A Fire Upon the Deep

  * [vsv] June 13, 1991 There’s been 13d to receive these messages about the Helper video. I think 0.5e6 messages in that time is roughly consistent with c15 message from Arbitration Arts (it comes out to 1600msg/h at 10KB/msg) (Actually, the long time needed to pick up the message on OOB may be a function of its receivers)

 
  Note 647

  * [vsv] CHRON CHKd April 20, 1991

 
  Note 648

  * [vsv] [ur] April 20, 1991 should be at least one other place in the story where the foundling nature of humanity is specifically mentioned. Also need some echo[es] of the “Miracle of Nyjora” (and SEQ ) Occasionally circumstance conspires to throw small settlements to a great remove.

 
  Note 649

  * [jrf] Too many messages in a row

 
  Note 650

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

 
  Note 651

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 1.032 Msec since Fall of Relay 1.590 Msec since Fall of Relay (Clock Slop
 
  Note 652

  * [vsv] IMP This message actually addresses the question of why the Known Net has many of the limitations of our Internet (circa 1988) Perhaps here a discussion of Blight’s possible permanence? NO June 13, 1991

 
  Note 653

  * [vsv] June 13, 1991 seems slightly in conflict with Pham at Relay

 
  Note 654

  * [vsv] [ur] June 13, 1991 My attempt to explain the Fall of Relay and de-fuse what would otherwise be reasonable reader suspicions.

 
  Note 655

  * [vsv] Interpolations like the following sentence point up need for some special use of fonts and/or whitespace to keep messages and narrative distinct:

 
  Note 656

  * [ur] [Light gloss]

 
  Note 657

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

 
  Note 658

  * [vsv] ID You may want to change the subject thread, since this is now spread across a couple of chapters

  * [vsv] [ur] April 20, 1991 may want to formalize and rationalize subthread notation

 
  Note 659

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 1.580 Msec since Fall of Relay 1.590 Msec since Fall of Relay (Clock Slop
 
  Note 660

  * [vsv] CHK CHRON 2000y

  note that this impacts lots of stuff including SEQ ‘s

  June 13, 1991 Fortunately for me, it’s reasonable that drift rate timing would be somewhat (or very) unreliable

 
  Note 661

  * [ur] [Light gloss]

 
  Note 662

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

 
  Note 663

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 1.679 Msec since Fall of Relay 1.595 Msec since Fall of Relay (Clock Slop
 
  Note 664

  * IMP INCON How they can hear Navnløs with just shipboard receiver

  * [vsv] SOLN because they have the antenna swarm

  * CHK number of messages

  probably should have something about redirected antenna at Tinesworld. Instead, back in c03, I imply the the tracking is dynamic

  suggest reworking format below, to be consistent with the way you presented earlier messages

  * ID Expanding a little on “vagaries” could be used to make it clearer that this stuff is not going through the Net

 
  Note 665

  * [ur] OBS: Some days there was only a single exchange of messages; others, it was almost like a conversation, with turnaround times of just a few minutes.

 
  Note 666

  * [vsv] [ur] March 26, 1991 CHK characteristics of mangrove trees

 
  Note 667

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 FRAG : his parents’ murder. Maybe somehow his sister did live; she and he and Amdi all agreed it could be….

  June 12, 1991 Do you want there to be the hope expressed in the preceding paragraph???

 
  Note 668

  * [vsv] IDEA 17Jan91 living archives (related to the notion of smart documents)

  * following is excerpt from a message. Probably should be message font and layout even though there’s no header stuff:

 
  Note 669

  * [vsv] [ur] June 8, 1991 CHK for too much repetition of such cris :

 
  Note 670

  * Pham Nuwen … I need you so much.

  * [vsv] PRB Soliciting better last sentence here. #Staring at the accumulated messages, the panic and despair crested in her. She sat for a while in the biggest funk of her life. Then slowly, the way it always seem to happen … she began to think through the problem. Maybe they couldn’t do much, but by the Powers she and Greenstalk and Bluestalk would do something.

 
  Note 671

  * [vsv] if you move messages out of the preceding chapter, you may want to combine this chapter with previous

  * [vsv] No. The sizes suggest merging (2808+1284w), but the change in mood is chapter-great

 
  Note 672

  * [vsv] PRB INCON sudden change in Ravna’s vocabulary (“strong” language); This strong version appears to hold throughout the rest of the novel; Not sure which way to go, but should make consistent. I say go with the softer style of the first part of the novel [ DONE in this chapter, I think]

 
  Note 673

  * PRB Not quite plausible, the comment about instincts dating from after space travel

  * [vsv] Usage: stick-patches, stickem patches

 
  Note 674

  * [vsv] CHRON CHK how long have they been underway? Should he have a beard? CHRON 16Jan91 about a week or two?

