Still Jaded

  "What's wrong with you?"

  He shook his head and drank the shot in one gulp. "Nothing."

  "Hey!" I grabbed the bottle from his hand and glared. "What's your problem? You're on me about my stuff. You talk too."

  Corrigan's eyes were livid, but he didn't try to grab the bottle. "I don't make you talk about anything. I let you be you. I always have. I stand by and watch you self-destruct all the time, and then I come in and pick up the pieces. Me, Sheldon. Bryce helped out in high school, but it's been only me since Marcus. Now you think you saw him—now Officer Patterson says it was a guy that tried to come in here. I'm pissed off because someone keeps trying to hurt you. I can be angry, can't I? Give me the damn bottle. I want to get drunk."

  My shoulders slumped down and I felt my anger evaporate. I slid the bottle across the counter to him and sat on a stool. "Are you mad at me?"

  "No," he bit out.

  I watched as he took another drink and then closed his eyes. His hands were clenched in fists. They rested against the counter. His shoulders were clenched as if he was fighting something inside of himself.

  "Corrigan," I said softly.

  He lifted strained eyed to me.

  "I'm sorry I'm so screwed up."

  A smile formed on his face and a chuckle escaped him. His shoulders relaxed slightly as he sighed. "You're not the problem. Don't ever apologize for that. I'm just—Bryce should be here too. I know things haven't been good with any of us for a long time, but I don't know. A part of me feels good that you and Bryce have broken up. I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like everything's out in the clear. You guys aren't hiding what was going on and now we can all move forward. You two can fix whatever is the problem and get right with each other whenever, but he should be here. No matter if he's with that other girl—he should still be here. He's the other part of us…"

  I swallowed tightly and looked down. Everything Corrigan said felt like a punch to my stomach. "I…" I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say anything. Bryce was gone… A part of me didn't feel like he was. A part of me didn't want to accept that, but I couldn't change it. It felt like cancer growing in the pit of my stomach. It was deadly and something I couldn't stop it.

  Then Corrigan pushed a drink in front of me. "Drink it. Let's both get drunk. Screw classes tomorrow."

  "Nothing good has happened the last few times we've drank together," I choked out. My throat felt so tight. I reached for the glass, but my hand trembled. When I let go of the glass, I looked up and met Corrigan's gaze. They were a clear green, but looked clouded now. I felt something in the air, something thick, but I didn't dare say anything. Something was weighing me down and I couldn't break its spell.

  Then Corrigan asked, "When are you going to talk to him?"

  I looked away. It was a question that I hadn't wanted to answer myself. It'd been nagging me, constantly in the back of my mind. I shrugged. "I don't know. I—I don't even know what I'm going to say."

  "Because you don't want to hear the answers?"

  I shook my head and Corrigan thumbed a tear away. My voice was raw. "I can't talk about this, Corrigan. I'm sorry. I—I can't talk about it."

  "Okay." He nodded and then pulled me into his arms. A deep sigh wracked his body, and he tucked his chin into the crook of my shoulder. "We've gotten through worse."

  Most times I'd push someone away, but I held onto Corrigan. I felt him kiss my forehead before he tightened his hold around me. No matter what had happened, it felt right to be on good terms with him again. All the strangeness between us before was gone right now. It didn't matter. What mattered was getting through the next few hours, next few days, and then I'd tackle the months after that.

  "Fuck it. Let's get some breakfast. You hungry?" Corrigan pulled away. He took a breath to steady himself.

  "Uh, yeah. Let me shower first. You're okay to drive?"

  "Yeah. It'd take a bottle for me to feel something right now." He turned away as I got off the stool. My legs trembled too, but I willed myself not to fall down. Nothing was going to make me fall. Before I walked out of the kitchen, I looked back. Corrigan had turned his back to me, looking out one of the windows. His hands were braced on the counter and his shoulders were tense. I stopped and considered him for a second.

  I'd known Corrigan all my life, before Bryce. There was a lot underneath the flashy image so many were dazzled by, but I didn't think anyone really knew what made Corrigan tick. Even I didn't. I wondered if Bryce did, but that was a mute point now. Bryce was gone. He was gone. He… I felt tears again and clamped them down.

  "Go and shower, Sheldon." Corrigan had turned around.

  I nodded and left. I pushed it all down and focused on the now. That meant showering, dressing, and grabbing some money for food. When I went downstairs, Corrigan had showered too. He was dressed in crisp jeans and a blue hoodie. His eyes looked tired, but I was surprised to see that he'd put some gel in his curls. That's when I asked, "When'd you cut your hair? What happened to those luscious locks of love?"

  Corrigan grinned, holding open the door for me. "I cut 'em awhile ago. No more curls."

  "Momma Corrigan must've been heartbroken."

  He grinned and got into his car. "I know." Corrigan rested a hand on my seat as he turned and reversed the car. When we pulled out of the gate, he asked, "Where do you want to eat?"

  "Sparky's."

  "What?! No. I hate that place."

