The Gravity of Us

  “About what?” I asked, confusion filling me up.

  “Lyric is a bit worried about how some of the things in the bookkeeping are adding up, and I mean, I think she’s right. I think we jumped the gun hiring Chrissy. We aren’t bringing in enough profit.”

  “Why in the world are you talking to Lyric about the store?” Mari grimaced, and I cocked an eyebrow. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Don’t freak out,” she said, which of course made me freak out even more. “Remember when we were starting out and we couldn’t get a loan to cover the rest of our needs?”

  “Mari…you said you got another loan from the bank. You said after months of trying, it finally went through.”

  She continued, breaking her stare from mine. “I didn’t know what to do. You were so happy and excited to move forward after me getting sick, and I didn’t have the guts to tell you the truth. You gave up so much of your life for me, and all I wanted was to give you our shop.”

  “You lied to me about the loan?” I asked Mari, my chest tight. “You asked Lyric for a loan?”

  “I’m sorry, Lucy, I really am. With the medical bills and everything piling up, I knew I’d never be able to get a bank to help me—”

  “So you went behind my back and asked Lyric for the money.”

  “You would’ve never let me take it if I told you.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t have! Do you think she gave it to you out of the goodness of her heart? Mari, everything is leverage with Lyric. She only does things that will benefit her.”

  “No,” Mari swore. “She did this for us, to help us get back on our feet. There were no strings attached.”

  “Until now,” I huffed, my hands falling to my waist. “If it weren’t for you taking money from her, letting her hold something so big over us, this wouldn’t even be a problem, Mari. Now she’s trying to tell you how to run our shop. We could’ve worked harder to get the loan ourselves. We could’ve done it, but now she wants to ruin everything we’ve built, all because you trusted the snake. We need to destroy the deal.”

  “I won’t,” she said sternly. “I was talking to Parker about everything, and he thinks—”

  I huffed. “Why would I care what he thinks? It’s none of his business.”

  “He’s my husband. His opinion matters to me.”

  “I don’t understand why. He abandoned you when you needed him the most. I was there, remember? I was the one who picked up your pieces after he destroyed you.”

  “So what?” she asked.

  “So what?” I replied, flabbergasted. “That means you should at least trust my opinion over his.”

  She nodded slowly. “He said you’d say that.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “He said you’d play the cancer card on me, reminding me that you were there for me when no one else was. Parker made a mistake, okay? And based on the past few months of your life, you know what it’s like to make a mistake.”

  “That’s not fair, Mari.”

  “No, you know what’s not fair? Holding it over my head every day that you stayed. Reminding me whenever I have any kind of feelings that you were the one who stuck around to help me during the cancer. So, what, am I now forever indebted to you? I can’t move on and live my life?”

  “You think working under Lyric is going to be you living your life? All of this is happening because of Lyric’s need to control everything.”

  “No, all of this is happening because you slept with your sister’s husband.”

  “What?” I whispered, shocked by my sister’s words, by the way they fell from her lips so effortlessly, and I stood there for a second, stunned, waiting for her to apologize, waiting for her cold stare to soften, waiting for my sister, my best friend, my Pea to come back to me.

  “Take it back,” I said softly, but she wouldn’t.

  She’d been poisoned with love—the same love that had once destroyed her.

  It amazed me how love could hurt so much.

  “Look, Parker thinks…” She paused and swallowed hard. “Parker and I both think that Lyric helping take control wouldn’t hurt things. She’s a businesswoman. She knows the laws and how to help build up the shop. She wants the best for us. She’s our sister.”

  “She’s your sister,” I corrected. “She’s your sister, and this store now belongs to you and her. I want nothing to do with it. I want nothing to do with either of you. Don’t even bother firing Chrissy. I quit.”

  I walked around to the back, gathered all my belongings, and tossed them into a cardboard box. When I walked to the front of the store, I took the shop’s keys off my keychain and placed them on the front counter.

  Mari’s eyes were still cold, and I could tell she wasn’t going to change her mind. I knew I wasn’t going to change mine either, but before I could leave, I had to speak my final truths—even though she’d think they were lies.

  “They’re going to let you down, Mari. They are going to use your trust and let you down and hurt you. This time, though, it’s your choice. You have the free will to deal with the devils or not, and just don’t come crying to me when you get burned.”

  “I know what I’m doing, Lucy. I’m not stupid.”

  “No,” I agreed. “You’re not stupid. You’re just too trusting, which is a million times worse.” I swallowed hard and blinked back the tears that wanted to fall. “For the record, I never slept with him. I love him with every ounce of my heart. I love the way he loves me so quietly, but we never slept together, not once, because I could never get past the idea of doing something like that to my sister. Now, though, I see the truth—being a sister isn’t just defined by blood. It’s defined by unconditional love. Lyric was never my sister, and she never will be.” I took the heart-shaped necklace from around my neck and placed it in Mari’s hands. “But, you are my heart, Mari, and I know I’m yours. So, when they hurt you, find me. Find me and I’ll put your heart back together, and then maybe you can help me fix the cracks in my own.”

