Shameless

  “You still angry with me?” Lucas asked, glancing sideways at me.

  “I was never mad,” I responded, but I couldn’t get the way he looked at me and told me he isn’t around Payton like that anymore when he had spent the night with her. He looked me in the eye and lied.

  “You’ve barely said two words to me all evening.”

  “I don’t have anything to talk about.” Except that, you’re a liar.

  “I’m here with you, Henley.”

  I swallowed hard. Typically those words would have made me melt, but now I couldn’t help but question his motives. Why was here with me when he could be with anyone else?

  “I’m going to go change,” He groaned before traipsing out of the room. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of liquor, pouring myself another shot and drinking it down before refilling the glass and repeating the process. The burn of the liquor did little to squelch the fire that was burning in my stomach every time Lucas looked at me. I could still feel his fingertips ghosting over my skin.

  “There’s a scary movie marathon on if you want to relax,” Lucas called from back the hallway as he made his way to the living room in only his boxer briefs. I looked down at the floor to avoid staring at him, but it was difficult not to take in the beauty of the art that inked across his muscular body.

  ***

  I tried my best to keep my distance from Lucas, but as the night wore on and the movies became scarier, every sound made me fear that an intruder was in the apartment, even though Lucas and I were the only ones home. Soon I was pressed against his side, my nails digging into the flesh of his arm as I held my breath, waiting for the next moment that would make me scream. Lucas would laugh and never once did he complain about my death grip on him. Part of me wondered if he’d enjoyed it and the scary movies were just a way to get us close again, even though I was mad at him. Something about the dark of night obscured the line between friendship and something more between us. It also stoked a fear inside of me after overhearing part of his conversation with his sister earlier. He was leaving.

  Soon it had become impossible to keep my eyes open, and I began to nod off, my head against his warm chest as his fingers drew lazy circles against my outer thigh.

  “Lucas?” I asked in the dark, hoping he was still awake as the credits began to roll across the screen.

  “What’s wrong, love?” He yawned as he spoke. I curled up tighter, my knees pressed against my chest.

  “Don’t laugh at me, okay?” I waited for him to agree.

  “Never.”

  “I’m scared.” ...of you leaving.

  He didn’t say a word as he clicked the television off with the remote and stretched himself out on the couch, pulling me down to lay against him with his arms bound around my waist. Being pressed against his nearly naked body had caused my breathing to become shallow and even in the dim lighting pouring through the slats of the blind, I could tell he’d noticed I was blushing. His fingers slid over my hip, gripping and releasing as if torn with what he wanted to do. His tongue ran out over his lower lip, and I watched as his gaze dipped to my mouth and back to my eyes.

  “Henley?” he asked, his voice rough and low. The unmistakable sound of lust in his tone sent a shiver down my spine.

  “Yeah?”

  “What did Gigi mean with that whole thing at Smokey’s?”

  “What thing?” I asked, my voice small, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

  “I know you don’t hook up with people at the bar. I get that. But...” His voice trailed off, and his body tensed as he tugged my waist closer. “Are you...” His voice trailed off again as he struggled to find the right words.

  “I’m not a lesbian,” I said dryly. He chuckled, his hot breath on my cheek as his head moved infinitesimally closer.

  “I know you’re not. I was just wondering... if what you told me before was a lie.”

  Was he asking me if I was a virgin?

  I swallowed hard, not sure what answer he’d been hoping to hear. “Why does it matter?” I asked.

  “It doesn’t.” He whispered before pressing a kiss against my forehead. I breathed out a deep sigh and closed my eyes, relishing in the touch of his lips against my flesh. When he pulled back, his head dipped lower, hovering over my mouth.

