Psyche

the room.

  “She’s fine, I have a friend from work watching her.”

  “Oh, ok. That’s good.” I reply as I stand up and move towards the sink to look in the mirror.

  I expect to see lacerations and bruises all over my face and body but surprisingly, there were no real bruises or anything. No lacerations or cuts. An astonished look comes over my face. I looked like I did before the accident, except for my new little stylish outfit. I turned to the doctor with a bewildered look.

  I almost stutter while I ask, “Doc, why don’t I have any bruises or real pain? Especially for what seemed to be so serious of an accident? I mean I remember getting hit by a car and seeing blood. How come I look fine? You even said I was lucky and I was transported here in an ambulance.”

  He takes his glasses off and lowers his clip board as his eyes meet mine.

  “Well, like I said before, you were lucky. We gave you drugs to numb the pain so they are probably still working in your system now. That’s why there’s no constant pain. As for no bruises or lacerations that’s just because there are none. Sometimes your mind makes situations worse then they may actually be.”

  I raise an eyebrow at him as I can’t help but to smirk; “I felt a damn car hit me, I saw blood coming down my head and on my body. I watched them tear my shirt off and shock me with those little paddle things. You say I have no pain due to the drugs, ok I’ll buy that. But what did you give me to make me look normal?” I ask with a sarcastic and upset underlying tone in my voice.

  “My mind didn’t trick me into believing I was in a worse condition then I actually was. I was there and I know what happened.”

  The doctor gives me a puzzled look like I asked a totally obscene question and statement. I turn to him again and ask, “Doc do you not understand what I’m asking?”

  I stand up and walk towards him as I look over at Marie to see if she’s at least on the same page as me but she looks lost as well. I turn back to Dr. Jones and lean in towards him. “I was hit by a car! I rode in an ambulance and I remember my wife having blood on her clothes and now there is no blood on her and none on me. There isn’t even a stain on her shirt. Oh yea and I couldn’t feel my legs and arms while riding here before I passed out. I remember being shocked twice with your paramedic’s paddles. Now I wake up and you say I was lucky and I’m fine? My mind has been playing tricks on me. Not to be rude but what the shit man?”

  The doctor looks over at Marie like I just figured out a huge secret that they were hiding from me. Then replies; “Look son, you’re confused and tired. You need to just take a deep breath and calm down. You’ve been through a traumatic experience today and you need to focus on feeling better, okay. You just need some sleep. Things will make more sense to you then, okay?”

  I take a deep breath to try and curb my anger. I raise my hand to my temples and start moving my fingers in small circular motions. “Okay, fine whatever but if I feel bad tomorrow or later tonight I’m going to come back up here and ask for you. If by tomorrow I still feel like something isn’t right I’m coming back. Is that cool?”

  “That would be fine and I hope you do if you start feeling bad again. I have no problem with that. You just need to try an relax.”

  On the drive home I just stare into the side view mirror looking for cuts or bruises but there are none to be found. The medicine must still be working because all of the colors on the buildings seem to blur into one another. My body feels light like I’m starting to drift away. My wife starts rubbing my shoulder and I turn to her and asked about the girl I pushed.

  “She’s fine. She has some bruises because of how hard you pushed her but that’s all. She would’ve been killed if you hadn’t helped her. The parents wanted me to thank you and apologize for them; they want to meet you soon. Oh and by the way, I already called the base and told them about what happened and they said to take the next couple days off to recuperate, they have the manning for you to miss a little work.”

  “That’s good I’m not going to fight free days off and that’s funny the little girl has bruises from me pushing her. I mean I was hit by a car and have no bruises.”

  She gives me an annoyed look that I must admit was quite unnerving.

  “What about my supervisor? Did you already talk to him?”

  “Yes, he said he’d talk to you in a few days. He said to just take it easy and if you need anything to call him”.

  “I have to feel out a safety report don’t I?”

  “Yes, but they said it’s not a big rush. The verbal report I gave them was sufficient for now. You can do it in a couple days. A few people from work and our Commander came to visit you but you were still being looked at, once they heard you’d be fine they left and said they’d talk to you once you get back to work.”

