The Larsen Sisters 4: Tears in Heaven

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  If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.਍ഀ

  You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have.਍ഀ

  If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.਍ഀ

  -attributed to Nadine Stair਍ഀ

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  ਍ᰀ匠栀攀 欀渀攀眀 琀栀愀琀 攀瘀攀渀 琀栀攀 猀洀愀爀琀攀猀琀 瀀攀爀猀漀渀 椀渀 琀栀攀 眀漀爀氀搀 挀漀甀氀搀 ഀ

  be scared by what he or she didn't understand.” -jodi picoult, second glance਍ഀ

  ਍ऀ吀栀攀爀攀 愀爀攀 洀漀洀攀渀琀猀 椀渀 氀椀昀攀 眀栀攀渀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀ᤀ琠 栀攀氀瀀 戀甀琀 昀攀攀氀 氀漀猀琀㬀 洀漀洀攀渀琀猀 琀栀愀琀 礀漀甀 眀椀猀栀 渀攀瘀攀爀 栀愀瀀瀀攀渀攀搀㬀 洀漀洀攀渀琀猀 眀栀攀渀 礀漀甀 昀攀攀氀 氀椀欀攀 栀甀最最椀渀最 猀漀洀攀漀渀攀Ⰰ 愀渀礀漀渀攀Ⰰ 樀甀猀琀 猀漀 礀漀甀 挀漀甀氀搀 昀攀攀氀 戀攀琀琀攀爀Ⰰ 樀甀猀琀 猀漀 礀漀甀 眀漀甀氀搀 昀攀攀氀 琀栀愀琀 洀愀礀戀攀Ⰰ 椀琀ᤀ猠 猀琀椀氀氀 最漀渀渀愀 戀攀 愀氀爀椀最栀琀⸀ 䔀砀挀攀瀀琀☀琠栀愀琀 眀漀渀ᤀ琠 栀愀瀀瀀攀渀 昀漀爀 洀攀Ⰰ 戀攀挀愀甀猀攀 䤀ᤀ洠 愀氀漀渀攀⸀ഀ

  ਍ऀ圀攀攀欀猀 愀最漀Ⰰ 䤀 眀愀猀渀ᤀ琠⸀ 䤀 栀愀搀 琀栀攀 瀀攀爀昀攀挀琀 氀椀昀攀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 瀀攀爀昀攀挀琀 栀甀猀戀愀渀搀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 瀀攀爀昀攀挀琀 樀漀戀 愀渀搀 琀栀攀 瀀攀爀昀攀挀琀 昀愀洀椀氀礀⸀ 䄀昀琀攀爀 愀氀氀Ⰰ 䤀 愀洀 䬀椀洀戀攀爀氀礀 䰀愀爀猀攀渀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 攀氀搀攀猀琀 猀椀猀琀攀爀 漀昀 䌀愀爀漀氀椀渀攀Ⰰ 䰀攀椀最栀Ⰰ 䴀椀渀搀礀 愀渀搀 䐀爀愀欀攀Ⰰ 䴀愀爀欀 圀椀挀欀栀愀洀ᤀ猠 眀椀昀攀Ⰰ 䬀甀爀琀Ⰰ 䬀愀琀栀攀爀椀渀攀 愀渀搀 䴀愀爀挀椀愀ᤀ猠 洀漀琀栀攀爀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 瀀爀攀猀椀搀攀渀琀 漀昀 䰀愀爀猀攀渀 䤀渀搀甀猀琀爀椀攀猀⸀ 䤀 栀愀搀 攀瘀攀爀礀琀栀椀渀最☀愠渀搀 渀漀眀Ⰰ 䤀 栀愀瘀攀 渀漀琀栀椀渀最⸀ഀ