  His eyes searched mine, and I felt my skin heat all over as he slowly pressed his lips against mine. I gasped, bowing my back to push myself further against him as his tongue slid over the seam of my lips. I let them part, granting him access as he deepened our kiss. A low rumble emanated from the back of his throat as he leaned forward, putting more of his weight on top of me and I could feel how much he wanted me at that moment as my leg hitched over his hip. I pressed my palms against his chest, sliding them up to his neck, pulling his mouth harder against mine. His lips curled up in a smile, but he obliged, never breaking contact as he settled between my thighs.

  After a moment he stopped, and I whimpered as his forehead rested against mine, his eyes pressed closed for a long moment before he pulled back to search my face. “It doesn’t matter, but I need to know the truth.” His tongue ran out over his lower lip, distracting me.

  I swallowed hard, but the lump forming in my throat prevented any words from passing. He nodded once, exhaling in frustration before he slipped back beside me.

  “If it doesn’t matter, why do you need to know?” I whispered into the darkness as tears began to prick my eyes.

  “Because I don’t want to hurt you.” His mouth was pressed against my hair. The stark honesty pulled me from the lust-filled moment. I never intended to be laying in his arms as he asked me to bare my darkest secrets. So I did what I do best, I put distance between us, even if it was only by raising the wall around my heart higher.

  “I think we’ve had too much to drink,” I mumbled. “I need to sleep.”

  He didn’t speak another word, and I spent the rest of the night wide awake, uncertain if he meant physically hurt me in the act of passion or if he would end up breaking my heart. If I was honest with myself, I knew that the latter was becoming unavoidable.

  ***

  The next day the sun burned through the windows. My limbs were tangled in Lucas’ as he held me tightly against his chest, the heat from his body setting my skin on fire. What the hell was I doing?

  “Lucas.” I groaned as I pressed my palms against him, struggling to create some space between us.

  “What is it, love?” he asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

  “You’re too hot,” I said a little louder.

  “So I’ve been told.” He responded as his lips twisted up in a smirk. His hands circled my body and pulling me firmly against him making it very apparent how happy he was in the morning. I wriggled against him again, and his hips ground into me as he let out a quiet moan into my ear causing me to shiver.

  “Lucas.” His name came out as a pant as his hips pushed against me again.

  “I love how you say my name with that accent,” he groaned, rolling me over on top of him, finally opening his eyes as he gripped the back of my neck with his palm, holding my face close to his.

  “I don’t have an accent,” I mumbled, causing him to chuckle. My tongue ran over my lips, desperate to feel his pressed against mine, even if I knew I’d regret it. But instead, he released me, and I slid off of him, panting like an idiot as he smiled broadly.

  “Did you sleep well?”

  I rolled my eyes as I pushed to my feet, straightening my tank top. “I had nightmares from those stupid movies,” I groaned as I traipsed into the kitchen to make us some coffee.

  Lucas sat up, rubbing his palms over his face before he stood and followed after me.

  “You should put some clothes on,” I said, without looking back at him.

  “Does it bother you?”

  “Yes. You’re practically naked.”

  “You didn’t mind last night,” he replied, and when I glanced back at him, his eyebrows were pulled together. r />
  “We were drunk last night.” My eyes fell, unable to look directly at him and lie. “Obviously our judgment was clouded.”

  I filled our coffee mugs as Lucas went to his room to pull on clothing. He came back a moment later dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Leaning back against the counter, he took a sip from his steaming mug, his eyebrows raising when he realizes I’d put milk and honey in it already.

  I took a small sip from my cup as he cleared his throat, his face falling. “I didn’t uh... upset you last night, did I? I didn’t do anything you didn’t want to do?”

  My heart cracked in my chest when I realized that I’d made him believe that his come on was unwanted. “No, no. That isn’t what I meant. I just meant,” I swallowed back the lump that was forming in my throat and forced a smile. “We’re friends, right? We don’t want to screw that up.”

  “Right.” He nodded before taking another drink, lost in thought. “Friends.”

  “Want me to cook breakfast for you and the guys?” I asked with an eyebrow raised knowing he couldn’t resist someone cooking for him.

