The Silent Waters

  “Thanks, Maggie. I’m going to go show Mom and Dad.” He hopped off my bed and left the room. A second later, he popped his head back into my doorframe. “And, Maggie? I love you. I doubt I say that enough as a brother, but I don’t know. With everything that happened to Mrs. Boone, I’ve just been thinking. Life is unexpected, so you might as well tell the people you love how you feel, ya know?”

  My brother, the sensitive musician.

  I held up the board that said I love you and added too.

  After he left, it only took two minutes to hear Mama holler from her bedroom. “Oh my God! My son’s getting married!”

  “Easy, Mom. I haven’t asked her yet,” he replied.

  “Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmyGOSH! There’s so much to do, so much to plan!” she bellowed. “I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life!”

  I smiled, knowing she wasn’t kidding. I also smiled because it was the happiest I’d heard her sound in years.

  “You okay today, Magnet?” My favorite words. Brooks stepped into my room later that night with a bag in his hand and joined me on my bed. “So, rumor has it there’s going to be a wedding sometime soon. I guess a girl who loved a boy said yes to a question and accepted a ring. I went out with the group for a celebration dinner, and all I could think about was how I wished you were there. So, I left early and brought dinner to you.”

  I leaned in and kissed him. We began eating more French fries than anyone should’ve ever eaten and stuffing our faces with giant burgers.

  “You ever think about getting married, Maggie May?”

  Yeah.

  “You ever think about getting married to someone like me?”

  I took his hand and squeezed twice.

  I snuggled into his body, and he held me close to his heart.

  “Someday I’m going to marry you. We’re going to get married and be the happiest people in the world. Then, we are going to have the chubbiest kids ever, who smile all the time because they copied our smiles. We’ll have a dog named Skippy and a cat named Jam, and we’ll get a big house, with a place for you in the backyard to escape and drink wine when you need a break from the kids. A she-shed. You’ll work on your dream, whatever your dream becomes, and we’ll be so happy, Magnet. I can see it so much in my head, our lives. We’re gonna be happy forever.”

  I loved his words, his hope, his plans. His plans were mine, too. Everything he wanted, I may have wanted more. I believed it was all coming our way, too. We deserved it, he and I. Just like my brother and Stacey, Brooks and I deserved happily ever after. This time is forever.

  I heard about you guys getting in trouble for missing the concerts. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to mess up your music.

  “No big deal,” Brooks spoke softly, sitting beside me with his leg brushing against mine. “It’s just music.” Music was his life, and he put it on hold for me. “Besides, there are bigger dreams.” His eyes met mine, and he said everything with his lopsided smile and with silence. I heard him loud and clear, and I hoped he could hear my voice, too.

  I love you, too, Brooks.

  We fell asleep that night after making love to one another. It was the middle of the night when I awakened to his touch, his hands against me, his lips locked on top of mine.

  “Maggie,” he whispered breathlessly, lying on top of me in the darkness. Our clothes were tossed in a pile in the corner of the room, and I could feel his hot breaths brushing against my neck as he kissed me. His mouth traveled down my body, inch by inch, making it harder for me to catch my breath, which was fine. At that point breathing seemed a waste of time. His hands wrapped around my legs, and he parted them in a slow, controlled manner. I watched attentively as he took his hand and stroked himself. With his other hand, he slipped two fingers inside of me, making me curl my fingernails into the sheets. When his fingers pulled out, he brushed himself against me before he slowly slid inside. I felt myself relax against him with every inch, every thrust, every moan.

  Yes. Yes…

  He leaned forward and kissed me gently against my lips. “You okay?” he asked.

  I nodded. Yes. Yes…

  He pushed himself in deeper, pulled out slowly, and reentered me over and over again, making my mouth fall open in disbelief. Fast and hard, slow and deep.

  Brooks…

  How? How could such simple movement feel so… Wow…

  He made love to me as if he were apologizing for all the years we missed. With each thrust he silently promised to never love another, and with every wild kiss, I promised him the same.