  “Hey, where have you been? I’ve been calling you, but your phone went straight to voicemail,” Graham said as I stood on his front porch, exhausted. His eyes were filled with concern and a heavy dose of guilt as he held Talon in his arms. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded slowly and stepped into his foyer. “Yeah. I stopped by Monet’s and got into another big fight with Mari. Then I went for a run to clear my head, and when my phone died, I realized my charger was here, so I just came to pick it up. I hope that’s okay.” I brushed past him and blinked my eyes a few times, trying to hide the emotion that was seeping from my spirit.

  “Of course it’s okay, I was just worried.” His eyes stayed glued to me, his concern never easing up, but I tried my best not to notice as I walked into Talon’s room to grab my charger.

  My heart was beating uncontrollably as I tried my best not to fall apart. My mind was spinning, thinking about everything that had just unspun with Mari in the shop. It was as if my favorite person in the whole world had been drugged and was being controlled by the hands of hate and confusion, yet was being told it was love driving her decisions.

  It was heartbreaking to watch your best friend set herself up for heartache.

  “Lucille,” Graham said, following after me.

  I blinked.

  Oh, Graham…

  The comfort of his smooth voice went right to my soul.

  “I’m okay,” I told him, walking past him with my charger. I avoided eye contact, because I knew eye contact would make me melt, and I couldn’t melt into him. Maybe Mari was right—maybe every feeling I had for the man before me was wrong.

  If only love came with a timeline and instructions.

  If it had, I would’ve fallen in love with him when our timing was right. If love came with a timeline, Graham Russell would’ve always held my heart.

  “I think I’m going to just stay at a hotel for a few nights. I think it’s too messy to stay here knowing Lyric is back. I’m going to grab some o
f my things.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” he told me. “You’re staying here. This is your home.”

  Home.

  If he knew me, he’d know that all my life, home was always shifting. I never planted my roots anywhere, and when it was time to move, it was time to move.

  Even if going meant leaving my heartbeats behind.

  “No, really, it’s okay,” I said, still avoiding eye contact. I didn’t want to fall apart, not in front of Graham. I’d wait until I got to the hotel to lose myself. Feel less, Lucy. Feel less.

  That was almost impossible when I felt a tiny hand reach out to me and tug on my shirt. “LuLu,” Talon said, making me turn toward her. She had the brightest smile and the widest beautiful eyes, which were staring my way. Oh, how her smile made my heart beat. “LuLu,” she repeated, reaching out for me to lift her up.

  It cracked my heart, which I was trying so hard to keep intact.

  “Hey, honey,” I said, taking her from Graham’s arms. I knew it wasn’t right, knew she wasn’t mine to have, but that little girl had changed me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. She never looked at me with judgment for my mistakes. She never turned her back on me. She only loved unconditionally, fully, honestly.

  As I held her so tight in my arms, my body started to shake. The idea that I wouldn’t wake up to her sounds every day was weighing on my soul. The idea that the past year with Talon and Graham would be the last year we all spent together was soul-crushing.

  Yes, Talon wasn’t mine, but I was hers. All of me loved that child. All of me would give my world for her and her father.

  I couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t fight the tears that started flooding my eyes. I couldn’t change the person I’d always been.

  I was the girl who felt everything, and in that moment, my whole world began to crumble.

  I held Talon against me and cried into her shirt as she kept speaking her random words. My eyes shut tight as I sobbed against the beautiful soul.

  This was where I had felt it for the first time.

  What it felt like to be happy.

  What it felt like to be loved.

  What it felt like to be part of something bigger than myself.

  And now, I was being forced to leave.

  A hand fell against my lower back, and I curved into Graham’s touch. He stood behind me, tall like the oak trees in the forest, and lowered his lips against my ear. As the words danced from his mouth and into my spirit, I remembered exactly why he was the man I chose to love fully. When he spoke, his words forever marked my soul as his. “If you need to fall, fall into me.”

  Jane came back the following day, as if she had a right to stop by whenever she pleased. I hated the fact that I didn’t know what she had up her sleeve. I hated the unease I felt about the idea of her being back in town.

  I knew she was capable of anything, but my biggest fear was that she’d try to take Talon away from me. If I knew anything about Jane, it was that she was intelligent—and sneaky. One never really knew what she was up to, and that made my skin crawl.

  “Is she here?” Jane asked, stepping into the foyer of the house. Her eyes darted around the space, and I rolled my eyes in response.

  “She’s not.”

  “Good.” She nodded.

  “She’s taking Talon for a walk.”

  “What?!” Jane exclaimed, shocked. “I told you I didn’t want her around my child.”

  “And I told you that you didn’t have a say in the matter. What exactly are you doing back here, Jane? What do you want?”

  There was a moment where her eyes locked with mine. She looked nothing like her sister. There was no light in her eyes, only her dark irises that didn’t contain much heart within them, but her voice contained more gentleness than I’d ever witnessed before. “I want my family back,” she whispered. “I want you and Talon in my life.”

  I couldn’t believe the nerve of her—to think she could just walk back into our lives as if she hadn’t taken a year-long vacation.

  “That’s not happening,” I told her.

  She tightened her fists. “Yes, it is. I know I made a mistake leaving, but I want to make it right. I want to be here for the rest of her years. I deserve that right.”

