UnWritten

  “Tony,” he said, putting out his hand. I shook it and Raine made a lewd gesture behind his back. I ignored her.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “How’s she doing?” Raine asked.

  “The same. No change.” I sighed and she rubbed my shoulder.

  Tony’s phone went off and he excused himself.

  “Really, Raine?” I gave her a look.

  “What? It was book research. Book. Research,” she said as she watched Tony walk away. “I would wreck that.”

  Deciding to drop that and leave it alone, I sat down at the little table where she’d put our laptops. It was almost like being at home.

  “We’re so close to being done,” I said. Only about three thousand more words stood between us and a finished first draft. Only problem was that when I opened up the document, I couldn’t concentrate. There was too much noise in the room and in my head.

  “If you want, I can do this part and then we can re-write it later. Just to get it done,” Raine said, sensing my issues without me saying a word.

  “Could you?”

  “No problem.” She rolled up her sleeves. “I’m just going to need some coffee. No, not some. Lots.”

  “On it,” I said, eager to have something to do that didn’t require thinking.

  Three cups of coffee later, Raine was hopped up and her fingers were flying across the keyboard. We’d opened a Google document so I could see everything as she typed it and make suggestions as we went.

  I checked my phone and realized it was time for me to call Declan.

  “Be right back,” I said and went to a quiet corner of the room. He picked up right away.

  “Hello, Blair.” The sound of his voice made me smile, even given the circumstances.

  “Hi, Declan. Sorry for the vague nature of the text and the fact that I’ve been MIA. It’s just that . . . Gran’s in the hospital. She had a stroke after we left and she’s been in the hospital ever since. It’s . . . um, not looking good.” I had a hard enough time keeping it together already, and talking about it made the tears come.

  “Oh, Blair, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

  “No. No. I just . . . I’m going to be here at the hospital and I thought you should know. It’s not that I don’t want to see you but—”

  He cut me off.

  “Don’t worry about it at all. I completely understand. I only wish there was something I could do to help.”

  “That’s sweet, but unless you can change my mother’s personality...”

  “Ah, not sure if I’m equipped to do that.” That made me laugh.

  “Fine, fine. Okay, I probably have to go because you’re not supposed to use cell phones in here.”

  “Call me if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk. And let me know if there are any developments.”

  “I will. Thanks, Declan. Say hi to Drake for me.”

  “I will. Goodbye, Blair.”

  “Bye.”

  I slumped against the wall and wiped the tears from my eyes. I knew if I let myself go, really cried, I probably wouldn’t be able to stop. So I did my best to swallow my tears and emotions and shove them back down my throat.

  “What did he say?” Raine asked, looking up from the keyboard, but her fingers continued to type.

  “Not much. The usual. He was a complete gentleman and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him no.”

  “I would have asked for sex,” she said, looking back at the screen.

  “That seems a little weird, Raine. Sex is kind of the last thing on my mind. Especially since Gran would freak out if she knew that’s what I was doing with Declan.” Oh yeah, sex before marriage was definitely on the list of forbidden activities. Along with burping, not crossing your ankles when you wore a dress or skirt and not voting conservative.

  “You don’t get sad horny? Is that just me?” Raine said, musing.

  What the fuck was she talking about?

  “Don’t look at me as if I’ve lost my mind. You don’t ever feel like the only thing that would make you feel better was a good, sweaty sex session? Come on.”

  I shook my head.

  “No. Never,” I said.

  She tsk-ed at me.

  “Whatever. Don’t judge me.”

  I sat down again and read through what she’d worked on while I’d been talking to Declan. This thing was finally going to be done. All I wanted was to turn this book in.

  We worked for a few hours, and my parents coming to check on us. Raine and I quickly minimized the windows we’d been working in.

  “What on earth are you doing out here?” Mom asked.

  “I’m applying for a new job and Blair is helping me with my application,” Raine said before I could come up with a better excuse.

  “Oh, did you get done at the bank?” Mom said.

  “Yeah. Just wasn’t for me.” Mom got a gleam in her eye and I knew where this was headed, but there was no way to stop her.

  “You know, I could ask around for you. I know some people who might be looking.” I pinched Raine under the table. Get out. Get out now.

  “Oh, that’s really nice of you, Mrs. Walton, but I think I’m all set. I’ve got some interviews next week and stuff.” Yeah, that sounded real convincing. She’d been good with the original story, but keeping it going wasn’t her strong suit.

  “Mom, can I get you a cup of coffee?” I said, trying to divert her attention.

  “No, I’m fine. But I am a little hungry. I don’t trust this hospital food.” She made a face of disgust at the thought of eating food cooked here. God forbid.

  “Let’s go and get something to eat. I’m sure there’s a decent restaurant close by,” Dad said, pulling out his phone to look it up.

  “I’ll stay here then,” I said.

  “Call us if anything happens,” Mom said.

  “I will.” Without a hug, they left.

  “Your parents are so weird,” Raine said, looking after him.

