Stranger Than Fanfiction

  “The Jasper Forest is home to many pieces of petrified wood,” he read. “The petrification process most commonly occurs after wood is burned by volcanic ash and constrains the wood from decomposition due to lack of oxygen. Flowing water then deposits minerals in the plant’s cells, forming a stony mold in its place. These are the fossilized remains of terrestrial vegetation stretching back to the Triassic period, approximately two hundred and thirty million years ago.”

  The last bit of information must have struck a chord with Cash because the actor got out of the car to see the fossilized wood for himself. He climbed down into the canyon and fell to his knees at the first petrified log he found. The actor placed his hand on the log and began to weep uncontrollably. He cried so hard tears and snot dripped down his face, like he was kneeling at the tombstone of an old friend.

  Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo couldn’t figure out what was causing his bizarre mood swings. Still, they all kneeled beside the actor to offer him their support.

  “What’s wrong, bud?” Topher asked.

  “I just can’t believe how long this has been here…,” the actor cried. “It’s overwhelming when you think about it.… Somehow this wood has stood the test of time beyond anything else we know.… It was here hundreds of millions of years before us and it’ll be here for hundreds of millions of years after us.… It’s a little certainty in such an uncertain world.… None of us even know what tomorrow will bring.… None of us know what’s next.…”

  The actor rested his head on the petrified wood and continued crying. Although he wasn’t making much sense, the Downers Grove natives realized where all the emotion was coming from. After a week of being criticized, analyzed, insulted, humiliated, and vilified by every news source, radio station, talk show, magazine, and gossip blog on the planet, Cash Carter was finally having the breakdown the media all wanted. It was possibly the most human moment the actor had ever experienced, and unfortunately for the tabloids, no one was there to catch him in the act.

  Once they finished exploring the Petrified Forest, the Downers Grove gang journeyed farther west toward the Arizona Meteor Crater. At four o’clock they exited the interstate and ventured down another winding desert road to the site of the prehistoric impact. From the parking lot the attraction just looked like a rocky hill, but once they climbed up to the observation deck surrounding the crater, they stared down at the enormous hole in awe. It was nearly a mile wide and several hundred feet deep.

  “This is incredible!” Sam said. “I had no idea how big it would be!”

  “That’s what she said,” Joey joked. “But I know, right? It’s like God just scooped out a piece of the earth with a giant ice cream scooper.”

  “Finally, something on this road trip that doesn’t disappoint,” Mo said. “I was afraid this would just be a glorified pothole.”

  “Some scientists think this was the meteor that killed all the dinosaurs,” Topher informed the group. “Can you imagine how hard the ground must have shaken on impact?”

  Cash wasn’t as interested in the attraction as the others. He skulked to the far end of the observation deck and lit another cigarette. Meanwhile, Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo took selfies, group pictures, and panoramas of the crater. They posted their pictures on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat—grateful to finally have something worth sharing.

  All their phones began to buzz at the same time with an incoming video chat.

  “Oh look, Huda and Davi are calling us,” Mo said. “I bet they saw our pictures and are jeeeeeeealous! Let’s answer our phones with the crater in the background to really rub it in.”

  They turned their backs to the crater and answered their friends’ calls at the same time.

  “Hey, guys!” Topher said. “Guess where we are!”

  Huda and Davi were very distressed, like some kind of tragedy had occurred. Davi’s face was bright red and he was panting like he had run all the way to the cybercafe. Huda’s eyes were puffy like she had been crying.

  “Is it true?” Huda sniffled. “We figured you guys would know since you’re with him.”

  “Is what true?” Mo asked.

  “You haven’t heard?” Davi asked in shock. “It’s been all over the news and the Wizzer blogs.”

  “We’ve been trying to avoid the Internet since St. Louis,” Joey said.

  “Are you talking about the rumors of Cash missing stunt training?” Sam asked. “Because if so, you guys don’t need to worry about that. It was just a misunderstanding and Cash took care of it.”

  His words were anything but helpful. In fact, the international Wizzers started panicking a little more.

  “Davi, they don’t know what we’re talking about!” Huda said. “How can they be in the dark when they’re with him?”

  “Sorry, our Google Alerts were becoming too much so we turned them off,” Topher said. “What’s going on?”

  They could tell Davi was searching the Internet while talking to them because his eyes darted all over his screen. The Brazilian boy came across something that made him gasp and cover his face.

  “Oh no!” Davi exclaimed. “Huda, it’s true! Some site called Deadline just confirmed it!”

  The Saudi Arabian girl burst into tears like she had learned a family member had been killed. She had to cover her mouth so she wouldn’t wake up anyone in her house.

  “You’re scaring us!” Mo said. “Just spit it out! What happened?”

  “Guys…,” Huda whimpered. “We didn’t want to believe it at first.… The network made the announcement this afternoon.… Wiz Kids has been canceled! The show’s not coming back! It’s all over!”

  Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo unanimously went into a state of shock.

  Apparently the Arizona Meteor Crater was only the second biggest impact of their day.

