Freshman

  We started to move faster, our voices of pleasure filling the room as we rocked together. Her fingers between my legs working faster and deeper, like she was fucking me with her hand. I could feel the climax roaring inside of me, the feeling of her breath against my neck, her nipples brushing mine mine, and her heart beating against my own. I began to rub her clit faster and faster, loving the way she started to buck her hips and grind into me, and the sexy moans coming from her lips.

  “Fuck do I love you,” she suddenly moaned into my ear, her teeth biting my earlobe and making me gasp out loud.

  “I… I love you too.”

  “No,” she husked into my ear, her body rocking against mine, her breath teasing my neck. “No, Christina, I mean I really-”

  “Anna,” I turned my head and kissed her fiercely, moaning as her palm ground into my clit. “I know what you mean,” I said softly, kissing her again. “And I love you too, so fucking much.”

  And right then, I thought of Tyler. Right then, with Anna’s body rocking against mine, and her lips trailing over my neck, I thought of him. Because there in that hot dorm room with Anna, thinking of man who was the only other person I’d ever said those words to, the final piece clicked together. I loved them both. I just didn’t know what that meant.

  But then another thought hit me, one that had my pulse surging in my veins, my pussy throbbing, and my body undulating faster against her fingers.

  “It was pretty hot watching you guys.”

  I thought of watching them.

  It was almost too hot to even take, but in that moment, I pictured watching Tyler and Anna. I moaned as her fingers slid in and out of me, while imaging Tyler pulling her clothes off. I pushed my own fingers deep into her slit as I imagined him bending her over just like she was on top of me, lining up his big, thick cock behind her, and pushing all the way inside while I watched. I imagined watching him maker come all over that cock, and right then, I knew I was going to fall.

  Fuck, I was going to come so damn hard. A girl - my best friend - was going to make me -

  “Oh God!” I cried out, arching my back and rocking my hips to meet her hand. “Fuck, I’m going to come!”

  “Me too!” Anna cried out into my neck, her whimpered moans like honey in my ears as I felt her pussy clench down tightly around my fingers. Suddenly, she bit my neck hard as she screamed into my skin, her body going rigid. And just like that - just feeling her crash over the edge like that sent me right over with her.

  The scream caught in my throat as stars exploded around me, her fingers coaxing the orgasm out of me and sending it crashing through my body. I could feel her still bucking my hand, her wetness dripping down my fingers as we came and clutched at each other like we might go flying apart.

  With a final tremor, we both sank into each other. Anna’s head dropped to my chest, her breath coming heavy as she panted against my breast. We lay like that together - sweaty in the heat of the room and the glow of what we’d just done.

  “Was that..” Anna took a deep breath, and she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at me. “Was that bad?”

  I shook my head. “No way,” I said quietly, as I leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “I just- I don’t know what comes next.”

  Chapter 27

  Christina

  I woke up in Anna’s arms; warm, loved, and perfect. I could feel her sleeping breath warm against my bare back as I slowly opened my eyes and let the day wash over me.

  Oh my God.

  Suddenly, it all came at me in a rush, and the perfect moment was shattered.

  Oh my God, I cheated on him.

  It was a terrible thought, but it was only made even worse by the fact that it was Anna who’s arms I was wrapped so tight in. And it was worse because the fact that I’d technically cheated on Tyler somehow cheapened how incredible the night before had been. Falling into her like that had been….God, it’d been everything. It’d been the slow culmination of everything I’d always been scared or too unaware to tell her. Anna and I had always told one another that we loved each other, but it had all become so much more real the night before.

  Because I knew now how deep I actually meant it.

  I loved this girl who’s breath I could feel against my back, and who’s legs were entwined with mine. I loved that she was my other half, the other part of me that I needed in order to feel whole. Anna, the girl I always turned to, the first person I wanted to tell when things had happened with Tyler and who I’d felt guilty about not sharing the experience with.

  I groaned, feeling my heart wrench.

  Except there was also him - Tyler who I felt feelings for unlike any I’d ever felt before. Tyler who’d made me feel things I’d never felt - the man who’d made me a woman.

  The man I loved.

  Oh fuck, now what. Because right then, the truth of it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt the panic rising in my chest.