  “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  Nothing changed with Gran and I felt bad for making Raine wait here with me.

  “You should go home. There’s nothing else you can do here.” We’d finished our book and had sent it off to our agent and editor. It didn’t matter if it sucked, as long as there were words. It was going to get ripped apart in the editing process anyway. We’d cross that bridge when we got there.

  “And what am I going to do at home? Mope around and eat too much and be totally bored? No, I’d rather hang out here where there’s the possibility that Dr. Tony will show up again.” Of course.

  “You’re ridiculous,” I said.

  “But you love me.”

  “I do.”

  My parents came back from their dinner and Mom was full of complaints about the service. I just tuned her out and told her that Raine and I were going to the cafeteria to get dinner. That got me a look, but I let it roll off my back. We packed up our computers and left them in Gran’s room so no one would take them on the off chance someone in the hospital decided to boost them.

  Despite my mother’s fears the food wasn’t bad at all, but I had a hard time eating.

  “Visiting hours are ending soon so I think we should head home soon. I feel like we’ve lived a thousand days just today,” I said.

  Raine pushed her plate away, sandwich only half-finished. “It has been a long day. Even though we didn’t do anything. I’m exhausted.”

  “You don’t have to come with me tomorrow. There’s nothing to do here, unless you want to hang out with Gran and watch shows she wouldn’t approve of.”

  “Yeah, I think I’ll stay home, at least for a little while. Get stuff cleaned up, take a shower. But I’ll be over in the afternoon. Promise.”

  Her loyalty made me want to cry again.

  “I know,” she said. “You don’t have to say a word.”

  There was no change the next day, even when I put on that awful Kardashian show that would have driv
en Gran mad. I tried talking to her, but nothing. The only answer was the beep of the machines.

  Raine had come this afternoon and had somehow managed to locate “Dr. Tony” and was currently talking his ear off.

  But one thing was different. Roses started showing up, every hour. By the end of the day, Gran’s room was so full, there was barely enough room for the nurses and doctors to get by. I was no rocket scientist, but I could figure out who was responsible for the roses. Mr. Declan Bennet. I sent him a quick text, thanking him. He responded that he had no idea what I was talking about. Yeah, right.

  The faces of the doctors and nurses were more and more grim each time they came to take Gran’s vitals or take her for tests or give us an update.

  “What are we going to do?” Mom said, Dad’s arm around her, patting her back. Even though Gran wasn’t her mother, they’d been close for years. I didn’t have much contact with my mother’s side of the family. They all still lived in Georgia and didn’t like to venture further north than West Virginia.

  “I don’t know. I need to talk to Pearl and Gerald and figure things out. She did leave instructions, but I just don’t know,” Dad said. That should be a fun discussion. I definitely wanted to try and avoid that if I could.

  A social worker was called in to mediate the discussion and everyone moved to a quiet room.

  “I’ll just wait out here,” I said, and no one fought with me, thankfully. But that meant I had to watch my gaggle of cousins, so I led them down to the lounge and read to the little ones while the older kids stayed glued to their electronic devices.

  Raine came and joined me, doing a dramatic reading of Little Red Riding Hood, complete with several different voices and lots of arm flailing. The kids got totally into it and I stole a moment to text Declan again.

  Really. Thank you for the flowers. It was so sweet.

  His response was a picture of a sleeping Drake.

  This was after I read the doggy book seven times.

  I smiled at the picture and then responded.

  We should really widen his reading scope.

  My phone rang and I picked up right away.

  “Sorry, I thought since we were texting I might as well get to hear your voice,” he said.

  “I’m okay with that.”

  “How is she doing?” I was standing right next to the NO CELL PHONES sign so I moved away from it and looked around to make sure no one was watching me.

  “The same. My parents and my aunts and uncles are having a meeting about her right now. I didn’t want to be part of it, so I’m watching my cousins. Actually, Raine is watching them. I kind of wish you could be here for her dramatic performance. I might have to hire her for Children’s Hour when the library gets back up and running. She’s got them totally captivated.”

  “Are you sure I can’t do anything? Would you like me to stop by?”

  “No, you don’t have to. Plus, that would just lead to an interrogation by my mother and if you thought Gran was bad, Mom’s worse.”

  He chuckled.

  “I thought it would be churlish not to offer. But maybe I could come over? Take your mind off things.” Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? I’d told Raine I’d never thought about it, but Declan . . .

  “You sure? I’m not very much fun right now. But that might be nice,” I said.

  It might be more than nice.

  “Just so you know, Raine might be joining us. Does that change your mind?” I didn’t want to kick Raine out so I could hook up with Declan. I hadn’t done it in college and I wasn’t going to do it now.

  “Not at all. Is there anything I should bring?”

  I thought for a moment. “Alcohol.”

  The meeting went on forever, and the kids were going nuts. Even Raine’s dramatic readings couldn’t keep them in line, so she offered to take them to the vending machines with all the change we could pool between us.

