want one? They're really good."

  "Yeah, I can see that." He deliberates something before grabbing a cookie off the plate, the entire time keeping his eyes on me. He takes a bite and makes an oh-God-these-are-so-good face. "You're right. These are awesome." He licks a drop of frosting from his lip.

  I can't stop staring at his mouth.

  Dammit, Indigo and the freakin' power of suggestion. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she did it on purpose.

  "I'm really glad you decided to let my friend handle this," my grandma says to me as she sets a mixing bowl into the sink. "I think it'll be best if no one does anything illegal." Her gaze sweeps the three of us. "That goes for all of you."

  I almost cave and confess everything to her.

  "We won't," Indigo says with an eye roll. "Jeez, give us some credit. We're not that bad."

  "I know you're not," Grandma Stephy says, "but when it comes to helping each other out, you and Isa would pretty much do anything for each other."

  Indigo and I exchange a smile, and my Grandma Stephy busies herself with cleaning up the kitchen.

  "Hey, Grandma, is it cool if we watch a movie?" Indigo suddenly asks her, which seems weird. Indigo rarely asks to do stuff. She just does it. "We thought it might be nice for Isa to sit down and relax for a while."

  What? This is news to me. What the heck is she up to?

  I try to catch her gaze, but she keeps her eyes on Grandma Stephy.

  "That sounds nice," Grandma Stephy says, turning on the faucet. "Maybe I'll watch one with you."

  "Sounds cool. But just FYI, Isa is picking, and she'll pick a zombie movie," Indigo says. "Which means a lot of blood and gore and brains. I just thought I'd give you a heads up because I know you hate that stuff."

  "Then maybe I'll just have Harry over for a movie night. You guys can watch your movie in the Indigo's room, and we'll stay out in the living room." She gives Indigo a sugary sweet smile. "That way, whatever you've got planned won't happen outside of this house."

  Indigo feigns dumb. "Why do you think we have something planned?"

  "Because I know everything." She smirks at Indigo. "And I can read right through your bullshit story."

  "I was just trying to save you from a night of gore because I know you hate that, but whatever." Indigo turns for the hallway, motioning at Kai and me to follow her. "Just make sure to tie a scarf on your doorknob."

  "I don't have to follow your college rules," my Grandma Stephy calls out after her. "This is my house, and I can have sex on the couch if I want to."

  I glance at Kai, completely embarrassed. And he seems really interested in his cookie.

  "Um, we should go and get the movie going." I cross my fingers I can get him out of the room before my grandma mentions sex again.

  Kai nods, looking like he's struggling not to laugh.

  We start for the hallway, and I'm about to apologize to Kai for having to hear that when my grandma
calls me back. I tell Kai to go ahead and return to the kitchen.

  "Is everything okay?" I ask her, opening the fridge to get a few sodas.

  She takes out a jar of alfredo sauce from the cupboard. "I just wanted to see how you are doing."

  I shrug then shrug again. "I'm tough. I know how to deal with stuff."

  "I know you know how to deal with stuff," she says, setting the jar of sauce down on the counter. "But I want to know how you're doing."

  Tears burn at the back of my eyes as those emotions I boxed up threaten to break out. "I don't know what you want me to say."

  "Oh, sweetie." She hugs me as I start to cry.

  We stay like that for a few minutes, with me crying into her shoulder and her rocking me back and forth like she did when I was a child. When I was younger and I got hurt from falling out of a tree or crashing my bike, she was there to tell me everything was okay, and then she would hug me and rock me back and forth until I felt better.

  When my eyes dry, I step away. "Thank you. I needed that."

  "If you need anything at all, I'm always here, Isa," she tells me. "I know you're not used to having that, but I'm not like your dad. I want you to come to me if anything's bothering you, okay? Even if you just need to cry."

  I sniffle. "Okay, I will."

  "Good girl." She motions for me to go ahead and go. "Now go and relax with your friends. Just make sure that whatever Indigo has planned isn't going to keep you up super late or require you to sneak out of the house."

  I nod and head back to Indigo's bedroom. When I open the door, I find Kai sprawled out on the bed with his laptop open.

  "Where's Indigo?" I ask, stepping in and closing the door.

  "Somebody called her, and she went into the bathroom to talk to them." He clicks a couple of keys then glances up at me. He takes one look at my face, and his expression plummets. "What happened?"

  I sit down at the foot of the bed. "I'm fine. I promise. I just ... needed a moment."

  He looks like he wants to say something, but then he just returns his attention to the computer. His fingers tap against the keys as he stares at the screen.

  Curious about what he's doing, I crawl up the bed until I'm right beside him. "So, how bad is it?"

  "I have no clue yet." He clicks the mouse a couple of times, and a password box appears on the screen.

  I lean over him to get a better look at the screen and my hair falls into his face. "Is that all you have to figure out?"

  "Probably not. If I crack into this, more will probably pop up." He sounds strained.

  I wonder why. If it's because he's worried he's not going to be able to do it?

  "Isa." His voice is soft as he brushes my hair away from his face. "I love you to death and you smell fantastic, but the hover thing is going to make it really hard to concentrate."

  "Oh. Sorry." I shift back, giving him some breathing room, questions bouncing through my head. He loves me to death? I smell fantastic? "I'm just nervous about this whole thing."

  "I know you are." He rolls over, facing me, and props up onto his elbow. "I'm going to do my best to get into these files, but while I try to make that happen, I need something from you."

  "Okay." My anxiety goes through the roof. "What is it?"

  He tangles a strand of my hair around his finger. "I need you to relax."

  I exhale, freeing the tension I had trapped inside my lungs. "I'll try."

  He lightly tugs on my hair, a small smile playing at his lips. "I think we should turn on a movie. That way, you'll have something to focus on besides what I'm doing, and if your grandma checks in on us, it won't look like we're total liars."

