Shameless

  “Hey,” I greeted our friends. “Have you guys seen Rhys?”

  Gigi shrugged, swaying slightly, and I could tell she’d had too much to drink. “He’s around here somewhere.”

  I groaned, hating that I’d gotten so lost in the moment, but Lucas was smiling. “Can someone go check on him? He doesn’t usually drink.” I looked up to Lucas who rolled his eyes.

  “Seriously?”

  “I can’t go in the men’s room, and I’m worried.”

  “Fine. But you owe me.” He began to walk away before turning back to me and calling over his shoulder, “Don’t dance with anyone else.” He winked and a smile involuntarily spread across my face.

  “I’ll go with you,” Beef yelled over the music, and he and Noah followed after Lucas, leaving me alone with Gigi who was grinning at me like an idiot, and I cleared my throat, erasing any trace of happiness from my expression.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” she replied with a shrug. “I just didn’t know you had it in you.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snapped, my eyes scanning the hallway entrance for any sign of the guys.

  “I mean, I know the plan was to teach Lucas a lesson and all, but you have taken it way further than I would have,” her words slurred together as she let out a little laugh. “I’m impressed. I never would have guessed you were this evil.”

  “I’m not messing with him, Gigi. We’re just friends.”

  “Well, with friends like you, who needs enemies, am I right?”

  ***

  I finally spotted Rhys rounding the corner from the hallway that leads to the bathrooms with Lucas at his side. Rhys looked serious, and Lucas was angry about something as he chatted with him.

  He hadn’t noticed me and my feet felt heavy, planting themselves on the ground. I couldn’t move forward as I watched the exchange, my gut churning. Was he mad that we had danced to several songs? Was I really hurting Lucas like Gigi thought?

  “Hey! Where have you been?” Rhys asked, his words slurring together. I looked at Gigi and the others. Noah was grinning guiltily, and Beef just shrugged, taking a sip from his beer and refusing to look me in the eye. I could tell he was angry and struggling to control it, but I couldn’t figure out why.

  “I was dancing, remember?” I explained, grabbing the beer from Beef and taking a long drink, finishing it off. “This isn’t funny,” I scolded Gigi.

  “Come on. We’re just having a little fun,” Noah chimed in. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he threw his hands in the air.

  “A little? You practically gave him alcohol poisoning in a matter of minutes.”

  “Don’t blame me. I was dancing too. These hooligans don’t know when to quit. I tried to warn them that he was a lightweight.” She motioned to Beef and Noah as I folded my arms across my chest.

  “I drink all the fucking time. I just don’t do it with Henley since prom.” He let out a small laugh at his confession that made me feel like I was going to be sick. This wasn’t the Rhys I knew or at least, it wasn’t the Rhys I thought he was anymore. “Get another round for my friends here,” Rhys yelled to the bartender who rolled her eyes as she filled the shot glasses as Rhys sank down on a stool.

  “We’re not your fucking friends,” Beef snapped before his eyes met mine. “We’re her friends. And she thinks you’ve had enough. I think we’ve all reached our limit.”

  My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to figure out what he meant by that comment.

  I leaned in toward Rhys and put my hand on his so he couldn’t drink. He pulled back from me angrily.

  “I have had enough, Henley.” My name coming out long and drawn out like it was a curse.

  “I think we should call it a night.” I put my hand on his arm, hoping to calm him down. He grabbed his shot, slamming it back. He made a sour face for a moment then stood up from his bar stool.

  I dropped my voice to just above a whisper, summoning all the courage I could manage. “Why are you acting like this?”

  “You want me to leave so you can rub up against this guy some more.” He let out a sardonic laugh as he rubbed his jaw, his eyes struggling to focus on Lucas. “What? You think you have a chance with her?” he growled angrily, and I felt my cheeks burn red from humiliation. Lucas put his hand up on Rhys’s chest, warning him to stop. “She’s not going to screw you. She doesn’t screw anyone, do ya’, Henley? Nothing but a cocktease. Can you blame me?”

