Secret Whispers

  “That’ll be our song from now on,” Ethan said. He leaned forward to kiss me.

  Could the day have turned out any better? I did feel swept along but very happy about it. On our way back, we occasionally held hands but said little. For me as well as for him, I suspect, it was like soaking in a warm bath, only our bath was full of love. We weren’t home late, but when we arrived, the house was quiet. Every statue looked asleep. The lights were dim, the old grandfather clock barely sounding its ticktock as if it were Heaven-stone’s slumbering heart.

  “They’re both probably feeling it,” Ethan whispered as we went up the stairway. “I’m sure it’s exhausting. They’ll really need to get away after this.”

  I could see that Ethan was fading himself. I knew he was trying to remain energetic for my sake, but I told him to go to sleep and get a good night’s rest. He did have a big day tomorrow. Besides, I thought, we were soon to be the master and mistress of this house. Daddy and Lucille would be on their honeymoon. It was no secret that both Ethan and I were thinking we would have a sort of honeymoon ourselves while they were gone.

  “Go get ready for bed,” I told him. “I’ll be in just to say good night.”

  “Just good night? We’ll see about that,” he joked, but by the time I got ready and into my nightgown and went to his room, I found him in bed and already in a deep sleep, so deep that when I kissed him good night, he didn’t wake. His eyelids didn’t even flutter. I fixed his blanket, stood back, and looked at him, at that perfect handsome face, for a few moments to confirm in my own mind that he was really there and that we were really thinking of a life together. Then I turned off his lights and closed his door softly.

  To my surprise, when I stepped back into the hallway, I found Lucille standing by my door. She was in her robe and had her face covered in one of her special expensive skin creams. In the hallway light, her face had a yellowish glow, and her eyes seemed more catlike.

  “What is it?” I asked. “Something wrong with my father?”

  “No, no. He’s fine. I think we should talk,” she said. “I won’t have much time to spend alone with you after tonight. We have all sorts of last-minute preparations tomorrow and then, late in the day, the wedding rehearsal. As you know, your father and I will be gone for ten days immediately after the wedding.”

  “Talk about what?”

  “Your future,” she said. She opened my bedroom door for me and stood back.

  I looked at her as if I thought she was crazy, but I went into the room. She followed and closed the door behind her.

  “My future?”

  “You can get into bed,” she told me.

  How odd, I thought. What was I, her little girl now? Nevertheless, that was just what I did. I was tired, and I did want to go to sleep. Maybe if I closed my eyes, she’d stop talking and leave.

  Instead, she stepped closer to the bed, fiddled with my blanket, and smiled.

  “I’ve been meaning to have this conversation with you for days now,” she began. “I apologize for taking so long and being so wrapped up in the wedding arrangements. Half the time, I forget to eat lunch, not that I need it. I’m not going to be like so many women as soon as I get married and neglect my figure because I have my man or something. I can assure you of that. You’ll never be ashamed to be seen with me.”

  “What conversation, Lucille?”

  “The mother-daughter conversation you should be having. I realize I’ll never be what your real mother was to you,” she said, nodding at the framed photograph of my mother and me that she had bought me, “but I’m not one to neglect any responsibility. When I marry your father, I take on all his burdens as well as his pleasures, just like the vow dictates. I’ll mean it when I say ‘I do.’ ”

  “I don’t like to think of myself as a burden for my father, Lucille.”

  “No, I don’t mean you’re a burden. I meant his responsibilities,” she said quickly. Then she smiled. “My, I guess I do have to watch every word with you now. That’s good. You’re a sharp, alert young lady.”

  “Really, what is it, Lucille? I’m tired.”

  “Ethan,” she said.

  “Ethan?”

