Celeste

  shouting. I first thought. at Mr. Kotes.

  "Why did you do this? How can you be this

  cruel? These children need a father. especially Noble.

  What you couldn't provide, he could have provided.

  You could have warned me. You could have. Arthur!" Arthur? She's talking to Daddy, I thought, and

  hurried down the hallway.

  I found her sitting on the chintz sofa, looking

  out the window. She had her legs drawn up and under

  her. Dressed only in her robe and slippers, she was

  dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. I quickly

  looked about the room. but I didn't see Daddy's spirit

  anywhere. Mommy turned slowly and looked at me.

  She wasn't upset that I had gotten out of bed and come

  down. She just stared at me and then shook her head

  and looked out the window again. It was pitch-dark

  outside. What was she looking at? I wondered and

  drew closer.

  "Why were you shouting. Mommy?" I asked. She sighed deeply and nodded her head. Then

  she took a deep breath and turned to me.

  "There has been a terrible, terrible accident,"

  she said. "On his way home from here tonight. Mr.

  Kotes was hit head-on by a pickup truck driven by

  drunken teenage boys. Nothing much happened to

  them. They were too drunk to even realize what they

  did," she added.

  "Mr. Kotes?" I said.

  "Yes. He's dead. That was his sister who called.

  She was hysterical. She blamed it on me because he

  was here, because he was with me. She called me all

  sorts of terrible names."

  "He's dead?"

  "He's dead!" she screamed. "Are you deaf?

  Dead!" She paused and then took a deep breath.

  "Maybe it really is my fault. I don't know..,'

  "Why, Mommy?"

  "I shouldn't have encouraged him," she said

  softly. "I should have known they wouldn't like it. It's

  why they stayed away." She stared at the floor and

  then she looked at inc. "Go on back to bed. Celeste." "Did you see Daddy? Was that who you were

  yelling at?" I asked.

  "Go back to bed!" she said. "Just go back to

  bed."

  She turned away from me and scrunched up on

  the chintz sofa. She suddenly looked so small, as if

  she was a little girl herself. I wanted to go to her and

  put my arms around her. but I was afraid. The house

  was so dark and silent, but her screams still echoed in

  my ears.

  Mr. Kotes was dead?

  But he was just here. We were all singing and

  playing together!

  I walked up the stairs slowly. Tired and groggy.

  I returned to bed, and after looking over at Noble,

  who was still in a deep sleep. I closed my eyes. The

  last thing I thought about was Mr. Kotes's face when

  he was singing "Happy Birthday" to us.

  I woke in the morning when Noble did. He was

  moving quickly and making lots of noise because he

  was anxious to get up and dressed and back to his

  electric train.

  "When Mr. Kotes comes back, he might bring

  more cars and bridges and little people and houses. He

  thinks we could build a whole city," he told me

  excitedly.

  I rubbed my eyes and sat up. He already had his

  hair brushed and was buttoning his shirt on the way

  out.

  "Mr. Kotes isn't coming back. Noble," I told

  him. "He's never coming back.'"

  "Why not?" he asked from the doorway. "He was in a terrible accident last night, and he

  was killed." I reported. Mommy hadn't told me not to

  tell him.

  "What? You're lying," he spit at me. "You're a

  big, fat, stupid liar!"

  "No. I'm not. Noble."

  He stood there a moment, and then he went out

  and slammed the door. I heard him charging down the

  stairway. Mommy's voice was muffled, but the tone

  was not hard to feel. I rose, washed, and dressed.

  When I descended the stairs. I found Noble at the

  table, sulking over his bowl of oatmeal. Mommy was

  standing by the window, looking out, her back to us.

  She was in the same black dress she had worn for

  Daddy's funeral.

  Noble raised his eyes slowly and looked at me,

  but he didn't say anything. He looked very angry, "It's not my fault." I muttered.

  Mommy turned slowly and looked at me a moment and then back out the window. I poured myself some juice, put a piece of bread in the toaster, and stirred some oatmeal into a bowl for myself. When I returned to the table. Noble was sitting back, his arms so tightly embracing himself that he looked

  like he was pushing all his blood into his face. "Mommy won't let me play with my trains," he

  complained. "She wants me to take it all apart and put

  it back into the box."

  "You help him. Celeste," Mommy added, still

  looking out the window.

  I didn't say anything. but I. too, wondered why

  we had to do that. Noble just glared ahead.

  "I'm not," he said finally.

  Mommy turned slowly.

  If you don't. I will scoop it all up and throw it

  all into the garbage," she threatened.

  "Why do I have to?" he whined.

  "Because I told you to," she said. "That should

  be enough reason. This is a house in mourning. We

  don't simply go on as though nothing terrible has

  happened."

  "Something terrible is always happening,"

  Noble muttered. He rose from his seat and ran out of

  the room. We heard the front door opening and

  closing,

  "Noble!" Mommy screamed after him. I froze,

  afraid to eat another bite.

