The Certainty of Violet & Luke

  I put on smile as I turn to look at her. ‘Yeah, I guess. Although, I really don’t know. Not a football fan. But I’m guessing it’s good because the won.’

  She’s leaning against the wall across from the door Luke and Kayden are supposed to be coming out of. The hood of her jacket is pulled over the top of her head and she has a scarf on. ‘Yeah, it was a good game. You should come to the next one with Seth, Greyson, and me.’

  I shrug as I recline back against the wall. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘It gets easier to understand,’ she says. ‘And it makes it more fun.’

  I kick the tip of my boot against the ground. I’ve never been good at chatting with girls, and Callie and I don’t have the best history, so I feel a little awkward. ‘You seem to know a lot about it.’

  ‘My dad’s a high school coach,’ she explains. ‘He was actually Luke and Kayden’s coach when they were in high school.’

  ‘That’s cool. It must have been fun to watch them play back then.’

  She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. It makes me wonder what it was like for her in high school; I wonder if she hated it like I did. ‘So I was thinking that maybe you and I could do some more kickboxing. You seemed to have fun the other day.’

  ‘Not necessarily fun,’ I say. ‘It was just a little therapeutic.’

  She turns to face me. ‘It’s that way for me too, at least it was when I first started it. Now it’s more for fun. I go at least twice a week. Seth usually goes too. You could ride with him.’

  I’m not sure about the idea, but don’t just want to throw it away. ‘I’ll think about it,’ I tell her, surprised I actually mean it. It did feel good kicking the shit out of something, even if it was just a bag. I open my mouth to ask her how she got into it, when Jonah Malforten walks up to me and interrupts or conversation.

  ‘Violet, long time no see.’ He grins his stoned grin as he nudges my boot with his foot. Jonah is a guy I used to deal with and seeing him standing here, near the stadium while I’m talking to Callie, feels like the past is mingling with my present. I find myself not liking it, especially the reminder of my life with Preston.

  ‘What do you want, Jonah.’ I turn my bitchy attitude on, but this is nothing new to Jonah because back when he knew me, this is how I always was.

  ‘I think you know what I want.’ He winks at me as he adjust his beanie farther over his head, the stench of pot reeking off of him and his bloodshot eyes full of hope that I’m going to deal to him.

  I glance over at Callie, who is looking in the other direction, as if she’s deeply preoccupied by a poster of the upcoming Winter Ball. As far I know, Callie thinks I’m a prostitute, at least that’s what she used to think I was, but maybe she knows the truth now.

  ‘Look, I don’t do that shit anymore, okay.’ I keep my voice low, but firm. ‘So take your stoned ass to someone else.’

  ‘You’re mean,’ he says, pouting in a way that I think he thinks is sexy, but is just plain annoying. ‘But you’ve always been mean. Sexy as hell, but mean. No wonder Preston has you doing his dirty work.’

  My muscles ravel into frayed knots about to snap. ‘Had me do his dirty work. Past tense. Now get the fuck out of my face.’ When he keeps grinning at me, I give him a little shove. ‘I’m serious, you dipshit. I don’t deal anymore nor do I have any connection with Preston.’

  He scratches the back of his neck, seeming lost. ‘Weird … I just saw him and he said to hit you up, that he was dry but that you’d help me out.’

  The knots in my muscles wind so tight it hurts and I frantically scan the area around me, searching for his face in the dwindling crowd and the remaining cars still parked in the lot on my right. ‘You saw Preston here?’

  He tips his head to the side, still confounded. ‘No … not here. At Garyford’s, down on Elm, earlier today.’

  My heart skips a beat but I tell it to settle down – don’t get too excited yet. ‘The bar?’

  Jonah nods. ‘Yeah, he’s always down there trying to sell. But today he was just chilling. Said I’d need to find you if I wanted anything … I think he was super drunk or something. Said if I found ya to tell you that he was looking for you.’

  Fucking asshole! God dammit, what the hell is the point of this? To drive me mad. ‘Thanks Jonah.’ I pat his arm then push him toward the exit. ‘It’s been super fun talking to you, but time for you to go.’