  “I know I told you that we trust you both to behave as responsible adults, and I’m sure you will, but I didn’t want to give you the impression that I was—or rather, that your father and I were—arranging your life for you. If Ethan is indeed the man for you and he continues to develop and mature, fine. If he’s not, I don’t want you to hesitate in coming to tell me otherwise. Or if you are confused and unsure about everything, please rely on me to help you. In short, I’d like to be your confidante in the same way a mother should be. I don’t expect you to throw yourself at me, but I just wanted to be sure you understood that I care about you and welcome being there for you.

  “You are very young,” she continued. “What is good for the Heaven-stone Corporation is not necessarily good for you personally.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Ethan might be a very good young man to develop at our business, but that does not mean he’s being groomed here to be your husband. As I said, if it turns out that he’s right for you and you for him . . .”

  My God, I thought. She does see us all as her puppets, especially me perhaps.

  “I don’t think I need anyone to tell me who’s right for me, Lucille. Thank you for your concern. I am tired now.”

  She stared a moment and then smiled. “You’re just like I was when I was your age, defiant to the end. Be sure you don’t do something just for spite, because in the end you spite only yourself.” She patted my bed and walked out of my room.

  “That’s what I call covering your rear end,” Cassie said. She was standing by the door. “That way, Daddy can’t blame her for anything you do.”

  “I didn’t need you to tell me that,” I said, and turned on my side so my back would be to her.

  “Yes, you did,” she replied in her arrogant Heaven-stone tone of voice.

  I closed my eyes.

  “I’ll be in your dreams,” she threatened.

  It made it more difficult for me to fall asleep, but I finally did. When I woke up, it was late, and Ethan had already dressed, had breakfast, and gone to his first day of work and to get his tux. He phoned later in the afternoon to describe what he was doing and how pleasant and cooperative everyone was being. I wanted to ask him what he expected with Lucille being his sponsor, but I thought about it and realized I’d be taking something from him. Maybe the other employees were just as impressed with him. Ethan did have a wonderful personality, and as far as I could tell, he didn’t look down on anyone. I was sure his enthusiasm amused them all. He promised to rush home as soon as he could.

  In the meantime, Lucille had me try on my maid of honor gown again and inspected it so closely I thought she might send it back for a loose thread. She was satisfied with it all and then began organizing the rehearsal. Her so-called close friends arrived. They did seem nice, especially Claire Dubonnet, who had flown in from Monaco. Even though she worked for the prince, I found her to be more down-to-earth and friendlier than Lucille’s other friends, who were all wives of very wealthy businessmen. I learned she had been divorced for five years, but she had a daughter a year older than me who was studying at the Sorbonne in Paris. Although she didn’t mean it to, it made me wonder what Lucille’s other acquaintances thought about me not attending any college or doing any real work. Did they think I was some sort of mental invalid or just a spoiled rich girl? Why should it matter what they thought? I asked myself, to stop myself from thinking about it.

  We all waited as the minister and Lucille’s wedding planner conferred about the wedding procession. Daddy seemed nervous, even though it was only a rehearsal. Uncle Perry, who had arrived and would be staying at the house, agreed to be the stand-in for Senator Brice, who couldn’t get there until tomorrow. I kept thinking to myself that tomorrow Uncle Perry should be exactly where he was tonight, but Lucille didn’t
miss an opportunity to refer to the best man as Senator Brice. She was on top of every decision the minister and the wedding planner made, even changing the number of steps the flower girls should take. I watched Daddy closely while the minister summarized the actual ceremony and the vows. Daddy looked at me only once, but his gaze quickly slid off my face and back to the minister and Lucille, who held his hand so tightly anyone would imagine she was afraid he might turn and run.

  Ethan arrived before it ended and watched from the sidelines. As soon as I could, I hurried over to him. The orchestra had come to rehearse as well, and we both listened to some of the music.

  “I’m just a last-minute guest, but I feel as nervous as a groom. There is so much being coordinated here,” he said, listening to the wedding planner review when the champagne would be brought out, what the waiters and waitresses should be doing during the ceremony and immediately afterward, and how the kiosks should be prepared. There were ushers who had to know exactly where the dignitaries, as Lucille characterized them, would be sitting. A chart with names was prepared on a six-by-four-foot board, and the wedding planner, using a pointer, indicated the various areas for different guests.

