Little Mercies

“Have you gone in for your pretrial conference?” Ted interrupts.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say again. “I will go over there as soon as I can. There’s just something really important I need to do right now.” I don’t go into details. Instead, I thank Ted, promising to stop by his office as soon as I’m able. Then I call Adam to check on Avery. “She’s doing fine,” Adam tells me. “My parents are sitting with Avery. I ran home to take a quick nap and shower.”

  He says he’ll call me later and we say goodbye as my mother pulls her car in front of Margie Flanagan’s house. “How do we do this?” I ask.

  My mother looks over at me with concern. “Have you lost your nerve, Ellen?” she asks. “I’ve heard about how you confront and stand up to violent men who are a foot taller and weigh two hundred pounds more than you do.”

  “I’m suspended,” I remind her. “I’m not supposed to be invoking the name of the Department of Human Services under any circumstances.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not suspended. Let me explain the situation. You just stand there and look pretty.”

  “Funny.” I smile despite myself. I forgot how funny my mother can be.

  We approach the run-down house with its dead lawn and peeling paint. “Careful there,” I say as we climb the crumbling front steps. My mother raps on the door and from somewhere within the house a dog barks. No one answers.

  “There’s no one here,” she states the obvious. “Now what?”

  “I think it might be time we go to the police station to officially report Jenny as missing.”

  She nods. “You’re right. I should have called the police the first time I saw Jenny at the restaurant. I knew something was wrong the minute I saw her. I really thought I could help her.”

  “You have helped her, Mom,” I say simply. “I should have been the one to insist we get DHS involved much earlier. I’m the one who should be sorry. I know how the system works.”

  “Well, in your defense, you’ve had a lot going on.”

  She’s right. I have had too much going on, which is why my daughter is in the hospital.

  “No one’s home!” a voice calls from across the street. An elderly man wearing khaki pants, a long-sleeved t-shirt and sandals waves to us from the curb. Traffic is speeding past and he looks left and right.

  Afraid that he will try and cross the busy street I call back to him. “Stay there, we’ll come to you.” Once there is a break in traffic, my mother and I scurry across.

  “My name is Maudene Sifkus,” my mother says, flashing a bright smile. “This is my daughter.” I nod at the man, who barely looks my way. He has to be at least eighty-five years old. His skin hangs loosely from his face and is smattered with brown age spots. From beneath thick, unruly eyebrows his brown eyes are red-rimmed and rheumy.

  “The woman and a little girl left in a cab about fifteen minutes ago. Her husband came home, saw that no one was home and then he drove away like a bat out of hell.”

  “Any idea where they might have been headed?” I ask.

  “If that woman was smart, somewhere far away from her husband. He’s a mean son of a bitch. Always yelling and carrying-on going on in that house. I can hear them way over here.”

  My mother narrows her eyes. “Where do you think she was going?”

  “Looked like a trip maybe. She had one of those rolling suitcases and the little girl had a backpack. Looked like they were leaving for a while.”

  My mother and I exchange glances. “What did this little girl look like?”

  “Brown hair, braid. Girl was carrying a red backpack. Didn’t know there was a daughter.” He shrugged. “They in some kind of trouble?”

  “Thanks for talking with us,” I say, dodging the question. “You’ve been a great help.”

  “This can’t be good,” I say once we’re back in the car. “Where would Jenny and her mom go off to in a cab?”

  “The mom obviously doesn’t have a car, so they can’t get too far in a cab. It’d be too expensive.”

  “That counts out the airport, too. Tickets cost a lot of money.” Then it hits me. “The bus station. I bet they’re heading to the bus station.”

  “Then where do you think the husband went off to in such a hurry?” my mom asks, pulling away from the curb.

  “To find Deidra. I just hope we can get to them before he does.”

  “But how would he know where she was going? It’s not like she would leave him a note if she was running away. Besides, if Deidra was any kind of mother she wouldn’t want Jenny near James. He’s the one who beat her so badly.” My mother shakes her head trying to make sense of it all.

  “I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in Deidra’s decision-making abilities. She married the guy.”

