This Changes Everything

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  Luckily, since I’m in training, I get to ask for advice, kind of like “phone a friend” in the “Who Wants to Be Millionaire?” game show. I also do not have to decide right then, due to the training “pass.”

  I ask for advice and time to acquire it. My request is granted.

  Over the next week, I ask each of my MWC crew. I contact Lama Sangyay. I poll my family and close friends. Since I do not have the privilege or authority to tell anyone outside of the MWC crew exactly why or what I’m asking, I have to be careful about my advice-seeking with them. I pose a lot of “what ifs,” and talk about the novel I’m writing to give a premise for my odd questions.

  “Would you have liked a younger sibling?” I ask Zephyr. It is not the first time I ask him this; it frequently arises as he is growing up and after he is an adult, so the question does not seem odd to him. He is mostly surrounded by people who have siblings. I have three; his dad has two. Most of his friends have at least one.

  Every time I ask him, though, he says, “No; not really; they fight too much.” And, knowing we are having only one child, Abraham and I intentionally raise Zef with some kids his own age and a bit younger and older, via cousins and close community members, who feel almost like siblings with him. Zephyr often tells us and others that he does not feel the usual isolation he hears about from others who are raised as an only child.

  But, then, as we all get older, he mentions occasionally how “it’s all on me” when thinking about his dad’s and my aging. “I have no one else to help me take care of you,” he says. While he’s not exactly complaining, it is hitting him how much of a responsibility that is going to be. I’m now 58; his dad is 68. These issues are looming larger every year for him.

  So, I play with him: “Poof! You have a sister!” and wave my hand as if it’s holding a magic wand. I talk with him, help him picture her, picture them. It’s kind of fun, but weird, so we stop. He insists he's happier as an only.

  I’m left to ponder this. All right, I could have a daughter and he could have a sister. But, so much else does not work, will not happen, cannot unfold. I gain a daughter but our family breaks apart even sooner. Plus, we never come together as closely as we do in this timeline. In the Re-set version, Abraham and I do not stay as close after our separation as we do in this timeline, which adversely affects both of our children.

  Being on Level 5 and higher for ESP training means I can locate and follow threads of potential outcomes and consequences even without a Re-set. Information flows through me. I take several of these “trips.”

  Each journey leaves me believing one major premise, on which Lama Sangyay and I agree: I do not have the right to change my son’s life and personality so thoroughly solely to improve my life, especially since I cannot gain Zef’s actual permission. Too much harm; not enough benefit.