  “You were right. This is like planning the Normandy invasion,” Ethan muttered.

  “It’s all too big and formal for me,” I said. “It makes it seem impersonal. They should have eloped.”

  Ethan laughed. “Fat chance of Lucille doing something like that.”

  For the first time, I heard a somewhat disdainful tone in his voice. Maybe he wasn’t as mesmerized by her as I had thought.

  “Do you like her, Ethan?” I asked him sharply.

  He glanced at me and shrugged. “Sure. She’s been very nice to me, and she’s certainly one of the most capable and intelligent women I’ve ever met.”

  “Yes, but would you like her as a stepmother?”

  “She’ll be okay, Semantha. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I wish you had the opportunity to have met my real mother,” I said. “You’d understand.”

  “Understand what?”

  “Why I miss her more than ever right now,” I told him. “Why I have a hard time with all this.”

  He said nothing. We watched some more of the preparation and then went in so he could show me his tux and we could get ready for dinner. I realized it would be the last dinner with the four of us at the table for a good ten days. Lucille reminded me about the Citizen of the Year dinner we were to attend after they had returned from their honeymoon. She said she would see to it that Ethan was included in our party. Now he really looked overwhelmed and even more impressed with her and, especially, my father.

  “After the wedding, let’s not get so formally dressed for dinner every night,” I told him later. “As you can see, we’ll have many opportunities to dress formally. Lucille looks determined to include us in every possible event.”

  “Whatever you want. Just think,” he said, holding out his arms. “You’ll be the lady of the house, the mistress of Heaven-stone. The tiller of this great sailboat will be in your hands, Semantha. Take it wherever you want.”

  “As long as the wind lets me,” I said.

  He laughed. “It wouldn’t dare do otherwise.”

  He looked as if he believed it. How long, I wondered, would it take for someone brought to the bosom of the Heaven-stone universe to become arrogant enough to think he or she could walk with gods and goddesses?

  “Minutes,” Cassie whispered.

  I turned sharply.

  “What’s wrong?” Ethan asked as he opened the door for me.

  “Nothing,” I said.

  I could see Cassie dancing on the grass and then hooking on to the breeze that circled the altar. How I wished I knew as much about our futures as she did, but the price for that was too great.

  I hoped I wouldn’t pay it.

  Wedding

  I WAS UP with the sunrise on the morning of the wedding. It was as if Cassie had nudged me out of a wishful dream during which we were all young again and Mother was alive and Daddy thought of us as his three precious young women eagerly waiting for him to return from work. I was always the most exuberant, throwing up my arms for his hug. Mother waited nearby to have her welcoming kiss, and Cassie stood smiling as if she were overseeing it all and we were all doing what she had designed.

  As soon as the disappointing reality sank in, I rose and went to my window to watch as the great golden eye peered over the horizon timidly, as if it weren’t sure it had been invited to the wedding.

  “Maybe it just doesn’t want this day to happen,” Cassie whispered.

  “Maybe,” I agreed.

  The night before, after the rehearsal dinner that included Lucille’s father and some cousins as well as her close friends, we all went into the den for after-dinner drinks. Ethan and I spent most of our time talking with Uncle Perry. The conversation wound around to Ethan’s new job and how Uncle Perry was acting on some of his suggestions. They both saw that I was bored with the talk, and Uncle Perry began to describe some of his favorite vacations. Claire Dubonnet heard us talking, and she and Uncle Perry discussed southern France and Italy. I saw the way their travels and descriptions excited Ethan.

  “Imagine being wealthy enough to go to those places and stay at those hotels,” he told me.

  I didn’t have to imagine it, of course. I was wealthy enough, but I tried to be enthusiastic for his sake. When Daddy announced that he was going to bed because he thought he had a big day tomorrow, everyone laughed. Soon after, the rest of us retired for the night, and the great mansion was quiet. It seemed to be holding its breath in disbelief. Was this really going to happen? Would it have a new mistress?

