The Cellar

  “Died,” he repeated slowly. His breathing switched and became deep and ragged, as if he was fighting for control—making me question if he could help it all over again. “Yes, they died. They died because you can’t take care of them properly. ” He slammed his fists down on the table so hard that the glasses of orange juice fell over, spilling down the table and onto the floor. Of course, they fucking died. They’re flowers! They were in a cellar with no natural light. How could someone so intelligent not grasp that? Or did he fully understand but couldn’t accept it? Nothing about him was simple or straightforward. I used to think I was quite good at reading people, but he was something else.

  I backed up as he took a step toward my side of the table. Don’t come over here. Rose and Poppy closed in and the three of us stood together. If the three of us worked together, we could get out. In the state he was in, though, I wouldn’t risk trying anything.

  “Do you have anything to say?” he asked. He spoke calmly and his voice was smooth like silk. But that was scarier than if he was shouting. He was too calm and controlled, but I knew any second he would let go and flip out. He was like a dog playing with a balloon; you knew it would pop but not exactly when.

  None of us said a word. It would probably just make him angrier anyway. He walked around the table in the opposite direction. Rose and Poppy were between him and me. Raising his hand, he slapped Rose across her cheek. She gasped and stumbled to the side. Poppy steadied her and we all took a step back. I could hear my rapid breathing and tried to calm it down. What the hell is his deal?

  He shoved Rose out of the way and grabbed Poppy’s hand, pulling her closer. No! A sharp slap to her cheek sent her flying into the table. She cried out and held her stomach where it had hit the wood.

  “You. Will. All. Learn,” he growled and leaped forward, pinning me to the wall.

  My breath caught in my throat and I flinched, closing my eyes as I preparing to be hit. Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, I screamed in my head, needing to mentally go somewhere else. His fist connected with my jaw and I fell down. Pain exploded in the side of my face. Pressing my hand over my mouth, I took a few deep breaths through my nose. Don’t scream and give him the satisfaction. My jaw throbbed and tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to cry. I wouldn’t let him know he’d hurt me.

  My mouth filled with the metallic taste of blood and a stinging sensation pulsed from the inside of my cheek. I must have cut it against my teeth. I swallowed, knowing him seeing blood would make him worse. Slumping to the floor, I closed my eyes. I can’t do this for much longer.

  “Clean up. Now,” he ordered. I flicked my eyes open just in time to see him disappear up the stairs. Jumping to my feet, I ran to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out. Knowing he was gone, I allowed myself to spill the tears that pooled in my eyes. I sank to the floor, feeling so scared and alone it made my heart ache.

  Thursday, December 16th (Present)

  I sat on the sofa with Rose and Poppy. We had the TV on but none of us were watching. We anxiously waited for him to come back. He hadn’t come down for breakfast today. The thought of him coming was scary, but the thought of him never coming back was worse. If he left us, we would starve to death down here.

  My jaw was bruised and swollen, and inside, my mouth was so tender I could only eat soft foods. The purple dusting across my face was a constant reminder of how messed up he was and how much danger I was in. Every time he hurt me or someone else, I seriously doubted any plan of escape. I realized that was why Poppy didn’t want to do anything; she didn’t think for one second we could make it.

  “What are we going to do?” Poppy asked. “He’s getting worse, Rose, and you know it. ”

  There was something completely terrifying about them when they were worried. They had seen so much and were used to how it was, but now they were scared. I wondered if it was because of me. He chose someone who had a family. Was the outside world closing in on him? They were both distracted; when they watched the TV, their eyes were blank—thinking, worrying.

  Rose shook her head. “I don’t know, but I’m sure everything’s going to be fine. We stick together as usual. ”

  I was seriously sick of them saying everything was going to be fine. Why did they even say it? They had clearly accepted this was their life, and it was not fine. Something inside me erupted and I jumped up. My blood boiled.

