A Necessary Sin

  “Sterling can drive you to a bigger supermarket.”

  “I bought enough for a few days. Maybe he can take me toward the end of the week if we run low.”

  She’s unloading the bags so I help. “I was thinking about something today. Would you consider staying in Edinburgh once you’ve settled your aunt’s estate?”

  “Hmm … let me think about this one. I don’t work. I get to do what I want all day and then have great sex every night. Living the life of a claimed woman is tough stuff.” She laughs. She closes the cabinet and looks at me. “Oh. You’re not kidding.”

  “I’m very serious.”

  She leans against the countertop and crosses her arms. “I don’t know. It’s not something I’ve considered.”

  “What if I told you I want you to stay?” I ask.

  “I’d be taken by surprise.”

  “But you wouldn’t say no?”

  “It’s something I’d have to think about. I have a family to consider. And a business with a lot of financial responsibility tied up in it.”

  I go to her and hold her face in my hands. “Think about it. For me.” I kiss the top of her head. “I’ll take care of you. That includes any debt you’ve incurred in your business.” She opens her mouth to speak. I suspect she’s going to argue so I place my finger over her lips. “Nothing would change. You’d still do as you please each day. And I’d do as I please each night.” She grins at the last part. “But babies and brides need to be photographed in Edinburgh as well. Bleu Mac’s Photography would fit in quite well if you wanted to work.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Perfect. Are you getting closer to finalizing the estate?” I could’ve assisted her and had the proper paperwork done a week ago, but I didn’t want to speed the process.

  “Yes. Maybe another week.”

  “Then you don’t have long to sort out what you want to do.”

  “No, seven days isn’t long when you’re considering a decision like this. But even if I decide to stay, I can only visit a total of six months on a passport and visa.”

  “I want as many days as possible with you.” I sweep a stray hair from her face. “I can think of nothing worse than having an ocean between us,” I say.

  “The last few weeks have been the best of my life.” She presses her palm to my face. “Is this that thing people call happiness?”

  “I think it could be.” But if it’s not, I believe this is the closest I’ll ever get.

  * * *

  I leave Bleu in bed every morning when I get up for work but today is different. She’s up and I’m surprised when she comes into the shower with me. “Why are you awake so early?”

  “I have something to do today.” I don’t recall her mentioning plans. I guess something with the estate fell through. Good. I want to keep her here as long as possible. It’s a reminder her days with me could be winding down.

  Unless there’s a problem with selling the flat, she’ll no longer have it to deal with after next Friday. That’s when she’ll have a decision to make—pack her remaining things to bring here or ship them to the US.

  “Did something go wrong with the flat’s buyer?”

  “No. Everything is fine with the sale,” she says. “I’m meeting your mother in an hour. We’re going shopping together.”

  Surely, I didn’t understand her correctly. “You’re doing what with whom?”

  “You heard me.”

  “How did this come about?”

  “I decided I should make an effort to bond with her since I’m going to be living with her son for an indefinite amount of time.”

  “That’s a clever way to tell me you’ve decided to stay.”

  “I thought so.”

  “You hadn’t mentioned it since I asked, so I was expecting you to leave next week.”

  “I get this ache in my chest every time I think about leaving. The closer next week comes, the worse the pain gets.”

  “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me, Bonny Bleu.” I don’t have the words to tell her. But I can show her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Bleu MacAllister

  My reason for shopping with Isobel today is twofold. I want to know more about what makes Sin tick, but I’d also like to get close to her. If she’s my friend and confidante, I’ll be invited into her home—the one she shares with Thane. That is where I plan to kill him and make it look as though an adversary is responsible.

  I’m not stupid. I know I’m being surveyed and analyzed but it’s because I’m a suspected informant. They have no idea I am the actual adversary. Even after Thane is dead, they still won’t know. That’s why I’ve had no qualms about using my real name. They’re idiots, giving too little credit to women and their capabilities, so I’ll never be suspected as a skilled assassin.

