Letting Go

Chessy pushed by her, Kylie following behind in her wake.

“Okay, spill it, girlfriend. We don’t buy that bullshit you said about simply deciding to opt out of The House and spending the evening with Dash instead.”

Joss followed Chessy and Kylie into her living room and flopped back on the couch she’d just vacated.

“And don’t think you’re going to leave a single detail out,” Chessy continued. “I’ll sic Tate on Dash if I have to. One way or another, I’ll get the dirt, so you may as well cough it up now.”

“Are you all right?” Kylie asked anxiously. “Did something happen last night, Joss? Did someone hurt you or frighten you?”

Joss smiled ruefully. What to say to those questions? Yes, no and yes?

“I’m fine,” she reassured. “Honestly. It’s complicated.”

Chessy’s lips tightened and she got that “aha” look on her face that suggested she’d known something was up.

“What happened then?” Kylie asked.

“What really happened, Joss?” Chessy pushed. “I saw you yesterday. I heard you. And whether you had any apprehensiveness, I know you, and you were bound and determined to go to The House and see it through. And then I get a phone call saying oh never mind, I didn’t go and I’m at home?”

She snorted in disbelief.

“I went,” Joss hedged.

Kylie’s forehead furrowed. “But you said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t go,” Joss corrected. “I merely said I changed my mind.”

“And?” Chessy asked quietly. “What happened, Joss?”

Joss sighed. “Dash happened.”

Chessy’s mouth rounded into an O about the time realization sparked in her eyes. “Oh shit. Dash was there, wasn’t he? Oh my God, did he freak?”

Kylie looked absolutely confused as she jerked her head back and forth between Joss and Chessy, trying to keep up with what was going on.

Before Joss could answer, Chessy pushed forward.

“I’m so sorry, Joss. I should have warned you, but shit. Dash is hardly in there. I mean I know he’s a member, but it didn’t even occur to me to tell you that, because what were the odds that he’d show up on the night you went?”

Kylie shook her head in bewilderment. “Dash—our Dash—goes to The House? Why?”

Joss’s cheeks warmed and she and Chessy exchanged looks of understanding.

“He’s a Dominant,” Chessy said gently. “Like Tate.”

Kylie went silent, processing the revelation. Tension vibrated from her, and it made Joss uneasy for what she’d have to tell both her friends. But especially Kylie.

Kylie was . . . Well, she was very black-and-white. Her worldview was very narrow and she didn’t often venture outside the parameters she’d set. She had good reason to be as she was, but it didn’t always make things easy. Kylie was rigid, and this would likely throw her for a loop.

“He was there when I walked in with another man,” Joss said in a low voice. “It didn’t go well.”

Chessy winced. “I don’t imagine it did.”

“He hauled me out and took me back to his house intending to lecture me after he scraped an inch of skin off my hide. He didn’t think I had any clue what I was getting into.”

“And did you inform him differently?” Chessy asked.

Joss nodded. “That’s when it got . . . interesting.”

Kylie’s perplexed look deepened and Chessy’s eyes widened. Both of her friends sat forward, picking up on Joss’s tone.

Joss sucked in her breath, knowing her friends would know sooner or later and she’d rather it come from her.

“Dash said . . .”

She struggled with just how to put it. This was much harder than she imagined because she still hadn’t come to terms with it herself!

“What did he say?” Chessy prompted.

“He said that if that was what I wanted—what I needed—then he was going to be the only man who gave those things to me.”

“Whoa,” Chessy breathed.

Kylie’s reaction was a bit more explosive. “What? I don’t understand. He what?”

“He wants me,” Joss said in a low voice. “Has wanted me a long time. I didn’t know. I feel so stupid, but I had no idea!”

“Wow,” Chessy said. “I mean I used to think, a long time ago, the way he looked at you sometimes . . . I thought there was something there. But then you and Carson were so happy and Dash remained friends with you both, and Dash never made a move after Carson died, so I thought I imagined it.”

Kylie’s face flushed with anger. “He had a thing for you when you were married to my brother?”

“It’s not like he ever acted on it,” Chessy gently chided. “You can’t control who you’re attracted to.”

“Carson knew,” Joss murmured. “Dash told me that Carson knew and that it didn’t affect their friendship.”

“I would certainly prefer him to some stranger you pick up at The House,” Kylie said, an edge still to her voice. “But I’m worried about this. You and him. I never imagined Dash to be that kind of person. I worry that he could hurt you physically and emotionally, and I worry about the strain it might put on all our friendships.”

