Shameless

  “Henley,” he grabbed my arm, stopping me and I turned to face him. “I know what I look like. I know I don’t exactly scream good guy, but I’m not a criminal, okay? Just because I don’t own a bar or have a stupid beard, doesn’t mean you can’t trust me.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked, pulling my arm from his grip and taking a step back. “What do you have against Milo, anyway? He’s nice, and he gave me a job. Give him a chance.”

  “He just seems dodgy to me. He is trying to get in your trousers, and he’s way too old for you.”

  “Oh, that’s funny,” I said with a laugh. “The guy who screws everything that walks on campus wants to tell me I have bad judgment?”

  “You lost the plot. I don’t screw everyone on campus.”

  “Yeah, right. I’m sure Payton would disagree.” I rolled my eyes as I folded my arms across my chest, not even certain as to why I was so mad.

  He leaned in closer, towering over me close enough that I could smell the lingering scent of the beer he’d been guzzling for hours. “I didn’t screw you,” he slurred, anger flashing in his eyes.

  “I wouldn’t let you,” I scoffed.

  “You’re mad! I didn’t even try.”

  His words stung, and I turned to begin walking briskly in the general direction of my dorm. I could hear his heavy footsteps following close behind me.

  “Go away before you say something you regret, Lucas. You’re drunk.”

  “I want to make sure you make it home without someone bothering you.”

  “You’re bothering me.”

  I could hear him groan, and I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.

  “Why not just try for a job playing the violin at Swank? You could do something you love and not have to worry about some asshole groping you when he’s had too much to drink?”

  “I can’t,” I called back, exasperated.

  “I know someone who works there. I can get you an interview. I know if you got that tattoo you must be good at it. Just give me a few days.”

  “I don’t want your help, Lucas.”

  “You’re too good to take help from me, but you’ll take it from Milo?” he asked, offended.

  I spun around, tears threatening to spill over as all of my frustration came to a head. “Because I pawned my stupid violin so I could afford to stay here, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Feel better now?” I swiped at a wayward tear that had fallen over the apple of my cheek, but I was more angry and exhausted than I was sad. I’d come to terms with what I’d have to do. It was part of being an adult, but I didn’t want to share it with the world and Lucas had a way of getting secrets out of me I didn’t even tell my best friend.

  “Why would that make me feel better?” His voice was low and calm, and it only made me angrier because all of the stress I’d been under felt like it was drowning me. Everything I pretended to be, everything I accused Lucas of being, it was the complete opposite.

  “Please,” I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I tried to calm myself. “Just leave me alone.” I began walking toward the dorm again with Lucas close behind.

  “I’m not nearly as bad as you make me out to be.”

  “Fine.” I stopped turning to face him. “You’re a decent guy. You win. I shouldn’t have judged you when we met. You’ve been nothing but nice even when I made it impossible for you to like me. But we come from two different worlds. People like us aren’t supposed to be friends. Will you leave me alone now?” I asked, yelling louder than I intended but I was growing increasingly frustrated.

  “You don’t want me to leave you alone,” he replied, shaking his head as he took a step closer to me but all I could picture was all of those girls that I couldn’t hold a candle to surrounding him as if he was their God. I saw the way they sneered whenever he was talking to me. I missed the days no one noticed I was alive, and I didn’t even know Lucas existed.

  “Now you’re going to tell me what I want?” I laughed humorlessly. “I can’t wait to hear this. Go ahead. What is it you think I want?” My eyes narrowed as I put my hands on my hips, refusing to be intimidated by his much larger frame. He took a step closer, diminishing the gap between us.

  “Me.” There was no anger left in his tone and the stark honesty of his response caught me off guard in contrast to his usual cocky demeanor.

  “You?”

  “Yeah. But you’re too afraid people are going to judge you.”