  “What about this one?” I run my hand over the soft pewter comforter. “It’s not a feminine color but the detail and embellishments on the throws make up for that. I think it would be beautiful against the wall color.”

  “What color ‘tis that?”

  “Soft blue.” I see a comforter almost identical to his walls so I point it out. “Very similar to this except a wee more on the steel-blue side.”

  “I agree. The platinum set would be lovely.”

  “I think so too.” I catch the attention of the sales clerk. “I’ll take this one in a king. I want it just as it’s displayed with all the throws.” I remember the sheets ruined on the first night I spent with Sin. “And add an extra set of linens.”

  Isobel and I stroll through the home department while we wait for the sales associate to return with my purchase. “Has Sin told you how I came to be married to Thane?”

  Isobel’s accent is much stronger than Sin’s. I’m not sure why. I sometimes have difficulty making out some of her words.

  “He said his grandfathers arranged your marriage for a stronger Fellowship.”

  “Tis true. I was born into this role. I didn’t have a choice, but you are free to choose any man in the world.”

  I’m not sure where she’s going with this. I say nothing.

  “My son is cut from the same cloth as his father. Thane took him from me when he was a bairn, so I was unable to have a say in molding him into the man he is today. I wasn’t kiddin’ when I said like father, like son. They’re both monsters.”

  She’s right about one of them. “Sin is not a monster.” I’m angry so I begin walking away but stop and turn back to look at her. Without thinking, I point my finger at her. “Never say that to me again.”

  She smiles, as though she likes my reaction. Was she testing me? “Ye already have feelings for him. Are ye in love?”

  “I think I could find it very easy to be.” It grows easier every day.

  “Do ye think he’s in love with ye?”

  I’m not sure Sin is capable of such things. “I don’t think so.”

  “He will be. But there’s something ye should know about being with a Fellowship leader. Being in love is a double-edged sword for my son. Whoever hears him say ‘I love ye’ is condemned. Loving ye will make him vulnerable and he’ll come to despise ye for that reason.”

  Is that what happened between my mother and Thane? He loved her but she became his weakness so he killed her? I don’t believe that’s it. He could’ve walked away so much easier.

  I finish my purchase and we’re returning to Isobel’s car. “I like ye, Bleu. That’s why I feel prompted tae warn ye. I wasn’t trying tae be cruel or vindictive toward ma son. I love him verra much.” Sin doesn’t know that.

  “I think you’d be surprised to learn how much he’s told me.”

  “Fallin’ in love with Sin ‘tis a mistake because ye don’t understand about oor world. Once ye come tae know oor ways, it’ll be too late tae get oot.” She hesitates before getting into the car. “I’d really like us tae be friends—but I dinnae think we can be if I bring this up again—so I won’t. I’ll keep ma gob shut. Does that so
und fair?”

  “Yes, thank you. I’d appreciate that.”

  * * *

  I enjoyed my day with Isobel. She turned out to be a fun lady when she wasn’t trying to convince me I shouldn’t be with Sin. Her heart was in the right place, so I have to give her props for looking out for my best interests. And I think the impasse means she won’t lecture me anymore.

  I beat Sin home so I go into the master bedroom to change the bedding. I want him to be surprised when he sees how inviting it is. I’m almost positive he’ll like it. Regardless, I’m certain he’ll enjoy breaking it in. As will I.

  We may not be in love but we are most certainly in lust. Sometimes it feels like we can’t get enough of one another. Being with him is crazy good. I never imagined I could want someone so much. I wonder if it’s like this for everyone. It can’t be. People would never leave their houses if it was.

  Playing the part of Sin’s lover isn’t a bad way to bide my time until I’m able to get close enough to kill Thane. But I must never forget the mission. I may need a reminder from time to time so I don’t lose focus.

