Letting Go

was ready to move on. But he’d been stupid and insecure.

“I’ll give you all the babies you want just as soon as you want them,” he said tenderly. “In fact, I propose that the minute you recover sufficiently, we get in lots and lots of practice.”

Her smile would have brought him to his knees if he wasn’t already on them.

“Then perhaps we should think about getting married soon,” she said teasingly. “I’d hate to be an out-of-wedlock mother.”

“As soon as you’re able to travel, we’ll fly out to Vegas and get married immediately,” he declared. “I don’t want you to have any time to change your mind, so the sooner the better. And if you hold out on me, I’ll just be sure to knock you up so you have to marry me.”

She laughed and the sound filled the last remaining hole in his heart. He was a lucky son of a bitch. The woman he loved—had loved forever—was giving him another chance to prove his love to her. He’d never give her another reason to doubt him, and he’d love her and the children they had until the day he died.





EPILOGUE





DASH stood at Carson’s grave site. The first time he’d come alone since the day he’d been buried. All his other trips had always been with Joss. But he hadn’t wanted her to come. For one, she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t come back, that this wasn’t the way she wanted to remember her husband.

And this would be the last time he came here himself. But he needed closure. Joss wasn’t the only one who’d needed to let go. So now he stood at his best friend’s grave, prepared to confess everything and assure Carson that Joss was loved and would always be taken care of.

“I fucked up, man,” Dash said bluntly. “You already know that. You’re likely up there wanting to kick my ass for all the pain I’ve put Joss through. The pain I’ve caused her. I deserve it. I’ve certainly kicked my own ass over it all.”

He drew in a steadying breath, caught unaware by the emotion that overwhelmed him, tightening his chest as long-held grief came rushing out.

“I made you a promise and it was a promise I didn’t keep. I’m sorry for that. You gave me an extraordinary gift and I’ll always be grateful for that gift. For understanding and never judging me.”

He paused another long moment, getting his emotions under control.

“She’s happy now. We’re happy. I made things right. We’re married now. I know you know that. But I just had to come and tell you. To reaffirm the promise I gave you before you died. I love her, man. With all my heart. Thank God, she didn’t give up on me, that she gave me another chance.

“I won’t let her down again. I won’t let you down. I’ll love her and protect her always. With my life. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy, just like you always did whatever was necessary to make her happy.

“I hope you’re at peace now, Carson. Joss and I both loved you. Will always love you. But she has a huge heart and an endless capacity to love. She loves me now, but she’ll always love you too, and I’m okay with that because I realize there’s room in her heart for both of us. Loving you doesn’t take away from her love for me, and I can accept that now. I didn’t before.”

He drifted off, watching a cloud blow by, beaming sunshine down on the grave. He was instantly filled with a warmth so beautiful that it could only be Carson’s presence. Loving and forgiving, just as he’d been in life.

“I came to say good-bye, just like Joss said her good-byes all those weeks ago. I won’t be back. It’s a choice Joss and I have both made because this isn’t the way we want to remember you. We have too many other good memories and those are the ones we want to cherish.

“Thanks, man. You’ll never know how grateful I am for you trusting her to me. We’re happy. She makes me so damn happy that I can’t even look at her at times without going to my knees. I know you’re familiar with that feeling. It’s how you reacted around her too. She’s a very special woman and we’re both lucky bastards to have won her love. Her warmth and generous spirit.

“We’re planning to have children. Right away if I have any say in it. It’s what she’s always wanted and I understand why you couldn’t give them to her, even though Joss and I both know you would have loved them, protected them and never ever hurt them.

“We’ve decided to name our first son for you. It’s fitting since you brought us together. Your memory will live on through him, and Joss and I will keep your memory alive between us. No pushing it away. You were important to us both, an essential part of our past. But now we’re looking ahead and we’re both ready to let go and move forward with our lives.”

Dash briefly ran his hand over the headstone and then straightened to his full height.

“Thank you for loving Joss. And me,” Dash whispered. “You don’t ever have to worry anymore. She’s in good hands, and I’ll die before ever hurting her again. You have my word. Good-bye, my friend. May you rest with the angels until we all meet again.”

His heart lighter, a great weight lifted from his shoulders, he turned and hurried back to the car, where his wife waited for him. As he neared his car, she opened the door and stepped out, her smile beautiful and breathtaking. So warm that even the sun couldn’t compete with her radiance.

