Awethology Light

  * * *

  They spent the next couple of years almost blissfully. For his sixteenth birthday the sorceress followed through with her original promise and gave him a birthday celebration to remember. They ate all kinds of foods he had never had before, and he helped her make them. There were only two of them at the party, but by this time Max was hungry enough to eat everything in sight. Sometimes it was difficult keeping up with his appetite. His birthday was the only exception. They ate an enormous amount, and then sat outside during the night to watch the stars. Max was adept at star reading by then, so he could point out every constellation and tell the ancient stories. The one thing the sorceress didn’t follow through with was fireworks. She didn’t tell him why, but they both knew it was probably best to avoid anything big and fiery for the time being.

  Despite the stinging memories, his anger had subsided, only returning in bursts when he was practicing offensive sorcery in the woods. The sorceress knew it was good for him to release his emotions, even though it was destructive.

  He found balance eventually, but it came with nightmares that he couldn’t control. Some nights he would wake up in a screaming fit, and though no magic was involved, his eyes and head blazed with pain. Sometimes he cried; other times he would toss and turn till he couldn’t take the pain any longer. Each time, terrible images burned in his mind. And each time, the sorceress awoke and sat by his side through it all.

  Usually the nightmares didn’t last too long, but when they did, the sorceress would try to wake him up. She’d hold him, let him cry if he had to, and if he didn’t, they’d sing together till he felt better.

  Even when he slept silently through the bad dreams, the sorceress felt the pulse of each image shoot through his mind. Whenever she closed her eyes, she felt snippets of his mind inside hers. This didn’t startle her as much as it could have. It simply meant that he was getting stronger as a sorcerer. He was becoming as powerful as she was, if not more, and he was only sixteen. The magical energy he bore had begun to seep outward into other planes of existence.

  It occurred to her that she didn’t have as much time with him as she would have liked.

  “The world is so big and amazing,” he said, marveling at the map the sorceress had laid out on the table. “How do you know so much about it?”

  The sorceress laughed softly. “Contrary to what you might think, I haven’t really been anywhere outside of this region. I know a lot about the world, but only from what I’ve been told, and what I’ve read in books.”

  There was a pause, as he sat, pondering it all. “Did you learn it all from the um... other sorcerers? The bad ones?”

  She blinked, swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded.

  He reached across the table to take her hand in his, and then looked down at the map once more in awe. “My lady, this really is amazing. I’ve been thinking... I’d love it if I could see the world some day. I want to explore the world. I want to travel, and learn about all the places you’ve told me about.” His smile was warm, but the sorceress felt cold.

  She returned his smile, though it was a sad one. “You know... your sorcery skills are excellent already. In a year’s time, you’ll be a full sorcerer.”

  Max’s eyes widened. “That’s right... It’s almost been seven years already.”

  “Mhm. You can go see the world whenever you’d like after a year. You’ll be as ready as I can make you.”

  “Really? You mean it?”

  Her smile grew. She loved seeing him so hopeful. She loved seeing him happy. “Of course.”

  His eyes sparkled and he got up to give her a hug. She was beginning to feel small in his arms. “Thank you, my lady! Thank you so much! Gosh, a whole year... What will we do until then?”

  She laughed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

  From then on, the sorceress made sure they spent every moment of their day to its fullest. If she had been more organized, she would have planned everything out with lists and calendars. But as it was, they were both fairly disorderly most of the time, even when the sorceress tried to structure their day.

  During the winter, they spent their time baking, reading and singing. It was a long, cold season of quiet things such as these, with the occasional burst of anger from Max here and there. He was getting better though, and they found that the more they talked, the better he felt. She taught him how to use insulation spells to keep the house warm and smaller incantations to warm his hot chocolate or tea. She even taught him how to create sparks of fire from his fingertips. He’d known for ages how to light a fire without sorcery, which was just as useful and even more important. She made sure he had a balanced understanding of both sorcery and common things such as this. It would be beneficial for him on all accounts, especially if he was going to leave her in a year’s time.

