Riddley Walker

  No rumpa no dum

  No zantigen Eusa cum

  Goodparley said, ‘Its too bad about your dad Riddley.’

  I said, ‘Yes it is.’

  He said, ‘Wel thats behynt us now innit. Now youre going to be the new connexion man and making new connexions.’

  I said, ‘No it aint jus behynt us its all roun us. Over and unner as wel.’ That wer the hash talking.

  He said, ‘Wel yes every thing is innit. Now youwl be taking the scar tho and looking a head.’

  I said, ‘Yes theres a lot to look a head to. Like croaking iron at Widders Dump. We do the croaking and they get the iron.’

  He said, ‘Riddley theres other things to do as wel.’

  I said, ‘Yes and they all smel of cow shit dont they.’

  He said, ‘Riddley theres a time for every thing and the time for moving crowds is past innit. You take a crowd of 30 or 40 out foraging naminals and moving 1 place to a nother theyre using up mor groun nor 100 may be 150 living on the lan and forming it with stock and growings. You jus cant have all of Inland for your forage groun no mor.’

  I said, ‘Looks like we cant have none of it. Them forms ben largening in our forage groun and sqweazing us out littl by littl whynt you jus finish the job and be done with it. If our times pas whynt you just wipe us out all to gether?’

  The hevvy by the door lookit over to Goodparley like asking with his eyes shud he stomp me. Orfing said to me, ‘You bes not work your jaw too hard your head myt come luce all on a suddn.’

  Goodparley said to Orfing, ‘Hes all right Erny he jus gets easy stoand.’ Then he said to me, ‘I dont mynd taking a littl time with some 1 if I think theyve got the mynd for it. Riddley youre going to be taking the scar you mus know your Eusa. Dyou have Eusa 31 in memberment?’

  I said it off the same:

  31. Eusa sed, Is this a dream? The Littl Man sed, No. Eusa sed, Wuz the uther a dream then? Wen I had a wyf & childer? The Littl Man sed, No Eusa that wuzn no dream nor this ain no dream. Its aul 1 thing nor you cant wayk up owt uv it. Eusa sed, I can dy owt uv it tho cant I. The Littl Man sed, Eusa yu dy owt uv this plays & yul jus fyn me in a nuther plays. Yul fyn me in the wud yul fyn me on the water lyk yu foun me in the stoan. Yu luk enne wayr & Iwl be thayr.

  Goodparley said, ‘Wel said Riddley. Now tel me this. If Eusa cant wake up out of it then whats he got to do?’

  I said, ‘Wake up in to it.’

  He said, ‘Thats it. And if Eusa cant dy out of it then whats he got to do?’

  I said, ‘Live in to it.’

  He said, ‘Very good. And wheres he going to fynd that Littl Shyning Man?’

  I said, ‘In the wood or on the water or in the stoan.’

  He said, ‘O yes thats what it says in Eusa 31 youve learnt it off all right. Wel what about it then? Youve seen stoans and wood and water. Have you seen that Littl Shyning Man?’

  I said, ‘How dyou mean that?’

  He said, ‘I mean it like I say it. With your eyes. Have you seen that Littl Shyning Man in the wood or on the water or in the stoan?’

  I said, ‘No.’

  He said, ‘Ben looking for him have you?’

  I said, ‘No.’

  He said, ‘Why not? Wunt you be interstit to see him? See if hes in 1 peace or 2 or what ever?’

  I said, ‘I dont know how youre asking that.’

  He said, ‘Im asking strait.’

  I said, ‘The Littl Shyning Ma. aint nothing Iwd look for. Not with my eyes any how.’

  Goodparley said, ‘You dont think hes nothing real do you. You dont think hes nothing only a idear.’

  I said, ‘Do you?’

  He said, ‘Riddley what if I tol you Im looking for that Littl Shyning Man. Looking for him to put him to gether. Wud you call that good or bad?’

  I said, ‘Good.’

  Goodparley said to Orfing, ‘You see what I mean Erny? Every body wants it put to gether. You ask any 1 theywl say the same thing its the naturel way to feal.’

  Orfing said, ‘He aint talking on the same Littl Shyning Man as you and wel you know it.’

  Goodparley said, ‘Theres jus only the 1 Littl Shyning Man and wel you know it Erny. It dont matter what you think youre talking on he is what he is. His self he never claimt he wer the knowing of it he jus only said he wer the showing of it.’