Her eyes softened and she extended her hand to him as he approached. She said nothing, simply squeezed, offering her silent support. Never once did she look back at Carson’s grave as he ushered her back inside the car before walking around to the driver’s side.

When he slid in, he didn’t immediately start the ignition. Instead he turned sideways so he could see his wife. His beautiful, loving, generous wife.

“I love you,” he said, his throat still knotted with emotion.

She leaned over the seat and palmed his cheek as she kissed him.

“I love you too, darling. Now let’s go home and start practicing making those babies you promised me.”

He grinned, suddenly feeling he could take on the world. Get her pregnant? Hell yeah. She’d been off birth control an entire month, and the timing in her cycle was right. If he had his way, they’d spend the next two days in bed, and he’d do everything in his power to start the family they both so desperately wanted.

But more important was the fact that Joss was his. His wife. His lover. His best friend. His cherished submissive. What she didn’t know, however, was that while he was the Dominant, he was absolutely at her feet, humbled by her unconditional love.

She may have submitted to him, but he would forever be her slave.

“Let’s go start making those babies,” he said huskily. “I can’t wait to see you swollen with my child. As beautiful as you are to me right now, I can only imagine you’ll grow even more beautiful when you’re heavy with our baby.”





Turn the page for a preview of the next book in Maya Banks’s The Surrender Trilogy

GIVING IN

Coming in May 2014 from Berkley Books





“KYLIE, can you come into my office?” Jensen said over the intercom.

He knew the summons would annoy her, but she’d been clear about wanting him to stay out of her office—her space—and so he’d make her come to him. Not an unreasonable request from a boss to his personal assistant.

“Right away, sir,” she said in a crisp tone that made him smile.

She was so determined to keep their relationship, if you could even say they had a relationship, strictly impersonal and confined to boss and employee.

He knew she hated that Dash was out of the office for an extended period of time because Dash usually acted as a buffer between Jensen and Kylie. Most of the requests came from Dash, even ones that involved Jensen, because Dash sought to protect her.

But enough was enough. If they were to work together long-term, and he had every intention of doing just that, Kylie had to learn to deal with Jensen. And he planned to push her. She was extremely intelligent. She had an MBA, and in his opinion, that degree was wasted in her current position. The role was one she was comfortable in, and he knew she preferred it that way.

She liked nothing that pushed her out of her comfort zone. She liked routine—a trait they both shared, though it would annoy her that the two had anything in common.

But in fact, they had far more in common than Kylie knew or would admit to. They were both disciplined people who liked control. He was fully prepared to be involved in a battle of wills, a battle he intended to win. He just hoped he didn’t push her to the point of walking away from her job.

A moment later, Kylie appeared at the door, her features locked and impassive as she stared coolly at him.

“You wanted something, sir?”

“You can drop the ‘sir,’” he said dryly. “You don’t call Dash ‘sir.’ My name is sufficient. Call me Jensen or call me nothing at all.”

Her lips thinned and he sighed.

“Is everything going to be a battle with you, Kylie? It was a simple enough request. Say it. Say my name,” he challenged. “It won’t kill you.”

“You wanted something . . . Jensen?” His name came out sounding strangled, as if she’d had to force his name from her lips. It was a start.

He motioned her to the seat in front of his desk. Reluctantly she walked over and then perched on the edge of the chair. Her hands were folded primly in front of her, but she had the look of an animal prepared to bolt at the first sign of danger. He doubted she knew that she telegraphed her fear so broadly. Her eyes were wide, her nostrils flaring and he could see the pulse beating a rapid staccato at her neck.

“I’m not going to leap across the desk and attack you,” he murmured.

Her eyes narrowed in annoyance. “I’d kick your ass if you tried.”

He threw back his head and laughed, and her eyes widened in surprise. She looked . . . shocked.

He sobered and glanced curiously at her. “What was that look for?”

She immediately dropped her gaze and remained silent.

“Kylie?” he prompted.

She sighed and then lifted her head, her stare rebellious, her chin thrust upward.

“It’s just that I’ve never seen you laugh. Or smile, really. Like in my office earlier. It’s the first time I’ve seen you look anything but mildly interested. You don’t show your emotions much. No one can ever tell what you’re thinking.”

His eyebrow quirked upward. So she had been studying him. She knew enough about him for him to realize she’d spent a lot of time observing him and his reactions.

His features relaxed into a smile, and he again noted her surprise.

