Crave Me

  The same body I had dreamt about for almost a year, placed on top of mine. Making me come in ways I never had done with other men. The same body I had just felt beating, throbbing up against mine.

  “Thank you for letting me crash,” he simply stated, pulling the blankets back to lie down.

  I could sense he wanted me to lie next to him. It wasn’t because he wanted us to keep kissing. He wanted us to keep talking. But I knew that would only lead to more thoughts and emotions and I had enough of them already wrecking havoc on my soul.

  “Don’t mention it. Good night, Austin.”

  “Night, Briggs,” he replied, failing at hiding his disappointment.

  It usually took me forever to fall asleep at night, a curse that had stayed with me since childhood. I would toss and turn for hours till I was exhausted enough to pass the fuck out. But that night, sleep came immediately. I couldn’t remember the last time that happened.

  I had felt a sense of security with him a few feet away. Hearing his soft breathing was comforting to me. Seeing him before the darkness took over, brought me a sense of peace. I could still feel his lips pressed up against mine, our tongues tangled, and his scent surrounding me everywhere.

  I could still feel him.

  For the first time in forever I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t scared of the night and everything it had to offer. The shadows that crept in the corners were hidden.

  At least that night.

  I woke up the next morning. My hand immediately touched my lips, rubbing them back and forth. As if his had never left. I felt refreshed and energized. Happy even. So when I sat up and looked over toward the couch, expecting to see a sleeping Austin, all I saw were blankets and pillows placed on the corner of the sofa.

  He’d left.

  Without saying goodbye.

  Austin

  She wasn’t lying about her couch being comfortable as fuck. I passed out within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept in a comfortable, clean place. Even the random couches I crashed on here and there were hard as a fucking rock. Most of the time I just ended up passing out on the damn floor instead.

  I was usually an early riser, always had been. So, it didn’t surprise me that she was still sleeping soundly when I woke up. I sat up, placing both feet on the floor, catching my bearings and stretching. Like every morning my back hurt like a son of a bitch.

  I got up, went to the bathroom, and did my thing. When I came back out, I almost started laughing when I heard her sporadic, soft, gentle snoring.

  Fuck, it was the cutest thing I had ever heard.

  I couldn’t help but stare at her while I was folding the blankets. Her vibrant purple hair was fanned out around her face. She was so fucking beautiful even without her make-up. More so even. It was then I wished I had a notebook to capture her beauty on paper. Make it live through the pages of my art.

  I resisted the urge to crawl in bed with her to hold her in my arms. As much as I tried not to touch her last night, I couldn’t fucking help myself. She was so warm, smooth, and smelled like everything I ever wanted.

  I was definitely caught off guard when she offered me a place to stay. I wasn’t expecting that, and I don’t think she was either. I could sense her anxiety the entire drive to her apartment and even more as we made it towards her door.

  Of course I wanted to have sex with her. I wasn’t a fucking saint. The only time I went home with a girl was to do just that, fuck her. Briggs was different. She was the first girl I wanted to get to know inside and out. For some reason that didn’t scare me. If anything, it made me happy and that was the feeling I was the most unfamiliar with.

  I wasn’t expecting to pull her into my arms and kiss her.

  It just happened.

  I kissed her because I couldn’t not kiss her.

  It was only one kiss and I already knew it wasn’t nearly enough. I had kissed hundreds of girls by that point and it was the first time I actually felt like I was kissing someone.

  The connection was live and thriving all around us. The force, the pull, so fucking strong that there was no way to ever push away.

  I headed to the motel room. The last thing I wanted was to get charged for another night in that piece of shit room. Mike was already gone by the time I went to go grab all my shit. He left a note on the table with an address and a phone number. I packed up all my belongings, which wasn’t much and got the hell out of there. I wasn’t sure if the next morning I would be at Briggs’ or Mike’s friends couch but one thing was for sure.

  I was staying in New York.

  It took me a minute to find a place to buy some breakfast for us, and I got lost trying to find my way back to her apartment. After walking around aimlessly for over an hour, I managed to find my way back. I had grabbed her key fob in case she was still sleeping when I returned since I left before the sun came up. It was already almost noon by the time I was at her door again.

  I knocked instead of just walking in. I figured she was already awake maybe wondering where I went.

  At least I hoped she was.

  When she answered the door, I couldn’t tell if she was surprised to see me again or surprised that someone had knocked on her door.

  With a big grin, I raised her coffee and a bag filled with every kind of doughnut known to fucking man out in front of me.

  “I got us some breakfast.”

  She smiled and it lit up her entire face. I caught her expression in the air and placed it on my heart, causing her to smile wider. She moved aside gesturing for me to come in. I was worried about what she would think when she saw I held all of my possessions over my shoulder, my entire world in a tattered duffle bag. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was moving in.

  I set my bag down by the sofa and made my way over to the kitchen island, where I placed her coffee and food. I was about to tell her why I had all my shit with me, but the suitcase on her bed distracted me.

