Geis of the Gargoyle

  This time there was an open landscape beyond, with trees. They had reached the surface.

  They stepped out. The walls clanked behind them. Gary turned—and there was the blank wall of a cliff. It was part of a mountain. There was no sign of any chamber or elevator. Truly, the ways of the nether realm were marvelous.

  “We must be somewhere south of the Gap Chasm,” Iris said, looking around. “And east of Castle Roogna. But I have no idea where the golem residence is. I fear I wasn't paying much attention to routine things during my dotage.”

  “Your dotage?”

  “I was old and feeble and querulous of mind at age ninety-three. Now I have shed seventy years, and my wits are close about me. I can appreciate how much I was missing. So maybe it is time to summon your demoness friend, and see whether she will help us.”

  Gary nodded. “D. Mentia,” he called. “Are you there?”

  A cloud of purple smoke formed. “Who wants to know?” it inquired.

  “Oh, let it be, Mentia,” Gary said. “You got me into this, so you should help me see it through.”

  The cloud solidified into the familiar shape of the slightly crazy demoness. “But you know what you got me into? Worm intestines. They were interesting. I've never been digested before.”

  “Have we met before?” Iris asked.

  “I doubt it. I've only existed for less than a year, as a half-separate entity, and I don't recognize your face anyway.”

  “I am the Sorceress Iris.”

  “I doubt that too. She's an old and feeble crone, neglectful of what's what in her dotage.”

  “Rejuvenated to a vigorous twenty-three,” Iris clarified.

  “Here is what I used to look like.” Her appearance changed to that of the ancient old woman.

  “Oh, sure, I'd recognize that old hag anywhere! But you almost never looked that way.”

  “Because I used my illusion to look more like this,” Iris said evenly, reverting to her real appearance. “Now I don't have to. I am reveling in my newfound youth. So are you going to show us the way to the Grundy Golem residence?”

  Mentia considered. “Why should I?”

  “Because it's bound to be interesting,” Gary said.

  “Good point. Very well, follow me.” The demoness walked roughly west, passing through a tree.

  “Oh, great,” Iris said sourly.

  “She's a bit crazy,” Gary explained. Then he called to the demoness. “Mentia, if you want us to be interesting, you will have to show us a route we can use.”

  The demoness reappeared, close. “Oh.” She put her feet to the ground and walked around the tree.

  There was a faint path there. They walked west, past innocuous trees and shrubs. Gary spied a breadfruit tree, and felt a strange sensation. It was a kind of distress below the midpoint of his new body. His fleshy innards burbled.

  “You must be hungry,” Iris remarked.

  “Hungry?”

  “When did you last eat?”

  “Gargoyles don't eat. We're made of stone.”

  “Not any more.” She stepped off the path and plucked a loaf of bread from the tree. Then she took another pace and took a butternut from a butternut tree. “Bread and butter. Try it.”

  Still he hesitated, not knowing what to do with the things she brought him. “Oh, for pity's sake,” she said. “It seems I have to show you how to eat, too.”

  “Yes.”

  She took a slice of bread from the loaf and squeezed the butternut so that butter spread across the surface of the bread. Then she put the edge of the slice to her mouth and bit into it. She wrinkled her nose. “Needs something,” she decided. She looked around until she spied an orange egg on the ground. “Good—a marma nested here. Here's what the marma laid.” She picked up the egg and squeezed some of its orange onto the slice. Then she took another bite. “Yes, this is good.”

  Then she set up a second slice similarly for Gary. “Just bite and chew,” she said.

  Gary took the bread and bit into it. To his surprise, the weird combination did taste good. He chewed a mouthful, swallowed it, and took another. Eating was all right.

  Soon they had finished the loaf and the butternut and the orange marma laid. “I forgot how hungry the young healthy folk get,” Iris said, wiping her face.

  “I never knew how hungry flesh folk get,” Gary agreed.