  I walked down the hall to the room and put my ear against the crack in the door. The voices were so loud, I didn’t need to bother.

  I listened for a moment and that was enough to get the gist.

  Some people wanted to take Gran off life support and some wanted to keep her on. Dad and Mom were for keeping her on it, but Gerald and Pearl were against. Apparently her instructions had been a little vague given this particular situation, so there was some gray area.

  They couldn’t take her off life support this early, could they? There was still a chance she could wake up. But she was eighty-four. Her body had lived a long time and it didn’t seem right to put her through anything that would cause her to suffer.

  It was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. I didn’t have anything to say that hadn’t already been said, so I just sat on the floor outside the room and waited.

  I’d often mused that writers and doctors were similar people. We all had God complexes and liked control. The only thing that separated us was a lot of schooling and science classes. And the fact that the people whose lives I messed with weren’t real.

  But this? Deciding on Gran’s life? That was something I never wanted to be a part of.

  The door finally opened and the adults emerged. Nobody looked happy.

  “What are you doing on the floor? It’s filthy,” Mom said, snapping her fingers at me to stand up. “And where are your cousins?”

  “Raine took them to get some snacks.” I wanted to snark back at her, but I was too tired and this wasn’t the right place.

  “I hope she isn’t letting them get junk food. Then they’ll be hopped up on sugar.” I didn’t know why she cared. They weren’t her kids. She didn’t have to take care of them.

  Raine appeared just then with the kids, who were all excited about the treats they’d gotten from the machine, jumping up and down and showing their parents.

  Gerald and Pearl and their significant others exclaimed how wonderful it was, but I could sense they were inwardly groaning.

  Dad pulled me away from the group, Mom coming with us.

  “What’s going to happen to her?” I said.

  He sighed.

  “We’ve agreed to give her until the end of the week, and if there’s no improvement . . .” He didn’t need to finish that sentence. I knew what that meant.

  So unless Gran became a medical miracle, this was probably the end.

  I swallowed hard and turned away from everyone, wrapping my arms around myself. As much as I griped and whined about Gran, I loved her. She was grumpy and judgmental and she drove me nuts. But she was my Gran.

  “Hey, you okay?” Raine put her hand on my shoulder and I turned around and hugged her as a reflex.

  “It’s not looking good, Raine. I don’t know what else to do.” I would NOT break down like this.

  “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry. I wish I could make it better. If only life were like books and we could re-write the endings.” If only. “Let’s go home. It’s not healthy to spend too much time here. And those damn kids wore me out. I don’t know how you do it every day.”

  She let me go and I said goodbye to my parents and headed home.

  “Oh, Declan’s coming over. Just so you know. You don’t have to leave or anything,” I said.

  “Good, because I’m definitely too tired to go out and wander around so you can have sexy times.”

  “I wouldn’t make you do that.”

  “Oh, really? What about that time with that guy?” She was going to have to be a little more specific. It took me a few moments to sift back in my memory to find what she was talking about.

  “I didn’t kick you out. You said you had a study session!” I protested. She gave me a look like I was a moron. “Hey, you told me you had a study session. It’s not my fault I believed you.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  It didn’t feel right to be fake fighting with Raine about something stupid. It didn’t feel right to be normal. I should be sitting by Gran’s bedside, holding her hand. Being all Florence Nightingale. I
shouldn’t be laughing or smiling. I was definitely doing this wrong.

  “Hey,” Raine said, poking my arm as we walked toward the car.

  “Sorry.”

  “Just making sure you’re not going anywhere.”

  “Going where? I’m right here with you.”

  She popped the lock on the car and we both got in.

  “In your head. Grief has a way of sucking you out of reality and into a dark place that it’s hard to get away from.” I gave her a look. “What? I’ve read about it.”

  The bad thing was, I wasn’t in a dark place. I wasn’t in any place. Like I’d completely checked out.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  “Uh huh.”

  I took another shower when we got back and put on some comfy clothes. I didn’t really care if Declan saw me looking like a slob. Might as well show him what I really looked like when I wasn’t on a date. Besides, he’d seen it before and hadn’t minded.

  When I got out, Raine was banging around in the kitchen.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Making cookies, what does it look like?”

  “Um, why?” Raine wasn’t exactly a baker. I could only remember her making things from a box.

  “Because this seems like a good time to make cookies, that’s why. You’re supposed to bake in these kinds of situations.”

  This explanation was taking too long.

  “What kind of situations?”

  “You know. Sad ones.”

  I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t anything.

  “Oh.”

  Raine just continued to measure flour and pour ingredients that I didn’t even know we had in our cupboards. When had those appeared?

  There was a knock at the door and I went to go let Declan in.

  “Hey,” I said. He was dressed, as always, like he’d just stepped out of a men’s cologne advertisement.

  “Hello, Blair.” He swept me up in his arms and gave me a damn good hug. “How are you doing?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, accidentally telling him the truth. “I guess it doesn’t seem real, so my brain keeps telling me that it’s not.” That was the best way I could explain it.