  "Go after him." she ordered. "See that he

  doesn't do anything stupid. I don't want him too far

  from the house today. And don't you dare go into to

  the woods. Celeste."

  She looked out the window again.

  "They're hovering out there like mosquitoes

  against the windowpane."

  "Who. Mommy?"

  She shook her head slowly.

  "The spirits," she whispered. "Evil spirits." When I stood up. I felt my whole body

  trembling. How close were the spirits? Would I be

  able to see them?

  "Go on," she said. "Quickly."

  I walked to the door, hesitated, and then went

  outside. I couldn't see Noble anywhere, and that

  frightened me for a moment. What if he had already

  run into the woods? What if the evil spirits had

  already gotten him?

  "Noble." I shouted, "Where are you?" I went around the house, looked up at the old

  graves, and then walked to the barn. All during the time I was searching for him, he was sitting up in his favorite tree, the old maple off to the right, just watching me grow more and more frantic. When I

  finally saw him. I screamed at him.

  "Why didn't you answer me! Mommy wants

  you to stay close to the house. She won't want you up

  there. Come down this minute. Noble!"

  "No," he said defiantly. "I'm not coming down

  until she lets me play with my trains."

  "Noble, come down."

  To demonstrate his firmness, he climbed a little

  higher and sat on a thinner branch. All I could think

 
was, an evil spirit would swoop down and push him

  off. My heart thumped.

  "Please come down," I begged, tears filling my

  eyes. play anything else you want to play. I'll obey the

  moat. We'll fight dragons, anything?"

  "No. I want to play with my trains," he insisted.

  "Ill never come down until she lets me."

  "Noble! Please."

  He turned away from me.

  "I'm telling Mommy," I said and ran back to the

  house.

  Mommy was in the kitchen, cleaning up the

  breakfast dishes and pouring out the rest of the oatmeal. I had forgotten my piece of toast. It was burned. She looked at me and threw it into the

  garbage.

  "Where's your brother? Didn't I tell you to stay

  with him?"

  "He climbed up in his tree, and he says he's not

  coming down until you let him play with his trains." I

  rattled off quickly. "He's even climbed higher than

  ever."

  Mommy's eyes widened.. She dropped what

  was in her hands and rushed past me to the front door.

  I followed her out of the house.

  "Noble Atwell, you come right down here."

  Mommy screamed up at him. "This instant." "Will you let me play with my trains?" "You will not play with those trains today. You

  will not play with them ever again if you don't come

  down this instant," she added.

  Even I was surprised at how defiant Noble

  could be. Instead of obeying, he turned and reached

  for a higher branch.

  "Noble Atwell!" Mommy shouted.

  He grabbed the branch and started to pull

  himself up, but the branch snapped. For an instant it

  was as if the whole world had gone into stop-action, been put on pause. The realization that he was without any support and had lost his balance flashed on

  Noble's face in bright astonishment.

  Mommy screamed.

  He flailed about as if he thought he might be

  able to fly his way out of danger, and then he fell from

  the tree in a swift, graceful drop like someone who

  had concluded there was nothing else to do but relax

  and face the music. He was high enough up so that

  when his left foot hit first, it twisted sharply. He hit

  next on his buttocks and then rolled head over heels to

  stop on his stomach.

  When he hit the ground. I was sure I felt the

  thump in my own body as well. Almost immediately,

  he let out a wail of pain that sent birds loitering on

  nearby trees shooting into the air. Mommy caught her

  breath and then ran to him. He was crying hard. His

  forehead was bleeding where he had scraped it rolling

  over, but his leg was twisted in a strange angle.

  Mommy fell quickly to her knees beside him and

  gently turned him onto his back.

  I couldn't move. My heart seemed to have

  fallen into my stomach. It took me a few moments to

  realize I was sobbing profusely. The thick tears were

  already dripping off my chin. Noble was screaming in pain with such effort, his face was bright red and his screams rose to a shrillness that made them inaudible.

  It was as if I was watching it all in a silent movie. Mommy carefully rolled up his pants. and I saw

  the way his lower leg bone was pressing against his

  skin, threatening to tear it open any moment. Without

  hesitation, remaining remarkably cool. Mommy

  pressed on the leg bone and put it back into place.

  Noble was in such pain at that moment, his eyes went

  back in his head and he passed out.

  I thought he had died.

  My own heart stopped.

  "Is he dead. Mommy?" I somehow managed

  when she rose to her feet.

  She looked at me. and I saw there wasn't even a

  tear in her eyes.

  "Nay she said. "He's better off for the moment.

  Don't let him move until I get back," she ordered,

  "Come here!" she screamed at me when I hadn't

  walked a step toward Noble. "Sit next to him and

  don't let him move this leg if he wakes up before I

  return. Celeste."

  I hurried to his side.