  “You don’t have to speak,” he whispered, running his tongue against my bottom lip, loving me hard, deep, fast, and slow. His mouth grazed against my ear before he sucked it gently. “But by all means, you’re more than welcome to scream.”

  “Indoor or outdoor wedding?” Mama asked Calvin and Stacey the next morning. The dining room table was completely covered with wedding magazines and planners. Mama hadn’t stopped rushing around ever since she’d found out Calvin was going to propose to Stacey, and once he had called saying Stacey accepted, she’d gone into roadrunner mode. “Oh, have you thought about a destination wedding? Paris. Oh! Bora Bora! What about an autumn wedding? Maybe spring? Spring weddings are always so beautiful, and I just love the peachy blush colors. Have you two picked out colors yet?”

  Stacey laughed, leaning against the countertop and flipping through a magazine. She was so effortlessly beautiful, with her caramel skin and curly honey chestnut hair. She always looked so put together with her perfect smile and stunning brown eyes that almost smiled more than her lips. I stood in the kitchen next to the refrigerator, a few steps back from the commotion, drinking my glass of orange juice. They hadn’t turned around to see that I was only a few feet away from the dining room. They were too busy breathing heavily, eating powdered donuts, and staring at Stacey’s ring finger.

  I stood up straighter and sipped on my orange juice. Daddy walked into the kitchen with a book in his hand and smiled my way. He came over to me and handed me my next read: Looking for Alaska by John Green.

  “A girl was reading it in class yesterday,” he said quietly before picking up a powdered donut hole and popping it in his mouth. “It must be good, seeing as how she ignored my entire lecture.”

  I smiled and ran my fingers over the cover of the book. I turned and grinned. Thanks, Dad.

  “You’re welcome, Sport.” He leaned back against the refrigerator and stared across the way at Mama and the newly engaged couple. “Wedding planning?”

  I nodded.

  “I was really hoping they’d elope. We’re going to have a mother-of-the-groom-zilla for the next few months.”

  We stood back, watching said mother-of-the-groom-zilla ask more and more questions. Truth be told, it was the most excited Mama had been in a long time. Stacey remained her calm, sweet self as she tried her best to reply. “We haven’t really had much time to decide anything, Katie, but it’s all so exciting, isn’t it?”

  Mama clapped and did a jig. “It is! I’ve been waiting for this day forever, and I mean, this is my only true chance to have a wedding for one of my kids.”

  “Mom, come on,” Calvin whispered as my gut tightened. “Don’t say that.”

  “I’m just saying, it’s not like your sisters are ever going to get married. Cheryl is on this feminist kick, and Maggie… All I’m saying is I’m never going to get to plan a wedding for those two.” Mama turned to Stacey, took her hand in hers, and squeezed it. “But at least I have a soon-to-be daughter to do all of this with. I feel as if I’m finally getting the daughter I was promised. Lord knows I already missed out on some major moments with Cheryl, and now she’s this wild child shooting around the world, so I doubt marriage will ever be on her mind. And do you know what the people in town call Maggie? ‘A horror story. A mother’s worst nightmare. She’s a reclusive eccentric.’ It’s hard not to believe them. She’s sick, and she’s not getting better. She’s probably better off never leaving
home. It’s safer for her here.”

  Ouch.

  “Katie,” Daddy hissed from the kitchen. All of their heads shot up to see Daddy and me standing only a few feet away. They all frowned in unison when their stares met mine.

  A shade of red washed over Mama’s cheeks and she grew flustered. “Maggie May, you know you’re supposed to knock when you’re in a room to announce that you’re here. Otherwise it’s eavesdropping, and that’s not nice.”

  Nice? My mother knew all about being nice that afternoon.

  I knocked on the countertop four times.

  I’m here. I’m here. I’m here. I’m here.

  They kept staring and frowning. I kept standing, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

  So I shifted my feet and left for my bedroom.

  There was a robin dancing across my bedroom windowsill, reminding me of the freedom I’d been missing. I sat reading my to-do list over and over again, until I felt as if I knew it backward. I closed my book and placed it on the windowsill, Mama’s words playing over and over in my head.