  “Blame you for what?” My eyes danced between all of my supposed friends, but no one responded to my question. Gigi looked just as clueless as I was, so I knew whatever happened must have been while they were in the bathroom.

  “I’m fucking warning you,” Lucas’ voice was low and steady. I knew it was only a matter of seconds before he lost control.

  “No, I am warning you,” Rhys poked his finger into Lucas’ chest. “Mind your own damn business,” He hissed, and I felt my blood begin to boil.

  “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” I yelled over the music. Rhys ran his hand along his jaw before shaking his head. “It was a misunderstanding.”

  “What was a misunderstanding?” I asked, but it felt like they didn’t even know I was here anymore.

  “Really?” Lucas pulled his phone from his pocket and held it up in front of Rhys. “This was a misunderstanding?”

  I snatched the phone from Lucas’ hand and turned it around to look at the screen. My vision immediately blurred as I took in the site of blonde hair and dark roots, unmistakably Payton, on her knees in front of Rhys.

  “Holy shit,” Gigi muttered from beside me.

  “Rhys?” My voice shook as I looked up at him.

  “I didn’t do anything. I swear. She cornered me and asked if I wanted a blowjob. What was I supposed to say?”

  “No! You were supposed to say no!”

  “I did. She wouldn’t stop, and your friends walked in. I swear I didn’t do anything.”

  I tangled my fingers in my hair as my heart felt it was going to break its way from my ribcage. That’s when it occurred to me why Beef had looked so upset. “I’m so sorry, Beef,” I muttered as Gigi’s eyes danced between us.

  “Why do you feel sorry for him?” She asked.

  “Payton is my ex,” Beef answered.

  “Payton Harlow is your ex? So, what? You still like her or something?”

  “I’d like it if everyone I know wasn’t screwing her,” Beef replied with a shrug.

  “You’re just going to believe this guy over me?” Rhys yelled. My eyes danced between him and Lucas, not sure who I could trust anymore. All everyone did was lie constantly, myself included. I was tired of the deception; tired of all of the games.

  “I wasn’t the one screwing Payton, mate,” Lucas shot back.

  “Not this time,” Gigi added, glaring at Lucas.

  “That’s enough,” I yelled at all of them, my head pounding from all of the shouting.

  “This is bullshit. I should have told your mother you weren’t even worth all of this trouble,” Rhys slurred. “You’re just as crazy as she is.”

  As soon as the words left his mouth, Lucas cocked back his fist, planting a blow on the side of Rhys’s face, sending him crashing against the bar. The wooden edge busted his lip sending blood trickling down his chin.

  “Stop it,” I screamed, trying desperately to pull Lucas back from Rhys. Beef pushed his way between us, and Noah pulled me back, trying to calm me down.

  “I think our friend here has had a little too much to drink. I’m going to make sure he gets home safely,” Beef bit out each word through clenched teeth, holding Rhys by the collar of his shirt.

  “Even after I forgave you, you do this?” The pain in his voice broke my heart and him bringing up that horrible night from our past made me feel disgusting. Maybe if that night had been different, we wouldn’t be going through this today.

  My head was spinning.

  “Come on. I’ll take you home,”
Lucas said, still trying to steady his breathing. He was angrier than I had ever seen him before, which was saying a lot.

  I brushed my hair back from my face, my chest tightening as I swung, my open palm stinging as it landed against his cheek. You could almost hear the crowd gasp in unison and the look of betrayal nearly crippled me.

  “I hate you, Lucas,” I snapped and I felt my heart rip in two inside of my chest, the instant regret of those words nearly choking me.

  I shoved through the crowd, desperate to get out of the room of people that all seemed to be staring and whispering about what had transpired. My anxiety radiated throughout every nerve ending, and for one brief moment, I felt pity for my mother, for what she endured day in and day out. The transformation was complete. I’d broken free from the confines of my lies and had become the hideous moth that I’d fought against for years. The quiet and calm outside of the club was almost overwhelming, but I wasn’t alone to wallow in my humiliation.