  Instead I turned around to face her and immediately blurted, “Where we going?”

  She eyed me cautiously for several seconds, her gaze falling to my bag against the sofa.

  “I can’t take you with me,” she replied like she didn’t want to say it. “I’m leaving, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I go where I’m told. I don’t have any choice in the matter. And right now I’m being told to go to Colombia.”

  I jerked back, shocked as shit. “You’re trafficking drugs?”

  “I’m an exporter/importer, Austin. I’m the middle man.”

  “The fuck,” I breathed out, instant anger taking over. “Jesus Christ. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Who the hell would put you in the line of fire like that?”

  She reassuringly shook her head and it did nothing but piss me off further. Not at her but at the fucker that was making her do this.

  “I’m fine. No ones going to fuck with me. Trust me.”

  “Briggs…” I coaxed, trying to calm down. The anger was overtaking me.

  She wasn’t to blame for this and I needed to remember that.

  “There’s always someone with me when I meet a new client. But it doesn’t fucking matter, Austin, I’ve been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember.”

  “Then it’s about fucking time that someone took care of you. Looked after you.” I stepped toward her, grazing the side of her cheek. “Let me be that man, let me take care of you.”

  “What does that even mean?” She pulled away from my touch. “You don’t even know me, Austin. We met once at a party, we talked and shared a joint, that’s it. What are we doing here? What do you want from me?”

  I was taken aback, knowing that deep down she felt what I did. “Don’t pretend like we don’t have something. I know you can feel it too, Briggs. I can see it in your damn eyes every time you look at me. I can feel it on your skin every time I touch you.” I grazed her cheek again to prove my point. “Who knows where this will lead, but I sure as hell want to
find out.”

  I stepped closer to her again, holding her face between my hands. To my surprise she let me.

  “I can’t stop you from doing this. It’s your life but I can be apart of it. I can protect you.”

  She scoffed out a laugh. “You want to be my bodyguard? Austin, I haven’t had one of those since I was fourteen,” she revealed with pain in her eyes.

  Just adding to her mysterious allure that I couldn’t figure out for the life of me.

  “I’ll be whatever you want me to be. As long as I can keep you safe, I don’t give a fuck.”

  “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” She leaned into my touch, looking deep into my eyes and whispered, “Where’s your family, Austin? Where are your parents? I can’t do that to you. I can’t do that to them.”

  I nodded in understanding. “I don’t have anything to go home to.”

  “You should stay away from me, Austin. I’m no good for you. This will only end badly… It always does.” Her eyes glazed over, immediately filling with tears.

  “Hey…” I coaxed, pulling her toward me to wrap my arms around her.

  Having her in arms felt like heaven and home. The connection we shared was like nothing I had ever experienced before. As if she was made just for me.

  Only me.

  “I’m going with you, Briggs. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  She took a deep breath and melted into my arms like she was trying to mold us into one person and murmured,

  “Okay.”

  Chapter 17

  Briggs

  When my phone rang, I was expecting it.

  To be honest, I was expecting him to just show up at one of the places he was sending me to. He could track me down in seconds. But he didn’t. He never even mentioned Austin, not once. My uncle only called me concerning important business matters and I knew this phone call would be anything but.

  Austin was working again. I hated that he had to leave me to go make money. He was adamant about paying his own way and not living off of me. It didn’t bother me to pay for everything, I had more money than I knew what to do with, but I understood.

  The last three months were like nothing I had ever experienced before. Even though I was used to this life and it was all I’d ever known, Austin made it different for me. It changed me in ways I never thought were possible before. He made me appreciate the beauty within the darkness. The light at the end of the tunnel that I had been walking through all my life wasn’t just at the end anymore.

  That’s what Austin showed me. He lit up my dark tunnel and brought light into my life.

  Hope.

  Years of being alone and only relying on myself became second nature, like a second skin. With him, with Austin, I was starting to shed through the different layers and show what lied underneath the tattoos and purple hair.

  Daisy.

  I laughed. I smiled, a lot. My heart felt full in ways that it hadn’t since before my parents died. I was happy. And even though the feeling terrified me, I embraced it because it was just too beautiful to let go. I knew it was only three months. Three fucking months and I got attached to him. When he wasn’t around, I missed him, like a part of me was missing.

  The light was gone; he took it with him.

  I hated that feeling more than anything in this world. He had the ability to look at me in a way that was so beautifully broken. Like two halves of a heart finally coming together and becoming one after years of being apart.

  Which only added to my theory that this wasn’t the first time we had been together. Our souls had met before, in another time, in another place.

  We were destined.

  Whether we wanted to be or not.

  It was fate.

  We were fate.

  I had an idea to present to my uncle. I was just waiting for the phone call.

  “Briggs, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Uncle Alejandro calmly coaxed when I answered the phone.

  “Hi to you too. No, how are you? What have you been up to?” I sassed. I couldn’t help myself.