  “You deserve nothing. Nothing. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to go to court, but if that’s the way it’s going to be, that’s the way it’s going to be. I’m not afraid to fight for my daughter.”

  “Don’t do this, Graham. You really don’t want to,” she warned, but I didn’t care. “I’m a lawyer.”

  “I’ll fight you.”

  “I’ll win,” she told me. “And I’ll take her from you. I’ll take her away from this place if it means Lucy won’t be anywhere near her.”

  “Why do you hate her so much?” I blurted out. “She’s the best person I’ve ever met.”

  “Then you need to meet more people.”

  My chest was on fire at the idea of this monster taking my child from me. “You cannot come back and just decide you’re ready to be a mother. That’s not how it works, and I would never in my life let you do that. You have no right to her, Jane. You are nothing to that child. You mean nothing to her. You’re merely a human who abandoned a child because of your own selfish needs. You are not equipped to take my child away from me, even if you are a lawyer.”

  “I can do it,” she said confidently, but I noticed the vein popping out of her head from her anger building. “I won’t stand around and see my daughter be transformed into the person Lucy is.” Her words made my skin crawl. I hated the way she spoke as if Lucy was the monster in our lives. As if Lucy hadn’t saved me from myself. As if Lucy was anything less than a miracle.

  “And who are you to say who Talon can and cannot be around?” I asked, my chest aching as my heart beat rapidly.

  “I’m her mother!”

  “And I’m her father!”

  “No, you’re not!” she screamed, the back of her throat burning from anger as her words bounced off the walls and slammed into my soul.

  It was as if a bomb went off in the living room and shook the entire foundation of my life. “What?” I asked, my eyes narrow and low. “What did you just say to me?”

  “What?” a voice questioned from behind us. Lucy stood there with Talon in the stroller, stunned.

  Jane’s body was still, except for her shaky hands. When her eyes met Talon’s, her shoulders rounded, and I saw it happen—her heart started to break, but I didn’t care. Not for a moment did I care about her pained expression. All I cared about was the fact that she was trying to tear my family away from me.

  “I said, you’re…” She swallowed hard, looking at the floor.

  “Look at me,” I ordered, my voice stern and loud. Her head rose and she blinked once before releasing a heavy sigh. “Now repeat yourself.”

  “You’re not her father.”

  She was lying.

  She was evil.

  She was dirty.

  She was the monster I always thought I would be.

  “How dare you walk in here with your lies to try to take her,” I whispered low, trying my best not to let them overtake me—my shadows, my ghosts, my fears.

  “It’s not…” She grimaced and shook her head back. “I, um…”

  “It’s time for you to leave,” I said, sounding strong, hiding my fear. A part of me believed her. A part of me felt as if there was always that feeling somewhere deep in the back of my mind and I just did my best to hide it, but a bigger part of me looked at Talon and saw pieces of me in her stare. I saw myself in her smile. I saw the best parts of me in her soul. She was mine, and I was hers.

  “You were on a book tour,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I, um, I was sick for weeks around that time, and I remember being annoyed that you went a week without even checking on me while you were on the road.”

  My mind started racing back to that time period, trying to grasp any memories, trying to pick up any kind of clues.
Talon had been early. When I’d thought she was thirty-one weeks, she was twenty-eight, but I hadn’t let that idea simmer. Talon was my daughter. My baby. My heart. I couldn’t imagine that being anything less than true. “You had the flu, and you kept calling me.”

  “I just wanted…” She paused, unsure what else to say. “He stopped by to check on me.”

  Lucy’s voice was low. “Who’s he?” she asked.

  Jane didn’t reply, but I knew exactly who Jane was speaking of. She’d told me the story many times. How caring he was, while I was cold. How he was gentle to all people. How he was always there for strangers, and truly there for those he loved.

  “My father,” I said, my voice cracking. Kent Theodore Russell, a man, a father, a hero.

  My personal hell.

  There were parts of me that I saw in Talon’s eyes, but a bigger part of me looked at Talon and saw pieces of him in her stare. I saw him in her smile. I saw parts of him in her soul—and yet, she was not his, and he was not hers.

  Even so, it was enough to break my soul.

  “You should go,” Lucy told Jane.

  Jane stood up straight and shook her head. “If anyone should go, it’s you.”

  “No,” I scolded, uncertain how my heart was still beating. “If anyone should go, it is you. Right now.”

  Jane went to argue, but she saw it—the fire inside me. She knew if she got one step closer, I would burn her to the ground. She gathered her things and left after stating that she’d be back.

  When she was gone, I hurried over to Talon and lifted her in my arms. How could she not be my world?

  She was mine, and I was hers.

  I was hers, and she was mine.

  She’d saved me.

  She’d given me something worth living for, and now Jane had come back to try to rip that away from me.

  “Can you watch her?” I asked Lucy, feeling the world crashing against me. She walked over and took her from my hold. Lucy’s hand landed on my arm and I pulled away slightly.

  “Talk to me,” she said.

  I shook my head and walked away, not speaking a word. I went to my office, closed the door behind me, and sat staring at the blinking cursor on my computer screen.