  I should leave. I’m going to leave.

  I should’ve packed up a bag with a few of my things years before, and I should’ve left my house a long time ago. I should’ve gone on adventures, and found love, and gotten married in a big church where a choir sang hymns, and the priest made bad jokes. I should’ve been famous like my brother, or at least something more than what I was currently—nothing.

  Standing from my chair, I left my room and grabbed a suitcase from the storage room. I dragged it into my bedroom, sat on the floor, and started to pack my clothes. On top of the clothes, I packed my favorite novels. On top of my novels, I packed more of my favorite novels. On top of my favorite novels, I placed my to-do list.

  I’m going to leave.

  I’m going to live.

  My heart started racing, and I tried to allow my mind to stay clear. Don’t overthink it, just pack and go. The first step out will be the hardest, but the most rewarding. Mrs. Boone was right. I have to live now, or I never will. I have to live so Mama will be proud of me again. I have to live because of Brooks.

  When the first teardrops hit the covers of The Hunger Games, I did my best to stop the waterworks. My mind was trying its best to convince me to stay, telling me of the horrors outside those walls, reminding me of the silence I’d been cursed with all those years ago.

  Shh…

  Shh…

  I shook my head and kept packing.

  Be better, be stronger, Maggie May.

  When my door creaked open, I jumped, startled until I saw Daddy standing there. His eyes fell to the suitcase and he grimaced before walking over to my window that faced the street.

  “Come here, Maggie,” he said.

  I stood up and walked over to him. He allowed a few moments of silence to pass before speaking once more.

  “Emily Dickinson didn’t like meeting new people, you know.” Of course he knew about Emily Dickinson’s life. “She only left her father’s home a few times, and after some time, she never left at all. She was always dressed in white, and she never spoke many words.”

  I stared outside, seeing kids playing catch, riding bikes, living more life than I’d lived in all my years. I wiped away another tear so he wouldn’t see it.

  He saw it and smiled. He always saw my tears and smiled—but it was a sad smile, a broken grin. “Just because she was different didn’t make her a freak. People called her a reclusive eccentric, too, you know. People called Einstein a mentally disabled fool.”

  I smiled, but somehow he still saw the sadness living within me.

  “Maggie May, you’re good enough just the way you are.”

  What a typical thing for my father to say.

  “I can tell you care. You care what others think of you, what your mother thinks of you, what I think of you. Which frankly, is a waste of time. Your mother and I may be older, but that doesn’t make us wiser in any way, shape, or form. We’re still evolving, too. It doesn’t matter what names others call you—reclusive, eccentric—none of those words matter. What matters are the names you call yourself when you are in your own company.”

  He smiled at me once again. “If one day you choose to step outside and explore those things, then by all means, do it, but do not do it to make your mother happy, or me happy, because in turn I think you’ll lose your own happiness. Leave when you’re ready, not when you feel pressured. Okay?”

  I nodded.

  Okay, Dad.

  He kissed my forehead. “The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist.” He turned to leave my room, but before he left, he cleared his throat, scratching at his hairy chin. “Oh, and you have a surprise in the dining room.”

  I walked downstairs to the dining room and sitting at the table was an old woman, with two turkey sandwiches and two cups of tea. “So,” she said, holding one tea cup in her hand. “It turns out my memory isn’t the best that it could be.” She stood up from the table and walked over to me with a walker, limping a little. There were a few small bruises on her cheeks. But still, she looked her beautiful, overdressed self. With a tiny smile to her lips, she nudged me in the shoulder. “But it could always be worse,” she said playfully. “I could’ve been mute.”

  Snickering, I nudged her back.

  I had never hugged someone so tight in my life.

  “Sorry, am I interrupting?” Brooks said, stepping into the dining room to see Mrs. Boone and me embracing.

  “No, no. Any boy who’d sing to an old lady in the hospital is allowed to interrupt.”

  Brooks gave her his crooked smile. “You heard me?”