  I loved them both. I actually loved both of them, differently, but just as powerfully, and that thought scared the shit out of me. How do you love two people?

  It felt like my throat was tightening as I slid from the comfort of Anna’s bed. She stirred as I reached for some clothes, but didn’t wake. And it was like shoving a dagger into my own heart as I slowly slipped from the room, regretting every step.

  *****

  I had to talk to him. The idea had my veins freezing like ice, but I knew it was the true. I had to tell him…well, tell him everything.

  And hope he understood.

  The library empty on this early in the morning, and I passed through the stacks like a shadow until I got to the private study rooms. I closed the door behind me, and slumped down against it as I hit the call button in my phone while the tears started to trickle down my cheeks

  “Hey gorgeous, you’re up early.”

  His voice did it, and I started to cry.

  “Hey, hey! Christina, what’s-”

  “I need to tell you something.” I could feel the dagger twisting in my heart, and I wanted to just hang up right then, but I knew there was no avoiding this.

  “Okay? What’s up?”

  “I need to tell you something big.”

  Tyler cleared his throat. “What is it, Christina.”

  “I-”

  I what? I cheated on you with my best friend? God I was awful.

  “Chris, honey, what is it.”

  I started to cry harder then, because I knew the second I said it, it was all going to change.

  “Baby, what is it?”

  “I’m horrible,” I said softly, feeling my breath hitch in my throat.

  Tyler chuckled. “Honey, whatever it is-”

  “I cheated on you.”

  Silence.

  Tyler went utterly silent on the phone, but I could practically hear hi seething with rage on the other end.

  “Tyler-”

  “Yeah don’t bother,” he growled roughly.

  “No, wait! Please!” I sobbed. “It was-”

  - Click -

  I dropped the phone to the ground and sank my face into my hands, sobbing at the sound of him hanging up.

  Chapter 28

  Christina

  And just like that, I was right back in that fucking hole I’d been in before. Just like that, it was over.

  I cheated on you.

  Yeah, I didn’t need to hear anything else after that. I didn’t need to hear the fucking details. What I needed to do was get in my car, drive to Boston, find the piece of shit fucking garbage who’d touched her and dismember him limb-from-limb. I wanted to destroy, to smash something beautiful, to tear down the world around me.

  Instead, I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, went right to the guest house studio, and played. And I played fucking loudly. It was seven in the damn morning, but I didn’t care. I cracked the bottle, cranked that shit up, and just fucking played until my Goddamn fingers and ears bled. I didn’t care. Cause this shit hurt. It hurt in a way finding out about Rebecca an
d that whole thing never even came fucking close to. And that just made it worse.

  You cared about this girl.

  And so I drank until I couldn’t play anymore, and until the ringing in my ears just became background noise. Because I knew that voice inside my head was right, as much as I wanted to drown it out. I did care about her. Fuck it, I loved her. And yeah, I knew the odds of this thing going anywhere, or being anything real, but I’d pushed all that aside. I’d known from the beginning that the age difference, and her family, and just all of it was against us, but I’d ignored that shit.

  Because of her.

  And now look where it’d gotten me. I’d never gotten played by a girl like this before, and the idea of her going off and finding some of fucking college boy fuck-face just fucking killed me inside.

  I should have made her get out of the car that night.

  That first time, when she fucking seduced me like that. I’d been weak, and thinking with my cock when I should have been smart and kicked her out. Right? I mean what the fuck did I think was going to happen?

  I finally let the guitar drop from my hands as I stumbled out to collapse into a pool chair with the bottle.

  Fuck.

  Now what.

  Chapter 29

  Christina

  I avoided going back to the room until late that night. I just couldn’t do it, and instead I spent the whole day crying in the library or moping around campus before finally, I knew I had to go back and see her.

  The dorm room was a disaster when I got back. There were clothes, books, and things everywhere, and there in the middle of it all, was Anna.

  And she was crying.

  She looked up when I walked in and then shoved her face into her hands as afresh wave of tears hit.

  “Hey, hey!” I dropped to the ground next to her and started to put my arms around her, but she shook her head and moved away.

  “No, please, Chris-” She looked up at me, her eyes red and streaked with tears as she slowly shook her head. “I’m so so sorry.”