  “That’s true,” my mother concedes. “Star sixty-nine,” she says suddenly.

  “Star sixty-nine?” I ask.

  “Yes, I’ve seen it on television. The husband comes home, sees that his wife is gone, suitcase is gone. Picks up the phone and press the star and sixty-nine and it rings that last number dialed. He finds out she’s called a cab, gets the dispatcher to tell him where she’s heading and he follows.”

  “Well, let’s try the bus station. At least the bus station is a public place. James won’t make a scene out in the open like that. He prefers inflicting his damage behind closed doors,” I say, thinking of the photos of Jenny and the image of Madalyn’s lifeless little body still seared into my brain.

  I know that James murdered Madalyn and if he got his hands on Jenny the same thing could happen to her, too.

  Chapter 36

  Holding on to her mother’s hand, Jenny walked with new purpose into the bus station. No longer was she the girl on the fringes, trying to stay unnoticed and out of sight. She had a mother and they were going to buy two bus tickets. They would sit side by side, Jenny next to the window, unless her mother preferred the window seat, then Jenny would gladly give it up. They would look out the window, watching the scenery pass by and talk about everything and nothing. And when they were too tired to talk, that would be okay. They would sit in a cozy silence because they knew they had all the time in the world to say what they wanted to say.

  And Jenny had so much to say. She wanted to know everything about her mother’s life in the past six years. She wanted to know about her grandmother and even about the barky Rottweiler she left back at the house. The one thing Jenny would not discuss was Jimmy. No, she would not utter his name or even give him a passing thought.

  They approached the ticket counter and she leaned into her mother the way she did with her father. Where her father was sinewy her mother was yielding and where her father smelled like tobacco and his leather belt, her mother smelled like the flowery soap you find in pretty bottles at the bath store in the mall. “Where should we go, Jenny?” her mother asked, anticipation flashing in her eyes. Jenny took a step back from her mother in surprise. She had just assumed that they were buying two tickets back to Benton. Once there, they would go to the police station, collect her father and, well, just live.

  The more she thought about it, she realized that there could be problems. Her mother and father had never actually gotten married. Just didn’t work out, her father had said flatly when she asked him. Besides, her father hated her mother. He hadn’t said so in those exact words, but Jenny could tell. What kind of woman lets a man hit her kid? She was always a little slow on the uptake. After a while, Jenny stopped asking about her mother. Maybe her mother would live in one apartment and her dad in another. Kids at school went from house to house all the time. Some even went to more than two homes. Darrion Kush went to three houses.

  “How about it, Jenny? Where should we buy tickets to? I’ve got some money saved. We can go just about anywhere. Should we go somewhere warm?” They looked at each other and laughed because there di
dn’t seem to be anywhere in the world that could be hotter than Cedar City, Iowa.

  “Alaska?” Jenny asked.

  “Antarctica,” her mother countered.

  “The North Pole,” Jenny said with a giggle.

  Her mother grew thoughtful. “Georgia, maybe. I’ve always wanted to go to Georgia. See the mountains, see the ocean. Eat Georgia peaches.” Her mother smiled widely, showing her gapped teeth.

  Jenny rolled the word around on her tongue. Georgia. It sounded smooth and sweet like a peach.

  “Georgia,” she whispered, as if saying it out loud was sharing a forbidden secret.

  “Two one-way tickets to Georgia,” her mother said with authority to the lady behind the ticket counter.

  “That will be three hundred and sixteen dollars and seventy-five cents.”

  Jenny’s jaw dropped. “That’s a lot of money,” she said, thinking of the cash hidden in her backpack.

  “My treat,” her mother said. “I’ve been saving up for something like this for a long time. It’s actually cheaper than I thought it would be.” She opened her purse, the same bright red as Jenny’s backpack, and pulled out a roll of bills secured with a rubber band. “I kept it hidden in the same place I used for hiding things when I was little.”

  “Where?” Jenny asked. The thought of a secret hiding place was exhilarating.

  “Then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, now would it?” her mother teased as she peeled bills from the roll and passed them to the woman behind the counter.

