narratorAUSTRALIA Volume Two

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  And they hastened greatly for it was near closing time and woe betide those who miss the opening hours for they shall forsake meat and drink until they reopen.

  Then the doors parted and a great rejoicing was heard all over the land. Hark, hear the herald angels sing and listen to those cash registers ring, but alas no relief staff was in sight.

  And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, ‘So to you, our valued customers, on this day you have been given a great gift, use it wisely and kindly. Listen, the cattle are lowing and so are our prices! Bring your sacks and stockings and your old bags! Make a list and check it twice and don’t be the one to miss out on bargain begetting time!’

  And so they gazed in wonder and amazement at what they saw before them. The baby lying in the specials bin, well wrapped to keep him nice and fresh and to seal in his goodness.

  They knelt and adored him with the light shining out onto thy ass and oxen and asked who do he looketh like most?

  Then the shepherds turned and hurried back to their flocks as stock had a habit of running low at this time of year, glorifying and thanking him for all they had seen and saved and to be first in line for when the market reopened.

  And a multitude of heavenly hosts gathered and chorused to all who would listen.

  ‘Go forth and multiply into a global conglomeration and remember the brand name of God, ye shall shun all other brand names, he takes only the best, rejecting all the rest and his religion shall be known as generic!’

  So the three wise men hurried back to their kingdoms and issued new decrees to all departments.

  ‘Where upon once man rested on the seventh day he will no more! From this day forward it shall be known as seven day trading. And a great spirit filled the land and it will be known as consumption and thy new slogan shall be, “We never close!”

  ‘So come all available staff, sullen and resentful, taking your holy orders now and serve them faithfully, for we know you so love your fellow man, you will live only to serve.’

  Heaven be praised for surely this is specials time.