The Season of Passage

his mouth. He swallowed it in disgust, wondering why these things were happening to him, and why she was torturing him with her cold eyes.

  'It's because of Jenny,' he said; forcing out the words. 'You're acting this way because of Jenny.' He pressed his face close to the sheet of glass. 'But I didn't know what she had in mind, Lauren, I swear it. The doctor said she was all right. Please listen to me!'

  He knew he was losing it, for all the difference it made to her. Lauren stood as a prelude to leaving. Despite his confusion and pain, he couldn't help but notice how heavy her right arm hung at her side. The wrist also looked as if it had been broken; it was kinked at an awkward angle. She wore a silver ring he had never seen on her before.

  Lauren noticed his gaze, and looked down at her hand. For a moment the irritating smile left her face. She slowly reached out with her left hand to touch the ring. Then she drew the hand back quickly, as if she actually had touched it, and found it hot. She looked over at him.

  'It could be sweet,' she said. 'Or it can be different.' She put her grin back on, and this time her lips were as thin as blades although when she spoke next, her voice was weak. 'Goodbye lover. We'll meet again, maybe, and we'll dine together in our favorite place.'

  'Lauren, don't go,' he protested, getting up. 'We have to talk.'

  But she was gone, so quick he hardly saw her leave. Terry stumbled from his cubicle out into the hall. A pretty, dark-haired girl in running shorts and a tight T-shirt jogged on a treadmill in his head. She was a doctor, and it was possible she would be going to Mars in a couple of years. He was a drunk reporter about to kick a nasty habit. Life was good back then. Now it was bad. Terry found a water cooler and bent his head over it and tried to drown himself.

  The old major who had let him in passed by.

  'Are you all right, Mr Hayes?'

  Terry looked up. 'Yeah. Don't I look all right?'

  The major studied his face. He was a shrewd old fellow. He nodded to himself. 'It's been a long time since you've seen her,' he said. 'I remember when I was twenty years old and went on an eight-month tour on an aircraft carrier. When I got home my wife didn't even recognize me. We couldn't talk about a thing. All we could do was fight. But look at us now, thirty years later. We're still married.' He patted Terry's shoulder. 'Dr Wagner's been through a hard time. You come back in a day or two and I'm sure things will be better.'

  Terry figured he must look like a wreck if a complete stranger was worried about his emotional well-being. On the other hand, staring at the guy's sunburnt face, Terry was struck by how ill the major looked. His skin was a mass of blisters.

  'You're right,' Terry said. 'I'll come back another time.' He could lie with the best of them.

  The major continued to look him over. 'Hey, you want to come in the back and lie down for a few minutes? You look unsteady on your feet. I don't want you getting into your car and crashing.'

  'No.' He wanted to get far away from the Air Force base as soon as he could. 'I've got to go. I have an appointment.' He walked toward the door that led to the outside sun. The major tagged along beside him.

  'I'll walk with you to your car, then,' the man said.

  'It's not necessary. Really, I'm all right.'

  'It's no trouble. I haven't been outside today.' He opened the tinted glass door for Terry, and they stepped outside and into the heat. 'I need the exercise.'

  'Are you sure you shouldn't stay inside?' Terry asked as

  they walked toward the parking lot. 'That's a nasty sunburn you've got.'

  The man fingered his cheek. 'Yeah, and it's kind of strange. Most of the fellows here, they hate the sun. But ' not me - I love it. I go for a two-mile walk every day at lunch just to let the sweat flush out my pores. But yesterday I was only out for a few minutes and got this burn. I don't know, I wasn't feeling very good. I couldn't seem to catch my wind. Then I looked in the mirror later, and I thought I was looking at a tomato.'

  'The desert sun can do that to you,' Terry said absently.

  'Yeah, it sure can.'

  'Maybe you should have a doctor look at it.'

  'That's an idea,' the major said, as they reached the edge of the parking lot. 'Maybe Dr Wagner.'

  'Yeah.'

  The major suddenly stopped and put his hand over his eyes as he gazed up at the sky. He appeared to tremble. 'Whew,' he said.

  Terry stopped. 'What is it?'