  “Bus leaves in fifteen minutes,” the woman said, handing the tickets to Deidra.

  “Where you going, Deidra?” came a low, smooth voice from behind them. Deidra froze in place, and a spasm of fear traveled across her face and then settled into bleak resignation.

  “Where you going?” he asked again, and Jenny dared to turn her head to see who was speaking, though she could never forget that silky, dangerous voice. There stood Jimmy, just as Jenny remembered him. He was a plain man compared to her father. Not too tall, not too skinny, not too fat, not too handsome. His blond hair was cut close and thinning and he had shaved the beard that Jenny last saw him with.

  Deidra covertly passed one ticket to Jenny, ruffled her hair and whispered, “Get on the bus, Jenny. I will get on in just a minute.”

  No way, Jenny thought to herself. Been there, done that.

  “Hi, Jimmy,” Deidra said brightly. “You remember Jenny, don’t you?”

  “Sure do,” Jimmy said. “How’re you doing, Jenny?” His tone was light and there was a smile on his face, but his eyes glinted coldly.

  “Fine,” Jenny answered, looking down at her toes.

  “Where are you two off to?” Jimmy asked breezily.

  “I’m just helping Jenny find her bus.” Deidra pushed the rolling suitcase a few inches closer to Jenny.

  Jimmy took another step toward Deidra. Not an intimidating gesture, but still Jenny couldn’t help but notice the way that her mother seemed to shrink into herself. “I came home from work, you weren’t there and when I couldn’t find a note I got to worrying that there was some kind of emergency.”

  “I didn’t leave a note because I was coming right back, Jimmy,” Deidra said as if he was silly to be so concerned.

  “I figured as much,” he answered, his eyes never leaving Deidra’s face. Jenny never saw someone staring so hard at another person and a familiar niggle of fear worked its way back into her chest. Jenny was surprised to realize that the fear wasn’t really for herself like it was when she was four and Jimmy seemed so much bigger and stronger. She was afraid for her mother. “Everything okay, here?” the woman behind the ticket counter asked, eyeing Jimmy suspiciously.

  Jimmy looked down at Jenny and then back at the ticket taker, whose eyebrows were raised in expectation. “Everything is fine,” he replied, reaching for the rolling suitcase. “This looks just like yours, Deidra.”

  “It is. I gave it to Jenny,” Deidra said in a rush. “All she had was her backpack and a plastic bag. I thought she’d get more use out of it than I ever would.”

  With one hand on the suitcase and one on Jenny’s elbow, Jimmy moved away from the ticket counter. “Where you headed?”

  “California,” Jenny lied easily. “I was going out there to stay with my dad’s stepsister for a while. My dad gave me the money.”

  “That’s a long way for a little girl to go all by herself,” Jimmy pressed.

  She shrugged. “Only family I got left is my mom and my Aunt Maudene. She lives in California with her kids Lucas and Leah. They have a pool.” Jenny said this with such conviction that she almost believed it herself.

  “Jenny,” her mother said carefully. “Don’t you think it’s time you got on the road? Your aunt will be worried.”

  Jenny shook her head. “No, it’s okay.” She grabbed her mother’s hand and squeezed tightly. “I’ll go with you.” Jenny tried to recall some good memories that she had from the time she lived with Jimmy and her mother. She could think of nothing.

  By the time they reached the parking lot, Jimmy was walking so fast and her mother was taking such long strides, Jenny had to practically run to keep up with them. Jimmy kept shooting dark looks at Deidra and her mother seemed near tears.

  “Jimmy, remember when you took us swimming at that little creek?” Jenny asked, trying to catch her breath. Jimmy answered with a noncommittal grunt. “You remember, Mom, don’t you? You had that pink bathing suit. We stood in the shallow parts and tried to catch tadpoles with our hands.”

  “I do remember that,” Deidra said with a weak smile. “You said the tadpoles tickled your toes.”

