Games of the Heart

  My arms tightening around him, I smiled at the ceiling of the bedroom I shared with my man, happy.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Promise

  Fin and I moved through Mike’s backyard to his backdoor, Fin carrying his book bag over his shoulder.

  The corn needed to go in so we were putting it in. Dad and I on tractors working all day, Fin and Kirb working with us on the weekends. When Fin got home from school, until dusk started to fall, he was on a tractor. Dad told him this was unnecessary but Fin was adamant he do his bit. This meant homework waited until dinnertime. This also meant Rees’s homework waited until dinnertime. But they ate with their books around them, talking low and studying. Then they’d camp out in front of the TV. The night would end with Clarisse walking with Fin to the back gate, they’d both disappear behind it for about twenty minutes and Clarisse would come back without Fin.

  Through this, I’d often glance Fin’s way, wishing I was seventeen again.

  This was because I was relatively fit but working the fields meant I was flat exhausted by the time I parked my ass in front of the TV with the family. But going to school, coming home, doing his bit on the farm, eating and studying apparently didn’t faze Fin at all.

  It was Wednesday after I moved in. The kids took me being there in stride. Even though Mike said it was their idea and their texts indicated they were up for it, I couldn’t help it. I was bit nervous. But the instant they got back on Sunday I saw it was no big deal to them. Then again, the two weeks prior to me moving in I was over most nights with Fin and we’d kept the same schedule. Work in the fields, clean up, go over to Mike’s, Mike or Rees had dinner made, the kids studied, I parked my ass with No and Mike on the couch and zoned out in front of the TV.

  So that was good.

  Rhonda was not.

  I’d taken the time that day to have another chat with her. With Mom helping with the housework not to mention working in the window boxes and planters dotted around the large grassy space in the yard getting them ready for flowers, Rhonda had even less focus. She was now no longer spending all her time in her room. Now she was watching daytime TV. She still wasn’t eating much. And she was still definitely hazy.

  I was a patient person but I was beginning to lose it. I had made several attempts, coming at her from different directions, trying different tactics. I showed her want ads and the results of internet searches I’d done. I’d tried to get her interested in my horses. I’d told her I needed help with my pottery, crating it up and getting it ready to ship to my gallery. Then I told her I seriously needed help with my pottery seeing as most of the time my ass was now on a tractor. She wasn’t interested or she’d try it for a day or two then slack off.

  I knew Mom spoke with her more than once too. And Dad even sat her down for a Dad talk.

  No go.

  I couldn’t step into her shoes. I never lost a husband I adored before. What I did know was that I lost a brother, my parents lost a son and my nephews lost a father and all of us seemed to be able to get on with things.

  I didn’t want to think it, I certainly wouldn’t say it but I had to admit it was getting ridiculous.

  Something had to wake her shit up. I just didn’t know what.

  I sighed a heavy sigh.

  Fin and I were nearing the backdoor when we heard it.

  Rees shouting, “That’s stupid!”

  Then No shouting back, “It is not stupid!”

  I looked to Fin, he looked at me and we both quickened our pace.

  We made it through the door to see the combatants were facing off in the living room. Layla woofed a greeting at us but didn’t approach. This was because she was dancing between No and Rees, agitated, not liking the vibe and seeing as she was a dog, powerless to do anything about it. Still, she was sticking close in case they needed her.

  No looked to us and remarked, “Great, you’re here. Now Rees and me can stop talkin’. Or, more important, Rees can shut up.”

  “I’m not shuttin’ up!” Rees yelled.

  “Reesee,” Fin said low, soft, his tone a command for her to calm down and her eyes shot to him.

  “I’m not, Fin,” she declared.

  I didn’t know whether to shout, “You go, girl”, pleased she was sticking to her guns (whatever those guns may be) even though her hot guy boyfriend made an unmistakable but soft command. Or whether to be impressed Fin could pull off that tone at seventeen. Or to wade into the argument. So I didn’t do any of them.

  Then again, I didn’t have a chance to wade in.