Chessy’s features tightened. “That kind of person? What’s that supposed to mean? Tate’s that kind of person, Kylie, and he’d never hurt me.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Kylie said wearily. “I’m worried about Joss, okay? It seems like lately she’s making a lot of impulsive decisions, and I don’t want her to get hurt. And I worry about this thing with Dash. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact he was attracted to his best friend’s wife.”

Impatience and frustration warred with Joss. “I’ve considered all of those things,” she snapped out. “I’ve taken into account how it would affect our circle of friends, especially if it didn’t work out.”

She sucked in a breath before continuing.

“I’ve never looked at Dash as anything but a friend until now, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I hate feeling like I’m betraying my dead husband for even considering this. I would have never been unfaithful to Carson, even if I’d known that Dash had feelings for me. And I don’t like you questioning his integrity because he had feelings for me that he never acted on until now.”

Kylie grimaced and looked away. Chessy leaned farther forward, taking Joss’s hand in hers.

“Yes, it could change things,” Chessy said in a calm voice. “But you can’t live your life without taking risks. If this is something you want to go for, you at least need to try. It’s worse to live with the what-ifs than it is to take the plunge and fail. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“I have everything to lose,” Joss said in a raw voice. “I lost Carson and it would devastate me to ever lose Dash’s friendship. It would devastate me to lose yours or Kylie’s. I don’t want to lose anyone else I love.”

Chessy’s face filled with love and understanding. It made Joss’s eyes go watery, and damn it, enough with the tears. It was time to move beyond all that. To stop being such an emotionally fragile person.

“Sweetie, life is all about risk and there are no guarantees, as you well know,” Chessy said gently. “Let me ask you something. If you knew back when you and Carson got married that you’d only have a few short years with him, if you knew he’d die, would you have done anything differently? Would you have walked away from him then to spare yourself the pain of losing him later?”

The question shook Joss to her core. Without even thinking about it, her response was immediate.

“No, of course I wouldn’t have walked away! I’d do it all over again, and I wouldn’t change a thing, even knowing I’d lose him. Because what time we did have together was wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” she said painfully.

“Then why aren’t you willing to take a chance with Dash?” Chessy asked. “What if it works out? What if he makes you happy? What if he gives you what you want and need? What if you find love again? What if you have one wonderful year with him, and he gives you what you need and then you split up? Wouldn’t you rather have that year and not live with regret over not ever giving it a chance? You can’t stop taking risks just because you lost someone already. It’s no way to live, in fear of living in case of pain.”

“She has a point,” Kylie said grudgingly. “And I do want you to be happy, Joss. Even if it’s not with Carson. I’ll support you no matter what happens with Dash. As you told me, we’re sisters, and we’re best friends.”

“Thank you,” Joss said sincerely. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’d do without such wonderful friends—sisters. You’ve both given me a lot to think about. And I do have to give this careful consideration.”

Chessy squeezed her hand. “We’ll leave you to it then. Just know that I’m only a phone call away. And I also want you to know, that no matter what, I love you. Tate and I both love you. And he’ll personally kick Dash’s ass if he ever hurts you.”

Joss smiled, but sadness tugged at her heart. She didn’t want to cause a rift between her friends. She didn’t want Tate to ever become angry with Dash over her.

Kylie rose and then leaned down to hug Joss fiercely. Joss returned the hug and then pushed herself up to go walk her friends out.

“Keep in touch, hon, okay?” Chessy said. “And if you ever need to talk, just pick up the phone. Night or day. It doesn’t matter.”

“I will,” Joss said truthfully. “And thank you both again for caring about me. I’m not going to do anything to cause anyone hurt. I hope you both know that.”

“We do,” Kylie assured. “And I’m sorry if I hurt you with the things I said. I do love you, Joss. And I do want you to be happy. I know that Carson would want you to be happy. It takes a pretty special guy to remain friends with a man who had feelings for his wife. If Carson could and did live with that, then so can I.”

Joss hugged them both and then watched as they walked down the paved sidewalk to where they were parked out front. She stood there as they drove away and then she went back inside to get her purse and her keys.

It was automatic to get in her car and drive toward the cemetery. She wasn’t even aware of what she was doing until she neared the gates leading inside. She braked and came to a stop at the entryway, staring ahead at all the headstones that dotted the landscape.

