My Peace

  just God wouldn’t have allowed such a thing to happen. He shrugs now.

  “I figured it couldn’t hurt. And look… Pax is fine. So something worked.”

  “Yes, something did,” I agree. Unconsciously, I finger my necklace. Pax had it custom made for me as a wedding gift. It’s inscribed LOVE NEVER FAILS and there hasn’t been a single day that has passed that I haven’t worn it. It matches my mother’s ring on my finger.

  William looks up at me. “When are you due?”

  I’m startled and my head snaps back. He laughs.

  “Mila, you are the only woman I’ve ever met who actually glows during pregnancy. You look radiant, my dear.”

  I shake my head and chuckle a little.

  “I just found out myself,” I tell him. “I haven’t even had a chance to tell Pax yet.”

  William smiles. “Your secret is safe with me. But I’m thrilled. Congratulations. Your little family is a source of great joy for me.”

  My heart warms to bursting. “Thank you.”

  “Hey guys,” Pax greets us as he creeps into the kitchen. He moves slowly, carefully, and I know he’s hurting. He’s trying hard not to show it, but the man was hit by a car. Obviously, he’s in pain.

  Zu trails behind him.

  “Grandpa!” she shrieks, and she launches herself at William. He smiles and hugs her tight, his hand in her curls.

  “Zuzu-Bean,” he murmurs. “Guess what I have for you?”

  “Is it candy?” she asks, her eyes wide.

  He nods. “Like always. But not until after dinner.”

  She nods happily, agreeing. “Thank you, papa.”

  Pax reaches out his arm and snakes it around William’s shoulders, hugging him lightly.

  “Good to see you, old man,” he guffaws. William grins. Pax is the only one on the planet who jokes around with him in such an irreverent way, and William loves every minute of it.

  “It’s good to see you, son,” he answers. “You hanging in there?”

  “Hell, yeah,” Pax answers. “It takes more than some SUV to take me down.”

  I shake my head and grab the bowl of vegetables. “If you guys can bring the rolls, dinner is ready.”

  William picks up the basket, and everyone follows me to the dining room, a room we rarely use except for when William is here. We normally gather around the kitchen table.

  “Sit at the head,” William instructs Pax. “This is your home.”

  Pax takes his normal seat, but he does tell William, “This is your home, too.”

  William smiles, and again, he seems so sad. Pax and I exchange a look, but we don’t say anything. I’m not sure what to say. Perhaps William is just bothered by the accident and what ‘could’ve been.’ Lord knows, I am.

  We chit-chat over dinner, about small things. Alexander Holdings, Zuzu’s swimming lessons, my photography. Zuzu babbles happily, and William has seconds. He never takes his suit jacket off, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without it.

  After dinner, he helps me clean up while Pax takes Zu upstairs.

  He dries a couple of pots, then turns to me.

  “Thank you for making my grandson so happy, young lady.”

  I’m startled by this, and I smile. “It’s my pleasure. Really.”

  “The way you stuck by him when he was… well, let’s just say when he was less than pleasant.”

  I have to laugh at that. When Pax’s memories of what he had endured that night with his mother when she was murdered had re-emerged a few years ago, he has certainly been “less than pleasant.” He had disappeared into a dark abyss and I never thought he’d come out.

  But he did.

  “Love never fails,” I tell William simply. “Pax taught me that.”

  “I wish I’d been there for him,” his grandfather says seriously, and now I see the source of his sadness. “All of those years.”

  “You and Paul had issues about Susanna. Pax knows that. We’re both just glad that things are resolved now, and that everything is good,” I assure him. “Pax loves you, William. Very much.”

  He nods. “And I love him. He’s really doing amazing things at Alexander Holdings. And he’s a wonderful father.”

  “I agree,” I tell him. “He’s turned out very well. You should be very proud.”

  “Oh, I am,” he assures me. “I am.”

  He hugs me, and Pax hasn’t come back downstairs yet.

  “It’s possible that he fell asleep while he was reading to Zu,” I tell him. “He does that sometimes.”

  “It’s ok. Just please thank him for me, for this evening. I’m tired, and I hear my bed calling to me.”

  I smile and he’s gone.

  I hear the front doors close, and I see the brake-lights on his car disappear into the night.