  Chapter Twenty

  HEROES AND HAPPINESS

  The drive from the Arizona Meteor Crater to the Grand Canyon was the quietest the station wagon had been the whole trip—but not by special request. The Downers Grove gang were too stunned to speak. As if they had magically been transported into a snow globe, their whole world had been turned upside down and violently shaken apart, and they didn’t know where to begin picking up the pieces. The travelers didn’t know what to say, what to do, or what to think. The only guidance they had was their itinerary, so they followed it and hoped some reassurance would be waiting at their next stop.

  Cash stayed quiet, too, but his silence inspired a thousand questions. Did the actor know his show was getting canceled or was it news to him as well? If he was aware, how long had he known? Was his behavior the reason the network had pulled the plug? Why would he join fans on a road trip if he knew this news was coming? The car was driven over a hundred miles before anyone was brave enough to voice the taunting questions aloud.

  “Did you know?” Mo asked.

  Her stern gaze was aimed directly at Cash but the actor never looked away from the Arizona desert outside his window.

  “I knew I wasn’t returning for season ten,” he said softly. “But I had no idea they were going to cancel the show over it.”

  “So you’ve been lying to us,” Joey said.

  “I never lied about anything,” Cash said. “I just didn’t tell you the whole truth—there’s a difference.”

  “Why are you leaving the show?” Sam asked.

  “Because it’s just my time to go, okay?” he said. “God, I’ve spent all week telling you about what a nightmare it is—does it actually surprise you? Can you blame me for wanting it to end?”

  “You should have told us,” Mo said. “You should have prepared us for this—this—”

  “Disappointment?” Cash finished her sentence. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Actually, I don’t really give a shit. I’ve already disappointed the whole world—who cares if four more nerds are added to the list?”

  “Cash, you knew how much the show meant to us,” Topher said. “You knew we’ve been watching it s
ince we were in elementary school. And you knew the show was going to keep us connected when we went away to college. How can we not be disappointed right now?”

  The actor slowly shook his head at the notion.

  “Dumb ass,” Cash said under his breath.

  “Excuse me?” Topher said.

  “I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about me,” he said. “You see, for once I thought I had found people that might care about me more than the show I was on. For once I thought I may have found a group of friends, but I guess I was wrong. There are only two types of people someone like me gets to have in their life: fans and critics. I’m stupid for expecting anything else.”

  “Now you’re just being a drama queen,” Mo said. “We can be your friends and fans of your show, too. As fans we’re heartbroken our favorite show is over, but as your friends we’re pissed off you didn’t tell us sooner. Seems like you’re the one who doesn’t know how to be a real friend.”

  “So you’re saying if I told you on day one that I was leaving the show, we could have still had fun together?” he asked the car. “Because today is day six and you guys are acting like I’m a murderer. Face it, you guys are fans first. All you really care about is the show and the fantasy it provides you—that’s the only reason you put up with me this week. So don’t lecture me about real friendship.”

  The others wanted to object but they couldn’t prove him wrong. Despite how close they’d become to Cash, maybe he wasn’t a real friend if their loyalties were still with Wiz Kids. After all, they’d only known the actor for less than a week, but they’d known his show for the majority of their lives.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t be with you much longer,” Cash said. “As soon as this car stops I’ll happily leave the trip so you’re free to crucify and vilify me just like all the other Wizzers in the world right now.”

  At seven o’clock on Friday evening, the station wagon pulled in to a lookout point on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Cash grabbed his things and hopped out of the car before it came to a complete stop. He stormed off into the forest beside the canyon without the slightest clue where he was going—he just wanted to get as far away as possible.

  “Where do think you’re going?” Topher said.

  The actor ignored him and continued through the trees. Topher ran after him and the others followed, but Cash was moving at such a determined pace it was difficult to keep up. The breathtaking sight of the Grand Canyon was just a few feet away but none of them were paying any attention to it.

  “There’s nowhere to go for miles,” Topher tried again. “You’re going to get lost.”

  “Like you give a fuck,” Cash said.

  “What are you talking about?” Topher asked. “We’ve spent this whole trip giving fucks about you! When I carried you out of that warehouse, that was giving a fuck! When we delayed our plans to go to High Tydes, that was giving another fuck! When we stopped on the side of the road so you could drive a Porsche, that was giving a fuck, too! When we hid you from those tourists at the jailhouse, that was also giving a fuck! And now we’re chasing your ass through a forest because, guess what, we give a fuck!”

  “So what do you want? A medal?”

  “No, we’re just asking for a little consideration,” he said. “This has been a terrible week for you, but it hasn’t been easy for us, either! We learned secrets about our favorite television show, we found out our hero isn’t who we thought he was, we found ourselves in the middle of a scandal, and we just found out we’ve lost everything that held our friendship together! Why don’t you cut us some slack?”

  The remark got under Cash’s skin and he stopped to face Topher and the others.

  “I’m sorry I ruined your favorite show. I’m sorry I ruined your little road trip. I’m sorry for dragging you into the dark side of my world. But I’m not sorry you lost a hero, because you’re all adults. You should know by now that heroes don’t exist. It’s your own fault for thinking they do.”