  Thinking about him leaving made her heart ache, so she tended to avoid that thought altogether. She focused on spending time with him, and letting him have a little time on his own as well.

  He had more time on his own when spring came, and the sorceress had him take walks in the woods. He found solace during these walks, and a newfound tranquility in each step. He didn’t go far, never abusing the privileges she gave him, even though she sometimes expected it from him. Sometimes she would join him, but most of the time, he went alone. In the mornings, she could hear him singing out by the creek, which was very comforting to her.

  He was always so compliant and so kind, doing everything he was told and then some. Even after all these years, she was still surprised by how kind he was to her, despite everything he’d been through.

  He turned seventeen during that spring, but they decided that he would stay until autumn, because that’s when he’d arrived all those years ago. The sorceress was relieved by his decision, because she clung to every precious moment with him desperately. She couldn’t help it. It was becoming part of her nature to do so.

  By the time summer arrived, he was cooking almost every meal himself and was practically a pro when it came to magic, closer and closer to becoming a “true sorcerer”. He had a few magical tricks up his sleeve that he liked to use just for fun, and while he was becoming more mature, he was also becoming more mischievous. Sometimes he’d lure pixies into the garden (this time on purpose), and sometimes he would startle the sorceress by randomly appearing in the middle of the room. It was all harmless, good fun, and it made the sorceress laugh when she felt low.

  During the hottest days of summer they went swimming in a small lake in the woods. They swam for hours, picnicked under canopies of trees, and used deflective spells to protect their skin from the sun. They liked these days best. When the sun set, they made shadow puppets with the last light of day and exchanged stories from when they were little. Max’s stories were always intriguing, because he remembered things from when he was barely four years old that the sorceress could never even imagine. She liked hearing what his childhood had been like, even if it hadn’t been much of one to begin with. It made her happy that he still had some good memories to cancel out the bad ones. Despite this, he didn’t remember as much about his family as she thought he would, or if he did, he didn’t talk about them very much. She found it funny that even in their last year of living together, they were still learning so much about one another. It was easier now because he was older and more willing to talk. He was old enough now that he had to shave. His first shave was a learning experience for both of them, and funny enough that they laughed about it for days.

  When summer left them, they fell back into the familiar rhythms of cool weather, and along with that came gloom. It could have been coincidence, but it was the rainiest and gloomiest fall the sorceress had seen in a long time, and inside she felt exactly the same. Her heart cried every time she looked at Max, even on quiet afternoons when they were doing nothing special. She was excited for him, but she was sad as well. She thought about him leaving constantly; the prospect shook h
er up badly. Seven years previously, she’d known how to cool her emotions down so they were as durable as stone, but now there was nothing stopping her from bursting into tears at the sight of him. It was everything at once, all the time, night and day, and every season of the year melded into one.

  It wasn’t as if Max didn’t notice, of course. The magical empathy between them was increasing, and some nights, Max could feel the highs and lows that swept through the sorceress like a storm. At times they shared nightmares, which ended in the way they always used to when he was younger: the two of them, sitting in bed or next to the fireplace, singing old lullabies together. It wasn’t long until the nightmares went away, however, and were replaced with sweet dreams of excitement. The sorceress filled her own mind with thrilling thoughts of Max and the great things he would accomplish out in the world. She’d seen amazing sorcerers before, and just one look at him gave her the reassurance she needed to be certain that he was going to be one of the best.

  When the day came for him to leave, her mind felt ready, but her heart trembled. Her hands shook as she was packing his travel bag with food, and there were several moments that morning when she almost ran into the kitchen table. It was early afternoon before Max said anything to her.

  “My lady?” He spoke softly as he entered the kitchen. “I’m ready to go now.”

  She looked up to meet his eyes, her dirty white hair in a braid that was beginning to fray from rushing all over the place. Her lips pulled into a smile. He was dressed in travel clothes he’d made himself, and his hair was freshly washed, his eyes bright and curious, as they had been when she’d first met him.

