Necessary Lies

  The problem was, I told Henry Allen about the baby three weeks ago and hadn’t been able to talk to him since. The barning was over, but I knew he was still working in the pack barn. I wished I could walk over and see him, but I didn’t dare. I was sure Mr. Gardiner knew about the baby—all he had to do was catch a look at me; I was getting mighty big. So far, he didn’t say nothing to me about it, but I worried he’d kick us out and I knew that was Nonnie’s worry, too. He put up with one Hart girl having a baby. Would he put up with two? Especially when one of them babies might be his bastard grandchild? I was glad Nonnie wouldn’t let me go nowhere, especially not to the store, because I was afraid of seeing Mrs. Gardiner. What she must think of me, dragging her boy down!

  “Here comes Lita again,” Nonnie said, looking through the kitchen window. She got up to open the door.

  Lita walked into the kitchen, smiling at me. She carried a brown paper bag in one arm and a glass jug of her special tea in the other. “Hey, Miss Winona,” she said to Nonnie. “Hey, Ivy.”

  I was glad to see her. This was the second time she paid me a visit this week—a bad week in every way—and I’d already drunk a whole jug of her tea. She made it out of some leaves she found in the woods and said it would make my baby strong. Nonnie didn’t want me to drink it, but I did anyway because the one thing them Jordan boys was was strong.

  She put the jug on the counter. “I brung some of Rodney’s baby things for you,” she said, nodding to the bag. “Let’s set in the living room and I’ll show you.”

  “Don’t keep her long.” Nonnie sat down at the table again. “I can’t shell all these peas by myself.”

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes, Nonnie,” I said, and me and Lita went in the living room. I moved Nonnie’s sheets into a bundle at one end of the sofa and we sat down.

  “How’re you feeling, baby?” she asked. Lita’d been real nice to me since I been pregnant. Real nice. She never used to call me “baby” and I liked when she said it. I got the feeling she understood how I felt: alone. I ain’t never felt so alone before. School would start next week and I wouldn’t be on that bus. Wouldn’t see my friends. Wouldn’t see Henry Allen every day. That was the worst part of all.

  “Let me show you what I got in here.” Lita started pulling little teeny clothes out of the bag. They was so cute and I tried to picture a baby of mine in them, but it was hard. I knew Nonnie would make me wash them before I put them on my baby on account of a colored baby wore them. So I’d clean perfectly clean clothes, but I wouldn’t make a fuss about it because Nonnie was too tired and miserable to fight with these days.

  “This one’s really special,” Lita said, handing me a little blue sweater.

  “It’s real pretty,” I said, taking it from her and resting it on my knees to look at. It made a crinkly sound and I lifted one side of the sweater to see a bit of that notepaper Henry Allen always used for his notes. “Oh!” I said, and closed the sweater up real quick.

  I looked at Lita, and she nodded toward the sweater with a smile. “Go ahead,” she said. “Read it.”

  I glanced at the kitchen door, worried Nonnie might come out. Then I quickly opened the note.

  I ain’t forgot we’re getting married. Just got to figure it out.

  I folded it back up and tucked it in the pocket of my dress. I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

  Lita was still smiling. “That’s the best thing in this bag, ain’t it?” she whispered.

  I nodded. “I was beginning to think he forgot about me,” I whispered back. I didn’t know Lita knew about me and Henry Allen. He must of trusted her to do this. It made me trust her more. I didn’t know how me and Henry Allen would work it all out, getting married. I didn’t think I could leave Nonnie and Mary Ella and Baby William. They needed me too much. Me and him sure couldn’t move into the Gardiners’ house, although when I thought of living in a nice place like that—well, I just couldn’t picture myself there. We’d have to have our own place and how could we afford it? Henry Allen would have to quit school and try to find work and that’s how people started going downhill, when they quit school. I’d seen it happen to lots of people. But I trusted he was figuring it all out, like he said. One day, he’d come over and say, “I got it figured out, Ivy,” and he’d tell me the plan and it would all be fine.