  "Oh come on. We can find out if Dorothy is working. Maybe she'll try to kill me there and then we won't have to worry about who's my stalker. We'll know it's her."

  "Your sense of humor sucks sometimes," he growled, but turned the car around.

  I grinned. I knew I had a morbid sense of something, but the real reason I wanted to go there is because I wanted to see how she reacted to Corrigan. I'd been there with Bryce last time and the girl was nearly buckled from knocking knees. Corrigan was a different matter. Her cousin had almost stabbed him to death. Plus, he was a big deal on campus and I knew Dorothy had some history with the sorority chicks on campus. I wanted to gauge her reaction to him. Seeing him at a party was one thing, but having him at her family-owned restaurant was another matter. If I couldn't handle dealing with Bryce, then I could handle dealing with my stalker.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  When we walked into Sparky's, the conversations hushed. Movement stopped. All eyes were on us, though I wasn't sure why. The last time I'd been there, no one had cared. Everyone paid attention this time, but then I looked at Corrigan and realized it was him. He stood self-assured. He was no longer the cocky or playful Corrigan. He'd changed for some reason. Then I looked past the hostess stand and saw Dorothy start to turn our way. When she saw who stood in the doorway, her eyes widened. I almost heard her sharp intake of breath as she froze. Her body was stiff and her limbs were jerky as she walked towards us.

  Corrigan looked down on her, literally. He stood at his fullest height, but Dorothy didn't mind. She seemed nervous as she smiled. "Two?"

  "Booth," I said. I hated chairs and table. There was more protection in a booth.

  "Oh. Okay." Her smile faded when she saw me. Then it turned bright as she nodded towards Corrigan. "Follow me."

  I elbowed Corrigan and walked in front.

  "Hey."

  "Hey." I quickened my pace so that I stood right behind Dorothy as she turned and gestured to the booth. When she saw that I had walked behind, her smile dimmed again, but I slid in and Corrigan moved around her. As he sat, she placed both menus in front of us and stood back. I saw her finger tremble. Her knee seemed to jump too.

  "We have breakfast specials right now, but we serve all meals."

  I liked the new Sparky's. They might've been Italian-owned, but the place had been renovated into another Perkins.

  "I'll just get coffee," I smiled so fake that Dorothy looked alarmed.

  "Okay…" She frowned before she left.

  "What the hell are you doing?" Corrigan flicked my wr
ist.

  "Ouch." I flicked him back and then punched his arm.

  "What'd you do that for?"

  "What'd you do that for?"

  "You're acting like a psycho. And you're eating something. None of this 'just coffee' crap."

  "I'm acting crazy because she's crazy. Did you see her? She didn't even know I was here until she was almost on top of us."

  "Well then she's not your stalker or she would've known right away. What's your problem? Why are you trying to intimidate her?"

  "Why not?" Intimidation was fun. "She's Marcus' cousin. I'll try to scare anyone related to him."

  Corrigan grew silent. That perked my interest. He studied the menu, but Corrigan never studied a menu. He always knew right away what he wanted. I slammed a hand on his and said, "Out with it. What's going on?"

  He shrugged and sat back. He stuffed his hands in his hoodie front pocket. "Nothing. Why?"

  "You said I was being weird, but so are you. You're usually all flirty or pissed. The only times you're just normal is when you're around me. What gives? Why are you so…not you?"

  He rolled his eyes. "I don't like this place. I don't understand why you always want to come here. It gives me the creeps."

  He was right. It was weird, but I came back for…I wasn't sure. "I think I feel like something's not right, something wasn't right about Marcus. Maybe this was my last connection to him, the real him before he turned crazy."

  "You're right, something wasn't right with him. He was crazy," Corrigan barked out.

  "No, I mean—" I gave him a dirty look. "He wasn't always crazy. He became that way because of something. It wasn't us. I mean like at his home or maybe he was picked on too much, I don't know. People aren't born crazy, right? They become crazy. I think if I can understand that, it'd help me understand why what happened did happen. You know what I mean?"

  "All I know is that this place gives me the creeps. I was wrong about the waitress. She's creepy. She keeps looking over here." He hunched over the menu when Dorothy started back to us.

  I leaned forward and whispered, "That's because she likes you."

  "Do you know what you'd like?" Dorothy asked with a tremble in her voice.

  "Man, the first time I came in here, I thought you were going to try and stab me with a fork. Now you're super nice. Are you trying to give me a complex or something?" I watched Dorothy intently. I wanted to judge her reaction to my words.

  Her eyelid twitched. I caught distaste for a second before she covered it and looked at Corrigan. She kept glancing at him. Most girls with a crush would look underneath their eyelids, like they wanted to hide. The shy girls never liked a guy to know who was checking him out. The brazen girls, like Cadence, stared openly and longing. They wanted the guy to know he was wanted. This girl—she was not normal. She kept staring at Corrigan as if he wasn't a real person, like she didn't realize he could tell she was staring.

  I spoke up, "Do you like Corrigan? You're staring at him like he's a tasty treat."