  “Rose, take a fucking look around, will you? We’re locked up in some psycho’s cellar. How the hell is this fine?” I shouted. “Will you wake the hell up?!”

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  “Shh, Lily. You don’t know where he is,” she said in a hushed shout.

  I took a deep breath and ignored her calling me Lily. Lily was someone in his sick fantasy and I was not her. “Oh my God. Think about it, Rose. We can’t hear crap until the door opens. You really think he can hear us? Instead of playing I-wanna-be-Mrs. -Crazy, can you please just act like a normal person? We. Were. Kidnapped. ”

  “I am very aware of the situation, Lily, but what do you want me to do?” Was she aware of the situation?

  I clenched my fists. What the hell was wrong with her? “I want you to get your head out of his arse and think of something we can do to escape. I want you to stop acting like this is normal. Why don’t you want to get out? If we all work together, we could overpower him. ”

  “That has been tried before,” Poppy said, cutting into the argument.

  “I know. You’ve both said it has, but not by all three, or four, at the same time. Sure, one he can take on one no problem, but how is he going to stop all three of us? Just think about it: we can attack him and escape. This can work. ” What was I saying? Two minutes ago this was impossible and now I was rallying the damn troops.

  The cellar door creaking open made me jump. My heart leaped and stomach sank. “This can work if we do it together,” I whispered, begging them with wide eyes.

  “No, Lily,” Rose replied. I turned away before I screamed at her again.

  He was carrying three bunches of flowers and mumbling to himself. I couldn’t work out exactly what he was saying but I caught what I thought a few words were. Bodies and camel but it couldn’t have been that. Well, not the second one anyway.

  Rose took a deep breath and smiled warmly. She looked confident and relaxed but her hands tapped against the side of her thighs and she held herself stiffly. “Good afternoon, Clover. ”

  He jumped, startled, as if he wasn’t expecting us to be here. “G-good afternoon,” he said, stuttering as if he was surprised we were right there. He never stuttered. He was so confident and smooth, unless he was freaking out about flowers. How could he have been surprised to see us? What did he think, that we had popped out to the corner store?

  “Have you come for lunch?” Poppy asked, her eyes flicking to the clock. It was only twelve, so he should have been at work.

  The way he was acting was so erratic—talking to himself and being completely unaware of everyone around him. His eyes darted around the room, taking everything in. I gulped and noticed Poppy took half a step back. “Flowers,” he said and held them out.

  “They’re beautiful, Clover, thank you. ” Rose stepped forward and took all three bunches out of his hand. So, we’re just pretending this is normal? No questions?

  I followed Rose and Poppy to the kitchen area and filled the vases with water. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him. He eyes darted around the room, every few seconds flicking back to the door. Who was he expecting? The police? He was acting weirder than before. It was unlike him and I had no idea how to act. Was it best to ignore him completely?

  “So, Clover, would you like some lunch?” Rose asked.

  “No, thank you,” he replied quickly and smiled.

  Without another word, he kissed Rose and Poppy on the cheek and looked at me. I held my breath as he closed the short distance and kissed my cheek. The palms of my hands stung, and I only reali
zed once he moved away that I had been digging my nails into them.

  “Good night, Flowers,” he said from the stairs and continued mumbling to himself. Phone and bodies.

  “Good night?” Poppy repeated to Rose. Did that mean he wasn’t coming down here anymore today or did he just have no idea of the time?

  Rose shrugged and took one last glance at him before he was gone through the door. “I’ll make us all a nice hot chocolate. ” Oh, that’ll fix everything, Rose!

  I drank my hot chocolate quickly, burning my tongue and barely tasting it. I tried to focus on something other than his lips on my skin, but I could still feel the light pressure on my cheek. I felt dirty. “I’m taking a shower. ” I needed to feel clean again, if that were possible now.

  Turning the shower on first so it would heat up, I stripped off my clothes. The temperature was too hot, but I forced myself to get in. No matter how hard I scrubbed my body, I still felt disgusting. It was as if he had been etched into my skin. I idly wondered how long ago Rose stopped scrubbing her body, if she ever did. She seemed to like it down here. I would never get to that point. Ever.