  “I’m in no mood for your bitchiness. I have let this go on for three months without saying a word. Three fucking months, waiting for you to say something to me. Not one fucking word. So, I will ask again and it would be in your best interest to answer my fucking question. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

  “His name is Austin—”

  “Taylor from Oak Island, North Carolina. Born at Dosher Memorial Hospital on June 5th. Graduated from South Brunswick High School four years ago, almost died in a car accident his senior—”

  “Car accident?” I interrupted, shocked.

  “Ah, so you really don’t know everything about him. Would you like to know his goddamn social security number? Maybe his background? It’s all sitting here in front of me. I know who the fuck he is. I want to know why the fuck he is with you?” he roared, his patience wearing thin.

  “He’s my friend.”

  Silence.

  “I met him in Miami a year ago and again in New York before I left. He doesn’t have anyone. He’s been backpacking and pretty much homeless. He keeps me safe, uncle. He protects me. You should see the men when I bring him—”

  “Are you going to fuck him too? Seeing as that didn’t work out so great for your last bodyguard,” he viscously spewed.

  “That’s none of your fucking business. I can't believe you just brought that up. I'm a grown woman and it’s none of your business who I fuck now,” I sneered.

  “It becomes my goddamn business when it’s messing with mine, peladita.”

  “I thought you would happy that I found someone who cares about me, wants to protect me, seeing that you put me in the line of fire.”

  “If someone fucks with you, Briggs. They fuck with me. Trust me, no one wants to fuck with me,” he gritted out through the phone.

  “He makes me happy. I’m happy, uncle,” I simply stated, hoping that would be enough to make him understand.

  I paced around the room, trying to think what else I could say to him to make him understand. I didn’t want to lose Austin.

  “You can be happy without this little fuck following you around like a lost puppy. Did you ever stop and think that maybe he’s using you? How did you meet, Briggs? Hmm… at a library? I know how much you love to fucking read.”

  I didn’t falter. If I did, I would lose him.

  “He’s not using me. He works. Every single place we have been to these last three months he has worked his ass off. He doesn’t let me pay for anything. Trust me, I have offered. He won’t let me.”

  “That explains the shitty places you’ve been staying at. How’s it feel to live on the other side? Everything you thought it would be? I’ve given you the best and this is how you repay me?”

  “Then give him a job.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “He protects me, he looks out for me, and he’s keeping me safe. It’s not any different than what Esteban used to do. He keeps me calm when I meet the associates, knowing that at any point and time shit could go south. He’s there to watch my back. You want me to worry about my safety?” I asked.

  “So what you’re saying is that you want me to pay for you to fuck the hired help again? What does that offer me?”

  “Another strong person to add to your business. Your growing empire, as you call it. He’s good, Uncle. He doesn’t talk when I take him on runs. He just stands in the background and makes his presence known with his I’ll-fuck-you-up-if-you-touch-her demeanor. He doesn’t take shit from anyone. He’s fucking fearless, exactly what you thrive on.”

  Silence.

  “I’ll bat for him, okay? He fucks up. Shit goes bad. It falls on me. Now those are words you understand.”

  “If I go down, peladita. You go down with me. Now those are words you understand,” he repeated back to me, knowing he meant it.

  I took a deep breath, thinking I
’d lost.

  “I’ll play it your way for a while. I’m sending a man over. His name is Pablo. He will give your new bodyguard everything he needs. Including a business credit card that I will pay him on weekly. If you sleep in one more piece of shit motel, Austin will deal with me. Not you. Are we clear?”

  I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “Crystal.”

  “Now that it’s two of you traveling together, it will be easier for me to have everything ready when you get to the hotels. I see you’ve already been using my contacts for his fake passports behind my back. That ends now.”

  By easy, he meant easy to control, him, me, us. The situation. I didn’t care as long as it kept Austin with me.

  “Thank you, Uncle. I promise you—”

  “Briggs, don’t make promises that you have no fucking control over. Especially when it comes to that puta called love,” he stated, “bitch” with a bitter tone I’d never heard before.

  “Thank you anyway.”

  He hung up without saying a word. And I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to forget about the car accident that almost killed Austin.

  Austin

  Everything happened so fucking fast.

  Overnight my life changed in the blink of an eye.

  Physically…

  Emotionally…

  Mentally…

  All because of the girl covered in tattoos with purple hair.

  It had been five months since I’d left with her, leaving behind the shitty life I had become accustomed to. We had traveled to so many different places after Colombia. Seen so many different things. The sky was the limit. It was a reoccurring joke between us, every new place we went we had new passports, all new identities. Sometimes we would pretend to be newlyweds, madly in love with each other.

  That was my favorite.

  We played the roll too well. Almost forgetting it was a ploy. I didn’t fucking care, it always gave me an excuse to touch Briggs inappropriately in public. It changed everywhere we went and it was fucking hilarious coming up with new ideas with her. Never a dull moment. Not once.