  “That’s not true!” Topher said. “I know heroes exist because I’m my little brother’s hero. It isn’t easy, it’s not always fun, it’s full of hard choices, and sometimes you have to put yourself second to help the people you love. But being a hero is a choice and you’ve chosen to disappoint millions of people by leaving your show! So don’t tell me heroes don’t exist when you’re just too selfish to be one!”

  Joey, Sam, and Mo were expecting this to infuriate Cash, but the actor didn’t look upset at all. On the contrary, he stared at Topher with pity like he was a sad little boy.

  “You’re wrong, Topher,” Cash said. “You could devote years to doing everything you just said and still disappoint people the second you put yourself first. You can’t manage your brother’s happiness any more than I can manage yours. The truth is you’re only responsible for one person and that’s yourself—believe me, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.”

  The actor suddenly dropped to his knees and held his head in pain.

  “FUCK, MY HEAD HURTS!” he moaned.

  Cash opened the front pouch of his backpack but couldn’t find what he was looking for.

  “Shit, I’m out of gummies, too!” he said. “Maybe one fell to the bottom.”

  Cash dumped out his bag and frantically searched through his things. An empty prescription bottle rolled out of his bag and across the ground to Topher’s feet. He picked it up and read the label.

  “OxyContin?” he said. “Why are you traveling with narcotics?”

  “Don’t look at that!” Cash demanded. “Give it back.”

  “Is this what you’ve been taking?”

  The actor’s face filled with shame—it was the first time they’d seen him embarrassed about something.

  “It’s not what you think,” he said. “Look, I got injured on the set of Wiz Kids a couple months ago and I’ve been trying to wean myself off—”

  “You’ve been popping these like vitamins since our trip started! That’s hardly weaning yourself off,” Topher said, and came to a disturbing realization. “Holy shit—you’re an addict! Everyone was right about you! We’ve been protecting you and defending you this whole time—and you’ve been lying to us!”

  Cash let out a low and sinister laugh as he repacked his things.

  “It sure is rich to be called a liar by you lot,” he said. “I mean, thou without their own secrets cast the first stone. Oh that’s right, you can’t, because you’ve all been lying to each other, too!”

  Topher couldn’t see his friends behind him, but the comment made Joey, Sam, and Mo very tense.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Topher said. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

  “Oh really?” Cash asked. “Shall I go down the list?”

  “Cash, no!” Sam said.

  “Please stop,” Mo said.

  “Don’t do this, man,” Joey said.

  Topher was very confused by the pleading expressions on his friends’ faces. It was like everyone knew something he didn’t.

  “Why is everyone freaking out?” he asked.

  “Let’s go in a circle,” Cash said. “Joey’s gay—I caught him on a date with a guy he met on a gay hookup app. Mo’s throwing her life away—she’s only going to Stanford to please her father. Sam’s transgender and the only reason he’s hiding it is because Topher’s in love with him and he’s in love with Topher. Did I miss anyone?”

  Everyone froze as if Cash’s words had turned them into stone. They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. Cash knew what he had just said was horrible and inhumane, but it was too late to take it back. The damage was done.

  “I can see a hiking party headed this way,” he said. “I’m going to ask them if someone will give me a ride to the nearest town.”

  The actor struggled with how to say good-bye to the kids from Downers Grove, but
the right sentiment never came. Instead of saying anything, Cash just hurried through the trees toward the hikers he saw and disappeared from sight. Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo didn’t follow him, though. In fact, they stayed exactly where they were, silent and still, until it was dark outside.

  As the sun set over the Grand Canyon that evening, it didn’t just mark the end of an emotional week or a terrible day for the four friends, but the end of an era for Wizzers all around the world.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  CALIFORNIA DREAMING

  The seven-and-a-half hour drive to Santa Monica, California, the following day was the most uncomfortable ride of their lives. The four best friends felt like complete strangers as they traveled the last five hundred miles to their destination. Each passenger stayed quiet but their minds were rabid with their own unique blends of shock and shame. It wasn’t until the station wagon crossed the state line of California that anyone said a word.

  “So… we’re just not going to talk about it?” Mo asked. “We’re just going to sit here and pretend we don’t know each other?”

  “Do we?” Joey asked.

  “Yes, we do,” she said assertively. “Maybe it’s easier for me because my secret was the least surprising, but I don’t think this is as big of a deal as we’re making it. I’m sure we all had good reasons for keeping the secrets we did—but it’s not like we don’t trust or care for one another.”

  Mo was eager for the healing to begin. She looked each of her friends in the eye and told them exactly how she felt about their situations.

  “Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on. Sam, it doesn’t bother me for one second that you’re transgender. I only wish you had told me sooner so I could have felt ahead of the times by smothering you with my love and support. And, Topher, I don’t care that you have a crush on Sam. The only reason it bums me out is because I always thought you had a crush on me.”

  “Did you want me to?” Topher asked from the driver’s seat.