  “Will you just talk to me?” He called out from behind me, the strength and confidence that had been in his words only moments before had vanished. I slowly turned to face him as fat droplets of rain began to pelt us. I wanted to run, but Lucas was the glowing beacon of light that I couldn’t resist even though I knew he would incinerate me the moment I let him get too close.

  “Why are you trying to ruin my life?” I yelled, my voice cracking under the weight of the humiliation. The tears I’d been struggling to hold back now flowed, unabashedly.

  “I’m not. I just want to be a part of it,” he replied, shaking his head.

  “Why? Why won’t you just walk away? Haven’t you had enough?”

  He took a step closer, closing the gap between us, but I didn’t back down.

  I shoved my hands against his chest, but he didn’t move. “We aren’t even friends anymore. Why do you care?”

  He took another step. He was now close enough to touch me, but his hands remained at his sides.

  “Just tell me why you won’t leave me alone,” I whimpered, all of the anger and frustration I’d been harboring had finally broken me. I didn’t care if people could hear us.

  He reached up, the back of his knuckles skating down my dampened cheek as his eyes searched mine. “Do you really hate me?”

  I clenched my jaw, refusing to break eye contact as I spoke. “More than anything.”

  He smiled, shaking his head. “And sometimes your lies are as simple as a smile.” He repeated the words he’d said about himself the night he’d drawn my face.

  My chin quivered as I tried one last time to push him away with my words. “I chose him, Lucas.” But the words came out defeated, an admittance of the palpable regret I felt for my decision.

  He blanched before the muscles in his jaw began to tick below the surface of his skin, but as he searched my face, his own expression softened.

  “I choose you, Henley.” His hand slid around the back of my neck as he pressed his mouth against mine. I placed my palms against his hard chest, the hammering of his heart pulsing against my fingertips as my lips parted and he kissed me with all of the anger and self-doubts we’d been holding on to since the moment we’d met. What I felt in that second was the only true thing I’d ever experienced in my life. His other arm looped around my lower back, and as our mouths broke apart, he clutched me tightly against his body.

  That’s when the world came rushing back around us. The murmuring and chatter of the patrons who lingered outside of the bar finally penetrated my racing mind, and I pressed against Lucas’ chest to create some distance between us. He looked around his grip loosening and allowing me to move away from him.

  “Can I take you home?” He asked.

  I nodded, and he took my hand, tugging me beside him as we made our way to Beef’s SUV.

  I slid onto the seat, and we rode in silence, not certain if I should thank him for defending my honor or smack him again for hitting Rhys. I didn’t want to show my face in my classes ever again, and I knew several of the people in the bar lived in my dorm.

  “You really do look beautiful.” Lucas broke the silence, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. I noticed we had driven passed my dorm.

  “Where are we going? I thought you were taking me home.” I looked out the window as the building grew smaller.

  “Give Rhys some time to get his things, yeah?”

  I relaxed back in my seat. Rhys wouldn’t be able to drive home. He had nowhere to go but to a hotel, and his things were in my room. It would be at least an hour before I could go back to my own bed.

  “What did he forgive you for?” Lucas asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

  “Nothing. He’s just drunk.”

  Lucas nodded and was silent for a moment. “He said he’s been hiding his drinking, who he is, since prom,” His voice was low but I felt the word vibrate through me like the jagged blade of a knife.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “That’s what this is all about. You think you owe him something. When you said, you broke his heart –”

  “Shut up, Lucas.” I turned to face him, tears blurring my vision. “Please.”

  “You can tell me, love.”

  I shook my head as the tears began to fall.

  “Henley, whatever happened, you can tell me.”

  “Nothing happened, okay? Rhys was drunk, and he wanted to sleep with me, but I was too scared. I wasn’t ready.”

  “What did he do?” Lucas was gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. “What the fuck did he do to you?”