 
  Note 675

  * Somewhere in there had to be a person. Every day she talked to him, trying to bring that person back. Never yet was there a reply.

 
  Note 676

  * I guess okay to have riders talk academically, but limit it to them.

  * [vsv] Except for the My Lady stuff, don’t bother to make the rest archaic: You may want to have them equipped with voders programmed for an an archaic dialect of Trisk. Note that this would be very old, since Trisk is a trade language, and rationalized.

 
  Note 677

  * [vsv] 13Jun91 mARK

  * [vsv] IMP INCON yecco. Kinda corollary to the machine sapience problem: why can’t it be argued that stuff in higher zones can be designed to work (say) in the Bottom as long as it’s not transhuman?

  * [vsv] Actually, that is reasonable. However, for a local civilization to build AI’s from scratch is not.

  * [vsv] NÆH : When they finally land some place, you might want to make particular comments about the effects of the interface “storm” on the local civilization.

  For now, I’m not trying to incorporate “seconds” stuff in normal speech. This should be considered for next draft. — NÆH

  * PRB It’s implausible that Ravna would have remained so ignorant of the problems. Maybe have some of of them are very recent vintage

  * [vsv] YES: CHRON or maybe this means that I should time this scene as being early in the flight — which is consistent with some other things

  * [vsv] BKG Olden memories could be the rider term for memories acquired by the natural means

  * BKG Maybe when they’re real upset they hover in zero gee with their jets hissing every so often
. Probably should try to presage this behavior of Blueshell. Is it indicative of any particular human emotion? This might also be indicative of personality differences between the two Riders

  * [vsv] CHK INCON rationalize stated speeds and distances

  June 13, 1991 I’d like to assume they are at the disk plane. So they now have 6100 ly to go (as little as 5Kly if you want to assume that they’ve arrived at the disk so as to make a radial approach — something I’m not assuming as of June 13, 1991 )

  If that were to take 200d, we’d be looking at an average speed of 30.5 ly/d ( 1.27 ly/hr ) I believe that under the original assumption it was 15d to disk and another 15d to Tines world. If linear degrade (!), they’d be going about 4 ly/hr on arrival (though that assumes they knew they’d be at 30 ly/hr when they reached the disk; Guess you better invoke nonlinearities.

 
  Note 678

  * CHK INCON CHRON 120 days. I think this is approximately correct.

  CHAR IMP get consistent characterizations of Blueshell and Greenstalk. One should be more stern, conservative, pessimistic — Blueshell?

  * [vsv] CHK INCON damaged spine count 2 were unrepairable at the end of c17

 
  Note 679

  * NÆH : ID “boy at the bottom” in place of “boy in the well”?

 
  Note 680

  * There must be some way we can protect him even before we arrive.

 
  Note 681

  * [vsv] April 20, 1991 I think this is much improved, but the Jefri dialog, and the preceding chapter’s end, and this should probably be reread to see if it isn’t too much of an idiot plot. April 20, 1991 casual reading just now doesn’t look too bad.

 
  Note 682

  * CHAR what’s the name of Pham Nuwen’s home world? What name should Amdijefri use for Tines? Same question for Ravna.

  * [jrf] Amdi and Jefri??

  * [vsv] Yes. “Amdijefri” is a Tinish usage.

  CHAR Skroderiders reproduction is a little like octopi. There is an immature, motile stage

 
  Note 683

  * NÆH : IMP Maybe the help that Ravna was asking for was that the Greater Pham make a copy of his human self for the expedition’s use

  * [ur] As they get real low in the Beyond, the natural language translators begin to take on the problems I see with such things in the Slow Zone.

 
  Note 684

  * NÆH : Could have Amdi sneak a message on revealing his enthusiasm for the Beyond and the propect of merging. Also could have scene where Amdi explains this to Steel

  * [vsv] CHRON 5 day beard; check cron

  June 13, 1991 I figure he’s been out of surgeon 3days, so I guess 5-day beard is okay

 
  Note 685

  * [vsv] June 8, 1991 “decency” overused (you used it in Ravna’s description of Pham, too, I think). Twice “decency” is used by Ravna in regard to Pham. Here, I’ve changed the word to “goodness”

 
  Note 686

  * [vsv] grep for “surge” and make consistent INCON — I think it’s okay February 16, 1991 first in c22

 
  Note 687

  * Contradicting what was attributed to Greenstalk c21), there should be some neurological damage

  * NÆH : Should say somewhere that he was tied down

 
  Note 688

  * [jrf2] Clarify the second sentence:

 
  Note 689

  * [jrf] Re Pham: We get conflicting stories. How much personalitiy is Pham — is it one personality or parts here and there, or what; very confusing now, too many versions.

