Lesson One - a short story

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  The odd thing was —

  He shook it off, gasping for breath as though he’d run a marathon, and spun around to confront Alberto.

  “Hah! You can’t say this isn’t Hell!”

  “Of course I can, because it’s true.”

  “I was just burned alive!”

  “That is so!”

  “Yes! But I know what that was!”

  “Do you now?”

  “A magnifying glass! Some giant ass-fart demon of Hell burned me with a giant magnifying glass!”

  “Half right, lad.” Alberto seemed genuinely interested now. Fred’s heart leapt at that, and it momentarily angered him to realize his heart wasn’t beating at all, not really. But he focused, feeling certain that this was a key moment. There was something he was supposed to figure out.

  As he thought hard, he prayed, God, don’t let Death come! Please let me think — just for a minute!

  At last he said timidly, fervently hoping he was on to something, “I did that! I did that as kid! To bugs!”

  Alberto looked relieved, “Now you’re starting to remember. Fairly early you are, too. I had the feeling you’d be quick.”

  Fred was thrilled! He’d figured it out! Then he was instantly baffled, “But why do I have to remember that? Why torture me to make me remember that?”

  Alberto eyed him meaningfully, but said nothing. Fred desperately thought harder. Then, “I’m — I’m being punished? Because I burned bugs as a kid?”

  Alberto tilted his head in a way that said, “Maybe.”

  Fred went on, “Wait, wait, everything before that — that was because I squashed bugs? Stepped on bugs?”

  Alberto nodded.

  Fred’s mind now reeled. The victory of revelation had only led to new madness. “I’m being punished for — I’m in Hell for killing bugs?!”

  “I assure you you’re not in Hell, lad, though I’m afraid you’ll have to take that on faith.”

  “Oh, very funny! I am in Hell, obviously! Otherwise none of this makes sense!”

  “Well, actually it does, in that it’s part of Lesson One.”

  The giant magnifying glass came again. Fred ran and screamed pathetically. This time he fell on his face before dying, and the stench of his burning flesh choked his lungs much more noticeably.