  They finished with some fluid from a leaning beerbarrel tree; someone had kindly provided it with a spigot, and there were some mugwumps nearby with pretty mugs. The stuff was dusky colored and it foamed, but it tasted good and Gary drank several mugsful. After that he felt better than ever, if somewhat unsteady.

  They resumed their trek. But before long there was a growl. “That sounds like a dragon,” Iris said, her tone hinting that she was not completely pleased.

  “Of course it's a dragon,” Mentia said. “Whose path do you think this is?”

  “This is mischief,” Iris muttered.

  “I'll go first, and it will break ish teesh—its teeth on my body,” Gary suggested.

  “You are forgetting that you are no longer a stone animal, but a flesh man,” Iris said. “And I am no longer a leathery husk, but a plump young chick. We have a problem.”

  Gary's thinking had become somewhat fuzzy for some reason, but he realized that she was right. The dragon would want to eat them both. “Maybe we should gesh— get off its path.”

  “Too late,” Mentia said cheerfully. “Here comes the dragon.”

  “Why didn't you tell us this was a dragon path before?” Iris demanded.

  “You didn't ask.”

  “That makes so much sense it can't be the reason.”

  “You're right. I'm too crazy to have a straight reason.”

  Meanwhile the dragon was charging down on them.

  Gary wasn't sure what kind it was—smoker, steamer, or fire breather—because wisps of smoke hovered around its mouth, and jets of steam hissed from its ears, and there was fire in its eyes. Its huge foreclaws gouged divots, and its great mouth was cranking open to chomp the first victim—which happened to be Mentia.

  Of course that didn't work. The teeth passed right through the demoness without effect. “What are you trying to do?” she inquired, breathing on her nails.

  The dragon made a fiery snort of disgust, realizing her nature, and oriented on the second morsel, which was Iris.

  Then a giant serpent replaced the young woman. Huge and green, it lifted its enormous head and bared its swordlike teeth. Its mouth was just about big enough to take in the dragon's whole head. “What is the meaning of thiss?” it hissed.

  The dragon blanched, and its fire went out. “Ssorry, naga,” it hissed back apologetically. Then it quickly turned tail, and was gone in three-quarters of an instant.

  “But you aren't of the naga folk,” Gary protested, somewhat confused.

  Iris reappeared as the serpent vanished. “How was the dragon to know that? It saw a woman transform into a serpent, as the naga do. I think its conclusion was reasonable.”

  Her illusion had done it! “You saved us,” he said weakly.

  “Well, I wasn't going to let the thing chomp us,” she said. “What's the use of going on a quest if you just get eaten?”

  Gary realized that there might be advantages to having the Sorceress along. Her power of illusion could be as good a defense as real weapons, if the enemy did not know the difference.

  They walked on, but another threat developed: a hungry roc bird spied them as they crossed a flat plain. It folded its wings and dived toward them. But a boulder appeared around them. Gary was inside it, yet it looked real. The roc blinked, twitched its beak, and sheered off, thinking it had gotten confused.

  “Birds are not phenomenally smart,” Iris observed.

  Gary understood that, but still, had he been a roc, he would have sheered off too, because that boulder was so realistic. Still, he wondered what would happen if some creature called her bluff, and charged on through the v
eil of illusion.

  They continued, entering a deep valley. In its center was a chasm, an arm or maybe a leg of the great Gap Chasm, which had offshoots extending far afield. “How are we to get across this?” Gary asked as they approached the brink.

  He was feeling less dizzy now, which was just as well, because it would not have been good to lose his balance and fall into the depths of the cleft.

  “There must be a bridge somewhere,” Iris said. “Is that right, demoness?”

  Mentia appeared. “Sure, right beyond that copse to the north.”

  But then another threat appeared. This was a truly ferocious creature, with the head of a serpent, body of a lion, cloven hooves, and a formidable stinger. It bayed as it spied them, making a hideous noise.

  “There's the Blatant Beaste,” Mentia remarked, interested. “It has a thousand tongues, and it doesn't let anything stand in its way, not even a naga or a boulder. I wonder what kind of illusion will help you now?”