  ‘What about the stuff I need.’ He stumbles over his feet as I push him.

  ‘Preston lied. I have nothing.’ I retrieve my phone from my pocket and press Detective Stephner’s number. Jonah is mumbling about something as he wanders away and Callie is giving me this worried look. But I disregard them both as I move to the outside of the canopy with the phone against my ear. As soon as Detective Stephner answers, I blurt out everything that just happened.

  ‘Violet, calm down,’ he says. ‘I can barely understand you.’

  I take a breath, realizing I was getting no oxygen in with my words. ‘I just ran into someone who told me that Preston hangs out at Garyford’s on Elm every day. You know the bar where college kids like to hang out.’

  ‘Okay, I’m on it,’ he says and I can hear him rustling around. ‘But Violet, I want you to go home and wait to hear from me okay? Stay indoors. I don’t want anything happening.’

  What the hell does he thinks going to happen that hasn’t already happened? ‘Okay, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, just dinner with Luke and his dad ‘

  ‘No, stay indoors,’ he says. ‘Promise me, Violet. Just go home and wait this out.’

  ‘Why does it matter?’

  ‘Dammit, Violet, just listen for once, okay?’

  ‘Okay dad,’ I say sarcastically but then realize I’m acting like a brat. ‘Sorry, I promise I’ll stay in.’

  ‘Good.’ He breathes a breath of relief. Something’s off. He’s acting more worried than he normally does.

  ‘What aren’t you telling me?’ I ask suspiciously, watching a group of people closely as they walk by. What if Jonah lied and Preston is out there watching me right now?

  ‘A lot,’ Detective Stephner replies. ‘There’s a lot of stuff I can’t tell you.’

  That’s news to me and by the time I hang up, my minds racing with a million different ideas. I shut it down though when Luke finally walks through the doors. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie, his hair damp, probably because he just showered. At least he smells like he did, the fresh scent of soap surrounding me as he pulls me in for a hug. He does it without so much as a hesitation, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s starting to feel that way for me too.

  ‘So what did you think?’ he whispers in my ear, still holding onto me.

  ‘Those were some super tight pants,’ I try to tease, but my voice sounds off pitch.

  He pulls back, concern evident all over his face. ‘What’s wrong?’

  I look over at Callie who’s smiling at Kayden as he walks out of the door’s Luke just emerged from. ‘Can I tell you in the truck?’

  He glances over his shoulder at Callie hugging Kayden and then nods. ‘Okay, yeah, let’s go.’ He moves back, but doesn’t go too far, sliding his arm around my back. ‘Hey guys, we’re going to head out,’ he calls out to Kayden. ‘See ya later.’

  Kayden waves, but he’s distracted by Callie, who’s smiling as she tells him something which creates this big goofy grin on his face. I wonder what she thinks about what just happened. I wonder why I care so much.

  Luke and I head across the parking lot to the truck in silence, the sounds of our hurried footsteps adding to the tension around us. He’s parked toward the back so it takes a while but finally we reach it. He opens the door for me then once I’m settled in the seat he shuts the door and gets into the driver’s seat. His truck makes this gurgling noise as he starts the engine and then backfires. He curses then tries again, this time pumping the gas. Once it’s on and clearly going to stay running, he cranks the heat and turns to
face me.

  ‘Okay, what the hell has got that look on your face?’ he asks, scooting toward me.

  I slip my gloves off and unzip my jacket as what happened barrels out of me. I explain to him how I ran into Jonah and what he told me about Preston. I also tell him how I called Detective Stephner and how he told me to stay in our apartment tonight and how he seemed to be acting strange.

  ‘I’m sure he just wants to make sure you’re safe.’ Luke reaches for my hand when I’m done telling him and traces the folds in my fingers. ‘It’s what we all want.’

  I’m not sure who he means by we, but I don’t ask. ‘Yeah, maybe. But I talked to him earlier today when we were headed to the game and he seemed fine.’

  ‘He called you today?’ he asks, turning my hand upward and stroking the inside of my wrist. God that feels so good. ‘About what?’