  “Nothing. He stopped. He was wasted and couldn’t think clearly, but I was able to get him to stop. He just... left me in the room after we had a big fight.” Visions of my dress being torn and Rhys laughing at me as he drunkenly berated me filled my mind. “When I went downstairs he was hanging out with some of his friends. I asked him to take me home. They all laughed and whispered about me. It didn’t matter that nothing happened because they all saw what they wanted to see.”

  “Did you tell your parents? Did you call the police?”

  Swallowing hard, I turned to stare out of the passenger window. “There was nothing to tell. He said the whole school would think I was a lying and I would ruin his reputation if I told anyone nothing happened. I was drunk. We were both drunk. He didn’t mean it,” I rolled my eyes as a fresh wave of anger and humiliation settled like a dust cloud inside of me.

  “That wasn’t your fault, Henley.”

  I rolled my eyes, unable to bring myself to look at him. The vehicle veered off the road, and he slammed it into park. “Look at me.”

  I slowly turned to look at him, but unable to meet his eye. He put his fingers under my chin to slowly raise my face.

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  The sobs began to take over as I fell against him. His strong arms wrapped around me and held me until it felt like I didn’t have a single tear left to cry. For the first time, I felt safe and able to tell the truth.

  ***

  When I stepped inside Lucas’ place, it felt like I had never left but also different at the same time. I’d never shared my secret with anyone.

  Lucas made his way into the kitchen and poured us a few drinks. “I’m sorry for ruining your evening,” he said as he poured another round.

  “I can’t say he didn’t ask for it.” I drank down the harsh shot. Lucas ran his hands through his dark hair.

  “I’m not sorry for hitting Rhys. That isn’t what I meant. Had I known what I know now, I would have done worse.”

  “I know he can come off as kind of –”

  “A prick?”

  I laughed nervously as I shook my head.

  “He’s not right for you. I mean... I know he’s the kind of bloke you think you deserve, but he isn’t what you want.” Lucas rounded the counter and stood in front of me.

  “How do you know what I want?” I asked, my voice shaking as I looked up into his bright bl
ue eyes like I had the night he told me he knew I wanted him. He was right then, but I was too stubborn to admit, even to myself, how I felt. He stepped closer, his eyes burning into mine. I held my breath, unable to step away.

  “I would have waited, Henley.” He reached up, running his fingers along my jaw. “I never would have hurt you like he did. And if you’re still not ready, I’ll keep waiting for you... as long as it takes.”

  “You hurt me all the time.” The aching in my chest was crippling. I had convinced myself that Lucas did not look at me as anything but a friend, that all of the flirting and sexual tension was a figment of my imagination.

  He leaned his face closer to mine, his warm breath blowing against my lips. “I promise you, I won’t ever hurt you again.”

  For the first time since I could remember, I felt safe and needed. “Do you really want to know what I want?”

  He nodded, his eyes locked onto mine.

  “What I want... I want you.” Without thinking, I pushed my lips against his. He had stiffened for a moment before his fingers tangled in my hair and his tongue parted the seam of my lips. I let my mouth fall open, welcoming him to deepen our kiss. I’d waited too long, forced myself not to give into what I’d felt for him. I wanted to make up for lost time.

  “Are you sure?” His breathing was erratic, and I could tell he needed this as badly as I did. I bit my lip and nodded and a small grin spread across his face. He kissed me again and my body melted against his. He moaned quietly into my mouth as his arms wrapped around my body, holding me firmly against him.

  We stumbled down the hallway to his room, our mouths never leaving each other. He kicked the door closed behind us and backed me up until the back of my legs pressed against his bed.

  “We don’t have to do this.” He reassured me.

  “Yes, we do,” I panted. He grabbed the bottom of my dress and pulled it up over my head, taking a moment to look at me that made me feel like he could see my soul and all the flaws that stitched together inside of me. He pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the floor. I ran my fingers over his hard chest, as his muscles flexed beneath them. That’s when I noticed the blank wall behind him. My eyebrows knitted together as I turned my head, sweeping over the vast white walls. Only one drawing remained, and it was of me. I gasped as I turned back to look at Lucas. He brushed the hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear.