Shameless

  She slowly crossed the room and stood over my shoulder as her eyes danced over the image as it was just beginning to take shape.

  “Is that me?” Her voice was barely a whisper, and I couldn’t help but smile as I looked over the wide eyes on the paper.

  “Yes.”

  “I wish I had that kind of talent,” she said, shaking her head as she sank down on the edge of my bed. I glanced up at her to look at the line of her nose, but I didn’t need to. I’d seen Henley’s face all night, plaguing my dreams.

  “I’m sure you are ace on the violin,” I reassured her, glancing up to look her in the eye to reiterate my point.

  “I guess you’ll never know.”

  I smiled. “Turn your head to the left a little.” She complied as I continued to sketch.

  “Do you sketch all of your friends?” She asked, the apples of her cheeks rising as she smiled.

  “Only the ones with interesting faces.”

  Her eyebrows pulled together as she turned to look at me, her mouth hanging open. “Is that your way of calling me hideous or something?”

  I shook my head as I continued to draw. “Secretive,” I replied. Her eyes fell, and her face smoothed out making it impossible to read.

  “Oh, so you just think I’m a liar.”

  “We’re all liars. Some of us are just better at it.” My hand stilled as I let out a quiet sigh. “Sorry. Mysterious. Is that better?”

  She thought it over for a moment before her smile returned. “I can deal with that.”

  “Good, now hold still.”

  “Now you’re telling me what to –”

  “Henley, take a break from talking.”

  Her mouth popped open before snapping back shut.

  “See. You’re so pretty when you don’t talk,” I said, remembering her words from the bar.

  She sat up a little taller as her cheeks tinged pink. But she could only remain quiet for a few seconds before she began to ramble again. I could tell she didn’t feel comfortable being the center of attention.

  “So you’re a liar?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. “What do you lie about?”

  “Some days it’s as simple as a smile.”

  I watched as the skin between her brows pulled together, her teeth digging into her lower lip. “What do you lie about, Henley?”

  “I don’t lie.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “A lie about lying? Tell me another, love.”

  The dimple in her cheek deepened as she tried to keep from laughing. “You’re as funny as you think you are and almost as attractive.”

  I glanced up at her, my hand stilling. “That’s not a lie. That’s fact. I can tell by the color of your cheeks.” I quickly ducked to avoid the pillow that was thrown at my head.

  ***

  Two hours later she was slipping out of the door, still wearing my clothing. She insisted on going barefoot. I grabbed her clothing from my floor and folded them, placing them on a stand in my room. At least I knew she would be coming back. That was a start.

  I tacked up her image beside my bed in one of the few bare spots on my walls.

  Chapter Fifteen

  HENLEY

  After enough coffee to kill a small bear, I walked back to my dorm so I could shower and change. I reluctantly made plans with Gigi to meet up so we could gossip on everything that happened after we’d separated the night before, but that didn’t stop her from flooding my phone with text messages begging me for details of how I’d spent my evening.

  ***

  When I stepped into Green Bean, the coffee shop with organic snacks that local hipsters flocked to in droves, I waited for her to join me so I could fill her in on all of the boring details in person.

  I sat next to the window, people watching as I sipped on my cappuccino. The fifth movement of Bach’s Partita No. 2 in D minor blasted through my right earbud as I waited.

  “Hailey, right?”

  I glanced over my shoulder to see Payton towering over me in mile-high cream heels, Her white hair tied up in a messy bun that made her dark roots look even more prominent. Pulling my bud from my ear, I responded, “It’s Henley, actually.”

  “Right. Sorry. I’m terrible with names.” She smiled broadly, but it looked more like a wolf baring its teeth, preparing for an attack, than a kind gesture. The red lipstick didn’t help, and all I could picture was blood dripping from her overly plumped lips.

  “No big deal.”

  “You know Luc, right?”

