TNT – Unarmed And Dangerous
PARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
Bernie sleeps inside a shattered Corolla, blissfully snoring as TIM runs past him to escape the crowd on his tail.
INT. EILEEN'S FLAT - DAY
Tim storms inside, shuts the door behind him.
TIM: Man, I'm gonna have a stroke!
He turns to lock the door when he gets GRABBED by the neck --
TIM: Ahhhhhh...
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
TIM: ...aaaaaahhhh!!
-- thrown on the floor like a bowling ball.
TOD (O.S.): Here he is, it's him!
Tod is tied to a chair, finger pointed at Tim.
TOD: He's the one who stole your money!
TIM: What the hell..?!
Vito grabs his neck again, slams him on a chair next to Tod.
TIM: Let's all calm down, okay, we can explain!
TOD: Yeah, man, explain these gentlemen the mess that you've done!
TIM: What?! You filthy liar!
TONY: Shut up, both of you! And you can drop the acting, your Indian bud says you're no crapper cleaners.
TIM: That's right, we're just attendants! It was our first day and we just messed things up!
TONY: Oh, you can bet your ass that you did! You got hired on false credentials to steal our money and just vanish. Well, seems like you motherfuckers just miscalculated!
Tim looks around in stun as Tod just shakes his head.
TOD: I must admit it, this faker had fooled me too.
VITO: You're in it up to your neck, so drop it, okay?
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Yeah, just drop it, all of you.
Vito and Tony step aside, an evil entity pervades the room in the form of VINCE GARRONE, 70s. Scary face. Icy eyes. Five feet tall.
GARRONE: You already ruined my day, try at least not to get me a headache, will you?
TIM: Believe me, sir, this is all just a big misunderstanding!
GARRONE: Oh, I'm sure it is. That's why you're not cattle feed yet.
Tim gulps as the old man glowers at his guys.
GARRONE: Back in my days you'd be all scattered on a field by now. But you know how they say, age makes you wise... just give me my money and it never happened, okay?
TIM: No problem, sir, we didn't mean to keep the money, I personally hid it in a safe place.
TOD: There you go!
TIM: Just to be sure it didn't get lost! Only a second and we'll sort this out right away.
He moves the chair next to the cupboard, steps up -- pales at the desert on its top. He almost falls down the chair, trying in vain to hide his shock.
TIM: I don't know how, but I fear there must have been a little mishap...
GARRONE: Don't tell me, another one!
He drops a golf ball to the floor, gets a club from Sal.
TIM: Let me take a look around, maybe it just fell behind the --
BONK! A ball hits him straight on the nose. Tod hints a smile, gets HIT as well.
TOD: Fuck!!
GARRONE: (hands back the club) Damn age, two swings and I'm already tired!
Tim and Tod abort a sigh of relief as he pops out a REVOLVER.
GARRONE: Drawbacks apart now, I think it would be a good idea to pop out my money and spare me the drag of daubing the room with your brains.
Tim is panicking, can't see a way out of this.
TIM: Please don't shoot us! I swear we'll find a way to sort this out!
TOD: Come on, nobody's gonna get shot! It's clear we're all just victims of unlucky circumstances, right?
Garrone is a mask of stone.
TOD: Okay, listen, there's this old friend of mine, a real badass -- (Garrone cocks his gun) My father! He works in a bank, he can get you all the money you want!
Tim resumes breathing as a spark lights up Garrone's eyes.
TOD: He'll be out until monday, as soon as he gets back we'll get this mess behind us, you got my word.
Garrone glances at his guys, then back at Tod.
GARRONE: Let me see if I got it right: you want me to leave you alone, keep quiet for three days until your dad comes back and sorts this out?
Tim starts to sob again as Tod nods a convinced yes.
TOD: You couldn't do otherwise, I mean, apart shooting us, that's obvious.
He forces a smile, trying hard to play it cool.
TOD: But if you shoot us you don't get your money, do you?
Garrone keeps dead serious, Tim almost passed out as he starts praying for the remission of his sins. Until:
GARRONE: You got until tomorrow, not a minute more.
The concession of a lifetime! Tim can't believe it, nor can Vito and Tony. Tod just keeps grinning.
TOD: Well, what about two days?
TIM: Tomorrow, that's perfect!
He killer-stares Tod as Garrone finally puts the gun away.
GARRONE: It goes without saying that there won't be other mishaps. By tomorrow 8 p.m. either I have my money or you're ending up in a manure spreader's tank.
TOD: I told you, man, you got my word.
TIM: That's right, I mean, you know who we are and where we live, what else could you need to hold us in your pocket?
The entrance door opens, EILEEN steps in. Looks surprised at the crowd in her kitchen.
EILEEN: Well, good morning everybody.
EXT. OLD A