Desired

  “Oh. Um. It’s totally fine, Jefferson. I don’t need to be babysat!” Ellie said.

  A few minutes later, I walked out to see Ellie all alone staring at a picture in her hands.

  “That picture was taken this past spring break in Port A.”

  Ellie quickly put it back down and tried to hide the blush on her cheeks. “You sure are one handsome fella, Jefferson. I bet y’all had girls all over you.”

  I tossed my head back and laughed. “Nope. Well, don’t get me wrong; there were a few sluts that tried to make their way back to our place. We couldn’t be bothered with the girls down there, though. Most of them are just hoes.”

  Placing her hand on her hip, she said, “Well, jeez, thanks for that. If you haven’t forgotten, Ari and I went to Port A for a few days during spring break, so are you calling us hoes?”

  I chuckled. “Now come on, Ells, I would never ever say you were like those girls. Ari now, she’s another story.” I laughed and walked into the kitchen to get a beer.

  “Hey! That’s my best friend, and she’s not a slut! I’ll have you know she has never even had . . .”

  She stopped suddenly as my beer paused at my lips and I tilted my head. A slow smirk rose at the corners of my mouth. Fucking hell. My Ari is still a virgin. Knowing no man had ever touched her made me feel better than it should have.

  “So Squirt is still a virgin, is she? Huh. This is news. This could be very informative news indeed!”

  Ellie’s face looked pale, and I swore she was about to get sick.

  “Jefferson Michael Johnson, so help me God, if you even hint to her that you know, I’ll never talk to you again. Ever!”

  I chuckled as I waved off her concern. “Don’t worry, honey. Her secret is safe with me.”

  Ellie followed me as I walked out of the kitchen. “Speaking of Ari, what was going on with the two of you today?”

  I stopped walking and turned to look at her. “What’re you talking about? Nothing is going on between us. Why would you even ask that? I mean, she’s just . . . she’s just, Ari.” I shrugged my shoulders. Trying to play it off and praying my sister couldn’t read me.

  “I didn’t mean to imply there was something going on. It’s just that you were bickering with her, and it seemed like you were trying to piss her off on purpose. She’s my best friend, and I hate seeing you treating her like a spoiled brat. She’s not at all. She’s a grown woman, and she deserves to be treated better than that. I would expect that from you of all people.”

  Guilt ripped through my body. There was no way I could tell Ellie I fought with Ari to keep her at bay. She’d think I was insane.

  “Oh, believe me, it’s not lost on me how much of an adult Ari is. I’m sorry, Ells. I’ll try not to argue with her . . . as much.”

  She shot me a frown.

  My heart was racing. If Ellie only knew how much I didn’t want to argue with Ari. How much I wanted to tell her how smart I thought she was. How she was the most beautiful woman in the world besides Ellie. I wanted to tell her Ari was the last person I thought of when I closed my eyes and the first person when I opened them.

  But I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk losing her.

  Turning, I headed to my bedroom again but paused. “Where’s Gunner?”

  A blush rushed into Ellie’s cheeks again. “I mentioned I was hungry, and he pretty much darted out the door to go get food. He said he would be back in a few minutes.” Ellie sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV.

  I let out a round of laughter. “Damn, Ellie! You’ve got the boy going every which way but loose!”

  She drew her brows in. “What are you talking about? He said he was hungry too. Sheesh, Jefferson, you act like he was jumping off a bridge for me or something.”

  Shaking my head, I walked over and sat down next to her. “You don’t see, do you?” I bumped her shoulder gently. Was my sister really that naïve that she couldn’t see the way Gunner looked at her? The way he smiled at her?

  “See what? What are you going on about?”

  “Ellie, I’ve known Gunner for three years now. I’ve never seen him with the same girl more than a few times. He is so focused on football and school, he pretty much has never given a girl more than five minutes of his attention. Don’t get me wrong; he likes girls and treats them with respect,” I said with a chuckle.

  She snarled her lip.

