Commencement

Tim felt anxious as he sat in the waiting room of the neurologist’s office at New York Presbyterian Hospital. Just a few days ago, they had taken images of his brain with the MRI and CT scans. Then yesterday the doctor called him to make an appointment to discuss the results. After he received the call, Tim knew it couldn’t be anything but bad news. The doctor was curt and brief, hardly providing any information at all, other than he had to see him right away. If the doctor hadn’t found anything he would have told Tim over the phone to reassure him, but such was not the case. Tim had an idea of what he would hear when he went into the doctor’s office, in fact, he had been thinking about it ever since they told him his nausea had nothing to do with his stomach. Tim tried to brace himself for this meeting, to prepare for what he felt may come, but he couldn’t think about it without being gripped with absolute terror.

  “Tim Russell!” the nurse called out from behind the administration desk.

  “Yes.” Tim replied.

  “If you’ll come this way.”

  Tim got up and followed the nurse back to an office.

  “The doctor’s finishing up with another patient, but he’ll be in with you in a few minutes. Have a seat.”

  “Thank you”, replied Tim, who was preoccupied by his thoughts.

  In the silence of the room, Tim could hear his own heart beating. He took a deep breath and took out his smart phone to check his messages as a way of distracting himself from his worry. There was one message from Preston. He probably wanted a status on the contracts with the vendors. At least now work was becoming a bright spot in Tim’s day. The site was on its way to completion, but Tim needed permission from the vendors for the links to the secure portions of their respective sights. The majority of them had already verified their permissions, which were on his desk. They were waiting for the one from the Brill Corporation, and Tim wasn’t worried about it because he had already spoken to them. The next big thing that had to be done was to test run the site, and make up an employee regulations manual. Things were going according to schedule. There was also a message from Pastor Bynum about their next meeting. Tim was actually glad to see that he had called given recent events, but the one person he wanted to call didn’t.

  Ever since Christmas Eve, Tamiko had sort of been in mourning over Davis. Tim felt bad about what happened, especially since he had totally misjudged him, but he couldn’t help but feel a little upset by the way Tamiko seemed obsessed with Davis. It seemed He and Tamiko couldn’t have a conversation without Davis’s name coming up at least twice. Tim had told her about his appointment today, hoping she would come with him, but she couldn’t because of some assembly they were having at her school. “She’ll call. She’s probably just busy with the children and everything. After all it was only 10:00, and she wouldn’t have lunch until around 11:30 or so.” Tim reasoned with himself. It surprised Tim to realize how close he and Tamiko had become. A few months ago, he probably wouldn’t have given her a second thought, whereas now he thought about her more often than not. If he wasn’t thinking about her, he was thinking about God. Tim was also surprised by how much Tamiko influenced him with respect to religion. He had thought more about God in the past few months than he did in his whole life. Tim even had to admit that he was beginning to believe in God. Especially after all that he had been through recently. He even found himself praying as he did this morning. Looking back, he realized that he had done the work of about 7 people. Preston attempted to do what he did and literally had a nervous breakdown. “How was I able to do it?” Tim thought to himself. In the past, Tim had really worked through the midnight oil, but even during those times he would become all but bedridden. That didn’t happen at all this time. It was as if God was giving him the strength to go through it all. Tamiko said she prayed for him, not to mention he prayed (or tried to), and he knew the good Pastor was praying for him. That had to be it. Tim only hoped this God that had delivered him through the toughest two weeks of his life would deliver him from what he was about to face now.

  Tim had just finished going over his messages when his doctor, Dr. Rabinow came in.

  “Hello, Tim. How are you today?”

  “I don’t know. I was hoping you would have the answer to that.”

  “You’re ready to get down to business. I totally understand.”

  The doctor sat down behind the desk and opened the file in front of him.

  “I’m going to start by saying that this is just a preliminary diagnosis. There are still more tests that are going to have to be done, but…”

  “You found something.”

  “Unfortunately, yes. The MRI and the CT scans reveal that there’s an unusual growth within the posterior-fossa region of your brain. There’s been some intracranial pressure that has resulted in swelling and the hydrocephalus has increased pressure on some of the cranial nerves in that area which has been causing your headache, nausea, and vision problems.”

  “I see.”

  “The growth is fairly large, and there are indications that if it gets any larger it may obstruct the flow of cerebral spinal fluid which can cause herniation, which would be fatal.”

  “This growth… is it cancer?” Tim could hardly get the last word out without choking up.

  “We don’t know yet. We would have to go in and do a biopsy to see what kind of growth we’re dealing with. It could simply be a colloid cyst that can be drained or it could be a tumor. But we would have to go in to find out. I recommend that you get it done as soon as possible, so that we can decide how we’re going to proceed with removal.”

  “Sure. Of course.”

  “Let’s see… today is Wednesday…I can fit you in the beginning of next week. How about Monday at 4:30? Does that fit with your schedule?”

  “I guess it will have to now, won’t it.”