  “I’ll see if they’re here,” he replied, his tone flat as he sat down his mug and made his way across the apartment.

  I opened the fridge, sighing as I looked at the minimal contents inside. As I popped open the egg container to see how many were left Lucas cleared his throat. I turned around to see Gigi with wild hair, mascara streaked down her face in one of Beef’s oversized jerseys.

  The carton slipped from my hand and hit the tile floor with a thud, sending eggs splattering at my feet. “Shit!”

  “It’s not what you think,” she muttered before Beef was at her side, shirtless with what appeared to be hickeys on various parts of exposed flesh.

  “I slept on the floor,” she clarified.

  Beef snorted. “Yeah... the floor, the bed, up against the wall... twice.”

  “Ugh. I’ve lost my appetite,” I groaned as I bent down to pick up the mess. Lucas was quickly at my side to help me clean.

  “I’ll run down to the store on the corner.”

  “You don’t have to do that.” I shook my head as Lucas pulled his phone from his pocket, the screen lit. He tapped something out before shoving it back into his jeans.

  “I want to. I have to make a call anyway.”

  “Oh.” I nodded, unable to keep myself from watching him lick his lips. “Yeah, sure. Thank you. I’ll start on the bacon, so I’m not late for my classes.”

  ***

  I fried up some bacon in a pan as I prepared a large bowl of eggs to scramble. Slowly, everyone filed out into the living room.

  “That smells amazing,” Gigi called out, stretching as she came out of the bathroom and looking for something to eat while she waited.

  “Get out of the kitchen,” I held up the spatula in a threatening manner.

  “I’d listen to her, Gi. She smacked me good with that thing once. I still can’t eat without screaming out a safe word,” Beef joked from the couch.

  “Hungry?” I asked over my shoulder as Lucas slipped by me to grab a glass to fill with orange juice.

  “Starving. Can’t you fry it any faster?” He complained, still half asleep.

  “Not if you want it to taste good,” I rolled my eyes and went back to cooking. He grabbed my shoulders from behind as he stole a piece of bacon from the plate.

  “Delicious,” he whispered and went to take his place on the smaller couch.

  “Where’s Noah?” I asked as I began to hand out plates, making sure Beef had nearly triple the food of everyone else.

  “Probably still sleeping. He was wasted last night,” Beef laughed with a mouth full of food.

  I sighed as I grabbed his plate and headed back the hallway. “I’ll get him.”

  I knocked on the door and called out Noah’s name. He groaned and mumbled something. I knocked again and waited, but he still didn’t open the door.

  “I’m coming in. I hope you're decent.” I twisted the knob and slowly opened the door as I tiptoed over to his bed. “I made you –” The words died in my throat as a guy with a bald head smirked back at me. It only took a second for me to remember where I’d seen that cringe worthy smile and jagged scar above his eye that was still pink and puffy. Why was Seth, Addy’s boyfriend, hanging out with Noah?

  “That smells awesome,” he said, his voice low and gruff.

  “I’m looking for Noah.”

  “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking,” Noah’s voice called from behind me, causing me to jump.

  “I did. I thought you were just having a hard time waking up.”

  He tightened the towel around his waist as his eyes cut to Seth before narrowing as they landed back on me. “If you say one fucking word –”

  “I’ll tell the guys you aren’t feeling well, and I let you sleep.” What the hell was going on here? Were they friends? Were they more than friends? Is this why Noah was always being such a jerk to Lucas?

  He stared at me for a moment before his shoulders fell and he nodded once.

  “I made breakfast.” I handed him the plate and slipped out into the hallway, anxious to get out of the awkward situation.

  I hurried back to the living room and grabbed my plate of food that was already beginning to get cold. Lucas looked over at me as I sank down beside him before his brows furrowed.

