Forever, Again

  “And I know I probably shouldn’t believe in something like this, Cole, but what other explanation could there be that isn’t also just as insane?”

  He seemed to study me critically. “I can’t think of one,” he admitted.

  I nodded and looked away again. It all made me feel so weird, so separate, and yet, there was a tiny part of me that accepted the concept and was even relieved to have some kind of an explanation for the dreams and the déjà vu. “Mom and I are going to see an expert in reincarnation today,” I told him once I’d gathered the courage to look at him again. Cole’s brow furrowed and I rushed to tell him about Dr. Van Dean.

  After I was done, Cole wadded up his napkin and turned in his chair to get our waitress’s attention. When she came over he asked her for two boxes and the check. A bitter hurt hit me in the solar plexus. He didn’t believe me, and he couldn’t even stand to finish his meal in my company.

  But then Cole fished into his wallet to pull out some bills and said, “Would you be willing to come to my house and look at something?”

  “What?” I asked, warily.

  Leaning in to whisper he said, “It’s something nobody else knows about, but I think you should see it.”

  I started to get nervous. What was his intention? “I have to meet my mom soon,” I said.

  Cole handed me one of the boxes the waitress had brought and said, “It won’t take long. Please, Lily? I think it’s something that could help.”

  I didn’t know what Cole had in mind, but nothing about his manner seemed like he was trying to trick me, so I put the rest of my lunch in the box and followed him out the door.

  We didn’t talk much on the way to his house. I was mostly consumed with thoughts about what he might be thinking. I wanted to ask him if he thought I was crazy, but I didn’t know if I could keep my emotions in check if he said yes.

  We arrived at his home about ten minutes later. It was a low ranch, painted dark brown with light tan accents. He parked his Mustang to the far right of the attached garage, and I followed him inside.

  Cole led me through the side entrance and into the kitchen, which was bright white with black granite countertops and chrome fixtures. It was pleasant and clean. A soft wuff greeted us as we came into the kitchen, and after setting my leftovers on the counter, I heard the click of dog’s paws against wood floors. Into the kitchen trotted a gorgeous golden retriever.

  Dropping to one knee as the pup approached, I put a hand on her head and said, “Hey, Bailey!”

  In another one of those jarring déjà vu moments, I realized Cole had never told me he had a dog, or her name.

  Looking up, I took in his shocked expression. “How did you…?” he asked, pointing to the dog.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I told him. “I swear. I don’t know.”

  “CAN YOU GUESS WHERE YOU ARE?” Spence asked.

  I laughed nervously as he led me, blindfolded, through a narrow corridor where I bumped into a wall to my right. “No clue,” I said.

  “Oh, come on, Ambi, you gotta have some idea.”

  “I swear, Spence, I don’t have any idea!” Our surroundings felt familiar, but I was a little dizzy from the car ride where he’d insisted I wear the blindfold.

  The narrow space felt like it opened up suddenly and then Spence was guiding me to sit down. I did, and knew he’d just deposited me on a couch. And then I got a whiff of something like Pine-Sol, and felt the rough scratch of the fabric beneath my fingertips, and heard a suppressed giggle somewhere off to my left, and I knew exactly where I was. “I’m at your house?”

  Spence eased the blindfold away from my eyes and I had to blink a few times to get them to focus, but finally I saw that I was, in fact, in his living room and staring at me were about twenty people wearing party hats.

  “Surprise!” they all yelled.

  I let out a small squeal. “You guys! I had no idea!”

  That was a lie, but Spence had worked so hard to put together a surprise party for me that I didn’t want to let on that I knew. Britta grinned knowingly at me, because she’d been the one to tell me, but only after I’d grilled her about it.

  Spence’s little sister stepped forward from the crowd and handed me a small wrapped package. “Aw, Stacey! What’d you get me?”

  Stacey smiled wickedly and twitched with excitement. “Open it!”

  I offered it out to her. “Help me with the paper?”

  She eagerly came to sit next to me and pulled at the bright yellow wrapping paper. I took out the present and studied it curiously. It was a pink rhinestone collar.