  “Good. It’s a simple procedure, but it is invasive surgery. We would drill a hole in your skull and then insert a stereotactic needle to extract tissue from the growth. A computer that uses the MRI or CT scan as a map will guide the needle in order to prevent injury to healthy areas of your brain. There are risks to this procedure as with any. There may be some scarring, which may lead to seizures, and there may be some swelling and fluid around the brain. But we will be monitoring you for these things.”

  “So I’ll be in the hospital for a couple of days.”

  “Yes. Would you like me to write a notice for your employer.”

  “If you don’t mind.”

  “And if we’re lucky, I may be able to get a diagnosis in the same week. But we’ll discuss those options during your recovery.”

  “This is certainly a lot to take in.”

  “Like I said Tim, all this is just preliminary. I don’t want you to go home overly concerned. Even if this is a tumor, we have to diagnose what kind it is. It could be benign for all we know. For the most part, tumors in this area of the brain usually are.”

  “Don’t worry, doc. I’ll be okay. Thanks for everything.”

  “Do you have any questions or concerns that you’d like me to address?”

  “No. It’s okay. I’ll see you Monday.”

  As Tim got up and walked out of Dr. Rabinow’s office, he felt as if his air supply was being cut off. They had found a growth, just as he had suspected. The doctor said it might not be cancer, but there was still a good chance it could be. When Tim got outside he hailed a cab (because he couldn’t trust his vision anymore) and headed back to work. As he sat in the cab, he thought about the significance of what he just learned from the doctor. The first thing that came to mind was death. Tim had always taken for granted that at just 24 years old, he had his whole life in front of him. Never before had he contemplated that it could come to an end so quickly and without warning. Sure he knew that an accident could potentially take him out of the world before he was ready, but he had always taken precautions on those ends, at least those things that he could control. Now, in the face of this illness, he had no c
hoice but to confront his own mortality.

  At first he thought about all the time he had taken for granted. Tim had taken for granted that he would have time to build a business and make Allen his partner. He had thought that he could wait until he was 40 to get married and have children, but now he didn’t know how much time he had left. Tim thought he would one day get to the bottom of what stood in the way of a loving relationship with his sister, and that he would reconcile things with his dad. Now he didn’t know if these things would happen at all. Then finally, he thought about God. If there was a God, (which Tim was beginning to think that there was) was he ready to meet Him? What would Tim say to Him? How could Tim justify all of what he knew deep down inside was wrong in his life to God? And what if there was a Hell where he could be sent to for all eternity? Life on this earth had been hell enough. He didn’t want to wind up there. There were so many things that Tim pondered and as he mused, he felt an overwhelming desire to make things right. There were certain things that weren’t in his control to fix, but those things that were, he was determined to take steps to rectify while he still had time.

  Finally the cab pulled up in front of Herns and Marshall, and Tim paid his fare and got out of the cab. Then he went up to his office, trying to prepare what he was going to say to Preston on the way. He needed to let him know that he would need some time off without getting into specifics. He didn’t want anyone at work to know anything unless it was absolutely necessary. By the time he got off the elevator and arrived at his office, he had it down, that is until he came face to face with Preston at the entrance of the office. Tim was about to open the door, when it swung open and he was assaulted by Preston’s angry tirade.

  “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you for the past hour now?”

  “I was at my doctor’s appointment Preston, which is where I told you I was going before I left”, said Tim. By now, he had become so inured to Preston’s rages, they no longer had any effect on him.

  “You should have gotten back to me when you were done! Standoff came up here while you were out looking for those verifications. Thankfully the Brill Company sent theirs a few hours before. So at least I had that to show him.”

  “Perfect. I’ll give you the rest, and we’ll copy them and send the copies to Standoff.”

  “You should have just told me where they were and I could have done it a while ago.”

  “You’re right. Sorry about that. In fact, I’d like to meet with you tomorrow if you’re available to sort of give a status report on how things are going and what needs to be done, especially since, in the next couple of days I’m not going to be here for medical reasons.”

  “You’re cutting out on me?”

  “Preston, I would hardly call it cutting out. I am going to debrief you on everything and it’s not like I’m taking a personal day. It’s a necessary medical leave.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” asked Preston, who almost appeared to be concerned.

  “I’d rather not go into detail, but if you would like to call my doctor to verify that I’m going to need recovery time, go ahead.”

  “Fine. We’ll meet first thing tomorrow at 9:00.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  After their conversation, Preston went back into the office, and Tim retired to his cubicle. He was about to begin to prepare some files for tomorrow’s meeting when his cell phone rang. It was the call he’d been waiting for.

  “Hey, you. What did the doctor say?”

  “Hey, Miko. I’m at the office, and I don’t want to really talk about it

  over the phone. Are you busy tonight?”

  “Never, for a friend. Where do you want to go?”

  “You pick. Just make it some place where we’ll have some kind of

  privacy.” “How about the gym in your building. See if you can get one of the

  dance rooms and we’ll talk in there.”

  “That’s a great idea. I’ll do that. I’ll meet you after dinner?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll call you before I leave.”

  “Thanks, Tamiko. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “It’s going to be okay, Tim. God is going to see you through this.”