  I cleared my throat. Were they already calling each other nicknames? “We hang out,” I replied as casually as I could manage. It wasn’t a complete lie. We did spend time together the night before, and he did call me one of his mates. I smiled to myself as I thought about how silly that sounded at the moment.

  “What?” Payton asked, her lip twisted up in disgust as her thick, dark eyebrows pulled together.

  “What what?” I replied, stammering as I tried to figure out what the hell I’d done to earn me such a revolting look.

  “You were just smiling like a weirdo,” she replied, waving her hand as if dismissing the entire exchange because she’d grown bored. “Anyway, can you tell him he left his necklace in my dorm room the other night?”

  I thought back to the thin gold chain with a cross that had been around his neck, dangling as he bent over to shoot pool at the Dive Bar and the next day when he’d been shirtless and playing video games, without it.

  I looked back up at Payton, blinking a few times. “You live in my dorm.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded, her smile growing as the realization hit me that when we ran into each other in my elevator the next morning, he wasn’t looking for me, he was leaving her room after sleeping with her. My stomach flipped when I thought back to jokingly telling him I’d see him on his next walk of shame. What a liar.

  “Awww. You thought he liked you or something? That’s adorable.”

  “No. It’s not like that,” I replied, taking another sip of my drink and burning my lip. “I’ll tell him.” I forced a smile.

  “Hey, Henley,” Gigi called from behind Payton as she was turning to leave. Gigi looked over her shoulder as she retreated before sliding into the seat across from me and picking up her coffee that I’d ordered for her.

  “What the hell did Panty-droppin’ Payton want?”

  I sat down my cup, spinning it in my fingers before speaking. “She wanted to let me know she’d slept with Lucas the other night after I’d hung out with him.”

  “Ouch. What a bitch.”

  I shrugged before taking another drink, trying my best to look unphased. “It doesn’t matter. I barely know him, and I am not the kind of girl he goes after.”

  “I told you he wasn’t a good guy, Henley. Don’t let that cute face and sexy accent fool you. He uses girls all of the time. Someone needs to teach him a lesson.” She raised an eyebrow before taking a drink from her mug.

  “He doesn’t exactly hide who he is. They all know what they are getting from him when he takes them home,” I replied with a shrug, trying my best to look unfazed but something inside of my gut twisted and I couldn’t blame it entirely on the night of drinking or the twenty gallons of coffee. “He’s actually really nice. You’d be surprised.”

  “Why are you defending him?”

  “I’m not defending him. I just... I don’t know. I don’t think he’s that bad. Sure, he’s an ass when it comes to the women he sleeps with, but he's kind to his friends.”

  “Oh no.” She leaned back in her seat, shaking her head disapprovingly.

  “What?”

  “Jesus, Henley. He already has you convinced you're different. Is that it? And he’s some misunderstood sensitive guy who is just looking for someone who gets him.”

  “What? No! We’re friends. Nothing more. And I am not that naive. I know he’s probably been inside half the panties on this campus.”

  “You’re a challenge, Henley. He placed you in a friend spot to make you feel mor
e relaxed around him. That’s how guys like him operate. That boy is going to break your heart the second you give in. You’re not like Payton, you can’t just sleep with some guy and walk away. You’re too... emotional.” She said the word like it was an infectious disease. Maybe it was.

  “Give me some credit. I am not just going to fall out of my clothes when he snaps his fingers. Sure, he’s cute. Fine. And he has a nice body –”

  “When did you see his body?”

  “It’s not important. What I’m saying is, never judge a book by its cover.”

  “Some of the best-looking people have the ugliest hearts... or no heart at all,” she added.

  “Oh, I’m sure Lucas has plenty of hearts that he’s collected from unsuspecting girls over the years,” I joked, but I couldn't help but wonder just how many girls he’d been with and if the talk about his sister and the drawings were all part of some scheme.

  “I bet he keeps them in a jar next to his bed.”