“I’ve been accused of being an emotionless, uptight bastard by more than one person,” he said in amusement. “Perhaps you draw out another side of me that no one else sees.”

She looked disgruntled by that admission.

“You wanted something?” she prompted, obviously anxious for the meeting to be over.

He had no such plans for her to scurry back to the safety of her office, where she shut the rest of the world out. He knew she went straight home every day. Didn’t have a social life unless you counted her lunches with Chessy and Joss, her two best friends. In fact, their circle of friends were the only people Kylie had any sort of a connection to.

It had to be a lonely life and he hated that for her. Hated that her past had shaped her future—was still shaping her future—and that she didn’t seem to be able to shake off the bonds of her childhood.

He shuffled the stack of papers in front of him.

“I want you to study up on these profiles. As I said in your office, S&G Oil is downsizing one of their refineries. They need to cut one hundred million in expenses so they’re looking for ways to combine jobs. They want to cut at least thirty positions and cut nonessential expenses, and they want us to find those for them.”

She was clearly flabbergasted by his request.

“But, Jensen, I know nothing about this sort of thing. I’m an administrative assistant.”

He smiled again, watching her reaction to his smile. She wasn’t indifferent to him, and that likely pissed her off all the more.

“I want you to learn,” he said gently. “When Carson was alive, he and Dash were looking to take on a third partner. They certainly had the business. It was too much for Dash to handle, and he had to work his ass off to keep the company solvent until he brought me in. There is still a need for a third partner and you have the credentials. All you lack is experience.”

Her mouth dropped open and she was speechless. He felt smug over causing that anomaly. The woman was never short on retorts.

“You want me to be a partner?” she squeaked.

“I can’t promise that,” he said smoothly. “Consider this your trial by fire. It won’t happen today or tomorrow or even over the next months, but there’s no reason to seek out another partner when we have a perfectly capable person working with us already. You know everything that goes on in this office, Kylie. Every single piece of information passes through you. You know all our clients. You schedule our meetings. You absolutely know this business. There is no reason you shouldn’t have the opportunity to be promoted.”

She glanced down at the papers he’d shoved across his desk to her. The information she’d collected and organized for him and Dash. She was certainly acquainted with the process.

He could swear excitement flared in her eyes, but it was gone almost before it fully registered.

“What do you want me to do?” she asked huskily.

“We have a meeting with the CFO of S&G in three days’ time. I want you to accompany me. You have three days to familiarize yourself with the ins and outs of their company. The positions, salaries and duties of each employee listed. Their overhead, expenses and every single penny they spend. I want you to draw up your own plan and present it to me in two days’ time before we meet with their CFO. I want your ideas, and then we’ll discuss them before you and I meet with him.”

She gaped incredulously at him. “You’d trust this big of a contract with me?”

“I didn’t say that I’d agree with your ideas,” he said mildly. “Merely that I want to see them. We’ll put our heads together and see what we agree—and disagree—on and then we’ll put together a plan that incorporates both before we attend that meeting.”

“I didn’t expect this,” she murmured.

But he could see the spark in her eyes. She loved a challenge every bit as much as he did. He hadn’t been wrong. She was wasted in her job as an administrative assistant. It was too safe. She could do it in her sleep. She needed this challenge. Something to get her blood pumping and remind her that she was alive.

“I have faith in you, Kylie. Can you say the same about yourself?”

This time fire shone in her eyes and he held back a grin of triumph. Oh yes, she loved a good challenge, and perhaps she hadn’t been challenged in such a way ever. Dash had been far too easy on her. Not that he expected Dash to be a flaming asshole, but he’d wrapped Kylie in cotton after Carson’s death, and from all Dash had said, Carson had wrapped her in that same cotton when he was alive. Neither man wanted to do anything to hurt this fragile woman.

But her fragility disguised the intelligent, fiery woman underneath that shell, and Jensen intended to draw her out. Dash would likely kick his ass if he knew what Jensen was doing, but for the next two weeks, Jensen was in control and Dash would be completely oblivious to anything business related—as he should be. Jensen intended to make the most of those two weeks.

“I can do it,” she said, resolve tight in her voice. “When do you want to meet to go over my proposal?”

“Wednesday night. Dinner at Capitol Grill. I know you and the girls like the Lux Café, but I want something quieter and more intimate if we’re to discuss something confidential. I can arrange for a table in a quiet corner where we won’t be overheard.”

Kylie’s brow furrowed into a frown and he could literally see the wheels spinning in her head.