  “Oh!” I said, careful to keep the confusion from my expression. “This is awesome, Stacey! Thank you!” I wrapped the collar around my wrist. “I love it,” I said to her, and she burst into a fit of giggles.

  Next I was handed a present from Britta and Sara. “Here!” they said in unison. “It’s not much, but we think you’ll really like how it’ll come in handy,” Britta added, with a conspiratorial wink at Sara. Sara pressed her lips together, as if trying to hold in a secret, and nodded with vigor.

  Eyeing them curiously, I tugged open the wrapping paper and discovered a leash that matched the pink in the collar that Stacey had given me. For a long minute, I was really confused. I mean, I could make the dog collar into a nice bracelet, but what was I supposed to do with a leash?

  “Uh…” I said. “Thanks, you guys. I love it!”

  Everyone in the room laughed, and next to me Stacey laughed the hardest. I had a feeling they were laughing at me, but for the life of me I couldn’t understand what I’d done that was so funny. “What?” I asked Spence.

  Instead of answering me, he nudged Jamie, who was standing next to him.

  “Here,” Jamie said, handing me yet another present.

  “Did you wrap this yourself?” I teased. The package had more tape than it had wrapping paper.

  “That obvious?” he said.

  “No,” I mocked as I struggled to get the thing open. At last I got my thumbnail under a corner and pulled it open to discover a doggie dish. Holding up the dish I said, “Okay, you guys, what gives?”

  The crowd of people standing in front of me parted. Spence came up through the middle and in his arms was the most adorable blond puppy I’d ever seen! I was so surprised that I dropped the doggie dish, jumped to my feet, and squealed.

  “Ohmigod! Ohmigod!” I cried. The puppy in Spence’s arms began to wriggle, excited by my squeals, and then Spence laid her carefully in my arms and said, “Happy birthday, Amber.”

  For the next several minutes all I could do was cuddle and hug the squirming pup as she covered my face in kisses. Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much I missed Jasper, my beloved cocker spaniel who’d passed away just six months earlier. The little bundle in my arms was clearly a golden retriever, and I’d always wanted one of those.

  “How did you know?” I finally managed to ask Spence, my voice cracking with emotion. I’d wanted another dog so badly, but I’d felt guilty for wanting a new pup so soon, and I didn’t think my parents would let me get a dog this close to my going away to college.

  “I know how much you loved Jasper,” Spence told me, stroking the pup’s head. “So I asked your parents if it was okay, and they said yes right away. I think they really miss having a dog around, too.”

  I hugged the puppy tightly to me and felt a well of love for Spence that was so intense it almost hurt. “What’re we going to do with her when we go to UCLA?” I asked him.

  Spence chuckled. “Both our moms said they’d take care of her when we’re out there,” he said.

  “Please let her stay with us, Amber?” Stacey pleaded.

  I looked at Spence’s little sister and my heart melted, but I also knew that a puppy was probably more responsibility than an eleven-year-old girl could handle, and I didn’t think Mrs. Spencer would be much help. She probably wouldn’t do more than throw some cheap kibble in a bowl and only occasionally let the
poor pup out in the backyard. My parents, on the other hand, would take excellent care of her, of that I was sure. “You can come visit her at my parents’ house anytime you’d like, Stacey.”

  Spence’s little sister pouted a little, but then she nodded and said, “Okay.”

  The afternoon moved on and everyone wanted a turn holding my new pup. It was the most amazing birthday I’d ever had, and I couldn’t stop thanking Spence. At some point I wandered into the kitchen to get the puppy some water and found Spence’s mother putting the finishing touches on my birthday cake. Mrs. Spencer was not an attractive woman. Tall and imposing, she had broad shoulders, a thick neck, and shoulder-length, greasy, gray hair. She typically dressed in polyester pants and an oversize shirt, and today was no different.

  “Oh, hi, Mrs. Spencer!” I said when I saw her. I realized I hadn’t even spoken to her since I’d been brought there blindfolded. “That cake looks amazing.”