  “Are you sure you it isn’t the other way around? Are you sure it isn’t –”

  Before I could accuse him of wanting me or that people would judge him, he leaned down, cupping my cheeks in his palms and pressing his mouth against mine. My eyes fell closed, and my knees threatened to buckle as he held me there and time seemed to have stopped altogether. After a moment, he pulled back fractionally before kissing me again. It wasn’t obscene but sweet and gentle as if he was afraid I was going to crack and crumble in his hands. My own lips betrayed me and moved with his before I put my palms against his chest, feeling the hammering thud of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips, as I pushed him backward.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my breathing ragged and my heart racing.

  “Are you still going to stand there and pretend you don’t want me too?” He asked, his eyebrow raised in challenge.

  I wanted to smack him across his smug face, not for forcing me to see I’d misjudged him, but for making me see who I really was. And for making me feel things for him, I knew he didn’t want to reciprocate. This wasn’t the guy who had committed relationships. This was a guy who would pack up and leave everything behind to cross the Earth and soon he would be making that journey back home.

  This guy was no different than Rhys. I shook the painful memory of my past from my thoughts.

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” I snapped before turning away from him and walking as fast as I could across the lot to the dorm. Lucas didn’t follow me this time, but when I got inside, I chanced a glance over my shoulder and could see him watching to make sure I’d gotten inside safely.

  Chapter Twenty

  LUCAS

  I watched as Henley walked away from me before I turned and stalked off in the opposite direction, unsteady on my feet with rage and alcohol fueling me. Who the hell did she think she was?

  Stumbling down the sidewalk, I slipped back inside of Dive Bar.

  “I thought you had to take that wet blanket home,” Payton said with a laugh as I walked by her, ignoring her ignorant comment and making my way to the bar. Milo eyed me for a moment as he ran a damp rag over the top of the bar.

  “Shot,” I mumbled as I pulled a twenty from my back pocket and slapped it on the damp surface, causing the cash to stick.

  “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” He asked eyebrow cocked.

  “What? You worried about my wellbeing, grandpa?”

  “I’m only twenty-five, you prick.” He laughed, shaking his head as he looked to Payton and back to me. “I don’t know why someone like Henley hangs out with you.”

  “Me either,” I replied with a groan, turning around to watch Payton bend over the pool table to take a shot. Her eyes had met mine before my gaze dipped to the fabric of her shirt that was hanging low, revealing the tattoo I’d done for her between her tits.

  “She’s got a nice ass. Here,” Milo called from behind me as he sat a bottle of Jack down with a shot glass. “Last one, then you need to go crawl back into that hole you came out of.” He turned back to the lemons he had been cutting into wedges behind him.

  “That’s not a nice way to talk about my mum,” I snorted at my own joke as I grabbed the bottle and tipped it to my lips, not bothering with the glass. The liquor burned its way down to my stomach as it sloshed and churned with all of the beer I’d drank.

  “Wanna play with me?” Payton asked from across the room as her friends said their goodbyes to her.

  Shoving from my stool, I sauntered across the empty room, leaning in clos
e to her. “Nope.” I drank down what was left in the bottle before I tossed it in a bin beside the door, and it landed in the empty bag with a thud because Henley had just replaced it before her shift ended. Henley. She thinks I’m not good enough for her. She’s probably right.

  “Milo,” I called behind me, and he glanced up from the prep work he was doing for tomorrow. “Want me to take the rubbish out?” He looked at me quizzically before I laughed, turning my attention to Payton. “Let’s go.”

  “You’re such an asshole,” she muttered but laid her stick on the table and followed me out the front door of the building into the muggy night air.

  “And you still owe me money.”

  She rolled her eyes as she slipped off her heels, carrying them in her hand as she walked across the asphalt on her toes.

  “Noah left you,” She said with a laugh. “How you going to get home?”

  “Home is across the pond.”

  Her eyes had cut to me before I flung my arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer and using her to keep myself steady.