  No turned immediately back to his sister. “It’s my birthday, Rees.”

  “We always go out. Always. You can’t skip family time to be with your crew. That’s jacked. If we don’t go out, Dad will be upset,” Rees countered.

  I looked to Fin, he looked to me then back to the brother and sister while crossing his arms on his chest. Settling in. I decided this was wise so I took his cue.

  “Well, we’re not goin’ out this year. It’s my birthday and if I wanna spend it with my buds, I’ll spend it with my buds,” No shot back.

  “You can go out with them on the weekend or something,” she returned.

  “I don’t wanna go out with them on the weekend. I’m gonna be seventeen, Rees, and I should be able to do whatever the hell I want,” No retorted.

  “Well, you’re not doin’ that,” Rees fired back.

  “I am,” No stated.

  Rees pulled out the big guns, in other words, the most lethal weapon in a woman’s arsenal.

  Emotional manipulation.

  “You are not. Dusty’s here now. What’ll it say to Dad you break tradition the first year Dusty’s around? He’ll think you don’t want to spend time with Dusty!”

  And that was when No lost it.

  “That’s just it! Mom called and she said she wants to come to dinner with us. And we can’t all sit down at dinner so I’m not doin’ it at all. I’m goin’ out with my crew.”

  Audrey. Fantastic.

  I bit my lip. We all heard the garage door go up heralding Mike’s arrival home but No and Rees didn’t care. I knew this when Rees didn’t miss a beat.

  “That’s awesome,” she said sarcastically. “So Mom. She doesn’t come to one of your birthday dinners in, like, four years and doesn’t even bother to take you out on one herself and all of a sudden, Dusty’s here, she’s fired up to come with. So Mom. Jacked. Totally.”

  “Maybe, Rees, but I think you get that wouldn’t be fun for anybody,” No stated and he was right about that.

  “No, what I get is that Mom is Mom and since you’re gonna be seventeen and all you can tell her to take a flying leap,” Rees returned.

  “What’s goin’ on?” Mike asked and I looked to the hall to see him striding down it.

  Layla took off his way.

  Rees whirled to her Dad and instantly filled him in. “No’s decided that on his birthday next week, he’s goin’ out with his crew. This is because Mom has decided since Dusty’s here she’s gonna stick her nose in and she told No she wants to go out to dinner with us.”

  I watched in fascination as Mike’s jaw got tight and a muscle jumped in his cheek. His eyes were unhappy. The whole thing was hot. It was also scary.

  I moved to Fin and grabbed his forearm, starting, “We’ll just –”

  Mike’s eyes sliced to me. “Don’t move,” he growled.

  I stopped and dropped Fin’s arm, muttering, “Okey dokey.”

  I didn’t do this because I was a wuss or anything. I did this because Mike’s demand we stay where we were had meaning. I suspected this meaning meant Fin and I were family, or at least I was, and during family discussions I didn’t absent myself.

  Mike looked at his kids. “No, birthdays are family times.”

  There it was. I was right.

  Mike kept talking. “We’re doin’ what we always do. Goin’ out with family. That means you, your sister, her boyfriend, my woman, her friends who are visitin’ next
week and me. You got a girl you wanna bring, you bring her. I get that you’d be conflicted. You love your Mom, you’re tryin’ to do right by Dusty. But your mother made a decision four years ago, she was invited to your birthday dinners and she refused to come. She doesn’t get to change her mind now. We’ve all moved on. You wanna be with your crew; you do it on the weekend. Your Mom wants to do something special with you; she finds her time to do that. When you’re out of high school and movin’ on, you can do what you want. We got a year and a half to be a family. We’re gonna take it.”

  It was No’s turn for his jaw to go tight and a muscle to jump in his cheek and seeing it I got even more pissed at Audrey. No was an easygoing kid. He joked a lot, smiled a lot, teased a lot, laughed a lot. But it was clear he didn’t want to tell his Mom she wasn’t invited to his birthday dinner and that wasn’t on him. That was on Audrey.

  She was such a cow.