  "Sheldon!" Corrigan hissed.

  My eyes narrowed as I waited for Dorothy's reaction. She froze and grew white around the mouth. Her skin looked stretched, painfully. Then she turned on me and her eyes snapped in anger. "How dare you?"

  "How dare me? I'm speaking the truth."

  "I loved Marcus. I did. He wasn't normal. I know that. My entire family feels bad for what he did, but he was still my cousin. And yet, you keep coming in here. You were the one who took him away from us before we could get him help. You killed him. You baited him. We all read the police report. I saw the tape. You were in complete control and he wasn't. You could've gotten away from him, but you didn't—"

  I shot to my feet. "Wanna know why?!"

  There was shocked silence around us. Dorothy seemed shaken, but she didn't look away.

  I hit the table with my fist. "He stalked me. He videotaped me with my boyfriend. He killed two of my friends, good people. They were people you would've been friends with. I liked them, and I found one of them dead. He left her in the park, like he threw out the trash. Then he stabbed one of my best friends in front of me. He enjoyed it. He stabbed him multiple times and he dug that knife in until—"

  "Enough!" Corrigan shot to his feet. He clamped a hand on my arm. "We're leaving." Then he turned on Dorothy. "We won't be coming here again. We won't be using your catering services either. And for the record, I did nothing to your cousin. He tried to kill me because Sheldon's my family. She went after him because of me. She didn't stalk him, he stalked her. You might want to remember that."

  He dragged me outside and then let go of my arm when we got to the car. As we got inside, I shook my head. My legs were trembling. "You reminded me of Bryce just now. Are you sure you're not channeling him?"

  Corrigan growled. "It's because you make us do that. You made me do that. You push us so that we have to reign you in and it's annoying, Sheldon. I feel so much pressure because I have to take care of you now. You don't take care of yourself. You put that responsibility on someone else. I'm not fucking you. I'm your best friend. How did this job come to me?"

  I went cold at his words.

  "Sheldon." He reached for my hand.

  I shrank away from his touch. "Don't touch me. Don't even think about it. You don't have to take care of me. Whatever you were worrying about in there, you don't have be a certain way. You never were before. Now what—Bryce is gone so you're trying to fill in? Don't. Please. You're right. You're not fucking me. You're supposed to be my friend. If you can't handle the job description then apparently it's too much—"

  "That's not fair!" Corrigan interrupted. "I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm not like you. I haven't wanted to deal with Marcus Donadeli. You—it's all you've been dealing with. I think that's good. You're trying to put him behind you, but I'm not like that. I try not to think about it." He glanced away. "I don't think Bryce ever wanted to deal with it either."

  "Yeah. Well." I'd grown so tired in the last minute. "Maybe that's what went wrong with us."

  He sighed. "I'm sorry. I was wrong—"

  "You don't have to stick around. You can leave too."

  His shoulders dropped and his throat jerked. He visibly swallowed. I watched how his hands clenched and then relaxed. He looked down at them, as if considering what I just said. "I'm sorry. I just—you make…I don't know how to say this."

  "Say it."

  "Okay." He took a breath and looked at me. I saw the appeal in his eyes. "I could hide from a lot of things before, but Bryce is gone. I mean, I don't know what I mean. It doesn't matter. I…just…I can't hide because of you. You don't hide anymore. I'm with you. I'm in the front seat right next to you because I want to be. But that also means that I can no longer hide from things because you don't. You face everything head on. Hell, any challenge you see before you and you want to squash it. I have to get used to it. It's a lot, sometimes. You're making me deal with shit that I might not have dealt with all my life…"

  "What are you talking about?"

  Corrigan sighed and smiled. His grin was brief and gone, but I still saw it. "Nothing. Nothing. Where else do you want breakfast?"

  "I don't care. Pull over to the closest coffee place. I still want coffee."

  Corrigan did as he was told.

  After we went back to my place, I shot into the house, but I couldn't get farther than the kitchen. Every inch of my skin was itching to hide. In some ways, he wasn't right at all, but he was in other ways. There were times when if I saw a problem I knew I could deal with, I dealt with it. Maybe I didn't want Marcus to screw my life up? Maybe I didn't want him to have that power over me.

  When my fridge opened and Corrigan pulled out a beer, I arched my eyebrows. "Really?"

  He shrugged. "I already know what kind of talk we're going to have. The time seems to fit."

  "What are you talking about?"

  He gestured towards me with his beer. "Just, start."

  So I did. He thought he knew me so well, but he d
idn't. "You're telling me that I don't hide from stuff? Do you know me? Really? Do you not know me at all? I hide from everything!—"

  Corrigan got in my face. His breath tickled my chin. "You don't hide from Marcus. You face it head on. That's why you go to Sparky's. That's why you stayed in Spain, even though Bryce didn't want you there. You didn't hide from what was going on with him. You stayed there because you wanted to face it head on. You've changed, Sheldon. You've changed since—not since Marcus, but before that. Hell, this thing with Bryce would've been drawn out a few