  Through all of this, I’d spaced off the conversation the Detective and I had earlier and how I never did come to a conclusion on whether Luke would agree to help Mira. Although being here with him now, his touch bringing me so much calm, I’m starting to wonder why I doubted him to begin with. ‘About the case … and you?’

  His fingers pause on my palm. ‘Me?’

  I nod. ‘He said he thinks you got a call from the person defending your mother in court.’

  He suddenly looks like he’s in pain, his grip on my hands tightening. ‘Yeah, the other day I did.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I ask. ‘When it happened?’

  ‘Because I was confused … and pissed off.’ He sighs, defeated, as he laces our fingers together. ‘Sorry, that’s no excuse. I should have told you right when it happened.’

  I press my lips together, attempting to hold back the words, knowing I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help it and they force their way up. ‘What did you say?’

  A pucker forms at his brows. ‘About what?’

  ‘When they asked you to testify,’ I say. ‘What did you say?’

  He looks like I’ve wounded him, his expression mixed with hurt and disappointment. ‘I told them they could go fuck themselves and that she deserves to be behind bars.’ He lets go of my hand and slides away, looking a bit angry. ‘What the hell else would I say, Violet.’

  I stare down at my hands because the hurt look in his eyes is too great to endure. ‘I’m sorry I asked, but I needed to hear you say it … I don’t know why. I was pretty sure I knew you’re answer.’

  He shakes his head, huffing a breath of frustration as he stares ahead at the window. ‘I would never, ever do that. Not only because it’d be wrong – she deserves to go to prison – but I could never, ever hurt you like that.’ It like he’s fighting to breathe, his solid chest rising and falling heavily with each breath he takes. ‘You have to start trusting me.’

  ‘I do trust you. Too much,’ I whisper, shutting my eyes. ‘You could crush my heart if you wanted to.’ The silence that follows is maddening. Did I just say that aloud?

  One …

  Two …

  Three …

  Time feels endless as I wait for what comes next. I hear him shift on the seat, feeling him scoot closer

  ‘Violet, open your eyes.’ His breath dusts my cheeks.

  I swiftly shake my head, smashing my slips together. ‘I can’t.’ But I find myself opening my eyes anyway and he’s so close, only inches away from me.

  ‘I would never, ever hurt you,’ he promises, his hand gently cupping the back of my neck, fingers spreading across my skin. His touch sends a shot of tingles across my flesh and causes me to shiver as he guides me toward his lips. But I’m already leaning in, an invisible current pulling me toward him, like two magnets about to collide. When we do crash into one another, it’s dangerously intoxicating, stealing the air from my lungs, sending my heart slamming into my chest. I’m already falling again to that place where I feel helpless, yet safe. Emotions press their way to the surface, this time too strong to ignore. It hits me like lightning, an electric current surging through my body, overwhelming heat that both brings me alive and kills me at the same time.

  I think it’s then that I know what I’m feeling. The thing I’ve been trying to avoid for days now, and I’m both terrified out of my mind and alarmingly at peace.

  Our kiss is slower than normal, but equally if not more intense. Every sensual sweep of his tongue, soft nibble of his teeth, it’s like he’s memorizing my lips. His hands are exploring my body, leaving blazing trails of heat wherever they brush, my body so warm I swear I’m on fire. And I’m moaning, God am I moaning, as the stuff I’ve felt so confused about burns under my skin and pours out through my lips as I devour him with my kisses. I just want to keep doing this forever, never move again, but eventually Luke breaks the connection, putting a sliver of space between our lips.

  I whimper a protest and he crooks a pleased smile. ‘I promise will pick this up later. I promise,’ he says. ‘But I think we need to get you home.’

  I nod, my swollen lips unable to form words. So I turn and face forward in my seat, buckling my seatbelt, my mind turning right back on the moment we pull away from the stadium. Only this time it’s thinking about something entirely different, the realization I had while we were kissing. I’m not sure I want to accept it, but honestly it might not be about what I want anymore. Like Greyson says, when it happens it just sort of happens out of nowhere. There is no control, no ignoring, no putting on fake smiles to get around it. Nope, this is out of my control, no matter how much it terrifies me.