She’d been coming to talk to Carson. To explain about Dash and ask Carson’s blessing. When she’d sworn she was moving on, letting go, and wouldn’t return here. Not again.

With a shake of her head, she backed up enough to execute a U-turn and then drove away, aiming her car in the direction of Dash’s subdivision.





EIGHT





HE shouldn’t have brought her home. He shouldn’t have left her alone after dropping such a bomb on her. He should have kept her here with him, within touching distance. Not given her time and space for her to change her mind or talk herself out of what he knew she was agreeing to.

Dash gripped the back of his neck as he poured another cup of coffee and glanced at the remnants of his and Joss’s earlier breakfast. In a kitchen that had never entertained another woman. Certainly not breakfast after a sleepover.

He liked her stamp in his home and in his space. Liked the remembrance of her walking into his kitchen wearing his shirt, and those sleepy, beautiful eyes.

He hadn’t wanted to let her go. Not after finally making a move to make her his. But it was the right thing to do.

You had to let her go to see if she’d come back to you.

He shook his head at the absurdity of his thoughts. It wasn’t like him to spout hokey psychological shit, and he wasn’t one of those who indulged in philosophical crap “like if you love someone, set them free.”

He was more of a “if you love them, then never let them go” person. And yet he hadn’t kept Joss. He’d driven her home and had very civilly informed her that they’d be seeing one another soon. And then he’d kissed her. Not as he’d wanted to. She’d looked too fragile, too close to unraveling at the seams, and so his kiss had been one of comfort and reassurance. Not a kiss of a man consumed with passion for the woman he was holding.

He looked up when his cell rang, and he remembered he had an important call today. He cursed, because his mind was not on business. Bringing in a new partner, while necessary, wasn’t ideal at the moment. He’d wanted to ease Joss into it, and then everything had changed. Would this put a barrier between them at a time when she was finally seeing him as more than a friend?

He picked up the phone and strode into his office, his mind quickly shifting gears to the task ahead. He had to put Joss out of his mind, at least until he squared away this particular matter. And then? He was pulling a full-court press. He missed Carson too, but his best friend was gone. His business partner was gone. It was time to start thinking about his own best interests instead of pushing them down, as he’d done for the last six years.

He and Carson had founded a successful consulting business. Corporations called on them when they needed or wanted to downsize and cut costs. Most of their contracts came from the many oil companies in the Houston area, but they also did consulting work for other large corporations and even a few smaller ones.

Carson’s natural affinity for people and Dash’s analytical mind had been a very successful combination. The two had worked in tandem, Carson on the front lines, wining and dining potential customers, Dash on the back end, doing the analysis, drawing up the proposals that Carson would later present.

Only now Dash had been forced to be both the front line and the back end. By bringing Jensen on, Dash would effectively take over Carson’s responsibilities and push himself to the forefront while Jensen would handle the behind-the-scenes details.

“Dash Corbin,” he said, when he entered the confines of his home office.

He closed the door behind him and then went to his desk to open his laptop as Jensen Tucker gave his greeting.

“I’m glad you called,” Dash said. “We have a lot to discuss. Did you have time to look over the documents I couriered over?”

Jensen Tucker was someone Dash had met through business a few years earlier. He and Carson had dealings with him, and Dash respected the other man. Thought he’d be perfect as a partner when he and Carson looked to expand. That was all before Carson’s death.

Dash had set aside their plans and focused on keeping the business afloat because he’d wanted to make damn sure Joss and Kylie were both provided for. Kylie was a damn good office manager, but losing Carson had put a strain on her. Dash had wanted Kylie to take a break from work. Take a few weeks off to deal with the grief and shock over her brother’s death, but she’d insisted on coming in to work. She’d needed the outlet, something to occupy her time, but Dash knew it was a temporary bandage. He wasn’t sure if Kylie had ever truly dealt with that grief or accepted Carson’s death.

Neither Joss nor Kylie would likely take well to Dash replacing Carson, but perhaps Joss would be more accepting than Kylie since Kylie was the one who would have to work with someone other than Dash and her brother.

The two men spoke of their ideas, Jensen adding several of his own that Dash found appealing. They’d met several times already but all that was left was for Jensen to formally accept and the two businesses to merge.

What was once Breckenridge and Corbin would now become Corbin and Associates. Leaving room for further expansion down the road if he and Jensen so chose that route.

Jensen wasn’t an arrogant ass who insisted his name be plastered or that he receive credit. Dash wouldn’t have minded giving the man his due, but he was content to leave Dash’s name at the forefront and work more behind the scenes.