  Mike saw his son’s face and read it instantly. “I’ll speak with her,” he declared then swept the room with his eyes, stating, “No, Rees, in the kitchen. Dusty, Fin and I have had long days and we need dinner. You’re cookin’ it together.”

  Seeing as the unhappy vibes were not gone, I wondered about this decision but I didn’t say anything since they weren’t my kids.

  What I did do was follow Mike after he muttered, “I’m goin’ upstairs to change.”

  Layla was at his heels, I was not far behind.

  I hit the bedroom to see Mike throwing his blazer on the bed and he had his phone in his hand. His attention was to it and my attention was on my clothes all over the floor. I made a mental note to pick them up (eventually), when I heard him beeping buttons on his phone.

  I closed him, Layla and me in by shutting the double doors as Mike turned to me and put the phone to his ear.

  One look in his eyes and I knew he was not happy as in, at all.

  “Audrey? Yeah, Mike,” he said into his phone. “I’m callin’ about No’s birthday.”

  Oh boy, he was growling.

  Mike went on growling, “No’s explained you’ve expressed the desire to go with us. It hasn’t escaped my notice that you’ve been makin’ an effort lately with the kids. No’s been tellin’ me their weekends with you are goin’ better and I appreciate your interest in Rees’s situation, emailin’ me schools you’ve looked into. You probably got it from the kids but should hear it from me that Dusty moved in on Friday. You understand I’ve moved on, you’ve said so yourself. Both the kids are tight with Dusty, we’re buildin’ somethin’ here, it’s good and Dusty and I are committed to keepin’ it good and makin’ it better. If you wanted us to have a different kind of separation and divorce, you could have made that decision any time in the last four years. You didn’t. Now it’s too late. You won’t be goin’ to dinner with us for No’s birthday.”

  Mike paused, she might have said something but whatever it was didn’t take very long or Mike cut her off because he kept talking.

  “If you’re learnin’ about yourself and tryin’ to be a better Mom, I suggest you take No and Reesee and do somethin’ special with them another time. I’ll also take this opportunity to make it clear that whatever you’re attemptin’ to do, it does not involve me or my time or the life I share with our children. As I’m sure you haven’t forgotten, I’ve extended that opportunity to you more than once the last four years and you refused to take advantage of it. I would have preferred that we get along and offer some family cohesiveness to our kids but you repeatedly declined. That offer is no longer open to you. So what I’m sayin’ to you is, I got home and Rees and No were fightin’ and upset because of this shit. And what I’m tellin’ you is, whatever you’re doin’, you need to think about the way it’ll affect our kids because they’re good kids. They care about all the players in this situation and they don’t want anyone hurt. To get wherever you wanna be in your life and with them, don’t make them anxious, upset, force them to play games or to make difficult decisions where someone will have to eat shit. Because in that kind of scenario, the people eatin’ shit will be our kids. And I’ll not have that. Are we clear?”

  I thought it was cool he was growly, clearly pissed and firm but still not ugly as I watched him pause.

  Then he said, “Good. Take care of yourself.”

  Then he hit a button on his phone, twisted his torso and tossed it on the bed.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  He stared at me.

  Then he said, “I will be, you get your ass over here and kiss me.”

  I grinned. Then I got my ass over there and kissed him.”

  It didn’t last long but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good before he broke it off, set me gently away, bent to put his long fingered hands to Layla’s head and give her a belated greeting rubdown. She clearly bore no grudge that it took her Dad a while to do this and I knew it when her body started vibrating with the force of her tail wags.

  Mike stopped giving attention to his dog and wandered to the closet. Mike wore jeans to work but he put nice belts, killer buttoned shirts and attractive blazers with them so he still looked authoritative and professional but he was comfortable. When he came home, the blazer and belt were gone and the shirt was changed to a t-shirt or sweater depending on his mood.

  I’d know his mood that night when he muttered, “Grab me a tee, will you, Angel?”

  I went to the dresser to grab him a tee then went to the door of the closet to see him shrugging off his shirt and throwing it into the hamper.