  “I can honestly say I’ve never seen Gunner run and fetch dinner for someone. Honey, I know you just had this whole thing with Ryan the douchebag this morning and you believe that bullshit Mom fed you years ago, but Gunner is attracted to you, princess. He’s a good guy, but . . .”

  Ellie sat up straighter, anticipating my conclusion.

  “But what?” she asked.

  “I want you to know I would trust my life and yours with Gunner. I trust him, but this is you we’re talking about. I don’t want him to break your heart or hurt you, Ellie. I really don’t want you to jump into something you’re not ready for, honey. Promise me you’ll be careful.” I took her good hand and brought it up to my mouth and kissed the back of it.

  I wasn’t expecting her to bust out laughing. “What’s so funny?”

  She couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh my gosh! You’re what’s so funny! I mean, come on, Jefferson! I hardly think that Gunner is interested in me of all people! I’m sure he is only being nice to me because of you!”

  She was still laughing when I stood. “You’re beautiful, inside and out. You’re very desirable, princess, and trust me when I say this: Gunner is interested and not because you’re my sister.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four – Gunner

  Cars was playing on the TV, and the only thing I could think about was how close my body was to Ellie’s. She was lying down on the sofa, her legs over me, with a small pillow the only thing keeping her body from my dick.

  I glanced over to Ellie. She’d taken a pain pill, and I was hoping she would fall asleep and rest some. She was frowning, though, lost in thought.

  “Hey, what are you frowning about over there? Do you want me to change the movie? Cars not doing it for you, sweetheart?” I stroked my hand up and down her leg. I was aware it was probably too intimate to do, but I had to touch her, or I was going to combust.

  She pressed her lips together like she was in pain. “No, it’s fine. I was just thinking about the whole Ryan thing today. I’m sorry.”

  My smile vanished at the mention of that prick’s name. I hated that she was thinking of him while I touched her. I stopped stroking her leg and pushed my hands through my hair.

  Damn. Maybe both Jeff and I were reading this wrong. Maybe Ellie wasn’t attracted to me, and she was really still hung up on Ryan.

  “Hey, Gunner, may I ask you something?” she said, sitting up a little.

  I grinned. “Always.”

  Her head tilted sideways. “Why do you keep calling me ‘sweetheart’?”

  “I didn’t realize I was saying it a lot. I’m sorry. If you want me to stop or it bothers you, I’ll try to be more aware of it.”

  I turned my gaze away from her and focused it on the TV. Yeah, Ellie Johnson wasn’t the least bit attracted to me in that way.

  “No! No, please don’t stop. I mean, I like it. I mean, it’s just you called me that the first time you touched me.”

  I faced her again.

  “I mean, when you pulled me back away from Jefferson and Ryan. I guess I was just surprised to hear anyone other than Jefferson use an endearing name for me. That’s all.”

  She laid back down on the pillow. Her face was pained, and her eyes filled with something that looked like worry. I wanted to pull her up and hold her in my arms. I hated that no one had ever treated her the way she deserved to be treated. It pissed me the fuck off.

  “Ryan never called you ‘sweetheart’ or anything?” I asked, my voice sounding as surprised as I was.

  She scoffed. “Ha! No. About the only thing he ever called me was Ell or Ells. That should have
been another sign he was wrong for me.”

  The last sentence she mumbled, but I still heard it.

  “I can tell you this, Ellie, if you were my girlfriend, I would let you know every day how much you meant to me, through words—and much more.”

  Her perfect mouth dropped slightly open, and her tongue darted out across her lips. My dick was hard as a damn rock.

  Ellie chewed on her damn lip for a few seconds before saying, “That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you, Gunner, so much. I’m sure you’re going to make some girl a very happy woman someday.”

  I forced a smile. Couldn’t she see that she was the girl I wanted to make happy? Facing the movie, I lightly stroked her legs again while she drifted off to sleep.

  The main menu of the movie was on when I jerked awake. Ellie was tossing and turning. Moaning in her sleep. Then she started calling out my name.

  “Gunner! Gunner, don’t go. No! He does; you’re wrong. You’re wrong! Gunner!”