  “We shall see,” Iris said. She looked around. “I see that this chasm offshoot is highly irregular.”

  “That is the nature of gap radiations,” Gary agreed, watching the beast nervously. He had never been much concerned about such creatures when he was stone, but now in this feeble flesh manform he felt extremely insecure.

  “Let's get beyond that jag,” she said.

  “Won't it just skirt the edge, as we do, and get at us with only a small delay?”

  “Perhaps not.”

  They walked quickly around the jag, putting its depth between them and the monster. Then they turned to look back. Gary was surprised. He had evidently misjudged the position of the jag, because they had not after all gotten beyond it. “We had better move farther over,” he said.

  “No, this will do,” Iris decided.

  “But—”

  “Trust me, stone beast.”

  Gary did not trust her judgment, but since it didn't make a lot of difference anyway, he settled down with her to wait for the arrival of the Blatant Beaste. This was horrible, because of its noise. It really did seem to have a mouthful of tongues, and all of them were shaping piercing screams. It was definitely intending mayhem.

  It charged right toward them. Gary gazed desperately around, trying to find something that this puny human body could use as a weapon, but there was only level dirt leading up to the edge of the chasm to the side.

  The Beaste's screams became deafening. It was only three bounds and ten paces from them, and there was nothing to stop it, not even an illusion wall. Yet Iris seemed unconcerned. In fact, she even lifted her spread hand, put her thumb to her nose, and waggled her fingers at the creature.

  The Blatant Beaste became, if anything, even more baleful. It picked up speed, charging straight across the level sand.

  And suddenly dropped out of sight. There were only the continuing sounds of its screams rising from under the ground.

  Then Iris banished her illusion. The jag of the chasm reappeared, right where Gary had first thought it was. She had covered it with the image of sand, and the Beaste had been fooled and plunged headlong in.

  “Blatant Beastes aren't very smart either,” the Sorceress remarked as she resumed walking north.

  Gary hadn't been any smarter, he realized. It hadn't occurred to him that illusion could cover up something that wasn't there, as well as making something appear. She had made an illusion chasm to the side and concealed the real one.

  As Gary walked, he found that he was uncomfortable in the midsection again, but this time he wasn't hungry, so he tried to ignore it.

  Soon they reached the bridge and crossed over. The track continued wending generally west. Apparently they had gotten beyond the dragon path and were now on a more established route.

  “I recognize this now!” Iris exclaimed. “It's one of the enchanted paths.”

  “Yes, we intersected the enchanted network at the bridge,” Mentia said.

  “And here I was worrying about staving off more monsters. Why didn't you tell us?”

  Mentia shrugged. Her shoulders misjudged the range and went on up over her head before she thought to draw them back down into place again. “Why didn't you ask?”

  Iris decided to ignore that. “And just where along this is the golem residence?”

  “Just north of the Gap Chasm. They live in a club house.”

  “North of the Gap!” But again, she hadn't actually asked. Gary had assumed, as Iris evidently had, that it was south. Had they struggled to avoid monsters when they might have taken a more direct route and avoided them entirely? Gary made a mental note not to take the demoness on faith; it wasn't worth it.

  Meanwhile, Gary's discomfort of the midsection hadn't eased. Maybe his soft human body was just getting tired.

  They came to a campsite. “We might as well stop here,” Iris said. “The day is getting late.”

  “Yes,” Gary said.

  She glanced at him. “You look uncomfortable.”

  “I am. But I'm not hungry.”

  Iris considered. “You haven't been a flesh creature before? You didn't have to eat?”

  “Yes, I didn't.”

  “Then maybe I can guess what else you didn't have to do. You had better go to that toiletree over there and do it.”

  “Do what?” he asked. “I really don't feel up to anything very energetic.”

  “Precisely. Just go there and maybe you will figure it out.” Then she thought of something else. “But maybe you should take off your clothes before you do.”

  “What has my clothing to do with it?”

  She shrugged, and her shoulders stayed in proper place.