  I put him out of my mind as I turn off the lights, and turn on the alarm, making my way upstairs. I wake Pax, who had indeed fallen asleep in Zu’s pink room. He climbs into bed with me, and we snuggle together for sleep.

  I want to tell him that we’re having another baby.

  I’m dying to tell him.

  But now is not the time. It’s late, and we’re tired. He’s asleep within minutes, and I’m left trying to think of a really cool way to tell him. Maybe Zuzu can make him a cute video? Or I can have a custom shirt printed?

  I’m still brainstorming ideas when the phone rings an hour later.

  I grab at it, because it’s late, and who is calling?

  “Hello?” I say softly, eying Pax. It didn’t wake him.

  “Hello, Mrs. Tate?” It’s an unfamiliar voice, although something about it seems like I’ve heard it before. “This is Natasha, Mr. Alexander’s housekeeper.”

  This snaps me to attention. She’s never called me before.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m so sorry to tell you… Mr. Alexander suffered a massive heart attack tonight. He’s gone. I’m so sorry.”

  I’m stunned, and words won’t come out, and when they do, they feel like wood.

  “Gone?” My fingers are numb.

  “Yes. He died immediately. It was very quick. Is Mr. Tate with you?”

  “Of course. He’s…” I look over. Pax’s eyes are open now, wide and hazel. He stares at me, waiting. “He’s right here. I’ll tell him. We’ll be right there.”

  I hang up and Pax is waiting for me to explain, and tears well up in my eyes.

  He reaches for me, and he knows something terrible has happened.

  “It’s your grandfather…”

  The words tumble out, and he sucks in a breath, but he doesn’t react.

  Instead, he holds me tight, strong for me, and strokes my hair.

  “It’s ok,” he murmurs. “It’s ok.”

  6

  Chapter Five

  Pax

  Reality stands still as my grandfather is lowered into the ground, his mahogany casket gleaming in the dying evening light.

  His grave is right next to my mother’s, next to her marble weeping angel and the headstone that reads She walked in beauty, she sleeps in peace.

  My father looks up. “He’s with your mother now. He’s at peace.” His voice is gruff.

  I nod and Mila squeezes my fingers.

  It’s a gray, rainy day, and it is fitting for this funeral.

  Well-wishers shake my head, and hug Mila, and it seems like hours pass before the three of us are finally alone.

  “I have your grandfather’s will,” my father says as we climb into the family car.

  I’m startled by that, and just as startled that he would bring it up now. I wince as I click my seat-belt. The pain is still bad. After a week, I would’ve thought it would fade. It hasn’t. In fact, the pain in my knee has gotten worse.

  “I know. It’s not what you want to hear today,” my father adds, and the driver closes the door.

  “Not really,” I admit. “But why do you have the will?”

  My father is an attorney, but not my grandfa
ther’s attorney.

  “He wanted me to handle this,” my dad shrugs. “Pax… William knew for some time that the end was close. He had major blockages in his heart, and they were inoperable. He wanted me to tell you directly after the funeral about the terms of his will. He wanted you to have time to think about it.”

  He has my attention, and I wait for him to continue.

  “Go on.”

  “I think it goes without saying that you get everything. He’s got some trusts set up for charitable donations, but pretty much everything comes to you. With a couple stipulations.”

  “What are they?” Mila asks and her eyes are red. The past couple of days haven’t been easy. She was close to William. She loved him, and he loved her. We were all he had, and she knew that. She did everything she could to make him feel included and loved.

  My father clears his throat.

  “You must live in his home for at least five years, and even if you choose not to continue living in it at that time, you must keep it in the family.”

  “Wow.” That’s all I can think of to say, because I don’t want to live in my grandfather’s home. It’s too big, too sterile. Almost like a museum. But it’s where my mother grew up, and because of that, my grandfather has never sold it. It’s a beautiful estate, but it’s just not home.

  “And you must keep his key staff onboard for at least five years.”

  “Who does he consider key?” I can’t help but ask, even though I’m ready to stop discussing my grandfather’s affairs so soon after his burial.

  “His housekeeper, Natasha. His chief business advisor, Peter. And of course, Roger.”

  “Five years?” Mila asks, her eyes serious. “But what if they do something egregious? Can he terminate them then?”