  * PRB ! Where to put the idea of jumpstarting Steel’s technology. In a way, it should be obvious to these guys (though you could have Pham Nuwen be the master of it). I also want to make a fairly big thing of it, since it differentiates the Flenser from the Woodcarver effort. For now, I can’t think where to put it, so I think I’ll just assume that I’ve done it.

  * PRB Show inner workings of Sjandra Kei, hopefully without having to introduce a new viewpoint

  * PRB capitalization. I don’t really want to cap godself, etc, but I do want to use cap pronouns.

  * PRB How/where to introduce the one-time pad trick to talk to Shandra Kei

  * Too prim? Too explicit? Too silly?

 
  Note 690

  * CHK Have you ever used the preceding about crying before? NÆH

  * [vsv] you might grep for it in Marooned in Real Time

 
  Note 691

  * [vsv] March 25, 1991 need some stuff here to make consistent with searching high and low and the rationale for attacking Relay and taking the suspicion off the Riders (but see also c25)

 
  Note 692

  * [vsv] IMPER this fits with my new (c February 16, 1991 ) ideas about how it should generally be accepted that he is a fake, with only one purpose — then at the end, he learns there could be other purposes (a last gift, a gift of free will).

 
  Note 693

  * [vsv] ? March 25, 1991 but cf your rewrite in c25

 
  Note 694

  * [vsv] Later scenes to introduce info about the Testament and his theories about the Testament There was only about a MB on Harmonious Repose in OOB. and that was some 50 years old. They hadn’t got around to final data loading before the Fall.

  * IDEA : Printed by a ROM program: “Help! I am stolen property. Please call ….”

 
  Note 695

  * [vsv] CHRON INCON 100d

 
  Note 696

  * [vsv] [ur] This timing for radio may be IMP BKG stuff for any prequel there SEQ

  March 23, 1991 INCON where is mention of gold (maybe part of the solar cells) TUF (Blueshell can’t know everything) June 11, 1991

 

  Note 697

  * [vsv] CHKd referent

 
  Note 698

  * [vsv] IMP The voyage of the OOB takes months. Unfortunately, the on-board scenes seem quite jammed together. In fact, the scene just completed must have happened within a couple of weeks of leaving Relay. I think a sizable hunk of time must pass between now and their arriving at RIP. I intend to insert a page or two here about that, hopefully showing something of the evolving relationships. The tag: “Lost Time” (or “Lost Time 1”).

  * [jrf2] good idea

  * [vsv] (There is another such insert after their departure from RIP. I call call that “Lost Time 2”.)

  * [vsv] RETRO write reference to Woodcarver into Ravna subplot mentioned now in c16 “evil Woodcarvers”

  * [vsv] Steel doesn’t hide his name, but should be able to avoid the name Flenser

  * [vsv] “Flensers” (plural) is in c25, but I think that’s okay

  * PRB Be consistent; how can Steel and Flenser prevent their names being used by Amdijefri (instead of the more innocuous “Hidden Island Kingdom” — DON’T TRY

 
  Note 699

  * [vsv] rationalize terminology: Visitor v ? (you only use Visitor in c24 and c34 as of 10Feb91 ) As of 16Feb91, I made Visitor the common term Steel and Flenser use (including in c37). Amdi and the Spacers and Woodcarver’s people can use Spacer, but don’t use “Visitor”

  * ID Large structures in the transcend would not be sun-powered habitats — in fact that might be a distinguishing feature This could be a surprise to Pham Nuwen

  * [vsv] ID term: “dayaround” “day’n’night” (see Norsk analog)

  * [vsv] TINES dozen would definitely be a unit used (probably part of a number of words for small multiples of four)

  * [vsv] But
elsewhere, you’ve been big on 10 and 4, so a dozen would be no more fundamental than it is for humans

  * [vsv] Some later scene backgrounds:A walk in the forest (strange animals, sonic camouflagers)Santa Anas so intense they cause fires

  * CHK Look up Santa Ana, scirocco (or sirocco), Mistral also föhn (german) and fønvind (norsk) dry thaw wind (see E.Haugen dictionary)

 
  Note 700

  * Maybe Jefri pets Steel (“Yech” — Steel)

 
  Note 701

  * If you decide to keep this part about warmed earth, you must have an explanation somewhere — DONE in this paragraph

  * [vsv] You know, there should still be juice left in the refugee ship — not used here

  * NÆH : Maybe Tyrathect has actually made some measurements. All very contradictory (like Stan’s story about Newton’s apple)