  “It came from a box. It’s not rocket science,” she said, her tone clipped and curt like always.

  Mrs. Spencer made it so hard to like her. She was often short with people, and she complained far more than she complimented.

  “I don’t like yellow cake, but I had a coupon,” she went on. “I wanted the Duncan Hines, but the stupid coupon was only good for Betty Crocker, which is tasteless unless you load on more icing, and that’s how they get you. You gotta pay for two packages of icing. It’s all a big racket.”

  I forced a smile and pretended to agree with her by nodding.

  “What’re you naming the puppy?” she said next.

  The fact that she seemed to have taken a shine to my new dog was pretty surprising.

  “I think I’m going to call her Bailey,” I said, snuggling the pooch to my face to get a few more kisses.

  Mrs. Spencer set down the knife she’d been spreading the icing with and held out her arms for the dog. I hesitated just a moment before reluctantly handing her over.

  “I’ve been calling her Patty,” she said to me, as if to correct me. “Spence brought her home three nights ago from the breeder, and we’ve been taking care of her.”

  I forced myself to smile. “Patty’s a very cute name,” I said carefully. “But I really like Bailey.”

  Mrs. Spencer frowned and abruptly changed the subject. “I don’t know where he got the money for her,” she said, making a motion with her chin toward the living room where Spence and Jamie appeared to be in a deep discussion about something.

  Moving to the sink, I put the dog bowl under the faucet and filled it with cool water. Mrs. Spencer was always talking about money. How little she had. How much everybody else had.

  “It was incredibly sweet of him,” I said.

  “I’ve volunteered to look after her while you two are off at college, but if Patty stays with us you’ll have to send money here for food and vet bills,” Mrs. Spencer said.

  I stiffened. It was suddenly very clear to me why she’d volunteered to look after my puppy when Spence and I went off to school. She wanted the money and she wanted to get Bailey used to being called Patty. “I think Momma and Daddy will take care of her,” I said firmly.

  “You’ll break Stacey’s heart,” Mrs. Spencer sniffed.

  “I’ve already let Stacey know that she can come over any time to visit Bailey,” I said, putting a little emphasis on the pup’s name.

  I then held out my arms expectantly. I wanted nothing more than to take Bailey away from mean old Mrs. Spencer.

  Instead of handing me the dog, however, Spence’s mom narrowed her eyes at me, then bent down and placed the puppy on the linoleum. Bailey promptly ran back into the living room without getting a chance to take some water.

  I very nearly snapped at the bitter woman, but managed to hold my tongue and wave at the cake. “I’ve always liked yellow cake. I’ve even liked it without frosting.” With that, I turned away from Mrs. Spencer and hurried off to get my puppy, but she had already disappeared from sight.

  The Spencers’ small living room was packed with people; it seemed that more of our friends had arrived in just the last few minutes, and I couldn’t spot Bailey anywhere. I moved through the room, saying hi to everyone who’d just arrived and surreptitiously looking for Bailey, but I couldn’t find her. And then I had a very worrying thought. If the front door had been open, maybe Bailey had gotten out.

  Rushing to the door, I saw that it was open a little and through the crack I could see Spence and Jamie just outside on the front porch. As I watched, Jamie stepped close to Spence and handed him something that looked like a folded-up piece of paper.

  “Don’t let anybody find that on you, Spence. Not even Amber,” he said.

  My breath caught. What could they be talking about? I was about to pull open the door, when behind me there came a startled cry, and the room went quiet except for the voice of Pam Ritter, captain of the cheer squad. I turned to see Pam in the middle of the room and Bailey backing away from her.

  “She just nipped me!” Pam cried. “Your stupid dog just bit my finger!”

  “SHE WON’T BITE,” COLE ASSURED ME as I stiffened and stood up straight.

  “Oh!” I said. “I know. I wasn’t worried about that. I mean, goldens are so gentle. Once they get out of the teething phase, they won’t hurt a fly.”

  “You’ve had one?” he asked.

  “No. But I spent the summer at a horse sanctuary that also rescued dogs and cats. One of the dogs was saved from a puppy mill, and her pups were little terrors, biting anything that moved, but by the end of the summer all their teeth had come in and they turned into the gentlest, most loving dogs.