  ‘Which is blip,’ said Orfing. ‘Like Ive all ways said.’

  ‘Which is blip and moren that its realness and all,’ said Goodparley.

  Orfing said, ‘Hes realness right a nuff but he wont never be your kynd of realness Abel. He aint nothing you can dig up like old iron he wernt never meant to be that.’

  Goodparley said, ‘Now weare coming to the curse roads of it Erny now weare getting down to terpitation. Youre the man for that are you. Youre the man for what it all means.’

  Orfing said, ‘Yes Im the man for what it all means any body is as looks at whats there nor dont look at what aint there. What the Littl Shyning Man is hes jus what ever cant never be put to gether. There aint no moren that to it nor you cant make it be mor. Any thing as can be put to gether aint the Littl Shyning Man its some thing else.’ The hash musve had him perwel lucent up I never heard him say that much befor.

  Goodparley said, ‘Erny youre such a downer youre going to down your self right in to the groun 1 day. You can say what you like Im saying wewl get it put to gether weve got it all in front of us and going to make it happen. Youre looking sideways but Im looking frontways and going to get every body moving that way form and fents boath. I dint come Big 2 to stan in the mud and sing for boats in the air. Weare going to do things here weare going to get things moving.’

  It soundit to me like the 2 of them wer each 1 talking to his self not to the other I dint realy want to get mixt in with it. I jus kep shut.

  Goodparley looking over to me then he said, ‘Riddley dyou think Im stupid?’

  I said, ‘Why wud I think that?’

  He said, ‘I dont know. Becaws Ive got littl eyes and I smyl too much. Becaws youre yung. Wel never mynd. You mus be getting perwel tiret of us 2 sitting here and moufing Mincery binses back and forth you mus be boart to death with it. Persoon you wont even want to be no connexion man you wont want no part of all that foolishness.’

  I said, ‘O yes I wil Im on for it.’

  He said, ‘You want that scar do you. Want to be connexion man and foller on your dad.’

  I said, ‘I myt as wel keap it going down the line.’

  He said, ‘Why keap it going? You think its some thing good?’

  I said, ‘I dont know I never thot on that part of it. Its what my dad done and Iwl do it and all.’

  He said, ‘Yes why not. Riddley wud you tel me if you thot I wer stupid?’

  I said, ‘If you askit me.’

  He said, ‘Yes I beleave you wud. Wel all right les put that scar on you and get you startit doing your connexions.’

  We gone to the divvy roof then for the scar take. Torches berning and the woal crowd there. Befor we done it Goodparley & Orfing fittit up for the show what theywd be doing right after. The show Iwd be watching with a new scar on my belly and thinking on my 1st connexion.

  Lorna Elswint up front with us for letting the blood and cutting in the scar. Goodparley and me stript off down to our trowsers and stood facing each other with all the crowd looking on. I had to stan on some fire wood so my belly wud be hy a nuff. Orfing stanning nex to me to tel me what to say.

  I said to Goodparley, ‘Wheres Eusa?’

  He said, ‘In my belly. Fear belly and brave belly. Hot and col. Emty and ful.’

  I said, ‘Wheres his mark?’

  He said, ‘On me from a nother on him from a nother. You asking for that mark?’

  I said, ‘Im asking for that mark.’

  He said, ‘How wil they know it when its on you?’

  I said, ‘Its on me to make it knowt.’

  Lorna Elswint took her neadl and let some blood out of Goodparleys right arm and
smeart it on his scar.

  Goodparley said, ‘My belly to your belly and your belly to Eusa.’ He shovit his hairy belly agenst me so hard the fire wood I wer stood on gone slyding and I had to grab him not to fall down.

  He said, ‘Take that for a blip.’

  I steppt back with his E pirntit in his blood on the right side of me. 3 stroaks for Eusa:

  Which ever way you pirnt it on its never backards.

  Lorna took the knife and cut it in me. Then she prest the clay in to it and she tyd the wrappings roun. Then I cudnt see them 3 stroaks I cud feal them tho. Tharbing a littl and I thot of them like 3 moufs on me and waiting to say some thing. Waiting to say my 1st connexion after I seen the Eusa show.