  “I see,” she replied quietly. There wasn’t much else to say. She stood up and handed him his bag, which was filled to the brim with food and the materials he’d need to get to his first destination. They’d planned out his whole trip the night before, or at least the beginning of it, on a map. Everything was set, everything was ready. Including him.

  He took the bag but didn’t waste another moment before pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you for everything.”

  She tilted her head up to rest her chin on his shoulder, smiling a little. “You’re welcome. Now, Max... Don’t hesitate to return if you need anything, all right? You’re always welcome here.” She wanted to say more, but the words caught in her throat. All she could do was hold him close until he wanted to let go.

  When he did, she let out a small, shaking sigh. It was strange; she knew there was nothing wrong with showing her emotions, but she’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry until he left. After all, above everything else, she was excited for him.

  “I know, my lady.” He grinned, took her head in his hands and kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

  The sorceress could no longer stop herself. Her forest-colored eyes became misty with tears, and she rubbed them like a child. “I love you too, Max.”

  He giggled, his voice still a perfect melody, then gave her one last hug before opening the door to leave.

  She watched him go, eyes following him until she could only see the outline of him against the pale blue horizon. It took her a moment to realize she was completely alone, and when she finally turned away from the window, she burst into tears.

  That night, the sorceress slept restlessly. There were no nightmares; there weren’t even any dreams. She continued to toss and turn, her mind etched with worry and ache for no reason. It was as if the absence of Max had disconnected her soul from her body. Nothing she thought made any sense, and for the first time in a long time, she felt hopelessly useless.

  A few minutes before sunrise, she flung herself out of bed, wrapped in a blanket, and went to the kitchen for some tea. As the water was heating up, she considered using sorcery to make it go faster, but felt unmotivated to do even that. She felt lost. She felt cold. And all the while, she knew there was nothing she could do but occupy her time and try to fill the hole that was left.

  Once her tea was ready, she sat down at the table, eyes on the chair across from her. Why had there been two chairs in this house in the first place? She’d built it with the full intention of living alone, so why had she made two chairs? She couldn’t even remember a time when there was anyone other than Max in her life. Everything seemed pointless now that he was gone.

  “What a strange feeling,” she observed aloud, her voice rough with the coat of sleeplessness. She ran her fingers through her hair, which she’d given up on trying to tame. At some point she would cut it all off, but for now she let it do as it pleased. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but other than that there was no emotion left for her to show.

  She hadn’t even realized that her tea was gone until she almost dropped the mug mid-thought. It slipped from her grip but she caught it with a bit of magic, setting it back on the table and finally understanding the one thing she knew to be true. The cup was empty, and so was she.

  The sun shone through the window; there was a knock at the door, startling the sorceress out of stasis. Ordinarily she would have noticed someone approaching; she had always been so good with that. But there was no reason to keep watch. There should have been no one around for miles. Her mind pulled into focus; the familiar feeling of electricity warmed her fingertips.

  “Relax,” she told herself, and the feeling slowly passed. There was another knock, and as she got to her feet, she grabbed a small knife just in case.

  When the door opened, the knife fell to the floor with a small clatter. There, looking just as he had seven years before, was Max, his face streaked with tears. Immediately he fell into her arms, holding her tightly and crying into her shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry. I’ll never leave you again!”

  It didn’t take long for the sorceress’s instincts to snap into action. “Max, sweetie, what’s wrong? What happened?” She smoothed his hair.

  He pulled himself up to look at her, but still held her in front of him, not looking away. “Nothing happened. I just... I left you! I left you all alone. I’m so sorry, my lady! I’ll never leave you ever again.”

  “Shh, it’s all right. I... I thought it’s what you wanted.”

  “No!” he replied, shaking his head and hugging her close again. “I was wrong. I’m sorry, Mom! I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

  The sorceress couldn’t hide her tears as she held him close. In all her years of studying sorcery, she’d had to live with regrets and things to hide. But the one thing she wasn’t ashamed of, this boy, turned out to be the one thing she never would have expected she’d have. And here he was, right in front of her all along.