  “My goodness, the whole hospital heard you. After you left each night, the nurses went crazy over your voice and your facial hair, which I couldn’t understand for the life of me. Your voice was decent, but you look like a hairy monster. Shaving is okay, you know. I’ll buy you a razorblade if you’d like.”

  I walked over to Brooks and rubbed his hairy chin. I liked it, his new look. His arms were toned and muscular, as if he’d been working out for years. He looked so grown up, so manly.

  Mrs. Boone groaned. “Well, of course you like it, but your opinion is bias therefore it doesn’t matter. Anyway, here, Brooks.” She dug into her purse and pulled out a set of keys.

  “What are these for?” he asked.

  “It’s a thank you, for watching over me. Calvin told me you boys are here through the weekend, and he was saying how overly stressed you have been, so I figured you guys could go up to my cabin for a guys’ weekend, do whatever the heck it is that you young folk do nowadays.”

  “Wow, that’s awesome. Thank you, Mrs. Boone.”

  There was a knock at the front door and Daddy went to open it, revealing a woman with a kind smile. When Mrs. Boone saw her, she rolled her eyes. “Ugh, not you again.”

  “Hi, I’m Katelynn,” the woman said. “I’m Mrs. Boone’s new caregiver. It’s just kind of hard to keep up with her. She’s a mover and a shaker.”

  “The only thing I’ve been trying to shake is you, stalker,” Mrs. Boone murmured.

  I snickered. Good luck to you, Katelynn. She had her hands full with that old lady.

  The two of them shuffled back over to Mrs. Boone’s house, and Brooks jingled the keys in his hands. “We don’t have to go up this weekend. I haven’t had nearly enough time with you, and I want to take in every moment.”

  I shook my head. We had plenty of moments coming our way. The band deserved to get away from it all, to have some dude time. After some convincing, Brooks agreed to go up north. He promised to be back by Sunday afternoon to spend his last day with me.

  Then he promised me more and more days in the future.

  Before the guys and I drove up to the cabin, we had one major stop to make. James’ Boat Shop. If we were going up to Mrs. Boone’s cabin on a lake, we needed a nice boat to take with us. So much had changed since Calvin and I went with his dad to sell their boat, so it was nice to see tha
t James’ Boat Shop was exactly the same. Including a much, much older Wilson who still barked loudly on the porch.

  “Quiet, Wilson!” James said, walking outside. “Damn dog hasn’t shut up in years.” The dog howled louder, as if telling its owner to fuck off. James smiled and scratched his gray hair. “I gotta tell you, it’s not every day Grammy award winning bands call me up to see if I can hook them up with a boat. It’s a pleasure meeting you all.” He laughed, shaking our hands.

  Calvin shook James’ hand and said, “You actually met Brooks and myself about ten years ago. My dad came here to sell his boat, and your son showed us that huge yacht.”

  “Jenna.” He nodded, pride in his eyes. “That would be her. You’re not here to rent her out, are you?”

  I laughed. “No. I’m thinking we might need something a bit smaller. Something to just go out and fish on.”

  “Well, I guess I won’t argue that too much. Hmm…we just got in this nice pontoon boat for renting. It’s great for fishing, has the couches and the lounge chairs for extra comfort. It really has a nice luxury feel to it, but doesn’t feel like too much. I think you’ll love it.”

  “Anything…smaller?” I asked. “We kind of want that old-school fishing feeling.”

  James nodded. “What kind of boat did you guys use to have?”

  “A center console,” Calvin replied. “It wasn’t anything huge, but it worked out great.”

  “Ah, then a center console it is if you boys ain’t afraid of being close.”

  “Nah,” Oliver said, wrapping Rudolph’s head under his arm. “We like to snuggle.”

  “God, I hate you!” Rudolph.

  “Come on, little brother. What have I told you before? You don’t have to call me God. Your Majesty works just fine.”

  I rolled my eyes at my bandmates who never changed. James told us to come inside to his office to work out the paperwork. As he spoke, Oliver ate all of the black licorice on James’ desk, making Rudolph groan.

  “You know that shit is poison, right? Like, you do understand how bad it is for your body?”