  Lita pulled out a pair of pants, way too big for a baby. “Rodney’s outgrown these, so I thought maybe Baby William could use them.” She looked around. “Where is he? Where’s Mary Ella?”

  “Napping, I think. She ain’t good, Lita.” I’d told Lita all about Mrs. Forrester’s visit. I didn’t know who to be mad at—Mrs. Werkman, because she’s the one that made it happen, or Mrs. Forrester for making Mary Ella so upset. I was mad at both of them, really. Mary Ella wasn’t right these days. She was either in bed or in the rocker all day long, holding Baby William or just by herself. “She ain’t talking at all,” I said to Lita. Mary Ella was never much of a talker, but now she was plum silent, all wrapped up in herself. When she was home, she loved on Baby William like she always did, but nearly every evening, she went wandering again. She didn’t bother taking my spermicide jelly now. The past two years, I been so worried about her having another baby and now I knew she never could of. She still remembered to get us them baskets of extras from the Gardiners, but I worried someday she’d be out wanderin’ and forget and then I’d have to go over and ask for it and … well, there just wasn’t no way I could do that.

  I wanted to ask Lita to keep Eli away from Mary Ella, but what did it matter now, really? She couldn’t have no more babies and everybody already thought she was trash. Now I guessed they was thinking the same about me.

  “Do you know why I sent Sheena up North, Ivy?” Lita asked, folding up them little pants again.

  I shook my head. Sheena’d been gone five years. I hardly remembered her no more.

  “I sent her up there because Mrs. Werkman started talking about her having the operation. She said she was feebleminded.” Lita unfolded the pants again and spread them out smooth on her lap, running her hands over them again and again, and I thought she wasn’t really seeing them. Maybe she was seeing Sheena in her mind instead. “If she was so feebleminded, how come she’s starting college right this minute?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “Don’t make sense,” I said.

  “That’s right. It don’t. I got her out of here before she either got pregnant or had the operation. One or the other was headed her way. They say you have to give permission before they do it, but a lady at church refused to sign them papers and they told her she wouldn’t get no more welfare if she didn’t. So I had to get her away.”

  I nodded. “It’s good you sent her,” I said.

  “Ivy!” Nonnie hollered from the kitchen. “I ain’t doing this alone!”

  “I’ll go,” Lita said. “You drink that tea, now, okay?”

  I nodded. “I like it once I put sugar in it.”

  “Good,” she said.

  Me and Lita walked back in the kitchen and suddenly heard a terrible howl from outside. It was the kind of sound that made your heart stop cold.

  “What on earth?” Nonnie started getting to her feet, but me and Lita was already running out the door.

  Baby William stood in the yard, holding on to the corner of the porch, his mouth opened wide as he let out another howl.

  “What’s the matter, Baby William?” I ran down the steps. “I thought you was sleeping with your mama.”

  “His mouth!” Lita said. “What’s around his—”

  “Oh no!” The skin around his mouth was blue. “No!” I shouted. “It’s Nonnie’s testing pills!” I grabbed him and carried him up the stairs to the pump on the porch, holding him sideways as I pumped water over his mouth. Already there was blisters coming up on his lips. “Did you eat one?” I shouted at him.

  “How many was in this box?” Lita asked. She was on the ground, picking up the pills.

  “I
don’t know!”

  “Here’s one looks like he just got a lick of, maybe.”

  “What’s going on?” Nonnie slammed the screen door behind her.

  “He got into them testing pills!” I said. “You didn’t put them on the shelf!” I hoped he didn’t swallow one. I tried to see inside his mouth to check if the pills burned him there, but he was screaming and squirming and I couldn’t get a good look.

  “I did, too!” Nonnie said. “I thought I did.”

  “Well, you didn’t! Pump this water for me!”

  She started pumping and I was nearly drowning Baby William, trying to clean off the blue.

  “He needs to go to the hospital,” Lita said. “I’ll get Davison to drive you. Take the pills with you.” She slipped them in the pocket of my dress, the pocket with Henry Allen’s note. “I’ll be right back!” she said, taking off for the woods.