  Love.

  Love.

  Love.

  I think I might be in love with Luke.

  Chapter 24

  Luke

  I was pretty overwhelmed before the game, thinking about everyone there watching me. Yeah, I’m used to shitloads of people watching me play, but this was different. My father and Trevor were there.

  And Violet.

  She was making me the most nervous and it took me forever to figure out why. Because someone I love was going to be there. Once I got past the mind-boggling moment though, I was pretty okay with it. Excited, even. I played an awesome game too, so that made my mood better. Then the thing with Preston happened and I’m trying not to get too worked up about it, but if they manage to catch him, then there would be this huge opening for Violet and I to have a semi-normal life, maybe.

  And really, that’s all I want right now. Just her and me, and the normalcy that we’ve been having for the last few weeks. I’ve never had that before and now that I’ve gotten a taste for it, I want it more than anything.

  Once I get Violet home, I call my dad and tell him we can’t make it to dinner. When I explain to him why, he suggests that they can bring over a pizza and we can eat at my place. Seth and Greyson are out for the night so we have the place to ourselves and I agree to my dad’s offer. He tells me they’ll be there in about an hour or so and we hang up. I grab two sodas from the fridge then head over to Violet.

  She’s biting on her fingernails, a habit she’s developed over the last couple of weeks whenever she gets nervous. She has the television on, some infomercial playing, so it’s pretty clear she’s not paying attention to it.

  ‘What’s bothering you?’ I set the sodas down on the coffee table, sit down beside her on the sofa, and brush her hair off her shoulder. She’s wearing a black tank top and her hair’s up, so I can see her tattoos peeking out on her neck. ‘Is it Preston?’

  ‘What?’ She blinks at me, completely out of it.

  I take her hand and move it away from her mouth so she can no longer bite her nails. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

  Her body stiffens. ‘What is?’

  ‘The thing with Preston.’ I sketch my finger along the lines of her star tattoos. ‘He can’t hide forever.’

  ‘Oh.’ Her body unstiffens and she fixes her attention on the television. ‘That’s not what I’m worried about.’

  ‘Then what are you worried about?’ My hand moves from neck down to her shoulder, t
hen to her side. I urge her to turn and look at me instead of staring at the television, but she fights it, shaking her head.

  ‘I can’t yet,’ she says quietly.

  ‘Can’t what?’

  ‘Talk to you just yet.’

  That one stings a little. ‘Okay … we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.’

  She nods her head up and down way too swiftly. There’s a pause where she fights to breath then suddenly she’s turning toward me, kissing me in desperation. It’s not the first time she’s done this, used me to distract herself from whatever’s she’s battling internally, but it’s harder to deal with after the other night, when we kissed, danced and had sex just for us, nothing else. I feel like we’re stepping backwards and I don’t want that. I want to keep going forward, away from the person I used to be and that shitty life I used to live, full of booze, gambling and meaningless sex.

  I’m fighting between what’s right and wrong, while continuing to kiss her, when she suddenly pulls away, gasping for air. I open my mouth to ask her to please for the love of God explain to me what’s going on in that head of hers but then she starts to cry.

  ‘I don’t know what’s happening to me,’ she says, blinking through a veil of tears as she looks everywhere but at me. ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore.’

  My heart plummets inside my chest, my lips still hovering over hers, my hands on her waist. ‘Do what anymore?’ I don’t want the answer, don’t want to hear what follows my question, don’t want to lose her.

  ‘Fight it.’ Tears are still flowing from her eyes, but I think she’s stopped crying. She sucks in several breaths and when she looks at me, her eyes are clearer than I anticipated. She’s scared shitless – that’s clear – but it’s like she’s stopped fighting the fear, giving into it instead.

  Her lips part and I almost stop whatever she’s about to say, silence her with my lips, but I don’t, forcing myself to hear, needing to know what’s got her all worked up.

  ‘I think I’m in love with you,’ she says, her chest heaving with every ravenous breath she takes, yet her voice is astonishingly even and she manages to maintain my gaze.