Angel Fever

Page 91

 

  Seb and I existed solely because our mothers had been so severely damaged by our fathers.

  Now it seemed like Seb’s hand was comforting me, instead of the other way around. “This doesn’t change anything, not really,” he said after a pause. “Neither of us thought we were here because of some great love affair. ”

  I nodded, throat tight.

  Then Seb’s forehead creased. “You feel different,” he said suddenly.

  Before I could answer, I sensed his angel reaching out for mine, and I winced and ducked my head. I hadn’t wanted Seb to know yet, but of course I couldn’t hide it from him.

  I sat very still. As his angel touched my own, I felt him realize. He didn’t speak. When I lifted my head, his eyes were bright with tears. Softly, his angel slipped inside of me, finding and cradling that wounded part of me.

  Oh god, the look on his face… “I’m all right,” I whispered hoarsely. “Seb, I promise you, I’m all right. Don’t you see? I still have my angel, inside me. And I’m alive. And so are you and Alex – I have everything that matters. ”

  I clutched his hand. “Please listen to me: you have got to tell Meghan how you feel. You love her – and you tried your best the whole time, and she knows that. She’ll forgive you. ” I managed a lopsided smile. “Trust me, okay? I kind of know what I’m talking about on this one. ”

  I saw hope battle disbelief in Seb’s eyes. “Maybe you’re right,” he said finally.

  “I am. ”

  He smiled slightly then. “You often are,” he said. “It’s very irritating. ”

  The doctor eased open the door. “Time’s up,” she said.

  I bent and kissed his stubbled cheek. “I’ll be back tomorrow when they discharge you, okay?” I lowered my voice. “And by the way, I told her I’m your sister. ”

  He was already half asleep, his stitches stark against his eyebrow. “Then you were right again,” he murmured. “Because that’s what you are. ”

  AS I WALKED BACK TO the waiting room, my stomach tightened with anticipation. Alex, can I talk to you? Nina could wait a few minutes. All I wanted was to get Alex someplace private and feel his arms around me again – press my face against his warm neck and never let him go.

  When I entered the waiting room, my brow creased: his blue plastic chair was empty. Nina sat looking through a different magazine. I perched beside her and then twisted around in my seat, glancing at the restroom.

  “Where’s Alex?” I said.

  Nina had tossed the magazine aside and was reaching for her coat. “He left. ”

  My heart stopped. “What?” I said blankly.

  She nodded at a pair of empty seats nearby. “He got a ride with those guys; they said they’d drop him off in Pawntucket so he could get his truck. He said to tell you goodbye. ”

  She saw my expression then and stared at me, flustered. “Willow, the way he said it, I thought you knew. He made it sound like something you’d agreed on. ”

  Once I know you’re all right, I’ll leave. Suddenly the world was crashing in on me. “How long ago?” I gasped.

  “I don’t know, maybe five minutes?”

  I’d grabbed up my parka and was running before she finished talking. I darted around a crowd of people as they came in the entrance, heard someone give a startled cry. Nina was shouting behind me. “Willow! Wait!”

  The cold air hit me as I shot through the doors. I pounded down the sidewalk, not stopping until I reached the parking lot. I craned up on my tiptoes, longing for my angel. I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

  “Alex!” I shouted. My voice echoed over the half-empty lot. “Alex!”

  Nina caught up with me, panting. “Willow, what—”

  Where was the truck? I spotted it and started running again; as I reached it, I whirled towards Nina. “The keys, did he give you the keys?”

  She handed them over, and I lunged into the driver’s seat. “Get in!” I cried. A second later we were screeching away from the parking lot.

  “Willow, what is wrong?” Nina said loudly.

  What’s wrong is that I can’t scan for him any more. If he leaves, I won’t be able to find him – and he’ll think that’s what I wanted. I couldn’t say the words. I knew Seb wouldn’t be able to find him either; it took such a deep, multi-layered bond.

  I clutched the wheel hard. “I just – I’ve got to find Alex. ”

  I almost cried in frustration as we reached the main gates and got caught in a traffic jam: a river of glittering metal. It looked as if every car in Schenectady was leaving at the same time. People were carrying their belongings, heading out in droves on foot – it was like the refugees that Alex and I had once seen heading for Denver Eden in reverse.

  “How many of them do you think are sick?” asked Nina in a soft voice. Over half an hour had passed.

  “A lot,” I said shortly as we crept forward. “But at least their minds are clear, and they’ll get treatment now, once things are a little more normal again. ”

  She looked at me. “Do you really think the world will ever be normal again?”

  “Not really,” I admitted. My hands felt clammy; I wiped them on my jeans. “I guess we’ll have to…find a new normality. ”

  Finally, finally, we drove through the gates. I got off the traffic-laden highway as soon as I could, taking a country road that was the scenic route. Nina set her jaw and reached for the strap on the ceiling.

  “Good – now burn rubber,” she said.

  “Believe me, I plan to,” I said as we whistled around a curve. I swung the wheel hard to avoid a pothole. Alex, I don’t want to lose you – not again.

  When we finally reached Pawntucket, I plunged into its damaged streets; they were all empty. Alex’s truck had been parked in front of the elementary school – near the front door, with its bright construction-paper decorations.

  My chest was clenched as I turned into the school’s parking lot. The words were part prayer, part hope: Please, Alex – please.

  His truck was gone.

  “No!” I gasped.

  “Try the town square – maybe he’s there,” Nina said urgently.

  When we reached it, I lurched to a stop in front of Drake’s Diner and jumped out. I couldn’t see Alex’s blue truck anywhere. The square was full of people, though, all gathered in front of the town hall. Someone was bashing out “We Are the Champions” on a guitar; raucous singing filled the air.

  “Is Alex here?” I cried, as Jonah came running over and we got out.

  He looked surprised and shook his head. “No, he came and said goodbye about twenty minutes ago. ”

  The world stopped. Somehow I got the words out. “Do you…do you know where he went?”

  “No, he didn’t say. ” I could tell how much Jonah wished he had a different answer. “I’m really sorry. ”

  I stood frozen in the weak winter sunshine. Twenty minutes. Oh god, I’d been so close! He could have gone in any direction, and I had no idea which one he’d choose. He was miles away now…thinking it was what I wanted.

  I was too late.