  "Keep him calm," she ordered. I had no idea

  how, but I took his hand into mine and sat while she went off toward the barn. Noble was just starting to groan and move his head from side to side when she returned with two pieces of wood slabs. I saw she also

  had some tape.

  "Mommy." Noble muttered.

  "Just stay still, Noble, completely still. You've

  broken your leg," she said.

  He looked up at her. dazed.

  "Someone pushed me," he said, and she stopped

  working. "I could feel it," he muttered and closed his

  eyes. "Someone pushed me."

  Mommy looked at me for a moment, the

  expression on her face confusing. She looked like she

  wanted me to explain. I bit down softly on my lower

  lips and shook my head. I didn't know what he was

  talking about. I hadn't seen anything.

  "Go into the house and get the antiseptic I use

  on your cuts and bruises. Celeste. I want a wet cloth

  with soap. too. Go on," she ordered. and I jumped up

  quickly and ran into the house.

  By the time I returned, she had the splint on

  Noble's leg firmly put together. She took the cloth and

  soap and washed off his forehead scrape, and then she

  applied the antiseptic. Noble continued to cry, his

  whole body shaking with sobs. Mommy slipped her arms under him and then, with great effort, lifted him as she stood. He let his head roll against her breast and closed his eyes as she carried him toward the

  house.

  "Will he be all right?" I asked, following. "Get the door for me." she said in return. I

  hurried ahead and opened it.

  I stood back and watched her carry him up the

  stairs to our room. She told me to pull his blanket

  back, and she set him softly onto his bed. After she

  began to undress him, she sent me for a pair of

  scissors and used them to cut his pants leg so that she

  could slip his pants off. After that she put pillows

  under his broken leg.

  Im going to let an ice pack and something for

  him to take so he can sleep for a while," she said.

  "Stay with him and just keep him calm and still," she

  told me.

  Noble groaned. His face was streaked with

  charcoal channels his tears had drawn over his cheeks

  and down his chin. I took the washcloth and very

  lightly wiped them away.

  He kept his eyes on me. I thought he looked

  half asleep already,. Before I spoke. I looked back at

  the doorway to be sure Mommy hadn't returned. "You didn't really feel someone push you up in

  the tree, did you. Noble?"

  "Yes." he said.

  Mommy returned with the ice pack. a glass of

  water, and one of her herbal drinks. She gave it him

  and made swallow it.

  "I want you to sleep for a while. Noble." "It hurts." he complained.

  "I know it hurts, and it will hurt for quite a

  while. Celeste will stay with you and keep this ice

  pack on your leg. She will get you what you need,"

  she added.

  She put my hand around the ice pack. "Keep it an as long as you can. When he

  compl
ains it's getting too cold, take it off for a while

  and then put it back on. understand?"

  I nodded.

  "Doesn't he have to go to the hospital.

  Mommy?" I asked her when she stood up and started

  for the door.

  She turned to me slowly.

  "No," she said. "They won't do anything mare

  than what I have done and will do."

  Will he be all right?"

  "I don't know. Will he?" she shot back at me. I

  couldn't understand why.

  I scrunched my eyebrows. Why did she think I

  knew the answer?

  She stared at me a moment, and then she

  walked out of our room. Noble groaned.

  "It hurts. Celeste. It hurts so much," he said.

  "More than splinters or cuts, more than anything." I looked at the empty doorway, and then I

  returned to him and held the ice pack on his leg. I

  stroked his arm softly.

  "I know it hurts. I'm sorry it hurts. Noble." "Why doesn't Mommy stop it from hurting?" he

  asked me.

  She did. She gave you something. This ice pack

  will help. too. It will all help you soon." I said. He closed his eyes and whimpered. I looked at

  his lea. It was black and blue around where the bone

  had protruded. I thought it looked horrible. He should

  be in a hospital. I concluded. Maybe Mommy will

  realize it soon and take him.

  "I. . . want... to play with... my trains." Noble

  whispered, and then he fell asleep.

  The ice pack melted. and I grew stiff sitting

  there and hardly moving. I kept wondering where

  Mommy had gone. Why wasn't she coming back quickly to see how Noble was? Suddenly, I heard a loud engine sound and rose slowly to look out the window. I didn't see anything, but the sound became louder. I thought for a moment. A memory returned of

  Daddy in the woods getting us firewood.

  Curious now. I headed downstairs and went to

  the front door. The moment I stepped out. I stopped. It

  was such a shocking thing to see. Mommy had

  Daddy's chain saw, and she was cutting at the tree

  from which Noble had fallen. It was a good-size

  maple tree and a beautiful tree. I didn't understand

  why she was doing it, but even more difficult to

  understand was how she was able to hold that saw and

  work like a man.

  She didn't see me standing nearby, and she

  couldn't hear me calling to her above the chain saw

  engine. Finally, she caught sight of me when she

  stopped to rest a moment.

  "Why are you out here?"

  "I heard the noise and wanted to see what you

  were doing, Mommy. Noble's fast asleep and the ice