  “Maybe you will have to find out on your own.”

  So Gary went to the toiletree, stepped behind it, and pulled off his awkward clothing. He still felt quite uncomfortable.

  Then he saw something floating by. It seemed to be a dot. It was followed by a second dot, and then a third dot.

  • • •

  “Are you feeling better now?” Iris inquired as he rejoined her in the main section of the camp.

  “Much better.” And he did. But the curious thing was that he couldn't remember what had happened by the toiletree. He had seen the three floating dots, and then he was here, dressed and in good order. Apparently those dots had made him forget about whatever happened, if anything had happened.

  “Then you must have seen the ellipsis,” she said.

  “The ellipsis?”

  “The three dots. They cover up anything that's unmentionable, such as stork summoning or natural functions. That makes it possible for us to live without perpetually blushing.”

  That explained it. But now Gary was hungry again. Fortunately there was a pie tree growing at the camp, with many kinds of pies, and there were milkweeds too. They had everything they needed.

  As the sun set, they made piles of pillows and blankets harvested fresh from their bushes, and settled down for the night. Gary had never seen the purpose of pillows before, but now that he was flesh he took great comfort in them. He lay relaxed—and found himself in a weird other realm.

  “Yo!” he cried, startled.

  “What now?” Iris asked sleepily from her bed nearby.

  “I was somewhere else, and everything was in fragments and confused.”

  “Oh. You were dreaming.”

  “Dreaming?”

  “It's what living folk do when they sleep.”

  “But I was seeing things, and doing things. I was awake.”

  “You were awake in your dream, but asleep in real life. When you dream, your soul enters the gourd realm and you get the dreams they make for you. Just forget them when you wake.”

  “Forget them? You mean they don't matter?”

  “Not in ways we need to remember. So you can ignore anything that happens while you are sleeping. Most live creatures do.”

  That was a relief. Gary settled back down on his bed of pillows, and if he dreamed again, he didn't remember. It was possi
ble to get along, as a flesh creature, once he learned the knack of it.

  “What was that?” Gary asked, alarmed.

  “What was what?”

  “That hurtling whatever that just went by.”

  “Oh, that. Just a time break,” Iris explained. “It's so we don't have to go into boring detail all the time. It's like the ellipsis, only more so.”

  “Oh.” He relaxed. He realized that he had seen similar things before, but hadn't paid attention. Now that he was in vulnerable flesh form, every detail bothered him until he knew it was safe.

  They ate breakfast, used up another ellipsis or two, and resumed their trek. The Demoness Mentis wasn't in evidence; apparently she was quickly bored when things were dull, so faded out. Gary was satisfied to leave her out, now that they had a safe path to follow.

  They intersected a path heading north, and followed it up to the invisible bridge across the Gap Chasm. Iris used it without hesitation, so Gary did too, though it looked like nothing at all, and it took them right across the yawning gulf. That surprised him; then he realized that even the Gap Chasm might get bored and sleepy when nothing much was happening, so yawning was natural.

  At last they came to the golems' club house. But the club was lying on the ground. The family seemed to have moved into a more conventional home recently. There it was: a small cottage industree. It looked like a cross between the industree he had seen before, and a big cheese.

  Gary approached the treetrunk and knocked on the door there. In a moment a tiny woman with very long hair opened it. “Stranger, we don't mean to be unfriendly, but this region isn't safe for visitors,” she said, looking worried.

  “I am Gary Gargoyle in manform,” he said. “And this is the Sorceress Iris in youthform. The Good Magician sent us to—to tutor Surprise.”

  “Oh, you're the one!” the little woman exclaimed. “Oh, wonderful! We just can't handle her any more. She's out of control. I'm her mother, Rapunzel. Here she is.” She reached back inside the tree and brought forth a small bundle.

  “But—” But his protest was stifled, because there in his hands was the bundle. It seemed to be a tiny little girl. The door to the house was closed.

  “But she's so small,” Iris said, almost as doubtful about this as Gary was.