The Arrangement 22

  I don’t know why I do it. Something inside me is screaming at him, telling him how I feel. My hand moves as I shout, “I’m not weak!”

  Sean’s back is bent at an unnatural angle, making it hard for him to free himself without falling. When the curling iron comes at him, he sweeps his leg to the side and knocks me off-kilter. That second gives him the upper hand. The scalding iron brushes his cheek for half a second before he rips the plug from the wall and throws it across the room. It clanks and falls to the floor somewhere in the shower stalls.

  He swipes away all the crap I have laid out on the tile slab, and it goes flying before he lifts me. His eyes are so deep, so lost. He sets me onto the countertop gently. An angry red burn lines his face where the curling iron kissed his cheek.

  “I know you’re not weak. That’s not what I think at all. Please tell me you know that.”

  “I don’t know what you think about anything. You never tell me—”

  He presses a finger to my lips, silencing me. He leans in close, his mouth a breath away. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re a survivor. You won’t let anyone dictate your life. You never give up. You never surrender. I suspect your mantra is something about glitter and dying while fighting for your beliefs. Avery, the very last thing I would ever think about you is that you’re weak.” His voice is smooth, calming, and perfect. His words send shivers over my skin, each one falling like a gentle caress.

  My eyes get glassy, and I blink a few times and ask, “Then why?”

  “Why what? Tell me what you’re asking, baby, because I don’t know. I’ll tell you anything. Ask me.”

  “Why did you pick me?” I squeak out. “You could have had anyone.”

  There’s a pause, and then he lets out a long sigh and presses his forehead to mine. Looking into my eyes, he whispers, “I wonder the same thing about you. Why did you choose me? You could have had anyone.”

  “While that’s flattering, it’s not an answer. Sean, please. Tell me. I need to know.”

  “I picked you—I want you—because you’re at a point in life where everything is changing. I admire your spunk, your optimism, and your hope. The way you smile and laugh like none of this shit that’s going on is remarkable. The world could be going to hell around you—and it has—and you still smile. Through all of it, you still care. That’s what frightens me, Avery. Tonight is different. You’re walking into this mess knowing you’ll have to kill. It’s different. It’ll erase that smile, and it’ll never come back.”

  My lips press together over and over in a nervous expression caught between a sorrowful smile and hope. “I believe you. I know that could happen. I know I’ll change, and I want you to be there with me. You’ve been through this, and you came back. Sean, you can save me in more ways than one.”

  “Avery, not with this.”

  “I know you can bring me back because I did it for you. It’s possible.”

  “Avery…” His lips are a breath from mine.

  “I trust you, with everything.”

  I tangle my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and tip his head back as I pull him to me. When his mouth lands on mine, I kiss him softly, licking his lips in soft, steady strokes, closing my eyes and savoring everything about him. His strong hands slide up my back, pressing against the bare skin above my dress. He sweeps his hand under the fabric and cups my ass, pulling me toward him as the kiss deepens.

  Sean moans into my mouth, and I wish we had more time, time to fight, time to get tangled in the sheets, and time to explore all the wonder that is Sean Ferro. But we don’t. It’s possible one of us will live, while the other will die tonight. I'm painfully aware I might not have the chance to hold him again. Sean must be thinking the same thing, because he moves his hands down my sides and to the hem of my dress, pushing it up my thighs so he can stand closer to me. His kiss deepens, and I realize this is the Sean I wanted so badly. It’s the man lost between darkness and light—the man always fighting to be free. I have him here in this moment. I have the tender touches, combined with the forceful movements that make my heart pound.

  My body heats up, reacting to his touch. His tongue in my mouth makes me purr, and I tip back my head wanting more, but Sean pulls away. He holds me tightly for a moment, crushing my face to his chest, cupping my head.

  “If I lose you… I can’t—” his words are barely audible, and then they choke off.