  “Anyway, I spent a lot of time learning from one of the animal trainers there and she taught me how to work with the mama golden, who was super-sweet but had to be taught how to walk on a leash, sit, come, fetch, and all the things that most dogs are taught while they’re still puppies.”

  “You worked with abused dogs?” Cole asked, his head slightly cocked. “Wasn’t that hard?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, at times. I mean, seeing a new animal who’d been really abused come to the shelter was the worst. It was sad and it’d make me really angry, but then Rachel—that’s the trainer—would work with them and within a week that scared, pathetic animal would have a whole new personality. Animals are so forgiving; it’s really amazing.”

  “Sounds like it,” Cole agreed. I could tell he wasn’t just saying that.

  “I want to study veterinary medicine with a specialty in behavioral science,” I said. And then I realized I’d just blurted it out, and I blushed.

  Cole smiled. “I want to go into the FBI.”

  That surprised me. “You do?”

  He shrugged slightly. “Yeah, I think it’d be cool.”

  “Me, too,” I told him.

  There was a bit of an awkward silence that followed and Cole added, “Two years ago I got to go into a program at Quantico called FAIT.”

  “Fate?” I said. “Like, it was fate?”

  He grinned. “No, F-A-I-T. Future Agents in Training. You gotta have a good GPA, show leadership skills, and pass some other tests to get in. It’s a little like an internship, but they don’t call it that. Anyway, it’s a four-day–long series of classes that gives you hands-on experience learning about the FBI’s mission, what the different divisions are, and we even got to work on solving cases.”

  “Real cases?” I asked. “Like, you got to work on solving real FBI cases?”

  “Sometimes,” he said. “And, yeah, I saw some stuff that would make most people puke, but it’s what they deal with, so you gotta suck it up, you know?”

  “Whoa,” I said. “Impressive.”

  Another awkward silence followed and then Cole leaned forward to pat his dog and say, “Anyway, I wanted to show you something.”

  “Right,” I said. “What?”

  Cole pointed to a bar stool at the kitchen’s island. “Take a seat. I’ll be right back.”

  He moved thr
ough the kitchen toward the front of the house and I was left to pet Bailey, who was incredibly sweet. I didn’t have long to wait; Cole returned with a thick, somewhat beat-up folder. Taking a seat next to me, he placed the folder on the counter, resting his hand on the surface as if he was suddenly hesitating about something.

  “This is kind of intense,” he said.

  “Okay,” I told him. I had no idea what was in the folder, but I was pretty damn curious.

  Still, Cole didn’t move his hand to open up the folder. Instead, he studied me. “I’m serious, Lily. What’s in here could be overwhelming.”

  I felt myself get defensive. “Overwhelming? Cole, I’m not some delicate little flower, you know.”

  Cole held up his palms in surrender. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was…given what I heard on that video, I think I have to show this to you, but it’s pretty graphic, and I don’t want it to set off another panic attack.”

  “Oh,” I said, realizing he had a point. But what could be in that folder that would bring on another panic attack? “Whatever it is, I’m braced, okay?”

  Cole nervously drummed his fingers on the cover of the folder. “This is a murder file.”

  My eyes widened. “A murder file? Whose?”

  “My uncle’s.”

  My jaw dropped. “How did you get your hands on your uncle’s murder file?”

  “One of my landscaping clients is a detective with the Fredericksburg PD. He’s a nice guy, and when I started asking him if he knew anything about the Ben Spencer case, he wanted to know why I wanted to know. I told him that Ben was my uncle, and that I was considering joining the FBI, and he said he could get me a copy of the file if I cut him a deal on his lawn—and if I promised never to tell anybody where I got it from.”

  “So, by showing it to me, you’re breaking your pinkie swear, huh?”

  Cole didn’t smile. “Lily, that video of you under hypnosis really freaked me out. There’re things that you said in that shrink’s office that nobody but the police know about Amber, and I know that because I’ve read this file.”