  16

  CLOVER

  Wednesday, May 9th (2007)

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  I sat at the unbalanced table with Violet, Poppy, and Lily. There should be four flowers sitting with me. I couldn’t help my eyes flicking to the empty seat. My Rose was missing. It felt wrong and I couldn’t relax.

  “Is everything okay, Clover?” Lily asked. Love and concern shone in her eyes; it made me feel a hundred feet tall. Lily was beautiful. She had been part of the family for two years now and was someone to look up to for the other girls. Poppy and Violet looked up to her.

  “Everything’s fine,” I replied, smiling through my unease. I ate silently, listening to their conversations, only joining in when necessary. My foot tapped on the floor rhythmically. This is wrong. I needed to see Shannen, and I needed to find Rose.

  When everyone had finished their meal, I excused myself and made my way to my room to get changed for the night. I needed to see my Shannen. That girl seemed to occupy my every thought—she never left my mind. She was the one I thought of when I fell asleep by myself every night. I wanted nothing more than to look after her—but I wanted her in the house with me. I had only known her for three weeks, but she already meant so much more. Shannen was my one and only chance at a traditional relationship.

  I dressed in smart black trousers, a gray sweater, and slipped on my long, black coat. Everything had to be perfect. I combed my hair, spraying hairspray on thick, so not one strand would be out of place. My appearance had never been so important as it was tonight. I wanted to be the best I could be for her. I wanted to give her the world, to share my world with her.

  The drive to the supermarket next to her hostel was short. I wanted it to be longer so I had a few more minutes to calm my nerves. It wasn’t something I was used to, nerves around women. I half liked it. Parking the car, I spotted her immediately as she walked out of the hostel and toward the field behind it.

  My heart rate spiked. She was very beautiful even though she wasn’t looking after herself as well as she should. I would help her with that. We would look after each other. I walked behind, watching her long brunette hair blow softly in the warm, early May breeze. She turned suddenly, no doubt finally hearing my footsteps crunching over the stones.

  “Hello again, Shannen,” I said.

  Her cheeks flushed light pink and she smiled. “Hello, Colin. I’m going to sit by the trees. Would you like to join me?”

  “That would be lovely. ”

  We walked in silence across the grass field to the trees at the back. I sat down beside her, ignoring the uneasy feeling in my stomach caused from sitting on the dirty ground. “How has your day been?”

  “The same,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders and looking at the floor. “I’m glad you’re here, though. ” She blushed through her admission, and I knew then we were perfect for each other and this would work.

  I took her hand and squeezed. She shouldn’t feel shy with me; I wanted her to be confident and relaxed. “Me too. I missed you today. ”

  Everything was different with Shannen. She was the one. I knew that; she just made me feel…happy. A part of me felt guilty for feeling more for her than the other girls, but I couldn’t help it. Shannen was perfect, everything a woman should be. I wanted her to live with me, to be my wife—my everything. She reminded me a lot of my mother, so I knew she would understand about the girls.

  “How was work?” she asked. Her question was genuine—she really wanted to know. That was what I loved the most about her. She cared so much about people even though others have treated her badly. Her family had turned their backs on her, but she was still kind and caring.

  “It was good, thank you, although a very long day. ” She nodded, playing with a blade of grass. I closed my eyes and took a calming breath; she had no idea how dirty that was. Anything could be on that grass. “What have you been doing today?”

  “I read a little and then came out here. ”

  “And how was everyone else in the hostel?” I frowned as I thought about the incident she described two nights ago. Some vile whore had hit her while trying to steal what little money she had left, leaving behind a faint red handprint on her left cheek.

  She shrugged, looking down at the floor. “They were fine. ”

  “Don’t lie to me,” I snapped, instantly regretting it as she flinched.