  ***

  After I had finished the only class I managed to make it to today, I headed back to my room, changing into shorts and a tank top and heading out for a jog around campus. I needed to clear my head, and if I couldn’t play my violin, this was the only thing outside of alcohol that would do the trick.

  I didn’t want to believe that Lucas was just hanging out with me because he saw me as some sort of challenge. I wasn’t opposed to being friends with Lucas, but I didn’t want to be the girl sitting on the back burner for a night he felt bored or couldn’t get ahold of someone else. It wasn’t like he didn’t flirt with me and that’s what made it all the more confusing.

  I pushed myself, struggling to breathe as the muscles in my legs burned. Everything was falling apart around me. My mom was getting worse, and if I didn’t do something soon, I was going to have to drop out and move home. The past few days had been a nice distraction, but that was all it was, and the real world was always clawing at the back of my mind.

  Bending over under the shade of an old Oak tree, I pulled my phone from my back pocket. I scrolled down through my contacts to Milo the bartender’s number. I typed out a quick text asking if he’d be up for meeting later for an early dinner with some friends. I was hoping maybe he’d have an opening at his bar so I can at least try to pay off some of my mom’s bills.

  A few seconds later my phone chirped with him asking me when and where. I chewed my lip as I typed back that I could go for some pizza. He replied with the name of a pizza joint just a few minutes away called Slice of Heaven. I smiled down like an idiot at my phone, proud that I’d gotten up the courage to message him before my eyes fell on the missed call notification and my happy mood deflated.

  My father had left me a voicemail twenty minutes ago.

  Shaking my head, I returned his call. “Hey, Dad.”

  “You doing okay?” He asked, his voice was gravelly as if he hadn’t slept in days. Knowing him, he probably hadn’t.

  “I’m fine. I was just out for a run.” I swallowed hard, struggling to get my breathing under control.

  “Have you heard from your mom lately?” He asked, and I could hear the hesitation in his voice as I rolled my eyes, pulling my foot up to my behind to stretch my thigh.

  “Of course. I talk to her all the time. You could too, ya’ know. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”

  “It’s not that simple, kid. I don’t expect you to understand –”

  “How could I understand when you don’t tell me anything?”

  He let out a heavy sigh and fell silent for a moment. “You have enough on your mind right now, you don’t need to deal with our problems.”

  “You mean my problems. You’d have to actually be in the country for any of this to be your problem.”

  “And what can I do about that from South Korea, Henley? I still have six months left on this tour, and your mother has been refusing to keep her appointments on post.”

  I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. I knew better than to upset my father when he was a million miles from home and couldn’t do anything about it, but I was drowning in her mess. “You shouldn’t have left. You knew she would be like this with you gone.”

  “I can’t force your mother to get better, Henley.”

  “No, but you could make it easier for me,” I snapped. “She blew all of the money in the account last week. She bought a television instead of getting groceries, and she hasn’t paid the garbage bill in months.”

  He sighed, and I could picture him closing his tired eyes lined with crow's feet.

  “I’m sorry. I just wish you would get out of the Army already.”

  “I can’t. I had to reenlist just to transfer my GI Bill to you so you could go to college.”

  “But that’s not fair,” I whined like a petulant child.

  “Henley, You’re old enough to know that your mother and I haven’t been okay for years.”

  “She’s just... sad. She’ll snap out of it if I can just get her to stay on her meds.”

  “You know I love you like you’re my own daughter.”

  It felt like someone had just reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. He was the only father I’d ever known. “I am your daughter,” I whispered.

  He sighed loudly, and there was a muffled voice in the background that I thought sounded like a woman, but I couldn’t be sure. “Henley, I stayed with your mom for you... so you could go to college and have a chance to get away from all of this craziness, not so you could become her caretaker. I wanted to give you a fighting chance at your own life.”

  “I get it,” I wiped a tear from my cheek, and I sniffled. “You did your good deed, Dad. You can go on with your life now and just forget all about us. It wouldn’t be the first time I had a father walk out of my life.”