  What in the living hell? Ellie sounded scared to death. I jumped up, careful not to knock her off the sofa. I pushed the coffee table a little out of the way, knelt down next to her, and started to stroke her hair.

  “Ellie, sweetheart, wake up. Ellie, wake up. Sweetheart, please wake up.”

  My heart was pounding in my chest. What in the hell was she dreaming about? My own weird dreams came rushing back to me. Why would she think I would ever leave her?

  “Ellie, sweetheart, wake up.”

  Her eyes opened, and she looked right at me. She started to cry as she sat up and threw herself into my arms. She was crying hysterically. I was going to kick my ass if I hurt her in a dream. I couldn’t have already fucked this up in a goddamn dream—could I?

  “Oh my God. Gunner.” She started to cry again.

  “Shh, Ellie, it’s okay. I’m here, sweetheart, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  She pulled back and looked into my eyes. Her blue eyes nearly left me breathless. Even upset and crying, she was the most gorgeous creature I’d ever laid eyes on.

  “No one will ever want me, Gunner. Or stay with me ever,” she whispered.

  My chest squeezed like someone was gripping it with a vise. What in the hell did her mother do to her to make her think that way?

  “That’s not true, Ellie,” I stated, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. I’d have given anything to take away her fears and doubts. To show her how much she was wanted. How much she was desired . . . by me. My gaze drifted down to her soft, tear-soaked lips. I ran my tongue over my own and leaned in to kiss her—but then I heard the front door unlock. Ellie heard it too because she quickly pulled out of my embrace and sat back. She stared at me with a lost and confused look on her face.

  “What’s going on? Ellie, are you okay?” Jeff’s gaze looked back and forth between us, and I knew what he was about to say.

  “What the fuck did you do to her, Gunner?”

  I stood. “I didn’t do a damn thing. We fell asleep watching a movie, and she woke up crying out from a dream. She literally woke up crying.”

  There was no way I was going to tell him the part where she was crying out my name. I wasn’t in the mood to get my ass kicked.

  “Jefferson!” Ellie cried out. “Gunner has been nothing but a gentleman to me all day and night. I can’t even believe you would think he would do something to make me cry.”

  She started crying again, and it nearly gutted me.

  Jeff knelt down at the edge of the sofa. He glanced up to me. “I know you would never hurt her. I just walked in, and she was crying.”

  I nodded.

  Turning his attention to Ellie, he said, “Ellie, honey, what’s going on? Why are you so upset? Is this about Ryan?”

  His name had me balling my fists. Ellie’s face quickly lifted, and her blue eyes met mine. She looked confused and upset. My stomach was in my throat, and for some reason, I felt like I was going to be sick.

  “I’m stepping outside for a minute. I need some fresh air.” I moved toward the front door.

  “No!” Ellie cried out, causing me to turn back to her.

  “This . . . this is not about Ryan. I haven’t even thought about him hardly at all. It was just, it was, I guess it was just a nightmare. I really don’t even remember it. I only remember waking up and being scared that I was all alone and had lost . . . I had lost . . .”

  Her gaze lifted back to me, and her tears flowed again.

  She had lost me. She was crying out for me.

  “What did you lose, honey?” Jeff asked, holding a sobbing Ellie in his arms. Her eyes never left mine, and they were filled with so much sadness.

  What in the hell is going on in her head?

  Drawing back, she wiped her tears away and shook her head. “I don’t remember. I just want to take a pain pill and go back to sleep. Maybe that’s why I had a weird dream. It was the medicine.

  “Gunner, will you grab her meds in the kitchen?”

  “Sure, no problem.”

  Jeff walked Ellie back to his bedroom, and my mind raced. What in the hell was she dreaming about? I thought back to my own dreams where the girl was calling out for me to save her. There was no doubt in my mind Ellie was the woman in my dreams.

  I let out a frustrated breath. Maybe I just needed to ask her what the dream was about. After all, it was pretty damn clear I was in that dream.