  Dad nods. “Yeah. There’s a list of terms outlined, complete with things that would be considered acceptable. They’re a good staff though. He just wants to make sure they’re taken care of, and have enough time to move on if they wish.”

  I nod. My grandfather has always been good to his employees.

  “I’m sorry to bring this up right now, son,” my father adds. “Truly. It was just William’s wishes that you were told immediately. The size of the estate alone is staggering. You’ll need to think about this.”

  I don’t ask, and he waits, and then he sighs.

  “It’s worth three billion dollars, Pax.”

  “Holy cats,” Mila sucks in her breath. “Billion with a B?”

  My father nods, and I’m not surprised. My grandfather was a wizard at business.

  “Ok,” I say simply. “We’ll discuss it. Do I have a time-limit to adhere to?”

  Dad nods. “Yeah. He’s given you thirty days to decide. If you decide to reject it, everything will go into a trust for Zuzu.”

  “So Zuzu would get saddled with those same terms?” I ask wryly. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I know.”

  My dad stares out the window and after barren trees pass and rainy skies, he turns back to me. “Your grandfather was a good man.”

  “I know.”

  And he was. He was formal, and sometimes stern. He was dignified, but loving in his own way. Even now, he’s trying to look out for me in the best ways he knows how. In trying to dictate the terms, he was trying to give himself peace of mind that I will continue making good decisions, and continue being successful in life.

  I love him too much to fault him for that.

  When we reach my home, my father climbs out of the car first, and then helps me out. His eagle eyes don’t miss the fact that I’m moving slow, or that I flinch when the muscles in my back contract, and my knee gives a little with every step I take.

  “Maybe you should go back and see your doctor?” he suggests as we head inside.

  “Maybe,” I acquiesce, and both he and Mila do a double-take.

  “It must be bad,” my wife decides. “I’ll make an appointment for you for tomorrow.”

  I nod, and Zuzu runs into the room with Chelcie close on her heels.

  “Daddy,” she shrieks, and Mila catches her before she plows into me.

  “Remember, daddy is fragile,” Mila reminds her, and I roll my eyes.

  “Again, I’ll show you fragile,” I remind her softly, for our ears only. Zu grabs my legs and holds on and my father pries her off, hefting her onto his back.

  “Show grampy your room,” he tells her, galloping like a horse down the hall. Paul Tate has definitely mellowed since having a grandchild.

  Mila and I stand alone in the foyer and her slender fingers find mine.

  “Are you ok?” she asks softly. I think about that.

  I think about how my grandfather had welcomed us into his life with open arms, and how he had insisted that I work in his family business… not because he needed someone, but because he wanted me to stay clean, and he wanted me to have something positive to focus on.

  I think about the man he was, and how much he had affected me in the few years that I’d known him.

  “Yeah,” I say finally. “I’m happy I had a chance to know him.”

  Mila nods and she smiles, because she likes that answer.

  “What do you think about… what your dad said?” she asks and she’s hesitant. I scan her face. She’s so open, so trusting. She’ll do whatever I want to do. I know that.

  I place my hand on her flat belly, my fingers splayed out.

  “I’m not sure his home is where I want to have a baby,” I tell her, and my voice is husky. Her head snaps up, her eyes meeting mine.

  “How did you know?”

  “You’re already starting to waddle,” I grin. She smacks me.

  “Seriously. How did you know?”

  “I saw the pregnancy test in the trash, babe.”

  I hug her tight, and she sighs into my arm. “Are you happy?”

  “Hell, yeah,” I tell her honestly. “I love putting my babies in you.”

  She giggles at that. “I love that process, too.”

  “You feeling ok?” I ask her. She was radiant with Zuzu. She was barely sick a day… until the very end, when she had almost died from a detached placenta.

  “I feel great,” she says brightly. “I wanted to tell you when I first found out, but then… well, I didn’t want you to remember it as a sad occasion.”

  “I don’t,” I answer. “It’s the circle of life. One dies, another is born. My grandpa would be happy.”

  Mila nods because she knows that’s true. “He was happy. He guessed it that night at dinner. Said it showed on my face. He really loved us, Pax.”

  A knot forms in my throat. “I loved him, too.”

  I move, and flinch. Mila narrows her eyes at me.

  “Have you taken your pain meds?”

  I shake my head. “I forgot.”

  “You’d better do it. You’ve been limping all day.”