  'That sun's bright.'

  'Get inside,' Terry said. 'Your blisters are getting worse as you stand here. I'll be fine. My car's just over there.'

  The man nodded. 'Maybe you're right.' He touched the tip of his nose. 'God, it feels like it's about to peel off.' He turned away. 'You take care, sir.'

  'You, too,' Terry said. He watched as the major hurried back to the door. He was practically running by the time he got there, using both hands to shade his face. It was as if the man had developed an allergy to sunlight itself. It made Terry wonder, for a while.

  A little pinch and then, sweet.

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  Three days later Terry Hayes was back in Houston, sitting at the desk in his apartment. He had a bottle of Scotch in the drawer beside him, and he was going to open it as soon as he finished rereading the newspaper article on his desk, and as soon as the man who had called him while he was away in California called back. The man's name was Herbert Fry, and on the message tape he said he worked on the space station and wanted to talk. Herbert also said that Terry should go out and buy a newspaper and read about Lisa Jackson. For a man who didn't give a shit about anything, including his latest book, Terry took a great deal of interest in what he was rereading. The article was on the second page. He was surprised to read

  (UPI). Last night, at approximately 10:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Lisa Jackson, a computer specialist aboard Space Station One, entered the station's kitchen and removed a paring knife. When asked by a friend on duty what she wanted the knife for, Miss Jackson replied, 'To cut something.' She then left the kitchen and entered the hub of the station, which does not rotate and is therefore a weightless environment.

  Floating alone in the hub and turning off all the lights, she took the knife and cut open the jugular vein in her neck and bled to death in a matter of seconds. Her body was quickly discovered because her blood was sucked into the ventilation system. It sprayed the engineering section and alerted the personnel on duty. The reason for her suicide has yet to be determined...

  The phone rang. Terry set aside the paper and picked it up. Herb had indicated in his message that he knew the real reason Lisa had killed herself. UPI thought maybe she was bored.

  'Hello?' Terry said.

  'Terry Hayes?'

  'Yes.'

  'Hi, this is Herb Fry. I called you earlier.'

  'Yeah, I got your message.'

  'Have you read about Lisa?'

  'Yeah. Did you know her?'

  'Yeah.' Herb sounded as if he were talking in a cramped closet with a stalking murderer outside the door. 'Mr Hayes, I didn't know how to get hold of you. A couple of years ago I used to read your articles on the space program in the Houston Herald. I called the paper and got a Mr Brenner. He said you were no longer writing for the paper.'

  'That's true. I got fired over a year ago.'

  'That's too bad. I have a story for you. I don't care that you don't work for the Herald anymore. I know your stuff. You're good. You could publish this story anywhere, if you thought it should be published.'

  'What's all this about? How well did you know Lisa?'

  'She was my girlfriend.'

  'Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I really am. But I'm not

  interested in writing an article about anybody. I write books now. I don't work anymore.'

  Herb was distressed. 'But I've got to talk to you.'

  'Why me?' · 'Because you knew Lauren Wagner.'

  Terry noted his use of the past tense. 'Talk. I'm listening.'

  'No, not over the phone. Do you know where the Hopple is? It's a ba
r on the corner of Western and Fifth.'

  'I know where all the bars in Houston are,' Terry said.

  'Could you meet me there in an hour?'

  'Are you in Houston?'

  'Yeah. I flew in from Florida this morning just to talk to you. Could you please come?'

  Terry glanced down at the article. There was a picture of Lisa at the top of it. She had looked like a nice girl. 'All right,' he said.

  Terry arrived early and took a table in the corner. The bar was cool and dark, the way all bars should be. He ordered coffee and looked over at the rows of bottles behind the bartender. He thought of how he shouldn't have called the ambulance when he had woken up vomiting blood. The last three days had been difficult for him, to say the least.

  A tall thin man with a scraggly red beard entered the bar a few minutes later. He glanced nervously from side to side, and over his shoulder. Terry decided he was looking at Herbert Fry. He waved, and the guy hurried over. Herb's handshake was quick and moist. He had prominent cheekbones and tired green eyes. They made some small talk, and Herb ordered whiskey. It came with Terry's coffee. Herb's mouth twitched as he raised the glass to his lips. Terry had to remind himself that Tom Brenner had told him that Herbert Fry was a bona fide employee of the space station.