  “Yeah, and we had a picnic lunch, too. Jimmy, you fell asleep on the grass and got really sunburned,” Jenny said brightly. “That was a fun day.” Jimmy didn’t respond and Deidra looked questioningly at her daughter as she opened the back door of Jimmy’s car to let her in. They all knew that the day at the creek wasn’t all fun. No one mentioned the part where, teasingly, four-year-old Jenny set a tiny frog on Jimmy’s bare belly as he napped. Jimmy, a light sleeper, awoke with a start, and gave a shriek of fright at seeing the frog. Instead of finding it funny, Jimmy was enraged and grabbed an unsuspecting Jenny by the arm and tossed her into a deeper section of the creek. The water only went up to Jenny’s waist, but she didn’t know that and was certain she was drowning. Murky water filled her ears and mouth. She was sure that crawdads were biting at her toes and snakes were braceleting her ankles. Disoriented, she couldn’t find her footing and was sure she was going to drown. Suddenly, her mother was there, lifting her from the water, screaming obscenities at Jimmy and rubbing her dry with a towel. “Are you crazy?” Deidra had shouted. “She could have drowned!” Jimmy had stalked away toward the car.

  “You drive,” Jimmy ordered Deidra.

  Deidra hesitated, “But I don’t have my—”

  “Drive.” Jimmy opened the front passenger door while Deidra slid behind the wheel. Jenny climbed into the backseat behind her mother, pulled the seat belt across her midsection and snapped it into place, setting her backpack on the seat beside her.

  As Deidra drove, Jimmy reached over the backseat snatching Jenny’s backpack and pulling it into the front with him.

  “Hey,” Jenny protested. “That’s mine!”

  “Jimmy, leave her alone,” Deidra pleaded. “Give it back.”

  “I’m just seeing what goodies she’s got in here,” Jimmy said casually.

  “Give it to me!” Jenny shouted, grabbing futilely for the bag.

  Jimmy ignored her and unzipped the backpack. Jenny prayed that he wouldn’t find the stash of money she had hidden away in a sock. It’s all the money she had in the world. Jenny watched helplessly while Jimmy pulled out her neatly folded clothes, her father’s cell phone and her Happy Pancake figurines
. His hand went in the bag one more time and emerged with the manila envelope. He lifted the dog-eared flap and pulled out the map, the letter and two of her photos. The one of Deidra and Jenny together and one of Jenny and her battered face. Jimmy held the two Polaroids by the edges and stared intently down at them.

  Deidra drove on, glancing nervously at Jimmy and trying to see what he was looking at that held him so transfixed. “Turn right,” Jimmy commanded.

  “But the house is that way,” Deidra protested.

  “Turn,” Jimmy snapped, and Deidra jerked the steering wheel to the right, causing the tires to shudder and squeal.

  “What do you two have planned?” Jimmy asked in a low, dangerous voice.

  “What? Nothing,” Deidra said in confusion. “What’s wrong?” Jimmy shoved one of the photos beneath Deidra’s nose.

  Flinching, she slammed on the brakes and tried to take the picture from Jimmy’s fingers. “Oh my God, is that Jenny?”

  “Keep driving,” Jimmy muttered. “Take a left on Indian Ridge.” He twisted around to look at Jenny, who cowered in her seat. “What are you going to do with those pictures?” Jenny was paralyzed with fear. She had never seen Jimmy so angry, even in his blackest rages. “You two going to go to the police with these or something?” He was now shaking with barely contained fury.

  “No, no,” Deidra insisted. “I don’t know anything about those pictures. She just showed up. I was taking her to the bus station!”

  “Uh-uh,” Jimmy said tightly, shaking his head. “You two are up to something. Ever since Madalyn, you’ve been different.”

  Madalyn? Jenny wondered. Who was Madalyn?

  “No, no that’s not true.” Deidra was crying now. “Let’s just go home.”

  “No,” Jimmy said simply. “We’re not going home yet. Not until you tell me why Jenny all of a sudden shows up on our doorstep with these pictures. Turn right,” he directed.

  “That will take us out of town,” Deidra said. “Where are we going? Jimmy, what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to find out what’s going on,” he spat. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit, Deidra. I want to know what the hell is going on.”