  8

  Goodparley & Orfing had a red and black stripet fit up it ben stanning there ready to go and littl kids creaping in and out of it wylst we ben doing the scar take. Orfing cleart the kids out he tol them ther heads wud tern to wood if they dint come out of it qwick. He all ways said the same thing trying to be joaky. The kids knowit he parbly wudve knockit ther heads to gether if there hadnt ben no other groan ups looking on thats why they liket giving him bother.

  Goodparley give me the nod and I stood up for the show talk. Same as my dad in his time and his dad befor him.

  I said, ‘Weare going aint we.’

  The crowd said, ‘Yes weare going.’

  I said, ‘Down that road with Eusa.’

  They said, ‘Time and reqwyrt.’

  I said, ‘Where them Chaynjis take us.’

  They said, ‘He done his time wewl do our time.’

  I said, ‘Hes doing it for us.’

  They said, ‘Weare doing it for him.’

  I said, ‘Keap it going. Chances this time.’

  They said, ‘Chances nex time.’

  I said, ‘New chance every time.’

  They said, ‘New chance every time.’

  I sat down then. Goodparley inside the fit up. Orfing stanning by for the patter. Looking at the fit up. Nothing to see only the red back clof with black smoak and arnge flames paintit on it and the emty space where Eusa wud come up.

  Orfing gone close to the fit up and talking to the lower part where Eusa wer inside readying to show nor you cudnt see him yet. He said, ‘Trubba not.’

  Eusas voyce from down inside said, ‘No Trubba.’

  Orfing said, ‘Wel if there aint no Trubba whynt you come up where we can see you?’

  Eusas voyce (which it wer all ways a low and sorrerful kynd of voyce even them times when you myt think Eusa myt be jollyer nor other times) said, ‘It dont make no diffrents if I come up or not you cant see me any how.’

  Orfing said, ‘Why cant we see you?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Becaws the main part of me aint where you can see it.’

  Orfing said, ‘Eusa no body wants to see the main part of you we jus want you to come up and do a show.’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Thats a larf innit. How can I do a show if I cant show the main part of me?’

  Orfing said, ‘Eusa what is that main part you keap talking on?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Its that same part what I do my bes work with innit.’

  Orfing said, ‘Wel Eusa its the same with all us bloaks we all do our bes work with that same part dont we.’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘You dont or you wunt be talking so stupid. Its my head Im talking about thats my main part.’

  Orfing said, ‘Eusa be you saying its your head we cant see?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Thats what I ben saying.’

  Orfing said, ‘Why not? Why cant we see your head?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Becaws its burrit in the groun thats why.’

  Orfing said, ‘Eusa this aint no time to stick your head in the groun weve got work to do weve got a show to do.’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Orfing you aint very qwick are you I cud get better patter peeing agenst a wall. I aint stuck my acturel head in the groun nor I aint talking on the head Im talking with.’

  Orfing said, ‘What head be you talking on then Eusa?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘When I say my head its jus a way of saying. Only its over your head innit. May be your heads the 1 whats burrit in the groun.’

  Orfing said, ‘Eusa wunt it make life easyer all roun if you jus come up and done your show?’

  Eusas voyce said, ‘Thats your Trubba Orfing you keap looking for a easy life you wont move nothing frontways that way.’

  Eusa come up then slow and scanful like all ways terning his woodin head this way and that and his paintit eyes taking us all in. Many and manys the time Id lookit back at them staring blue eyes. Since back befor I cud member it even. Only this time it seamt like it wer the 1st time I wer seeing him and I wer afeart of him. The way he kep terning his head it made me think of that thing with no name looking out thru our eye hoals.

  Orfing said, ‘Wel Eusa if youre ready to show then I can sit down now.’

  Eusa said, ‘Yes Im ready to show and Iwl tel you this aint no made up show this time its all trufax from the Mincery and ben wrote down the same.’

  Orfing said, ‘Trufax is it. This heres going to be the parper stablisht men story is it.’

  Eusa said, ‘Thats what its going to be right a nuff.’

  Orfing said, ‘May be I bes stan up then.’

  Eusa said, ‘You bes sit down Orfing dont give me no inner fearents.’

  Orfing sat down then.

  Eusa lookit roun on all of us agen. He said, ‘This here what youre going to see it happent time back way back when I workit for Mr Clevver.’

  Orfing said, ‘O that ben ever so far back. Long time long time 1000s and 1000s ever so many. You wunt do nothing like that now you wunt bring on no Bad Time agen wud you.’