  “You’re wasted. Give me your cell. I’ll see if Beef will come get your sorry ass. You can’t stay with me and have whiskey dick.”

  Pulling my mobile from my pocket, I slapped it in the palm of her hand. “Bollocks. Just because you don’t turn me on doesn’t mean I have whiskey dick,” I shot back. “What are you doing?”

  Payton held up the phone with the camera on as she puckered her lips. “Snapping a pic of us so tomorrow when you forget how you got home there is proof I did something nice for you. Maybe you will stop being such an asshole.”

  “A girl can dream, I guess,” I slurred with a laugh before stumbling.

  “Sit.” Her feet stopped moving, and she ducked out from under my arm. I stumbled over to the curb of the sidewalk that ran along the car park and sank down, hanging my head as the world around me kept spinning.

  “He says he is on his way.” Her fingers continued to tap rapidly against the screen as I groaned.

  “Brilliant. Are you going to wait with me?” I looked up at her blurry image. She sighed, shaking her head.

  “You look really pathetic right now.” She sank down next to me on the curb, shoes in hand as she laid her head on my shoulder and we waited for Beef to show up. “Who is this?”

  I glanced down at the phone, closing an eye to help the image come into focus. “That’s Amelia.” I smiled as I looked over her face framed by wild blue hair that was always changing color.

  “Hmm.”

  “What?” I asked as I took the phone from her hand and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans.

  Payton shrugged. “She’s really pretty.” When I glanced over at her, her sullen face only inches from mine. It was the first time Payton had ever shown a sliver of insecurity.

  “She is,” I agreed. “She’s also my sister.” I let out a small chuckle.

  “Oh,” she laughed quietly, shaking her head. “Well, don’t ever bring her to visit. Beef won’t be able to keep his hands off her.” She rolled her eyes.

  “You still have feelings for him,” It wasn’t a question, and I knew that he felt the same way. But both of them were so volatile together, like gasoline and open flames, there was no way they wouldn’t destroy each other.

  “Doesn’t matter. I don’t think we could ever come back from all of the things we put each other through. I mean, I slept with his friend.” Her eyes locked onto mine for a moment. “Sorry, I made things so horrible between the two of you.”

  “Maybe you should tell him that.”

  “He won’t even talk to me.”

  “Have you even tried?”

  Beef pulled up to the curb wearing only boxer briefs, yelling at us to hurry up and get in the car.

  “You could have taken the time to put on trousers, mate,” I joked as I put my hand on the small of Payton’s back, guiding her into the back seat.

  “Some of us actually sleep at night.”

  “You’re a good friend,” I muttered, patting him on the shoulder as he took off quickly, causing me to fall back against the seat with a moan.

  “Better than you deserve,” he snapped.

  “I’m going to be sick.”

  “You puke in my car I’m going to have to rub your face in it like they do to dogs.”

  “Oh, God. Shut up.” My stomach rolled, and Beef’s lack of driving skills wasn’t helping.

  “I got him,” Payton called up to Beef as she grabbed an old empty shoe box that was half shoved under the seat and held it up to my face. “If you need to be sick use this.”

  I nodded, unable to talk.

  “Here,” Beef tossed back a water bottle and Payton caught it.

  “Drink this,” She whispered in my ear as she unscrewed the cap. I sat upright, draining the contents in a matter of seconds.

  “Cheers,” I exhaled as we pulled to a stop. Beef rushed to the back door, looping my arm around his neck.

  “I’ll help him up the stairs,” he said to Payton who followed close behind us. “Why don’t you go back to whatever gutter you crawled out of.”

  She scoffed but continued to follow us.

  “I can walk.”

  “Shut up,” Beef replied as he practically dragged me through the front door and back the hall. He dropped me on my bed before turning to Payton. “I suppose you’re staying?”

  I didn’t hear a response, but I assumed she nodded because once the door closed, I listened to the floorboards creak as she made her way to the side of the bed.

