Exams (English edition)

a proper place for its landing.

   

  3.

  He was left alone in the room for a few minutes. The air was breathable, even though it had a faint smell of chlorine. Once there must have been pictures on the wall, judging by the slightly darker shadows at various heights that drew confused but visible rectangles. Someone had taken the pictures away, maybe they would have troubled him.

  He had to go to the bathroom now, but he didn't know how. He examined the room. The walls looked solid, there were no doors except the one from which he had entered. A little, wrinkled animal dangled from the ceiling, as large as a human fist. It had a dozen legs that it constantly stroked. It seemed to be minding its own business.

  The only bed was a stool with a forty-five degrees surface, small and uncomfortable for a man. There was no other furniture except a sort of large closet, ajar. Some kind of gray hooks, like coat-hangers, could clearly be seen. Deri approached it for a better look, but stopped immediately. The closet was alive. Two pairs of eyes opened lazily on the front of the cabinet, absently looking at him. Deri noticed that the hooks were made of bone, the coat-hanger was part of the chest of that being. There were only a couple of pieces of clothes inside, following an incomprehensible fashion. Deri gave up. He had other urges.

  On the door he noticed a small green box which flashed with a little purple light, tiny and almost imperceptible. The light wasn't dim; it was at the edge of the spectrum visible to humans, perhaps a bit beyond. On the box there was a big multi-coloured button, as if someone had wanted to make it easily noticeable for anyone. Deri pressed it.

  "Yeess?" a voice coming from somewhere asked.

  The man heaved a sigh of relief.

  "I have a... need" Deri said, slowly.

  "Yeess?" the voice repeated.

  "I have to... well" Deri said "it's a physiological need."

  "Yeess. Denomination?" the voice said.

  Deri pondered for a second. "I have to pee, damn it," he thought. He did not know how to say it and he was somewhat embarrassed. But suddenly he remembered the most decent word of the vocabulary to say that.

  "Urination" he said.

  "Yeess. Urinazion, I see, yeess," the voice said, hesitating only for a moment. The pofririo was consulting the database of human physiology.

  "So?" Deri asked.

  "Urine, yeess," the voice suggested.

  "Where?" Deri asked, with a note of urgency in his voice. His bladder was protesting.

  "You are of thosse who espel, yeess?"

  "Exactly," the man confirmed.

  "Urea, I see. Yeess. Urea useful to us. Do not waste. Wait for the cadet, yeess."

  Deri got upset.

  "Well, tell her to be here damn soon, please."

  Deri had not yet finished the sentence that the cadet appeared next to him. She was eight inches from him and was staring at him, holding a container made of woven leaves in one hand. Deri looked around. She had not used the door, but she was there. The pofriria saw the dazed look of the man and spoke for the first time.

  "Yielding walls. Yeess. Leaves, you pass along the fibres."

  Deri grasped the concept, but on closer inspection the walls did not seem to have any weak point.

  The pofriria sported a fairly good pronunciation, although a little puffing. She lifted the container and handed it to Deri, then left the room. "Thank goodness," thought the man. He unzipped his pants in a hurry and did what he had to. The container filled quietly, while a pungent smell spread in the air.

  "Sword-shaped multi-functional organ" said the cadet, who was again next to Deri as if by magic, watching with great interest his operations.

  Deri almost let go of the vegetal jar. It was nearly full, and he had a hard time in recovering his balance, his trousers fell down to his ankles and he nearly fell face-on. A drop of urine tumbled on the green-gray floor. The cadet didn't miss any detail. She seemed to contemplate the liquid with her fake head, then walked on it. Something under her skirt made a suction sound, and when she moved the floor was clean as before. Deri handed the full container to the cadet, who took it carefully while he dressed frantically.

  "Visit" she announced, moving away "being Uzhi. Come in?"

  The Earth database contained nothing about the Uzhi. Who the hell was this guy? Deri didn't know anyone outside of his neighbourhood, let alone outside of his system. The cadet watched Deri, then had to come to some conclusion because she stopped walking away and went back.

  "Preparation to the Uzhi" she said, "Uzhi is higher and fatter. Head like humans. Fann on the head. Magnificent voice. Does not dirty. No feet, but bone rings. No arms, tiny wings. No working, residues from prehistoric ancestors."

  For her it was enough. Deri got tense, but he nodded to the cadet, who certainly would not understand the gesture. But the pofriria stepped aside and opened the door.