  I leaned back in the car; “Ok, I just want to relax anyways. Besides you and Katie, I really don’t want to see anyone.”

  As we turn down the street heading to our apartment, my eyes begin to go out of focus and my surroundings begin to seem bleak and quiet. I shake my head and look at my wife; “Did everything just get dimmer or am I going crazy?’

  I ask while I laugh. My head starts to feel heavy and begins to bob.

  “You’ve just had a long day baby don’t worry.”

  “Don’t you have to pick up Katie?”

  “I let her stay at a Crystal’s house, her daughter is throwing a little party so I thought that would be nice, plus I figured you’d want it to be quiet so you could rest. Katie was shaken up about everything so I thought it would be a nice way to take her mind off of everything.”

  “Aww, I wanted to see her especially after today…it’s ok, I feel fine, a little woozy now but otherwise fine, I feel bad we didn’t get to take her to the zoo. I know she was excited about that. We have to make that happen.”

  As we enter the apartment, I head straight towards my bedroom.

  “I think I’m going to lie down, I’m exhausted. Do you want to tuck me in?”

  “I’ll be in there in a minute baby.”

  I enter the room and lie down; I gaze up at the ceiling and watch the fan blades circle over and over again until I fall asleep.

  4

  pain commences

  I feel as if I wake up as quickly as I laid down, yet I feel refreshed; like I’ve slept for days. I lean up and look around the room and notice everything is dim, not only the light but the colors seem vague and unadorned. As I turn towards the clock I notice it is exactly eight o’clock. I don’t remember even setting the alarm. Out of nowhere, my right arm begins to twitch then I get a pain in my right forearm directly where the arm bends; I look down and see blood start to roll out from in front of my elbow. There were no holes or cuts just blood oozing out. My hand starts to shake and gets colder; I start feeling a little freaked out so I jump out of bed and start looking for Marie. I walk out of the bedroom in just my boxers while holding my arm behind my elbow. I imagine this has to be a pathetic sight.

  “Marie, are you here? Hello?”

  There’s no answer, I push the bathroom door open and it slams against the wall. I pull a white towel off the rack and wrap it around my arm.

  “Marie? Hello? Are you home? What the hell.” I yell again as my blood starts to boil.

  Still no answer, maybe she went to work and just didn’t check on me or tell me goodbye. That’s nice of her. I walk over to the front door and notice her keys are missing from the holder on the wall. I pick up the phone and call the base.

  “Command Post Tech Sergeant Hamilton, how may I help you?”

  “Hey Tech Sergeant Hamilton its Cory, just curious have you seen Marie today?”

  “No, I haven’t seen her let me check the schedule. Actually the schedule shows her on leave for the next week.”

  “On leave? I didn’t know about that?”

  “That’s what it says, man. You sure she didn’t tell you?”

  “No, at least I don’t remember.”

  “Co
ry, while I have you on the phone I was curious how are you doing? Are you feeling okay?”

  “I’m just really tired but I’ll be okay. Thanks sir, I’ll call back later and we’ll talk.”

  “Okay, just try an stay in touch.”

  I hang up and toss the phone on the couch as I think back and try to remember if this was mentioned to me but I don’t recall anything about her going on leave.

  “On leave?” I ask myself again as I sit on the couch and pull the towel tighter around my arm.

  Why would she go on leave and not tell me? I walk into the kitchen to get some juice and notice a note on the fridge. It’s from Marie saying she went back home to California for a few days so I could relax and she took Katie with her so I could rest.

  “What in the hell is going on?”

  “Did I miss something? Have I been asleep for like two weeks or what?” I ask myself as I rub away the sweat that begins to form on my forehead.

  Suddenly, my head begins to throb. I feel it pounding beneath my hand as I lose my balance and start to fall. I luckily catch myself on the edge of my couch with my other hand to remain on my feet. I become dizzy and my legs are weak, the sounds of faint voices begin to echo in my head. Male and female voices’ just talking but it’s too loud and stifled to make out. All I can identify is the pain that comes from them. I put my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut, I try my hardest to block out the unrecognizable words and noises. I can feel my blood pulsate through my skull and force itself