  'I guess your partner told you I'm not just some nut,' Herb said finally, reading his mind.

  'Were you on the station two days ago?' Terry asked.

  Herb nodded sadly.

  Terry played with his coffee. 'I'm very sorry. Do you know why she killed herself?'

  Herb stared at him in the eye. 'She was murdered.'

  'By who?'

  'By them!' he said bitterly, sitting upright. Terry was instantly alert. But then Herb shrugged and settled back in his seat. He continued, 'What I have to tell you - I'll warn you in advance it will sound crazy. But I know you were engaged to Dr Wagner.'

  'How do you know we're not still engaged?' Terry asked.

  'Your partner said you were just in California visiting her.'

  'No one was supposed to know that.'

  'Everybody at the station knew they were landing at Edwards.' Herb added, 'You didn't stay long.'

  Terry was annoyed. 'I had business I had to get back to.'

  'She wasn't the same, was she?' Herb suddenly blurted. 'I knew Lauren. She had changed, hadn't she?'

  How the hell can this guy know that?

  Terry decided to move cautiously. 'You spent a month with her in the station. Suppose you tell me.'

  Herb seemed satisfied with his answer. He took a sip of his drink. 'I'll tell you my story,' he said. 'If you think I'm nuts, when I'm done, then I guess there's no helping that. You're not recording, are you? No? That's good.

  'I'm an engineer. I've been up and down to the station in the last seven years more times than I can remember. Before the Nova left, I did a lot of work on the ship,

  particularly in the living-quarters. After that I helped with the design of the new wing they're putting on the station. I've done construction, too. I'm a good worker. A level headed fellow. You can check that out if you don't believe ¦me.'

  'I believe you,' Terry said.

  'Spending so much time at the station, I got to know Lisa.' Herb smiled sadly. 'She was one of those people who was so full of life. In a lot of ways she reminded me of Dr Wagner. She was wild, Lisa was. It got where we were spending a lot of time together. Of course, this was after the Nova had left. She told me frankly at the start that she had a crush on Major Gary Wheeler. That didn't upset me. All the women on the station loved Gary. When the Hawk seemed to collide with the Nova, she was devastated. But she got over it. Lisa was a strong girl. The papers - they're making her out to be a nut. But she wasn't, and I knew her as well as anybody.

  'When Lauren and Gary suddenly appeared out of the deep space, the whole station turned upside down. A few of us had just been about to come back to Earth. I was one of them. But all traveling was canceled when the quarantine began. Lauren and Gary were isolated, to a certain degree, but the station's only so big. We ended up seeing a lot of them. Like I said, I knew Lauren, but not well enough to pop into her cabin for a casual talk. She wasn't speaking to many people, anyway. At first I thought the president or Ramsey had given her orders to keep silent about Mars.

  'But Lisa was spending time with Gary. At first I was jealous, but let me tell you, I wasn't mad. There's a difference. I could understand. He was a big hero. I was only another engineer. It's important you understand that. I'm not trying to get back at Gary, not without good reason.

  'Lisa would visit him in his room after her shift. I didn't

  know if they were having sex or what, but she started to get depressed. I asked her what was the matter, but she shrugged off my questions. I thought maybe Gary's amputated arm had her down. The days went by and her depression got worse. I'd pass her in the corridor and she would ignore me. The next day, though, she'd stop and hug me and say how much she loved me. Finally she admitted that her relationship with Gary was awful, that it was dragging her down. But she was still spending plenty of time in his room. She seemed repelled by him, but at the same time drawn to him.

  'My room was changed the last week of the quarantine. I'd been sharing a room with another engineer, but a senator was flown up from Washington to talk to Lauren and Gary. Naturally, he got my bed. I was stuffed in a closet-size room adjacent to Lauren's room. They gave me a mattress to put on the floor and promised me it would only be for a few days. What the hell. I didn't care where I slept.