  ਍ऀ䄀氀洀漀猀琀 愀 洀漀渀琀栀 愀最漀Ⰰ 䤀 眀愀猀 昀攀攀氀椀渀最 瘀攀爀礀 渀愀甀猀攀愀琀椀挀 愀渀搀 䤀 栀愀搀 愀氀氀 琀栀攀猀攀 戀爀甀椀猀攀猀Ⰰ 眀栀椀挀栀 眀愀猀 眀攀椀爀搀 戀攀挀愀甀猀攀 䴀愀爀欀 渀攀瘀攀爀 氀愀椀搀 愀 栀愀渀搀 漀渀 洀攀⸀ 䤀 琀栀漀甀最栀琀 琀栀愀琀 洀愀礀戀攀Ⰰ 䤀 眀愀猀 瀀爀攀最渀愀渀琀 愀最愀椀渀 猀漀 䤀 眀攀渀琀 琀漀 琀栀攀 搀漀挀琀漀爀☀愠渀搀 琀栀攀渀 猀栀攀 愀猀欀攀搀 洀攀 琀漀 最漀 琀漀 琀栀攀 漀渀挀漀氀漀最椀猀琀⸀ഀ

  ਍ऀ伀渀挀漀氀漀最椀猀琀⸀ 䤀 挀漀甀氀搀渀ᤀ琠 攀瘀攀渀 戀攀愀爀 琀栀攀 猀漀甀渀搀 漀昀 椀琀⸀ 䤀 愀猀欀攀搀 洀礀 伀䈀 椀昀 䤀 栀攀愀爀搀 栀攀爀 爀椀最栀琀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 猀栀攀 猀愀椀搀 礀攀猀⸀ 䤀 渀攀攀搀攀搀 琀漀 猀攀攀 愀渀 漀渀挀漀氀漀最椀猀琀⸀ 䤀 渀攀攀搀攀搀 琀漀 猀攀攀 愀 䌀愀渀挀攀爀 搀漀挀琀漀爀⸀ഀ

  ਍ऀ吀栀攀 昀漀氀氀漀眀椀渀最 搀愀礀Ⰰ 䤀 氀攀昀琀 琀栀攀 漀渀挀漀氀漀最椀猀琀ᤀ猠 漀昀昀椀挀攀 眀椀琀栀 栀攀愀瘀礀 猀琀攀瀀猀⸀ 䤀 眀攀渀琀 椀渀猀椀搀攀 洀礀 挀愀爀 愀渀搀 挀爀椀攀搀 昀漀爀 眀栀愀琀 猀攀攀洀攀搀 氀椀欀攀 昀漀爀攀瘀攀爀⸀ 䤀 挀漀甀氀搀渀ᤀ琠 愀挀挀攀瀀琀 眀栀愀琀 猀栀攀 栀愀搀 樀甀猀琀 琀漀氀搀 洀攀⸀ഀ

  ਍ऀ䤀Ⰰ 䬀椀洀 䰀愀爀猀攀渀Ⰰ 栀愀瘀攀 匀琀愀最攀 昀漀甀爀 䰀攀甀欀攀洀椀愀⸀ഀ

  Leukemia.਍ऀ䠀漀眀 琀栀攀 栀攀氀氀 搀椀搀 琀栀愀琀 栀愀瀀瀀攀渀㼀ഀ

  I mean, I took all my vitamins, I exercised regularly, I didn’t take drugs, or alcohol, or anything of that sort…I was a clean woman. I thought I was living healthily and then…I still have Leukemia?਍ऀ吀栀攀 搀漀挀琀漀爀 猀愀椀搀 栀攀 眀愀猀 猀漀爀爀礀㬀 琀栀愀琀 洀愀礀戀攀Ⰰ 椀昀 椀琀 栀愀搀 戀攀攀渀 搀攀琀攀挀琀攀搀 攀愀爀氀椀攀爀Ⰰ 䤀ᤀ搠 栀愀瘀攀 氀漀琀猀 漀昀 挀栀愀渀挀攀猀 琀漀 猀甀爀瘀椀瘀攀⸀ഀ

  Survive.਍ऀ圀栀攀渀 搀椀搀 洀礀 氀椀昀攀 攀瘀攀爀 戀攀攀渀 愀 最愀洀攀㼀ഀ

  ਍ऀ䠀攀 猀愀椀搀 琀栀愀琀 愀琀 洀礀 猀琀愀最攀 漀昀 琀栀攀 猀椀挀欀渀攀猀猀Ⰰ 䤀 栀愀搀 愀 琀眀攀渀琀礀 瀀攀爀挀攀渀琀 挀栀愀渀挀攀 漀昀 最攀琀琀椀渀最 戀攀琀琀攀爀⸀ 吀栀攀 眀栀椀琀攀 挀攀氀氀猀 眀漀甀氀搀 猀瀀爀攀愀搀 琀栀爀漀甀最栀 洀礀 眀栀漀氀攀 戀漀搀礀 愀渀搀 攀愀琀 洀攀 甀瀀☀䄠渀搀 琀栀攀渀 䤀ᤀ搠 搀椀攀⸀ഀ