Where before Carson had been the front man and Dash had worked out the kinks, troubleshot and worked the back end, now Dash would take his place, leaving Jensen to do more of the legwork.

He hadn’t planned it as a way to be able to give Joss more of his time and not be so wrapped up in his work. After all he hadn’t had any clue that he would be making a move this quickly. But the timing was perfect, because if he had his way, work would take more of a backseat to his relationship with Joss now that he finally had her precisely where he wanted her.

The men spoke several more minutes, confirming what Dash already knew. That Jensen would be joining him. All that was left was for him to come on board and for Dash to announce it.

“There’s one thing, Jensen,” Dash said at the end of their conversation.

“I’m listening.”

“I need time—a few days—before we make this public. I want to tell Joss and Kylie myself.”

There was a pause. “Are they resistant to my presence?”

Dash could hear the wariness in the other man’s voice. The hint of irritation that Dash would approach a business decision allowing emotion to rule. But Dash wasn’t heartless.

“They don’t know about your presence,” Dash said. “And I want it to come from me. No one else.”

“And will they be trouble?”

“No,” Dash said shortly.

“I can give you a few days. Nothing more.”

“That’s all I need. We’ll meet on Monday. My office.”

Jensen agreed and then rung off, leaving Dash sitting at his desk in brooding silence.

He’d told Jensen the women wouldn’t be trouble. And they wouldn’t, simply because they had no choice in the matter. Carson had left Joss enough to keep her financially protected her entire life, but the business had been left in Dash’s hands. Joss had no power, no decisions. She’d have to accept whatever Dash decided. As would Kylie. But neither had to like it, and Dash didn’t want this to drive a wedge between them. Any of them.

When he finally made his way from his office back toward the kitchen, he heard the sound of a vehicle outside his house. Frowning, because he wasn’t expecting company, he walked toward the window that looked out to his drive.

To his surprise, he saw Joss’s car parked there. But she hadn’t gotten out. She was still sitting in the driver’s seat, her hands curled tightly around the wheel.

A curl of apprehension snaked down his spine as he stepped out the front door. When she saw him, the car door opened and she stepped out.

It was obvious even from a distance that she was upset. She was pale, her eyes large and wounded. And when she lifted her gaze to meet his, fear gripped him.

He was ten kinds of a fool for pushing her so hard, so soon. This was it. She was here to tell him . . . no. And this time, she’d run, and she’d keep running. He may never see her again, and that simply wasn’t an option.

He’d lost her before he’d ever had a chance to win her.

She looked desperately unhappy. Sadness shadowed her eyes and that was the very last thing he wanted for her. It hurt him to see her like this. It hurt him to know that he was the reason for her sadness.

“Joss,” he began.

To his surprise, the moment he said her name, she hurried toward him and threw herself into his arms. He caught her against him, holding her so she didn’t fall. So they both didn’t fall. And he savored the warmth of her body, her softness tucked so sweetly against him.

For a moment he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of her hair, wondering if this was good-bye.

“Oh Dash,” she said, his name catching on a sob.

“What is it, honey? Why are you so unhappy?”

He stroked a hand down her hair, pushing it behind her ear as he gently pulled her away so he could look into her eyes.

“I was on my way to the cemetery,” she blurted. “I was going to explain to Carson. To ask for his blessing or perhaps make him understand. It sounds so stupid, I know.”

Dash slowly shook his head. “It’s not stupid, honey. He was your husband. You loved him very much. It’s only natural that you’d want to share this kind of thing with him.”

She closed her eyes as a tear slid down one cheek. That single tear nearly ripped him in two. He didn’t want Joss sad any longer. He wanted her happy. Even if it was without him.

“I didn’t go,” she said. “I couldn’t. I promised him—myself—that I wouldn’t go there anymore. It’s not how I want to remember him. I can’t go there anymore. It hurts too much.”

“You came here instead. Why?” he asked, dreading her response.

She lifted her gaze back to his, emotion smoldering in those beautiful eyes. Eyes that were drenched with moisture. Misery clouded the depths, and he swore viciously to himself, because this wasn’t what he wanted at all.

“Because I have to try,” she whispered. “I won’t know unless I—we—try.”

His insides caved in, relief overwhelming him. His knees wobbled and he had to steady himself so they didn’t both end up on the ground.

Then he hugged her to him, holding her, savoring her touch and smell. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and closed his eyes, giving silent thanks