  “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Yeah. Fine. Just starving.” I shoveled a bite of eggs into my mouth wondering if Lucas knew one of his roommates was hiding one of his enemies in his room. Now wasn’t the time to tell him. Maybe later, when we were alone, I’d tell him what I’d saw and he could decide if it was as weird as it seemed. “Noah isn’t feeling well, so he is gonna sleep it off.”

  “I think we need to go into the city this weekend, yeah?” Lucas spoke as he bit off a piece of bacon.

  “Oh, I think maybe I’ll just stay in again.” The last thing I wanted to do was go anywhere near my home. I looked at Lucas expectantly, hoping he’d agree to stay in and watch movies or something like we had last night.

  He shrugged, his eyes going back to Beef. “Just a guy’s night then.”

  My heart sank into the pit of my stomach as I pushed a piece of egg around my plate with my fork.

  “Come on, Henley. I want to go,” Gigi whined.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  LUCAS

  I didn’t miss the way Henley blanched when I mentioned a guy’s night out. But I was going mad trying to figure out what it was she wanted from me. It was evident she wasn’t interested in anything besides friendship, with the occasional drunken make out session.

  I felt foolish for putting myself out there for her, asking her out and spending my free time with her, only to have her look regretful or embarrassed when I tried to take it a step further.

  I scrubbed over the breakfast dishes as I thought back over the night. Henley and Gigi had left hours ago to go back to their dorm to get ready for their classes.

  “You okay?” Beef asked as he dumped the rest of the dishes into the soapy water.

  “Why do you ask?”

  He shrugged as he grabbed the milk from the fridge and drank directly from the jug. “You just seem all weird. Shit okay with you and Henley?”

  “Fine. We’re just friends, yeah?” I replied as I picked up another plate.

  “So you really want to go out without her this weekend?” He asked, shaking his head.

  “Why not?”

  His smile broadened as he clamped his large palm on my shoulder. “Because you haven’t left her side since you met her. You hit it, didn’t you? Finally tasted that forbidden fruit. Ready to move on?”

  I shook my head but couldn’t help but laugh that he’d deducted that I was just done using her and ready for my next piece of ass. “Not at all, mate. It’s not like that with us.”

  “Us, huh? What’s it like?” He asked as he grabbed the tea towel that hung from the stove and began to wipe down the
plates.

  I shrugged having no idea what to call what Henley and I had. I knew it was becoming increasingly hard for me to have a thought that wasn’t consumed by her. But even as we’d seemed to drift closer and closer, she kept me at arm’s length. This morning as she told me that we’d been drunk when we fooled around replayed in my mind like a broken record. Maybe this confusion was one sided. “There’s something she is keeping from me.”

  “Oh,” he said as he rolled his shoulder as if it had been sore and cleared his throat.

  “You know something?” I asked, my heart accelerating at the idea that I may finally get a glimpse as to what was keeping her from taking things further. “Did Gigi tell you something?”

  “Nothing,” he shook his head as he grabbed the stack of dishes and placed them in the cupboard. “You just... seem different. You really like her don’t you?”

  “I don’t know what this is,” I conceded. “I just want her to be happy, yeah? But... I want to be the one who makes her happy.” I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn’t help it. I turned to face him, readying myself for whatever it could be.

  Beef hung his head for a moment before his head shot up and he blurted out, “Henley saw that Payton had spent the night here. She made up her mind then that she wasn’t going to allow herself to get close to you.” No wonder she didn’t believe I wasn’t still sleeping with her.

  “Are you taking the piss?”

  He shook his head, his expression blank. “Gigi mentioned it when she was wasted the other night. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but I didn’t realize how hard you were falling for her.” Maybe if you knew, you wouldn’t have told her I fucked your girlfriend.

  “Fuck,” I groaned before slamming a mug into the soapy water causing it to crack against the edge. “I knew she had seen something.”

  “That’s not all.” He groaned. “I didn’t want to tell you this, man. I’m sure it’s just innocent fun.”

  “Just spit it out already.” My mind was swirling with what other information he could have.