  I grab his wrists, pulling them down to the counter, and shifting my weight until I’m pinning him there. It forces his face and those sad eyes to meet mine. “You won’t lose me. Not tonight. Not ever. And if something happens, if we’re parted for a little while—”

  Sean shakes his head, “Avery, no—”

  “Sean, promise me. Say it. Tell me you won’t slip back into the monster. This is you. That man, the terrifying one, isn’t you. You care. You still do—I feel it.” I smile softly at him and release my grip on his wrists before leaning in. I unbutton his Oxford shirt and press my lips to his chest. Sean doesn’t stop me. He doesn’t ask me not to do it. That gentle kiss over his heart, over what he considers his weak spot, speaks volumes. I lift my head and look him in the eye. “Promise me.”

  “I promise. Forever and always. I’ll hold on, but you have to do the same. You can’t slip into the abyss. It will call to you, and you have to say no. If I’m not here, promise me you’ll keep going, keep smiling.” His breath is warm, pouring over me as he speaks. His tone is somewhere in between, and I wonder if this was his voice before his life became overrun with shadows.

  “I promise.”

  I watch him for a moment, and when his lips come down on mine, I part my lips and let him kiss me deeply. His hands clasp my back as he pulls me to him, pressing his body against mine. As he tastes my mouth, swirling his tongue with mine, I arch my back, thrusting against him, wishing I could have more. There’s not time for this. Mel is going to come looking for us in a moment. As it is, I’m already late.

  I stop thinking, and toss aside the worry that’s been making my insides twist with fear. I reach for his pants, loosening the buckle before unbuttoning his jeans and lowering the zipper. Sean’s lips move to my neck as I free his hard length. I take him in my hand and feel his hot skin in my grasp. I slide my hand over him again and again, before pulling him toward the V at the top of my legs. I flick the G-string out of the way and guide him to the right place.

  Sean lifts his head from my neck and watches me guide him. His lips part as he makes the most sinful sigh I could imagine. We’re never this tender, this soft. I don’t want him to hold back. As soon as he’s in the right spot, I grab his ass with both hands and slam into him. His shaft slips deep inside me, and I gasp, throwing my head back. Sean remains still as I wrap my ankles around his waist and thrust against him, bucking my hips to his, fucking him hard.

  After a moment, I cry out with a small climax and hold onto him, pulsing as I come back down. That’s when Sean takes over. He rocks against me slowly, pressing in deeper, splaying my legs further before he lifts me off the counter and leans against the wall. Looking into my eyes, he thrusts in, pushing, holding himself there.

  He whispers in my ear, grinning wickedly, “Let me do it.” He moves his hips slowly, teasing me, making me want more.

  I have no idea what he’s talking about, but the urge to wildly buck against him is becoming hard to ignore. “Do what?”

  He pushes into me and whispers in my ear, “I want to make you come. Let me.” His voice is deep, a commanding tone that makes me wonder what he wants to do. I nod, and he moves me again, back to the long counter at the back of the shower stalls. When school was in session, girls sat in front of this long mirror to do their hair. Sean settles me back on the counter and then grabs my ankles, pulling me to the edge. My dress rolls up to my waist, showing my tiny panties. Sean hooks his thumbs around them and yanks them off, lifts them to his nose and inhales. The intimacy of the action makes butterflies erupt within me. They flitte
r from my fingers to my toes, making me feel light and loved. Then Sean offers a wolfish grin, pockets my panties and holds my ankles over my head. He pushes down his boxers and frees his dick, before pressing it against my core.

  I suck in a loud breath and moan. He’s hard, hot, and I want him so badly that I wriggle. His hand comes down on my butt, making it sting. “Don’t move.”

  I try hard to stay still as he teases me harshly, moving his dick over my sensitive parts, but not slipping inside. I groan and try to dig my nails into the countertop, begging him. His voice makes me open my eyes. “Avery, look in the mirror while I fuck you.”

  I glance at him for a moment then turn my head to the side. I can see him, see me. My ankles are by his ears, clasped in his tight grip. He pushes into me slowly, taking his time about it. My mouth falls open into an "O," and when I forget about the mirror and look back at him, there’s a sharp sting from his hand slapping me.

  “Only look in the mirror,” he growls, thrusting harder this time.