  I didn’t have time to think about how bad it would be to ride in a car with Mr. Gardiner. I set Baby William on the porch. He was still screaming and I saw little bubbles at the corners of his lips.

  “I’ll get Mary Ella,” Nonnie said, running back into the house. “I thought she was watching him. I thought I put them pills…”

  Whatever she said got swallowed up by Baby William’s screams and I just hugged him to me, scared we’d ruined him for all time.

  * * *

  For once, not even Mary Ella could settle Baby William down. We rode to the hospital in Mr. Gardiner’s car. I wished Lita could of come with us, but they wouldn’t let her in the white hospital, plus she had to get home to her own boys. Mary Ella and Nonnie sat in the back with Baby William, who hadn’t stopped screaming for one single second since me and Lita found him. I was in front with Mr. Gardiner, wishing anybody else in the world was driving us—except Mrs. Gardiner.

  Nobody said nothing in the car. We couldn’t of heard each other anyway. In the emergency room, Mr. Gardiner told the nurse, “The boy ain’t watched right,” and then the nurse took Mary Ella and Nonnie and the box of pills into a back room with Baby William, but she said there wasn’t enough room for me. That left me in the waiting room with Mr. Gardiner. We sat next to each other, Henry Allen’s note nearly burning my thigh through my dress.

  For the longest time, we stared straight ahead, like we didn’t know each other was there. Then finally, he said, “You ain’t wrecking my boy’s life, Ivy.”

  I wanted to get up and move to the other side of the room, but I had to remember he held our lives in his hands. So I didn’t move and I didn’t say nothing and some time passed and he got up and talked to the lady who was checking in people at a desk and she took him someplace I couldn’t see. Maybe the bathroom? And after a while, he came back and then we sat some more. One hour passed. Then two, and I thought of all kinds of things they might be doing to Baby William and I started to cry. Mr. Gardiner handed me his handkerchief, but didn’t say nothing.

  Suddenly he stood up, and I saw why. Mrs. Forrester! There was a policeman next to her. She spotted us and we met her halfway across the room.

  “How is he?” she asked. She rested her hand on my arm just for a minute, but it was long enough to make me feel like I loved her again.

  “We ain’t heard nothing,” Mr. Gardiner said.

  She nodded. “All right.” She glanced toward the lady at the desk. “I’ll see what I can find out.”

  I wanted to stay with her, but Mr. Gardiner took my arm and walked me back to our seats again while Mrs. Forrester talked to the lady. The lady got up and took her and the policeman down a hallway.

  “Why is she here?” I asked Mr. Gardiner. “Why is there a policeman with her?”

  “Because that boy needs to be took away.”

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “He ain’t safe with you folks.”

  “Yes he is!” I stood up and started running down the hall after them.

  “Ivy!” Mr. Gardiner called, but he didn’t try to follow me.

  I couldn’t find the room they was in right away. I walked in a room with an old lady lying on a stretcher and then a big room with a bunch of beds in it. Finally, I found the room where Mrs. Forrester was talking to Nonnie and Mary Ella. The policeman stood just inside the door.

  “Ivy!” Mary Ella hollered. She was crying.

  “You can’t come in,” the policeman said.

  “It’s all right,” Mrs. Forrester said to him. “She’s part of the family. Come in, Ivy.”

  I went right to Mary Ella and put my arm around her. “Where’s Baby William?” I asked.

  “They’re still treating him,” Mrs. Forrester said, “but the doctor says he’s going to be all right. He was very, very lucky. This could have been much worse.”

  “The doctor said he could of died,” Mary Ella said.

  “I thought I put them pills on the shelf,” Nonnie said. She looked old and sad and fat to me. I was so mad at her, but I didn’t like seeing that scared face on her.

  “He could have died, that’s right,” Mrs. Forrester said. “And given the fact that this happened because he was unsupervised on top of the time he was missing for nearly half a day and the time the wrong lotion was put on his rash, the department feels he should be in a foster home, at least temporarily.”