  “Anna-”

  “No, Jesus, I- I’m awful!” She choked out, hugging herself as she sat against her bed amongst the piles of clothes and suitcases.

  I shook my head. “What happened last night-”

  “What happened last night shouldn’t have happened, Chris! You and Tyler? I mean who am I?” I started to open my mouth but she shook her head. “No, and what’s even worse is that I think I ruined all of it with you!” She looked up at me, the tears falling down her cheeks. “I ruined us!”

  I had my arms around her in seconds, and then we were both crying as I hugged her fiercely, like I never wanted to let her go. I hugged her like I might drift away without her, because she was home.

  “Last night should’ve happened a long time ago,” I whispered fiercely into her ear. “I love you, Anna.”

  She took a shaking breath, her face still buried against me, before she pulled back and looked at me. “I love you to, you know.” She made a small smile, but it quickly faltered. “Does Tyler-”

  I looked down. “Yeah.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop anymore tears from shedding. “Yeah, he knows.”

  “Oh God, Chris, I’m so fucking sor-”

  “Nope,” I shook my head at her. “Uh-huh, that isn’t on you, that’s on me.” I let my head drop as I felt her hug me close again. “I’m not sorry about last night though, you know.” She made a choking laugh as her arms squeezed me tighter before I pulled back and looked her in the eye. Her, the girl I’d known forever - my best friend, my other half, and it just so happened to be, one of the extremely confusing TWO loves of my life.

  I looked around the disaster of the room and frowned. “What were you, moving out or something?”

  Anna winced and looked away. “Yeah, no, uh…” she looked at me quickly. “Maybe?”

  We both choked out laughs as I hugged her to me again. “Please don’t? I don’t think I can handle losing both of you today.”

  Anna’s lips pressed against my cheek, the gesture both loving and gentle. “It can’t be that bad with him, is it?” She bit her lip. “Oh God he probably hates me.”

  “He hung up on me before I could tell him anything besides that something had happened.” I hung my head, torn a million different directions between the guilt of having betrayed Tyler, and the secondary guilt of that first guilt casting a cloud over what should be a celebration of what had happened last night. I’d betrayed Tyler by what had happened, but now I was betraying Anna by thinking about him.

  How the hell did this all get so complicated? How do you deal with loving two people?

  “I don’t know what to do,” I said softly, my face dropping into my hands.

  I heard her take a deep breath. “I do.” She reached over, pulled my head out of my hands, and looked me right in the eye. “I’m going to fix this.”

  “No, Anna, you don’t ha-”

  “No, I do have to, Chris.” She swallowed thickly. “Whatever is going on with you and I is…special - it really is. But so is what you have with Tyler.” She shook her head. “I’m not letting you let that go, no matter what it means.”

  “Anna-”

  “Grab a bag and let’s go, now.”

  I frowned. “Where?”

  “Home. I’m going to make this right, right now.”

  Chapter 30

  Tyler

  It was pouring outside as I sat in the darkness of my living room that night nursing a whiskey. The rage from earlier was gone, and now there was just this simmering sense of emptiness.

  I’d slept, after I’d crashed drunk into the chair by the pool, slept and dreamt of her, until I’d woken this evening groggy and just more tired than I’d been before. And so here I was - the total bachelor cliche - drinking alone in the dark, staring at nothing.

  And that’s when the door rang.

  “I need to tell you something.”

  It was weird seeing her like that standing at my front door. She was dripping wet from the rain, her hair slicked down around her angelic face, and all I wanted to do was grab her in my arms and kiss her.

  Except I didn’t do that. I forced that shit down in side and narrowed my eyes at her, my jaw tightening as I started to close the door instead. No way.

  “Wait! Hang on! I need to tell you what happened.”

  I shook my head, my eyes locked on hers. “I think we’re done here Christina, go home-”

  “It was me, okay!”

  Suddenly Anna was shoving her aside, her hands clenched into fists at her side as she shouldered between Christina and I. Her gaze was fierce as she pushed wet hair away from her face and stared right at me. “You wanna get mad, Tyler? Get mad at me! I’m the ‘other’ one, okay?! It was me.”