  It’s so hard to keep my eyes open, but I do. I watch through lowered lashes as he fucks me on the countertop, thrusting hard and pushing deep. The look on his face, the way his back arches with each thrust is divine. I want to lick every inch of him. Sean's eyes are on me as I keep my eyes on the mirror.

  He breathes, “The expressions you make are beautiful. Don’t close your eyes.” He presses into me hard and then pulls out a little, slamming into me deeper this time.

  I coo, feeling the smile on my face before I see it. I adore him. The look says as much. My lashes are lowered, and the corners of my mouth are tipped up. My hands are close to my neck, fingertips twirling a curl.

  Sean rocks into me, developing a pattern that makes me crazy. It’s almost like he’s teasing me on purpose, but his dick is deep within me. Even so, I want more. I wish I could feel him deeper. I whimper, and he shifts my ankles and presses them back, folding me in half. He presses them to the counter and smiles. “You’re limber.”

  “It’s a good thing, too.”

  “Yes, it is.” He kisses the tip of my nose, before asking, “Would you mind holding these?”

  I can’t help it, I grin. “So you can do what?”

  “Fuck you senseless.”

  “I guess so.” I hold my ankles next to my head and then everything changes. When he pushes in this time he’s so much deeper, pressing in a delicious way that makes me cry out. I beg him for more, and he indulges me, thrusting harder, fucking me deeper. He rocks into me, over and over again, teasing, me pulling halfway out and then thrusting hard. He fucks me like that as I watch my face in the mirror. My eyelids are heavy, and my mouth is in a constant O begging for more. I have no idea what I’m saying, but I coo and whimper as he fucks me and, when I can’t stand it anymore, he drives into me rapidly until I feel something deep within. The orgasm hits me hard and fast. Before I realize what happened, Sean drops to his knees and buries his face between my legs, lapping up my come in slow wet strokes. I cry out, clutching the counter. My legs shake and fall open because I can no longer hold them in place. As my body pulses, Sean presses his tongue inside me, licking, tasting, and touching me until I’m completely sated.

  When he lifts his face, his scruff is glistening. He grins at me. “You’re perfect.” He backs away from my legs and stands. Then he leans over me, kisses me lightly, and holds up my panties. “I’m keeping these by the way.”

  I feel so fluffy and light. I have a dorky smile on my face when I ask, “Why?”

  “To remind me that sex with you is better this way.”

  I prop myself up on an elbow and inquire, “And what if I want to be scared senseless and fucked hard? Who should I ask to do me then?”

  Sean rushes at me, tickling me and scoops me up like I weigh nothing. “Me, always ask me to fuck you. I’ll do anything you want, any way you want. I’m just saying that this kind of sex isn’t off the table. Actually, fucking you on a table would be a lot of fun, too.” He swings me around and then puts me on my feet. My legs feel like jelly, and I wobble for a moment, holding onto his waist and wishing I could bury my face in his crotch for a good long while.

  I suck in my lip and look up at him. Sean grins. “You’re perfect, completely, fucking perfect. Never change, Miss Smith.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it, Mr. Jones.”

  CHAPTER 14

  Sean dresses, eyeing me with a wicked expression on his face. He pulls on his black jeans, wiggles into that tight sweater, and tops them off with a black trench coat. I smile at him and pull on the fabric at his waist. “Where’d you get this?”

  Sean smiles boyishly. “Marty. He said one of Vic’s regulars wears this thing, and I’d be less noticeable in it. Henry has one too. Do you like it?”

  “Maybe if you were naked underneath.” I grin up at him and kiss his lips softly. I pull away, wishing we had more time.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  “You know it.” I smile as he walks away, feeling my chest constrict until I can’t breathe. We both act like things will all work out, but if I’ve learned anything, it's that there are no promises in life.