  Sin texted earlier and said he’d be home by ten, so I shower and shave my legs twice. I apply my favorite body lotion and then put on the new black silk nightgown and matching robe I purchased today.

  It’s nine forty-five when I stretch across our new bedding to wait for him. Ten comes and no Sin. By eleven, I’m annoyed. By midnight, I’m worried, so I text. No response. I consider calling but I’m sure he’s tending to Fellowship business. I don’t wish to irritate him or look like the bothersome girlfriend.

  I bet Lorna knows if something is going on. You hear a lot working in a bar full of Fellowship members.

  I dial her number. One ring goes through before I hear the front door open and close, so I end the call before she can answer. I rush over to the bed and resume my seductive pose.

  A moment later I hear voices—what sounds like several of them—coming up the hallway toward the bedroom. I go into panic mode. I slide across the bed toward the nightstand drawer where Sin keeps his handgun when the door bursts open. Two men carry Sin to the bed. His shirt is saturated with blood, concentrated on his right shoulder. “My God! What happened?”

  I move off the bed just in time for Sin to plop on it and fall backward. “I’ve gone and got myself shot again.”

  “Then why are you here and not at the hospital?”

  He unbuttons his shirt and slides it off. “Not bad enough to take the risk of being reported to the authorities.”

  This is crazy. “You are aware people get infections and die from untreated gunshot wounds?”

  “It won’t go untreated. Jamie is on his way. I’ll be stitched up, good as new. I’m sure he’ll give me antibiotics so it doesn’t get infected. All will be fine, Bonny.” He nods at the two men standing in the bedroom. “Go wait in the living room. Feel free to help yourselves to whatever you’d like from the liquor cabinet.”

  They leave and I’m alone with an injured, bleeding Sin. I take a moment to gather my thoughts on what I’ve been taught in the immediate care of a gunshot wound. “I need to apply pressure.”

  “No, Bonny. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I can’t stand here and do nothing.”

  “Would you like to run down the street and pick up a needle and thread so you can suture it?” He isn’t hurting too much to be a smart-ass.

  “I’m not too handy with sewing so you’d probably prefer I leave it to Jamie.” I sit on the bed next to him. “Are you in pain?”

  “Aye, like a son of a bitch. I’m not ashamed to say I wouldn’t mind having a little nip of something strong.”

  “I can do that much for you.”

  I return with the whisky and help him to a sitting position. “Will Jamie give you something for the pain?”

  He grimaces when he sits up to toss back the entire tumbler of Johnnie Walker. “Aye, and I’ll gladly take it.”

  “Another?”

  “Aye.” I’m through the door when I hear him call out, “Bring the bottle.”

  I’m shaken by my concern for him. I shouldn’t care if he lives or dies—but I do.

  I return to his side and he strokes his hand over the soft, silky fabric of my nightgown. “You look lovely.”

  “Thank you.”

  He puts his hand on my thigh and rubs it up and down. He’s lying on the bed with a gunshot wound and is still making the moves on me. Horny bastard. “You should know I’m not happy about my men seeing you in this. This sight should be for my eyes only.”

  “That was the plan.”

  “And the bedding is new.” I’m surprised he’s noticed. “I like it.”

  “I liked it too, until you bled all over it.” I grin because I know the crude remark he could make. “Don’t go there, Breck.”

  He laughs. “You’ve come to know me well in a short amount of time.”

  I slide off the bed and kneel on the floor so we’re face to face. I grasp his hand in mine and hold it tightly. “Tell me what happened tonight.”

  “Sometimes I have to be a handler. When a brother commits a transgression, I’m the one who delivers them to the person who will carry out their punishment. They don’t always come willingly … but I make sure they come.”

  “Does that mean if I’m bad and need punishing, you’ll have another man do it for you?”

  “Absolutely not. I’m the only one who touches you.” He rubs his thumb over the top of my hand. “I was really looking forward to touching you when I got home. I thought about it all day.”