  "That's a good idea." I push off the bed and head to the television perched on the corner dresser. I open the top drawer where Indigo keeps her DVDs and start searching for a good one.

  I don't know how, but I can feel him watching my every move, like every one of my senses are connected to him. I'm blaming it on Indigo for filling my head with the idea that he might be in love with me.

  "Hey, Kai, can I ask you a question?"

  "Sure," he says, sounding reluctant.

  "When you went into your house ..." I sift through the DVDs, keeping my head tucked down, unsure how he's going to react. "Nothing happened, right?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, with your dad. I know you were worried he'd be upset with you ... And you seemed distant when you came out. I just wanted to make sure he didn't ... do anything to you."

  He's quiet for a while, and I start to worry maybe I pressed too much. But then I hear the mattress creak. It's followed by a light thud and then footsteps move toward me. Moments later, his body heat engulfs me.

  "You worry about me too much." He's so close I can feel his breath caressing the back of my neck.

  "You worry about me the same amount." My eyes are glued on the titles of the DVDs, but if you asked me what they were, I couldn't tell you. I'm way too focused on how his chest is barely touching my back, almost pushing against me, but not quite.

  "I don't know about that." He pauses, his breath tickling my skin. Moments later, his fingers touch the back of my neck and he sketches a soft across my skin. "I worry about you a lot."

  "W-well, I worry about you a lot." I can't catch my breath. Can't think. Can't feel anything but how hard my heart is slamming against my chest.

  "Maybe Indigo's right," he says with a hint of amusement in his tone. "We are really alike."

  "Yeah, we both worry too much."

  "Yeah, we definitely do."

  I scrounge up all the courage I have and turn my head to look at him. He's so close his lips nearly brush mine.

  I lean back the slightest bit so I can look him in the eye. "You never answered my question about what your dad said to you."

  "He said what he always does. That he's not surprised I screwed up." He steps back, tugs off his beanie, and tosses it on the bed. Then he yanks his fingers through his hair, making the light blond strands go askew. "He kicked me out."

  I turn all the way around. "What? Seriously."

  He shrugs. "It's been a long time coming, and honestly, I'm kind of relieved. I just wish I had a place to live lined up."

  "You can stay here for a while." I place my hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. "My grandma won't care."

  He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I love you to death for saying that, but I need to find my own place. I'm eighteen years old. I should start taking care of myself."

  "No, you shouldn't. You're eighteen, but you're still in high school. You shouldn't have to take care of yourself like this already."

  "I could be saying the same thing to you."

  "I know."

  We exchange a look, or more like a mutual understanding. While our situations aren't exactly the same, we both can understand what the other one is going through.

  I note his eyes drifting to my lips again, and I think he's considering kissing me. Indigo's advice plays through my mind, but I'm still not certain I agree with her or if I'm the girl who can handle dating two guys at the same time. I don't even know how to date, let alone be a player.

  But I won't lie; I want Kai to kiss me.

  He abruptly steps back, cracking his knuckles and breaking the moment. "All right, time to try and make some magic happen."

  He returns to the bed, and his fingers start pounding against the keys. I put in a random movie and lie down on the bed beside him, keeping some distance between us, mostly because I'm not sure what he wants. Or what I want. Confusion is laced through my every thought, and I wish I could clear the haze from my head.

  A couple of minutes later, Indigo walks into the room.

  "I hate to do this to you," she announces as she opens a dresser drawer. "But I have to bail out on you for a few days. My mom just called. Apparently, my dad took off with his secretary again. She sounded drunk, so I'm going to head home and check on her."

  "What do you mean he ran off with his secre
tary again?" I ask. "How many times has this happened?"

  "Too many times." She scoops up a stack of clothes, drops them on the floor, and then gets a suitcase out of the closet. "He's been doing this for years, and my mom stupidly takes him back because she has no self-esteem at all and doesn't think she can do better." She unzips the suitcases and shoves the clothes inside. "I thought the whole family knew about this."

  "You know my family's never really talked to anyone in the extended family," I remind her, reaching for a pillow. "Lynn's always thought she was too good to associate with anyone."

  "True." She moves the open suitcase over to the vanity and uses her arm to push all the makeup products off the edge so they fall messily into the suitcase.

  "You've always been the worst packer," I remark as I tuck the pillow under my head.

  She grins at me. "It's a gift. Not everyone can be this talented in messiness."

  I laugh, but then put on my serious face. "Do you need me to do anything?"

  She shakes her head. "Nope." Her gaze deliberately travels in Kai's direction. "Well, you could just kiss--"

  "I can go and get your hair stuff out of the bathroom." I leap from the bed, grateful Kai is busy and doesn't seem to be paying attention.

  She grins like the Cheshire cat. "Yes, go and do that."

  As I walk out of the room, I mentally wish upon a shooting star that she won't say anything weird to Kai while I'm gone.

  When I walk into the bathroom, I begin gathering her shampoos and hairsprays. As I'm picking up her brush, my phone buzzes. I set the stuff down and fish out my phone from the pocket of my pajama pants.

  Kyler: I just wanted to see if you are okay.

  Me: Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for checking up on me.

  Kyler: I told you I would. I was going to call you, but I'm stuck at the gym still, and my trainer will have a shit fit if I make phone calls. I miss talking to you, though. I can't wait until next weekend.

  It takes me a second to figure out what he's talking about. The date.

  Me: Me, either. Hopefully, I'll have the perfect zombie movie picked out. Just enough blood and guts that you'll get the full experience.

  Kyler: Can't wait. ;)

  Me: Ha, ha, I bet.

  Kyler: What? I really can't. I'm super excited about this. I even spent the afternoon at the ice-cream shop trying to find a new concoction for you to try.