  My heart won’t listen to my head as I drive my old car toward Miss Black’s office. This is the last time, the last thing I have to do to be free from her and Vic Jr. This will be the end of it. I just have to survive. Freedom is an enticing goal. People have fought for it, died for it. Generations upon generations of people had it worse than me. I don’t pretend to be leading a revolution. I’m not that girl. I’m pretty sure I’m not this girl either, but at this point, I only have two options—die or fight back. So I clutch the steering wheel until my knuckles ache and veer through traffic until I roll to a stop in front of a pharmacy. The butterflies in my stomach have razor sharp wings and slice me up from within. I’m ready to puke again, but it has nothing to do with Black.

  I rub a hand over my stomach in a soft motion. It hasn’t escaped me that I’ve felt tired and nauseous for the past few weeks. It seems to be getting worse, not better. I’m not stupid. I know what it means. I know it’s not stress. But I want proof. I need to know for certain.

  I exit the car, head into the store, walk down an aisle, and pluck an early pregnancy test from the shelf. Heart pounding, half wanting it to be true and half dreading the thought of going through tonight with a baby in my belly, I head toward the register. By the time I checkout, my eyes are glassy.

  The cashier is in her thirties, sloppy red hair swept up into a bun and impaled by a pencil. She smiles at me. “You look beautiful.”

  I glance up at her. “Thank you.” My face is pinched with worry.

  She takes pity on me, tipping her head to the side while saying, “There’s a restroom in the back. It’s usually reserved for staff only, but it’s yours if you want. No one will bother you back there. It’s just Tina and me tonight.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  She nods curtly, lowers her head and walks with determined strides toward the back of the store. I follow her with my item concealed in a plastic bag. We shove through a door and then into a breakroom. There’s a small bathroom at the back. She turns on the light and smiles kindly at me.

  “Life is challenging to live and even harder to plan. You can do it, though. Hang in there.” She clasps my shoulder, and I nearly break down sobbing, only managing to hold it together by not answering.

  I nod at her, slip into the bathroom and shut the door. I have to be pregnant. I’m completely insane. Kindness is making me sob, and if I see another baby lotion commercial, I’m going to buy stock in Kleenex. I don’t wait. I don’t linger and look at the box. I rip the sucker out, read the directions, and after doing everything right, I wait.

  I fold my arms over my chest at first and look at myself in the mirror. My thumb is between my lips, and I’m ready to chew my nails off. I want to skip, holler, cry, and laugh all at once. As I stand there and watch the control box light up my heart pounds harder. Eventually, my hands wrap aro
und my middle, and I hold on tightly, waiting, watching. There’s a hole in the center of my chest that will fill with warmth if it’s positive. I can feel it. Accident or not, I want this baby. I would never have had the guts to plan a pregnancy and welcome a little life into the world. Not in a million years.

  My stomach sours as I wait and watch. It’s two minutes of torture. Two minutes of surfacing dreams, things I’d never say, wishes I never dreamed before now. My nails dig into my arms as I turn away from the test. So far there’s no second line, nothing. I can’t stand looking, watching and seeing nothing happen. Maybe I’m not pregnant at all. Maybe it’s stress going totally batshit crazy. I want to cry. I feel like I lost the baby I never had. A tear rolls down my cheek, messing up my makeup.

  “Stop crying," I scold myself aloud. "There are other, more pressing things happening tonight. Focus, Avery!” I suck in a deep breath of air, straighten my spine and turn to pick up the test and throw it in the trash.

  When I glance down at the piece of plastic, there’s a second line.

  I’m pregnant.

  CHAPTER 15

  I gasp, and it turns into a happy squee. I giggle and pick up the stick I peed on and jump up and down. I want to tell someone, but I can’t tell Sean yet. We have to get through tonight first. There’s a good chance I won’t make it out of this and he will. He’ll survive because he always has. I believe that. I have to believe it or go nuts thinking about the alternative. I couldn’t let him go through losing a child again. He’ll die inside. The monster will consume him, fully this time.

  I yank open the door and beam at the clerk. “I’m pregnant.” My voice is shaking, and my hands tremble. I’m still holding the stick like it’s a bar of gold.

  She smiles, full wattage at me. “Congratulations! You’re going to be a great mom. I can tell how much you want this baby. It wasn’t planned, was it?”