  With the rising sun, the house revived. Along with Doris and Mrs. Dobson, there was a small army of temporary servants crawling over the property like ants. Footsteps echoed everywhere. Doors opened and closed. Waves of new voices rose. Machinery was turned on, and orders were bellowed over the sound system. As Ethan had said during one of his reactions to the preparations, it was like the launching of a great aircraft carrier. I half expected to see Lucille go out there and break a bottle of champagne on a side of the altar.

  It was interesting to watch it all, but I didn’t feel half the excitement Ethan felt. I think I was more numb than anything else. When the guests began to arrive later in the day, the party atmosphere really took hold. Lucille had arranged for a bevy of waiters and waitresses to greet each guest with a glass of champagne that included a floating strawberry. Women were given stems of roses, and ushers guided people to the kiosks and cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. The orchestra began playing, and even if I had to admit it myself, the machinery of this grand wedding came to life and began to coordinate with perfection.

  The arrival of the governor and his wife in a helicopter caused a new surge of excitement. He came with Senator Brice and his wife. Other Kentucky celebrities and well-known businesspeople began to stream in afterward. Ethan jokingly said that we should have had someone at the microphone announcing them the way they did at the royal courts in Europe.

  “Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So, the Earl of Cable Television, or Mr. and Mrs. Jet Set.”

  I laughed at his imitations, which he was careful to do out of Lucille’s earshot.

  The tailor at the Heaven-stone Store had done a wonderful job on his tuxedo. He looked dazzlingly handsome. Part of his first day had involved going to a hairstylist, which was something else Lucille had arranged. I saw how he caught the attention of other women and felt pangs of jealousy when he nodded and smiled back at them. I was sure they were all wondering who he was and how he had come to be my escort. Maybe I was imagining it, but I thought the tongues that wagged were all wagging about us, about me, more than they were about Lucille. I was sure I heard someone say, “Money can buy anything,” but when I turned sharply to look, no one was gazing our way.

  Lucille made sure the event was on schedule. Those assigned to collect us for the procession shot o
ut precisely when she had ordered it, and we gathered in the house to get our last-minute instructions. I studied Uncle Perry’s face to see if he would finally show some unhappiness about being replaced as best man, but he smiled and winked at me and looked quite relaxed and happy. Outside, the eighteen hundred guests were seated, and the music Lucille had chosen for the procession began. Daddy, Senator Brice—who, at Lucille’s request, had come in his military uniform—and the minister walked out first to take their positions at the altar. Daddy turned back before he left, but I wasn’t sure he was looking for me.

  “He’s not,” Cassie whispered. “He can’t see anyone but her right now.”

  I said nothing, nor did I turn my head. When it came time for me and the others to walk out, I moved like a robot, my eyes down. I knew where Ethan would be sitting and did turn to look at him. He gave me a thumbs-up, and I finally smiled. Everyone rose when Lucille and her father stepped out to walk down the aisle. Give the devil her due, I thought. She looked beautiful and as stately and elegant as the first time I had set eyes on her. I was sure everyone was thinking, That’s what a mistress of Heaven-stone should look like.

  The absolute precision of the ceremony was marred by only one thing, and only I knew why. Until that moment, not a single person was out of step, and no one misspoke. The minister’s voice cracked sharply and loudly enough for everyone to hear each word. Senator Brice handed Daddy the wedding ring, and when the time came for him to place it on Lucille’s finger, his fingers looked as if they trembled, and the ring slipped out and bounced on the ground. There was a hush, a collective gasp. Senator Brice moved quickly to pick it up and hand it to Daddy again. This time, he moved it gracefully onto Lucille’s finger.

  Only I saw what had really happened.

  Cassie was beside Daddy, and when he had extended his hand the first time, she had shaken his arm. After the ring fell, she looked at me and smiled.