  Tugging off my trainers, she tossed them to the floor. “Rollover.”

  I pushed to my feet, swaying to the side as her hands gripped my hips.

  “I got it.” I unbuttoned my trousers and yanked down the zipper. Pressing her hand against my chest, she shoved me backward, and I fell onto my comforter.

  “You're not actually helpful,” she giggled as she grabbed my trousers and began to yank them off. “Shirt,” she commanded, her tone more clipped now than it was when we sat in the car park.

  “This night went all to pot,” I mumbled. I gripped the fabric and yanked it up over my head causing one of the seams to rip. I closed my eyes as the bed dipped beside me.

  ***

  My mouth was dry, and my tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of my mouth. Visions of drunkenly kissing Henley replayed in my mind. The night became foggy after that moment, but I knew I had fucked up. At least she came back.

  I rolled to my side and wrapped my arms around the warm body next to me and pulled her against me.

  “Company,” Beef bellowed as he banged his massive fist against my door, causing it to rattle against the hinges.

  “Bugger off,” I mumbled as my eyes slowly peeled open and focused on the blonde hair in front of my face. Blonde. What the bloody hell? I sat up, rubbing my palm across my face as I looked down at Payton who was curled up under my blanket next to me.

  “You decent?” Henley’s voice called from the hall. Looking up at my ceiling I mumbled a curse as I threw off my covers, thankful that I was still wearing my boxer briefs.

  “I’ll be right out,” I called back as Payton stirred beside me, groaning but not waking up.

  I pushed from the bed as quietly as I could before grabbing my jeans and yanking them on, not bothering to button them. Wracking my brain, I struggled to remember how in the hell I went from kissing Henley to sleeping next to the biggest skank on campus.

  Swallowing hard I pulled open the door, relieved when Henley wasn’t still standing on the other side. I slipped out into the hall and closed the door quietly behind me as I made my way to the living room.

  “Can we talk... alone?” She asked, ringing her hands together, her eyes darting to Beef who was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal with a broad smile, apparently amused by my predicament.

  Rubbing my hand across the back of my head, I looked to Beef, pleading with him to help me. He rolled his eyes before standing up and walking off toward his
room. “You kids behave,” he called out as he disappeared and I cringed at how loud his voice was. The last thing I wanted was for him to wake Payton but after coming home wasted with his ex, I couldn’t blame him if he did.

  Henley sank down on the edge of the couch, and my eyes darted to a pair of cream colored heels on the floor behind her.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting down in front of her.

  “About last night –”

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was drunk and being an arsehole. To tell you the truth most of it is really blurry.”

  “Oh.” She blinked at me a few times before nodding her head slowly. I knew she wanted to know if I remembered her kiss and I couldn’t think of what would be worse, remembering and having it be awkward because my advances were unwarranted, or forgetting and pretending none of it ever happened.

  “Was there something else?” I asked as I heard the floor boards back the hall creak and groan before the bathroom door slammed shut and water began to run, whining in the pipes before it abruptly halted. Henley seemed oblivious, and I was thankful that she was so wrapped up in what was going on in her own head to pay attention.

  “No,” she said with a smile, pushing to her feet. I stood too, craning my neck to the side to crack it. “So... everything is okay between us? Still friends?”

  “Of course.” I forced a smile feeling like the biggest shitbag on the planet. This girl obviously struggled with trust issues.

  “I should get to class.” She began walking toward the door, and I sighed with relief, looking up to the ceiling and mouthing a quick thanks to God for looking out for me. “Oh, I almost forgot. I left Gigi’s clothes here the other night. She is going to go insane if I don’t have them and I don’t want to explain why they are here, you know,” she laughed as she turned, walking back the hall.

  “Henley,” I called after her as I watched her slip into my room. After a second she came back out with clothing in hand. I watched her walk back toward me, her expression unreadable.

  “I’ll see you later?”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll be around. You work tonight?” I asked.