  “I know. Me too.”

  Jamie comes into the bedroom and stands over Sin. “What have you gone and gotten yourself into this time, brother?”

  “That fucking Neil Allaway piece of no-count shit has been dodging me for weeks. I found him tonight and he shot me when I went after him.”

  “Did you at least catch the bastard?”

  “Hell yeah, I got him. He’s in Sangster’s hands now.” Uh-oh. I have no idea who Sangster is but it sounds as though Neil is in deep shit. Even I know that.

  “Let me take a look.”

  I slide over so Jamie can move in for a better assessment. “It’s still in there?”

  “Aye.”

  “You told me it was only a flesh wound.” The asshole lied to me.

  Jamie reaches into his bag and takes out a portable light. “When I extract it, I’ll need you to shine that on the wound so I can find it.”

  What is this? Medieval times? “Seriously? You’re going to be digging into his flesh while I stand over him holding a flashlight?”

  “It’s how this is done, Bonny.”

  “Can you hold the light or do I need to fetch one of the goons to come in here instead?”

  “My bonny one is tough.” Sin squeezes my hand. “She’s got this.”

  He wants me here with him. How can I say no? “I can do it.”

  I’ve been with fellow agents when they’ve taken a bullet but this is an entirely new experience. I don’t want to watch what Jamie’s doing. Each time I attempt to look away, the light moves and he scolds me, so I’m forced to keep my eyes on Sin’s wound when he injects him with local using a long ass needle and again while stainless steel pliers dig into his shoulder. “Can you not give him something for pain?”

  “I did. I injected him with lidocaine and gave him a shot of morphine. He’ll be fine.”

  “He doesn’t look fine.” He’s clenching my hand so tight it hurts. “You need another drink?”

  “I won’t turn it down.”

  I fill his tumbler and he downs it in one gulp. “Thanks.”

  He sighs as he lies back on the bed. “Let’s get this done.”

  “Have one of those men come in and hold the light so I can talk to him.” I’m sure I won’t be able to distract him from all the pain but maybe I can help take his mind off it a little.

  The skinny one comes in after Jamie calls for him. I take Sin’s hand and Ja
mie returns to his previous task. “I had to have a few IVs when I was a kid and this is what my dad did. He’d kneel at my bedside, hold my hand, and talk. His voice didn’t take away all the pain but it soothed me. There’s something special about hearing a father’s voice tell you everything is going to be okay. You can’t not believe he’s telling the truth,” I say.

  “I got pneumonia when I was a child and had to go into the hospital. They gave me an IV for the antibiotics and I cried because it was painful. My father told me to suck it up and stop being a baby. I think I was five.”

  Sin grimaces; I look over at Jamie. He’s digging deep.

  “Breathe in slow … and deep.” He does and his chest expands. “Now, blow it out slowly. Close your eyes and concentrate on breathing. Push the pain out of your mind. You can do this.”

  We repeat the process through four cycles—me talking him through—and Jamie finally announces, “Got it.”

  Thank God!

  “That fucker was in deep.” He holds the lead slug up to the light in his gloved hand. “I’m sorry, mate. I know that hurt like a son of a bitch. I didn’t have a needle long enough to get the local in that far. That’s why it hurt more than usual.”

  He still needs to suture him so I pour another whisky. He takes it without hesitation. “This part won’t be bad since the skin is numb. The deep digging is what was killing me.”

  I see a huge difference in his posture. It’s more relaxed.

  He continues holding my hand, stroking his thumb back and forth across my palm on the underside where it’s hidden from Jamie. “How did shopping with my mum go today?”

  Jamie stops and looks at us but doesn’t say a word before returning to his suture job.

  “Surprisingly well. She helped me choose this bedding.” I want to tell him he’s wrong about her but now isn’t the time.

  “The bedding that I’ve now ruined.”

  “It can be replaced. You’re okay. That’s all that matters.”