  Stopping at the door, I heard Jeff telling Ellie not to let their mother’s hateful words dictate her life. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

  A surge of jealousy zipped through my body. I wanted to be the one to comfort her. Christ, now I was jealous of my best friend for trying to make his sister feel safe.

  “Here is your pain pill and a fresh bottle of water,” I said, smiling at her. When she returned it with a smile that nearly brought me to my knees, I had to fight to remember to breathe.

  “Thank you so much, Gunner. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me when I woke up. Did I, um, say anything while I was asleep?”

  Shit. Do I tell her she called out my name or act like I never heard it?

  “Yes, sweetheart, you did. You kept calling out my name and something about someone being wrong, but that’s all you said.”

  Watching my face as I spoke, she then looked away toward the window. “I’m sure it was probably because you’ve been so attentive this evening. I don’t really even remember what I was dreaming about, so . . .”

  When she looked back at me, tears filled her eyes.

  She was lying. Why wouldn’t she tell me the truth? What in the world was she afraid of?

  “It doesn’t matter, Ellie. You need to get some rest, sweetheart. You need anything else?”

  She shook her head. “Thank you again, Gunner. For everything. I really do appreciate it. I’m sorry to keep you up so late at night. I’m going to try and get back to sleep.”

  I walked over to the light and switched it off.

  “Good night, Ellie.”

  When I got to the door, I turned back one last time. Her eyes were closed, and she had the blanket pulled up and under her chin. She was so adorable.

  And I was so fucked.

  I walked into the living room to see Jeff sitting on the sofa. One beer in his hand, another on the coffee table.

  “Must have been some date for you to bust out two of ’em,” I said with a chuckle.

  He pointed to the one on the table. “It’s for you. I thought you might want one before heading off to bed.”

  I reached for it, sank down in the sofa, and took a long drink.

  “There’s something I need to ask you, Jeff. What in the hell did your mother say to Ellie to make her so unsure of herself?”

  He dragged in a deep breath before letting it out. “I always thought it was her story to tell. I’m beginning to think it has affected her more than I thought.”

  His eyes looked so sad, yet filled with guilt.

  “When she was seven, m
y mom was really drunk one night. I wasn’t home, so Ellie was there to take the brunt of it. Funny thing was I was spending the night at a friend’s house, which I never did. I had to get away from my mother, though. I was always trying to get in between her and Ellie. Protect her from our mom’s hurtful words she lashed out with all the fucking time. When I left, she was sober. Not even drinking a drop. I thought things would be okay. She talked about taking Ellie to the park.”

  Jeff’s hands pushed through his hair in frustration.

  “When I got home the next morning, Ellie was sitting in the corner of the kitchen asleep. She still had on the same clothes from the day before, and my mother was fucking passed out at the kitchen table. I ran up to Ellie and woke her up. She started crying the moment she saw me. She rambled on about how our mother didn’t want her anymore, how hungry she was, and how Mommy had told her no one would ever love her. Ever.”

  He stopped when his entire body started shaking. My heart ached for Ellie and Jeff.

  “If I had only stayed home that night. It would have never happened, and Ellie wouldn’t have this messed-up idea in her head that she’ll never be good enough for a guy. She thinks her fate is to be alone. Like our mother.”

  In the three years I had known Jeff, I’d never seen him cry, not once. Tears now filled his eyes, and it nearly brought my own eyes to fill.

  “Jeff, you cannot possibly blame yourself for what your mother did or said. You were ten years old, for Christ’s sake. That is not your fault. You couldn’t save her from every little thing,” I said, while a part of me wanted to go and have a few words with their mother. I thought my father was an asshole. Their mother just pushed him out of the running and was in first place.

  “Gunner, be patient with Ellie. I see how she looks at you and how you look at her. I think she is confused by her feelings for you. She told me tonight she is scared. She said she is having feelings for you that she never felt for Ryan, and she barely even knows you.”

  I swallowed hard. I hadn’t read it wrong. Ellie admitted she had feelings for me. Where should I go with this? Shit.