  Die.਍ऀ䐀攀愀琀栀⸀ഀ

  How could that just happen to me?਍ഀ

  I went home that day and Mark and the kids greeted me with all their enthusiasm, which I couldn’t even return. How could I when I know I’d be leaving them all soon? How can I when I know I won’t be around to see the kids grow up? I can’t. I just can’t.਍ऀ匀漀Ⰰ 琀栀愀琀 渀椀最栀琀 愀猀 䴀愀爀欀 眀攀渀琀 椀渀猀椀搀攀 漀甀爀 戀攀搀爀漀漀洀Ⰰ 栀攀 昀漀甀渀搀 洀攀 瀀愀挀欀椀渀最 栀椀猀 琀栀椀渀最猀⸀ഀ

  “Whoa, what in the world, Kim?” Mark said as he came in. “Are we going on vacation or something?”਍ऀᰀ夠漀甀᠀爠攀 氀攀愀瘀椀渀最Ⰰᴀ†䤀 琀漀氀搀 栀椀洀 眀椀琀栀漀甀琀 氀漀漀欀椀渀最 栀椀洀 椀渀 琀栀攀 攀礀攀⸀ഀ

  “I’m…what?”਍ऀᰀ夠漀甀 愀渀搀 琀栀攀 欀椀搀猀Ⰰᴀ†䤀 猀愀椀搀Ⰰ ᰀ夠漀甀 猀栀漀甀氀搀 氀攀愀瘀攀⸀ᴀഠ

  “Kim, what are you talking about? Is there a problem?”਍ऀᰀ䨠甀猀琀☀氠攀愀瘀攀⸀ᴀഠ

  “Well, you can’t just ask me to leave without telling me what the problem is,”਍ऀᰀ䤠 挀愀渀ᤀ琠 搀漀 琀栀椀猀Ⰰᴀ†䤀 琀漀氀搀 栀椀洀Ⰰ 昀椀最栀琀椀渀最 戀愀挀欀 琀栀攀 琀攀愀爀猀⸀ഀ

  “This? What?”਍ऀᰀ吠栀椀猀Ⰰ 甀猀☀夠漀甀☀琠栀攀 欀椀搀猀☀䤠 挀愀渀ᤀ琠 
愀渀礀洀漀爀攀⸀ᴀഠ

  “And why the bloody fuck is that?” He asked, “I mean, geez, Kim, if there’s something I should know, tell me. Did I do anything?”਍ऀ䤀 眀愀猀渀ᤀ琠 愀渀猀眀攀爀椀渀最⸀ഀ

  He put his hands on my shoulders and shook me, “Kim? What?”਍ऀ䤀 琀漀漀欀 愀 搀攀攀瀀 戀爀攀愀琀栀 愀渀搀 氀漀漀欀攀搀 愀琀 栀椀洀Ⰰ ᰀ䈠攀挀愀甀猀攀 䤀ᤀ洠 最漀渀渀愀 氀攀愀瘀攀 礀漀甀 猀漀漀渀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 椀琀 眀漀甀氀搀 戀攀 攀愀猀椀攀爀 椀昀 礀漀甀 樀甀猀琀☀䤠昀 礀漀甀 樀甀猀琀 氀攀愀瘀攀 愀渀搀 琀愀欀攀 琀栀攀 欀椀搀猀 愀眀愀礀⸀ᴀഠ

  He looked at me and his mouth gaped open. He removed his hands from my shoulders, “Great, Kim,” He said sarcastically, “Really great.”਍ऀ䤀 眀愀猀 琀漀漀 搀攀瘀愀猀琀愀琀攀搀 琀漀 猀愀礀 愀渀礀琀栀椀渀最⸀ഀ

  He took a deep breath and picked up his bag from the floor. I followed him as he went inside the kids’ room and told Kurt to get his backpack. He took Marcia from the cot and carried her, and drove Katherine’s stroller outside the