“What would be more private than here in the office?” she asked. “Certainly dinner isn’t necessary.”

“No,” he agreed. “But it’s what I want.”

She had nothing to say to that, though he could see she had no liking for the idea of them having dinner together.

“I’ll make a reservation for seven,” he continued, as if he was oblivious to her discomfort. “We’ll go over your proposal. I’ll listen to your ideas and then I’ll take them home and prepare our final analysis. I’ll pick you up at your house at eight Thursday morning and we’ll ride together to meet with S&G’s CFO in his office.”

He could tell she was caught in an epic battle with herself. She did not want to have dinner with him or even meet him outside of work, nor did she want to ride with him to their meeting, but neither did she want to pass up the opportunity he’d presented her with.

She bit her lip in consternation, and he’d never wanted something so badly as to reach across the desk, thumb her lip free and then kiss away the damage she was doing to the tender flesh. His dick reacted to that image, and he was glad he was seated behind his desk where she couldn’t see his physical reaction to her. She’d tuck tail and run for the hills, and she’d very likely tender her resignation within the hour.

He sighed, silently commanding his dick to behave. Not that it did a bit of good because the woman just did it for him and he couldn’t even explain why. Challenge. She was a challenge. That had to be it. Because he simply couldn’t resist a challenge. Even as he reasoned away his inexplicable attraction to a woman who in no way returned it, he knew he was a goddamn liar.

She riled every single one of his protective instincts. She made him want to treat her gently, cherish her and protect her from anything that could ever hurt her, physically or emotionally.

Damn it, he wanted to show her that not all men were assholes. That not all dominant men were focused so solidly on the more physical aspects of dominance. Emotional surrender was what he was after with Kylie. He’d never mark her, never tie her up. Never take a flog to her tender flesh. He’d never do anything to frighten her or make her feel as vulnerable as she’d felt in the past in the hands of a monster. He’d never do anything to remind her of her past abuse. He’d die before allowing that to happen. He too had his own demons he fought, and it made him physically ill to ever do anything to a woman that could be construed as abuse.

He just wanted . . . her.

“All right,” she finally said in a husky voice that made him go even harder. Because there was capitulation in her voice. Not quite submission, but it was close and it fired his blood, made it sing through his veins, because just this once, he’d won.

“I’ll meet you at the restaurant at seven.”

She lifted her gaze challengingly to his, as if to dare him to argue with her statement. He merely smiled back. He’d allow her this small victory because the bigger one was already his. Dinner. Just the two of them. Yeah, they’d talk business, but he also planned to delve deeper into this intriguing woman. Figure out what made her tick. And he’d pick her up the next day and drive her to their meeting. Which meant she’d be dependent on him the entire day.

He liked that idea. Liked it too damn much. Her dependent on him. The hell he’d ever let her down or make her regret her grudging trust. Oh, he knew she didn’t trust him yet. That would be the biggest hurdle to overcome. Baby steps. Take it one small victory at a time.

“Seven it is,” he agreed.

She was surprised. It showed on her face. She had already been bracing herself for an argument, her shoulders squared and thin, thrust upward in defiance. Even that aroused him, almost violently.

He may like submissive women, but submissive didn’t mean being a doormat. He loved an independent woman perfectly capable of making her own choices. Submissive women, or at least the ones he’d been with, chose to submit. Chose to offer their surrender into his keeping. And that was a very powerful thing indeed.

He wanted a strong woman. Someone who didn’t need him and what he offered but wanted it. That made all the difference to him. He wanted someone who could stand up for herself and not back down. Who would go toe-to-toe with him and meet him halfway.

In return? He’d lay the world at her feet. She’d never want for anything he could give her. He’d pamper her, utterly adore her, worship her and cherish her.

He ached to do that for Kylie. Had ached for that since the very first time he’d met her when they’d had dinner at Dash’s that night. He’d seen the shadows under her eyes, had seen the torment she hid from the world. And he wanted nothing more than to be a balm to the agony she’d endured and still endured to this day.

But it would require infinite patience on his part. Patience had never been high on his list of good qualities, but for the right woman? He could exert the patience of Job.

She gathered the papers, already scanning the contents. He could see her mind working furiously, taking it all in. He knew well she was an extremely intelligent woman with an eye for business. Just as he knew she was wasted in her current job. Even if things never worked out for them the way he intended, she’d still make a valuable asset as a partner one day. If he didn’t frighten her away first.