  I approached with the tee as he turned to me.

  “Doesn’t have a top or anything,” he stated bizarrely. My head cocked to the side as I handed him his tee trying to ignore his chest, the hotness of which I still hadn’t gotten used to.

  He scrunched up his tee in preparation for tugging it on when he explained, “The hamper. It’s open. You don’t have to lift a top off or anything. Just throw your clothes right in.”

  I got it then, grinned and murmured, “Smartass.”

  He grinned back. Then he pulled the tee over his head and down his torso hiding his chest which, obviously, was a disappointment.

  Then we heard Rees shout, “We’re havin’ hamburgers!”

  Mike’s eyes moved over my shoulder and he muttered, “Fuck, she’s in a mood.” Then he started walking my way.

  “A mood?” I asked, turning and moving out of the closet, Mike following me.

  “Yeah.” He was still muttering. “A once a month mood.”

  “Uh-oh,” I mumbled.

  “Yep,” Mike agreed.

  We moved out of the hall, down the stairs, Layla trailing while we listened to the fight raging on.

  “We had hamburgers, like, two days ago,” No returned loudly.

  “We did not!” Rees shot back hotly.

  “Okay, then, last week. Still, that wasn’t too long ago and I don’t want hamburgers,” No countered.

  “Well I do and so does Fin,” Rees retorted.

  “The world doesn’t revolve around Fin for anyone but you, Rees,” No unwisely stated.

  I bit my lip as I hit the hall and entered the kitchen. The combatants were now in a faceoff by the kitchen counter. Fin was sitting at the table, his books already out. His eyes came to me and he shook his head.

  Mike entered behind me.

  Before either of us could get a word in, Rees continued.

  “That was a jacked thing to say! Five people have to eat and two of those five people want hamburgers!” she screeched the last word, leaning in toward her brother. I knew this was a monthly mood considering the force of her declaration and the fact it was not about a woman’s right to chose but about hamburgers.

  Then I would know No knew it too by what he said next.

  “God! Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass when you’re on the rag?” he very unwisely asked and everyone in the room went still.

  Then, her face aflame and showing clearly she was very near tears, Rees avoided everyone’s eyes and ran from
the room, shoving both Mike and me aside to do it.

  “No, dude, that was not cool,” Fin growled, his eyes on the door Rees disappeared through, his face a hard mask of anger.

  “Fin’s right,” Mike clipped, his eyes locked on his son, “It absolutely was not.”

  For his part, No had already come to the realization that he’d taken it too far and he looked like he wanted to kick himself. This was good because I loved that kid but I also, at that moment, wanted to kick him.

  Instead, I muttered, “I’ll go talk to her.”

  Then my eyes skidded through Mike’s angry ones, though his were locked on his son, and I followed Rees.

  Her door was closed but I could hear the muffled sobs coming from inside.

  I knocked to no answer. So I knocked again and again got no answer.

  Then I opened the door a smidge, shoved my head in and saw she was curled on her bed with her back to the door.

  “Hey, Reesee honey, can we talk?” I asked quietly.

  “No,” she whimpered.

  I thought about this then I made my decision and went for it.

  I opened the door further, walked in then closed it behind me. Then I walked to her bed, sat on the opposite side of it and listened to her quiet weeping.

  God, she even wept pretty. Yeesh.

  I gave her a minute then said softly, “What No said was uncool and everyone down there knew it, even, after he said it in the heat of the moment, No.”

  She didn’t reply.

  I gave her another moment then went on, “It was written all over his face after he said it that he was sorry.”

  That got me an, “I don’t care.”

  If I were her at her age with my boyfriend there and what No said, I wouldn’t either.

  So I told her gently, “I get that.”

  Suddenly she turned, the pillow she was hugging went flying, she knifed up and her wet eyes came to me.

  Yep, she wept pretty.

  “God! That…that…it was humiliating,” she whispered. “I can’t…Fin…” she covered her face with her hands and through more tears kept whispering, this time dramatically, “I’ll never be able to look at him again.”