  “What’s that mean?” Mary Ella whispered to me.

  “Please,” I said, “don’t take him away from us. That’s so wrong. We’re his kin.”

  “I know this is very difficult.” She was doing that hand-rubbing again like she did sometimes. “We need to be absolutely sure he’s safe while we decide the next step. I’m going to work on allowing y’all to visit him, but I can’t promise that.”

  “It’s my fault,” Nonnie said. Tears was coming down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault, so don’t blame these girls. Don’t blame Baby William.”

  “We’re not blaming anyone,” Mrs. Forrester said. “We just need to keep him safe and healthy, and putting him in a foster home is the best way to do that.”

  A nurse stuck her head in the door and looked at Mrs. Forrester. “He’s ready,” she said.

  Mrs. Forrester took in a big breath like she was getting ready to dive underwater. “It’s best if the three of you stay here in this room,” she said. “I’ll ask the doctor to come in and tell you about his injuries. And then I’ll be in touch. I’ll come over next week and we can talk more about this.”

  “I want to see my baby!” Mary Ella said. I could tell she didn’t understand what was happening. Nonnie sure did, though, and her legs couldn’t hold her another minute. She sat down in the chair against the wall, her face in her hands.

  I put my arms around Mary Ella. “Mrs. Forrester needs to take him to another family for a little while,” I said. I stared at Mrs. Forrester while I talked, deciding I hated her after all. She wasn’t on our side. She was our enemy.

  “What other family?” Mary Ella asked. “He needs to come home with us!”

  The policeman touched Mrs. Forrester’s elbow. “Let’s go,” he said.

  She looked like she wasn’t sure if she should stay with us or go with him. “I’ll come over next week,” she said again, and then left with the policeman.

  When the door closed behind them, Mary Ella all of a sudden seemed to understand what was happening. She ran to the door and tried to open it, but someone must of been holding it shut from the other side. “Baby William!” she hollered, pounding on the door.

  I went to her, meaning to put my arms around her and hold her real tight, but instead I started pounding on the door myself, hitting it with the sides of my fists, pounding as hard as I could. It felt like the only thing I could do. It felt like I was pounding on God.

  36

  Jane

  I drove into work Monday morning with a sense of dread and a weariness I couldn’t shake. I’d barely slept all weekend. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the trusting, hopeful faces of the Hart family disintegrate into masks of hurt. I knew I’d done the right thing
in removing William Hart from his home. He was now in an attentive foster home and receiving medical treatment for the blisters in his mouth and on his lips, and I felt good knowing that he was safe. He was probably scared and miserable and would suffer psychological scars that might haunt him forever, but he would live. Sometimes, though, you could do the right thing and still feel sick with doubt.

  I’d just sat down to dinner with Robert on Friday evening when the call came from the hospital. Robert and I had finally gotten past the misery of the lice infestation. For two weeks, we’d shampooed with the smelliest medicinal shampoo imaginable and washed so many loads of laundry that I’d started dreaming about suds filling all the rooms of our house. When I answered the phone Friday evening and told him I had to go back to Grace County for an emergency, he simply waved good-bye to me without looking up from his pork chop.

  Charlotte was already in our office this morning. Her cast was off now, but she still rested her bruised and swollen leg on the stool, and a cane had taken the place of the crutches. She looked up when I walked in.

  “You finally got that child out of there,” she said in greeting.

  I set my briefcase on my desk and sat down. “It was terrible,” I said.

  She nodded. “I’ll never forget my first time,” she said. “The only thing more painful would be doing nothing and then hearing later about the disastrous result. You had a close call with this one, and I blame both of us. I should have gotten him out of there before turning the case over to you. You weren’t ready to face what had to be done.”

  I bristled, but tried not to show it. The last thing I wanted today was an argument with Charlotte. She was still furious with me for telling Mary Ella the truth about her surgery—which I admitted to her before Ann Laing had a chance to tell her—and she was never going to let me forget about the beach trip, either. “I’m going to go over to the Harts’ house this week to see how they’re doing,” I said.