  “Henley... I can’t do this now. I have to go eat chow before my shift.”

  “Fine.”

  He was quiet again before adding. “Don’t tell your mom I called, okay?”

  I shook my head as I looked down at the ground, my eyes locking on a disturbed fire ant mound. “Yeah, okay. I won’t tell her.”

  “Love you, kid.”

  “Sure,” I replied before hitting end on the call and shoving my earbud back into my ear so I could listen to music at full blast to rid my mind of any thought of my parents.

  ***

  I made my way back to my room, earbuds blaring, stopping short at the bags that sat on Tanner’s old bed. I pulled out my headphones, confused.

  “Hey,” I voice called from behind me in the doorway, and I jumped, clutching my chest as I spun around to see a girl with dark brown hair, cut into long layers that framed her face. Her eyes were so large and green I was sure they had to be contact lenses. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Adeline Cross, but people call me Addy.”

  “I’m Henley Brooks,” I stammered. “People just call me Henley. Oh wow. I sound like Forrest Gump.” I silently cursed myself for rambling out of nervous habit.

  Her smirk grew, and I stepped aside for her to enter. “I’m not new. Not really. I had a room on the floor above you, but my roommate was a freaking crazy person. Her friend attacked my boyfriend. So much drama. Plus, I think she was into me, you know? Not that I could blame her. Look at me. But come on. I’m like allergic to shellfish. I don’t dig clam. You know what I mean?”

  “Um... I guess.” I closed the door behind me before sitting down on my bed and untying my sneakers. “My roommate was in an accident,” I replied as I slipped my shoes under my bed. “I’m going to run down to the showers. If you want to grab something to eat afterward, I’m meeting up with some friends.”

  “Thanks, but I have plans. My boyfriend Seth is supposed to stop by and help me unpack. Maybe later?”

  I nodded before grabbing my shower kit and heading down to the bathrooms.

  ***

  I spent longer than necessary under the warm water, hoping to soothe some of the aches in my muscles as I silently so
bbed against the yellow tile wall. I felt like I was beginning to lose my own mind. If my mother’s mental illness weren't hereditary, then she would drive me crazy just from having to deal with her problems.

  I turned off the water, my skin immediately erupting with goosebumps as I stepped out of the stall. My eyes caught my reflection in the mirror. I took a step closer, running my palm against the glass to clear the fog.

  I could see it. I could see her. There was a glimmer of my mother staring back at me, and it was only a matter of time before I became her entirely. No amount of pretending I was okay was going to change that. It was becoming harder to remember what happiness felt like.

  As I traipsed down the hallway in my flip flops and towel, I stopped short of my bedroom door that had a scarf tied on the knob.

  “You have got to be kidding me.”

  I rapped lightly on the door with my knuckles, hoping that maybe Addy was just changing clothes and was shy, but judging by the music that was filtering into the hallway, it was hard to imagine she was alone.

  “Addy, I need to get dressed!” I waited a few seconds, rolling my eyes as I glanced down the hall. “Addy?”

  Storming off, I headed to the elevator, riding it down to the next floor and hurrying toward Gigi’s room.

  I knocked, my arms wrapped around my chest as I waited for her to open the door. When she did, her jaw dropped as she shook her head.

  “Not a word,” I warned as I stepped inside of her room. “I need some clothing.”

  “Clearly.” She walked to her closet, pulling out a low cut baby blue-colored top and white shorts. “What about the outfit you borrowed yesterday?”

  I cringed remembering that I’d left her clothing at Lucas’ place. “I’ll get them back to you later. I have to do laundry anyway.”

  “Want to tell me what happened?”

  “I got a new roommate.” I rolled my eyes as I dropped my towel and quickly dressed. I was glad I had the foresight to bring underwear.

  “Give her a chance. Dorms are a big change. She may just need time to adjust.”