  Deri sought her out of the corner of his eye. She was already gone.

  The Uzhi filled the entire passage; he was of a striking canary yellow, and slightly feathered. His head was such only as far as position was concerned, but actually it had no orifices or sensory organs. It was covered with mushy cannulas, falling over the face, constantly stirring. From time to time, a cannula let out a hissing stream of air which moved a spectacular... fan, as the pofriria had called it.

  The fan came out of the forehead and waved gently, gracefully, gleaming in an infinite number of colours.

  Deri, not without a certain rudeness, started to examine the lower part of the body: a cross between the chest of a bee and a snake. There was nothing slimy, however. Bone plates protruded on the skin, profusely covered in thick and silky hair. The Uzhi was standing, so to speak, on three plates, while the two smaller ones moved the pointed end of the body, almost wagging it.

  Deri couldn't see the wings... but yes, there really were two little wings, delicate and diaphanous, coming out from the shoulders.

  "DERI," the Uzhi shouted.

  The man widened his eyes, surprised by the power of the alien voice. "Louder than a baritone", he said to himself. He opened his jaws, snapping them to uncork his ears.

  "I exceeded, my dear. Soreness," said the Uzhi with a perfect pronunciation "I just came from a meeting with some good Ctref. Good, but almost deaf."

  He spoke very well. The cadet was right, the Uzhi had an extraordinary voice. The cannulas on his head blew on the fan in an organized manner, so that it vibrated and resounded in the entire body of the alien, giving power and harmony to the sound.

  "Please, come in," Deri said, a little uncomfortable "I would ask you to sit down, if I knew where to."

  "My name is Too," the Uzhi said, his wings fluttering frantically.

  "Deri. But you already know."

  "Uuu. I asket. You know, always helpful to know the classmate, before the examination."

  "Examination?"

  "Uuuu. Of course. I am here to inform you, as per custom. When taken from my world, another being did this for me."

  "As I will do with the next in line" Deri said.

  "You last. The exam is tomorrow."

  This examination was starting to worry him.

  "What exam are you talking about? And where are we going?" Deri asked.

  "I'll say all now, I understand anxiety. But, first: you humans love austere life?"

  Deri raised his eyebrows, not grasping the meaning of that question.

  "Oh, I understand eye brew," Too thundered, satisfied "I informed. Upward movement of hair: incomprehension. In the last hours I studied humans and your language."

  "Only in the last hour?" Deri asked, amazed.

  "Only recently knew about stop in your system," said the Uzhi.

  His strong voice resounded on the walls of the room but wasn't unpleasant. Deri smiled sheepishly.

  "You're a smart guy. You learned quickly. Much smarter than me. I know nothing more than my tongue, and not very well."

  "Fullishness!" Too said, playing it down "different brains. Y
ours is strong in the long-term memory, mine in short-term. If I don't see you for a few days, I forget you, even if today you save my life."

  "Incredible," thought Deri.

  "What did you mean by austere life?" he asked.

  The Uzhi pirouetted.

  "No comforts," he said "empty room."

  "I was given this" Deri said, opening his arms.

  Too cackled. His cannulas deflated for a moment, then continued to blow in the fan.

  "So nice," said Too "the pofriri are too discreet sometimes. They did not tell you anything."

  The Uzhi uttered a few low notes, chanting gracefully. A table, some benches and hammocks rose from the floor. Nets of woven leaves now hung from the ceiling, along with a basket of some woolly material, ropes, more or less large blankets, large absorbent sheets (better not to know what they were for) and a metallic frame covered in containers of all sizes. Two circular holes opened in the floor; Deri peered inside: there were as many jagged channels, which went down into the dark belly of the ship. They looked like sewer drains.

  "Ah," he merely exclaimed.

  "Standard equipment for class thirteen species," the Uzhi said "there is running water. Drinkable. Want to see how it works? "

  Deri gestured with his hand. Now that he knew what the room offered, he could always call the pofriria cadet and ask for explanations.

  "Later. I would like to know about the examination."

  "A small thing, they say," Too assured.

  He sat on a bench, relaxing suddenly. He seemed about to fall asleep. Deri did the same, he took a blanket and lay down on a hammock. It was a wonderful sensation.

  "You are here as average representative of your race. A common pesson, if the expresson does not offend