  'I was lying on my mattress during a rest period when I heard strange laughter. It was coming from Dr Wagner's room. I listened closer. There were two people, a man and a woman. But their voices sounded deep and rough. And they seemed to be speaking in a weird language. After a while they stopped and I fell asleep.'

  Herb's mouth twitched. His skin had an unhealthy pasty texture to it that seemed to worsen as his story continued. It was almost as if the rehash of the memory caused something unpleasant to sweat through his pores. Just looking at him made Terry uneasy.

  'During my next rest period I heard the laughter again,' Herb continued. 'I was curious. I told you I'd helped construct the station. I know its internal layout as well as anybody. I left my room and walked over to one of the main

  ventilation ducts, just down the corridor. The ducts are big, and you can see how skinny I am. I knew I could crawl inside this one without getting stuck, as long as I didn't try to turn around. Feeling like a criminal, I looked both ways and then removed the duct's grille and squirmed inside. My plan was to creep close enough to Dr Wagner's air vent to hear exactly who was talking and laughing in the weird voices.

  'I was maybe fifteen feet away from her vent when I stopped. I wasn't sure why, but I began to feel scared. The light shining out her vent was a dull red. I figured she must have put some kind of filter over her lights. I listened closely. At first I heard nothing. Then the laughter started again.'

  Herbert Fry stopped and drained his glass in a single gulp. His hands shook. 'It was terrible. The voices belonged to Lauren and Gary, I could tell that much, but they weren't human voices. They were full of bass. They were thick and twisted and they rumbled as they laughed. Just the sound of them made me feel sick to my stomach. I can't tell you how awful the sound was. Then occasionally they would stop laughing and say words they must have found in the Satanic Bible. They said the words like they were incantations. I pissed my pants just listening, and I mean that literally.

  'But I didn't move, I couldn't. I couldn't get my body to work. Then suddenly Dr Wagner shrieked, and there was this smell - an acidic, fetid odor. It smelled like something that could burn the inside lining of your nose if you got too close to its source'. It stank, and it did something else. It was a smell that went right inside your brain. All of a sudden I had an avalanche of perverted thoughts. I wanted to rape an eight-year-old-girl and then dismember her. I wanted to bite a chicken's head off and drink its blood
. Right then,

  with that stink in the air, I would have enjoyed doing both those things.'

  Herb coughed, as if he were trying to clear the same foul smells from his lungs right now. He seemed unable to fully catch his breath.

  'Then the laughter stopped and I heard this slobbery sucking sound,' he said. 'Dr Wagner groaned with sighs of pleasure. But at the same time she sounded as if she was in pain, as if she was smothering or something.

  'I couldn't take it. I began to inch back toward the corridor. It took me half an hour to get out of the duct. I was trying not to make any sound, but the main reason was because my muscles had lost their strength. When I finally reached the corridor, I replaced the grille on the duct and went back to my room. I lay down on my mattress, but I couldn't sleep. I got up and wandered about the station until my shift started. Then I spent ten hours playing with my pencils. Later I ate dinner with some friends in the cafeteria. Lauren was there. She sat alone in the corner, spooning a glass of water into her mouth. She stared at me from across the room. I tried not to look at her, but she wouldn't stop looking at me. I knocked over a glass of milk I was drinking. Her eyes were like two long knives cutting into my head. I didn't know how, but I knew she knew I'd been listening to her and Gary. She finally grinned at me, and licked her lips, and got up and walked away.'

  Herb fidgeted. The chair was not big enough for him. Or it was too big. He just couldn't get comfortable. He acted like a long-term prisoner who cried for freedom, but secretly feared the bars of his cell were about to topple down.

  'I spent the next five days trying to avoid her and Gary,' Herb said. 'I don't know how I did it. I thought of telling the commanding officer of the station what I'd heard, but I

  couldn't imagine it. They'd think I was insane, or some kind of peeping pervert. The general would just pass it off as a private affair between the two. I'd lose my job. I was even worried about going to prison. You see, no one else noticed anything unusual. Gary and Lauren were two heroes. Plus everyone knew Lisa had been my girl, and that she was now seeing Gary. If I opened my mouth, you can imagine how it would go over.