  Eusa said, ‘You can res your mouf now Erny we dont nead no mor patter Im showing now.’

  Orfing said, ‘Yes you are youre showing right a nuff. Wel carry on Eusa I wont say no mor.’

  Eusa said, ‘Right you are and let that be the las of it.’

  Orfing dont say nothing mor.

  Eusa says to us, ‘This is time back way back like I said.’ He goes down and he comes up with paper and pen and ink and a measuring stick and a triangl. Hes writing writing hes numbering hes drawing lines all over that paper. Hes thinking hard hes mummering to his self then hes scratching his head and hes thinking some mor. He groans a littl then he says, ‘All these here numbers and that its all too much to keap in 1 head and programming my self. What I nead is a nother head and bigger so it can do some of this hevvy head work for me.’

  Eusa does down agen and hes clanging and banging hes huffing and puffing and hammering it souns like hes bellering up a reddying fire and hes beating some thing on a hanvil.

  Persoon Eusa comes up agen this time hes got like a iron hat on his head. 2 long wires coming out of the top of the hat and littl pegs on the ends of the wires. Plus theres a cranking handl on the side of the iron hat. Eusas trying to shif some kynd of a box its biggern he is. He gets the box heavit up on to the show board. He says, ‘Hoo! Thats a hevvy 1.’ Theres a cranking handl on the side of the box as the 1 on Eusas hat. 2 littl hoals and a slot in the top of the box and a nother slot in 1 end of it.

  Eusa says, ‘2 heads are bettern 1.’ He takes them 2 wires coming out of his hat and he pegs them in to the hoals in the box. He says, ‘Now Iwl jus input a few littl things in to my No. 2 head.’ Hes terning that crank on his iron hat. Rrrrrrrrrrrr.

  Eusa says, ‘Now les see if it works.’ He takes a peace of paper and he says out loud what hes writing on it: ‘Whats my name?’ He puts the peace of paper in the slot in the top of the box he says, ‘Now les see if you can anser that.’

  Eusa terns the crank on the side of the box and a peace of paper comes out of the slot in the end of the box. Theres writing on the paper. Eusa reads it out: ‘My name is Eusa.’

  Eusa says, ‘Thats the ticket.’ Hes terning the crank on his iron hat some mor then. Hes inputting all kynds of knowing
out of his head in to the box.

  Mr Clevver comes up and hes watching Eusa and lissening to him. Eusas mummeling all kynds of numbers and formlers it souns like hes inputting all the knowing there ever ben in the woal worl out of his head in to that box. Hes saying the Nos. of the rain bow and the fire qwanter hes saying the smallering Nos. and the biggering Nos. plus it souns like hes saying some thing about the 1 Big 1. Mr Clevver hes leaning closer and closer hes lissening lissening.

  Mr Clevver he says to Eusa, ‘Thats a guvner lot of knowing youre inputting in to that box parbly theres knowing a nuff in there for any kynd of thing.’

  Eusa says, ‘Thats about it. I dont think theres many things you cudnt do with that knowing. You cud do any thing at all you cud make boats in the air or you cud blow the worl a part.’

  Mr Clevver says, ‘Scatter my datter that cernly is intersting. Eusa tel me some thing tho. Whyd you input all that knowing out of your head in to that box? Whynt you keap it in your head wunt it be safer there?’

  Eusa says, ‘Wel you see I cant jus keap this knowing in my head Ive got things to do with it Ive got to work it a roun. Ive got to work the E qwations and the low cations Ive got to comb the nations of it. Which I cant do all that oansome in my head thats why I nead this box its going to do the hevvy head work for my new projeck.’

  Mr Clevver says, ‘What is that new projeck of yours then Eusa?’

  Eusa says, ‘Good Time.’

  Mr Clevver says, ‘Eusa did I hear you say Good Time with a guvner G and a guvner T?’

  Eusa says, ‘Thats what I said and thats how I said it. Good Time which I mean every thing good and every body happy and teckernogical progers moving every thing frontways farther and farther all the time. You name it wewl do it. Pas the sarvering gallack seas and all that.’

  Mr Clevver says, ‘Youve got all that in that box have you?’

  Eusa says, ‘You myt say Ive got the nuts and balls of it in that box which is my No. 2 head but Ive got the master progam in my regler head which is the 1 on my sholders.’