  She stood, ripping her hand from mine. “I should go now,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself.

  I rose to my feet quickly, panicking that she was going to walk off and leave me. “No, Shannen. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I just hate the idea of anyone treating you badly. ” I took her hand and squeezed it, being careful not to hurt her tiny frame. “Forgive me, Shannen, please?”

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  She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I forgive you. It’s okay. Want to go for a walk?”

  “Absolutely. ”

  We walked along the footpath. Every time I came to see her, we would meet in the field and then go for a walk. I led her around the lake—our usual route—and slipped my hand into hers.

  “It’s beautiful tonight. ”

  “Yes, it is,” I agreed.

  “My dad used to take me outside in the evenings and we’d watch the stars appear in the sky,” she said and looked down at the ground. Her voice was filled with sadness and regret. She had never mentioned anything about her family, other than that they fought and she left.

  “What happened, Shannen? How did you end up here?”

  “Please don’t,” she whispered. “I don’t want to talk about it. ” I nodded, pushing away my anger at her not answering my questions. My girls answered my questions, always.

  “Look, why don’t you stay with me for a while? At least until you get yourself sorted out. ”

  “I appreciate that, Colin, but I can’t. ”

  I sighed in frustration. Why couldn’t she just do what I wanted? I wasn’t used to it and I didn’t like it. “Would you like to get a late dinner somewhere?” I asked, frowning at her tiny, fragile wrist. She bit her lip as she considered my offer. “Please? It’ll be my treat. I’d like to. ”

  A wide smile stretched across her beautiful face, one that made me stop breathing. “Okay. That would be nice, thank you. ”

  ***

  We arrived at my favorite Indian restaurant that my parents used to go to when I was little. My father loved his curry and often took us—that was before he slept with that whore and ripped our family apart. “A table for two, please,” I said to the waiter.

  We were seated in the corner of the restaurant and handed menus. “Thank you. ” I turned to Shannen once the server had disappeared, giving us time to browse the menu. “Order whatever you like. ” She s
miled and scanned the menu. “I think I’m going to have a tikka masala. Have you chosen?”

  “The same, please,” she replied.

  I closed my eyes. You are made for me, Shannen.

  “So, how long have you been working in accounting?”

  “Oh,” I replied, pleasantly surprised at being asked a personal question. “About five years now, I suppose. What did you do prior to the incident with your family?”

  “I was working in the diner my mum works at. My father lost his job and we needed money, so I quit college to work. ” She frowned. “He always needed more money. ” What did that mean? Her father didn’t sound particularly decent. A man takes care of his family, not the other way around. I wanted to pry further, but I didn’t want her to close up again. It would take time, and we had plenty of time.

  Our conversation was easy and with little gaps of silence between, I knew I had made the right decision—Shannen was not going back to that hostel. I’d lost count of the number of times she’d made me smile and laugh—I hadn’t laughed in years. Shannen was my future, my one chance. I had the drive back to convince her that I was the best person to take care of her. We could make this work; I would make her as happy as she made me. I vowed to.

  Holding the restaurant door open, I let her leave first. Her arm brushed against mine and I gasped at the electricity. We had a connection, a real connection. “Thank you for dinner, Colin,” she murmured, a light blush warmed her perfect, defined cheeks.

  “You’re welcome. It was my pleasure. ” Yes, it certainly was my pleasure. I never knew how incredible I would feel at something so normal as taking the girl I was fond of to dinner. How many dates had I missed out on over the years? It wasn’t a feeling I’d ever had before, but I was desperate to keep it—desperate for Shannen to give us a chance.

  ***

  We got back in my car and words failed me. My heart beat wildly and I felt sick with nerves. How was she going to react to me taking her home? To get to the hostel, you had to drive past my road, so I knew I could get her almost home before she started questioning me.

  “You’re cold,” I said and switched the warm air on.

  She rubbed her hands together. “Thank you. For everything. ”

  “You’re welcome. I had a lovely time. ”