A Little Friendly Advice

  Maria looks pretty surprised, but also encouraging. She gives my arm a squeeze. “That’s so funny! I was just going to ask you what we were doing for Beth’s birthday. ’Cause since it falls on a Saturday, we’ll have to decorate her locker and all that stuff tomorrow.”

  “Oh,” I say, having totally spaced. “Right.” I’m so glad Maria reminded me. If I messed that up, Beth would never let me live it down. She takes that kind of stuff really seriously. Thank God I still have an extra day to prepare.

  “Wait. You wanted to talk to me about something else?” Now Maria looks really interested.

  “Umm, yeah, kind of.”

  Maria notices me watching Katherine get closer and closer. She gives me a discreet little wink. “Okay! See you in the library.”

  I walk away feeling nervous, but also glad I invited her along. Maria’s reaction to the box full of junk might work in my favor. Beth wouldn’t be able to get as pushy as she does sometimes when we’re alone. And it will be nice to finally show Maria that I really do consider her a friend too.

  Once the lunch bell rings, I pack up my books and head to the library. It’s not that crowded, only a table or two of overzealous freshmen who already wear sweatshirts from their Ivy Leagues of choice. I make my way inconspicuously to the back stacks, near the 1970s encyclopedia sets that no one uses anymore.

  I sit down on the carpet with my book bag in my lap and wait for them to arrive.

  Beth is first. She plops down next to me and gives me a big, tender hug. I smile at her and look down at my lap, trying to rally my courage. She pins back the front pieces of her hair and gives me a few seconds to start talking on my own. When I don’t say anything, she looks a little bit annoyed.

  “Soooo,” she draws out, “you’ve got me totally freaking worried all morning. I couldn’t even concentrate on my bio quiz. And now you’re going to make me pull it out of you?”

  “Wait a second and I’ll explain everything.”

  Beth’s top lip curls up, exposing her fleshy pink gums. “Wait? For what?”

  If this were the old days, Beth would be the only one I needed. I know she’s not going to like having to share the stage with someone else. Just then, Maria rounds the corner. Beth looks surprised to see her, but quickly wipes the look off her face.

  “Hey,” Maria says, sliding down on the floor next to me. She’s got a skirt on but she doesn’t even try to close her legs. I guess it’s because she’s wearing tights.

  “Okay,” I say, my voice quivering. I unzip my bag and pull out the cardboard box. I’m instantly as upset as I was when I first looked inside it. “I found this on my front stoop yesterday.”

  “What’s that?” Beth asks. Her voice isn’t curious. It’s defensive.

  “It’s from Jim,” I say, trying not to look directly at Beth.

  “Really?” Maria asks, biting her lip. She puts her hand near the box slowly, as if it were hot. “Can I —”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Go ahead.”

  I lean back on my hands while Beth and Maria tilt forward, poring over the contents of the box.

  “Why didn’t you call me back last night and tell me this had happened?” Beth asks. She raises two fists full of stuff and then lets it fall.

  I shrug. “I didn’t know what to make of it all.”

  “Maybe this box wasn’t even meant for you,” Beth says. “Maybe this was for your mom.” It’s a ridiculous thing to say and she knows it. Before I can answer her, Maria pushes the flap of the box down and points to the place where Jim carved RUBY in blue pen. “Oh.” She says it kind of annoyed.

  “Did he leave a note or anything?” Maria asks me.

  “Nope.” I glance at Beth out of the corner of my eye, but she just adjusts her position on the carpet and stays quiet.

  Maria looks to me and Beth, silently asking for permission to give her opinion. She’s being so respectful and careful about everything. I nod and tell her to go ahead.

  “Well, I think it’s safe to say that your dad … Jim … whatever you want to say, must still be in Akron somewhere. And he seems pretty intent on talking to you. So I guess we should figure out where he is and take you there, and you either sit down and hear what he has to say, or tell him off for good.”

  This is exactly the discussion I want to have. But before I can say anything, Beth puts her hand on my knee and shakes her head dismissively at Maria. “If he really wanted to see her, he would have told her where to find him. Sorry, but I think this is just a passive-aggressive way to mess with her head.” She stretches her arms. “Like I’ve been saying all along, you should just forget him.”

  My mouth drops open as Beth holds up the silver watch to her ear and listens for a nonexistent ticking. I can’t believe she’s still lying! “But what if he has something important to tell me?” I ask.

  She actually laughs. “What? Like why he left? Why he never bothered to call?” Beth rolls her eyes. “What kind of enlightening tidbit do you think you’re going to get, Ruby? And more important, is knowing that really going to help you?”

  “It’ll be closure.”

  “Closure? I thought you had closure. It all seems like a pretty done deal to me.”

  I look at Maria. She’s just thumbing through the box stuff over and over. I know she’s afraid to get into this. She might even regret that I asked her here in the first place.

  “Well, I was talking to Charlie …”

  “What?” Beth asks quietly. “So you told Charlie about the box right away, but you didn’t think to call me?” She rolls her eyes. “Honestly, Ruby. I don’t really care what your boyfriend of approximately two days has told you to do. I’m the only one here who has been by your side this whole time, helping you put your life back together.” She tosses items lying around on the carpet back inside the box. “Listen, maybe this makes me sound like a jerk, but I’m kind of tired of saying the same stuff to you over and over again. You’re either going to listen to me or do what you want. And that’s fine, but I’m not going to waste my energy anymore trying to help you if you’re just going to ignore what I say.”

  “I don’t get it,” I say, because I honestly can’t believe what I’m hearing. This is worse than any lie she could have told me. “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

  Maria clears her throat. “I think what Beth’s trying to say is that she just doesn’t want you to get hurt again. None of us do, Ruby.”

  “What’s this? Some kind of powwow?” I glance up and Katherine is standing right in front of us. She looks pissed. “Who called this little meeting?” Maria’s eyes fall to her lap, but Beth stares right in my direction. “Thanks for inviting me, Ruby!”

  I can’t shove the box into my book bag quick enough.

  Katherine leans against a bookshelf and sneers. “I’ve been looking all over for you guys. But, seriously, Ruby. What’s with the diss? I’m not cool enough for your little show-and-tell?”

  I stand up first. Katherine tries to block my way, her body filling the open space between two stacks of books, but I just duck under her arm and keep walking, like she doesn’t even exist.

  After the last-period bell, I take my time walking to my locker. The hallway feels too crowded, with people yelling and screaming louder than I’ve ever heard them before. I stick my fingers in my ears and walk close to the wall, keeping my head down until I reach my locker. After twirling my combination, I sink to the floor and pull textbooks from the bottom where they’ve been chucked.

  I think about just walking home alone, but when I stand up and slam the door closed, Beth’s waiting behind it, leaning against the locker next to mine. I don’t know who goes first but we both turn and walk to the front door together. We don’t talk.

  It’s like Beth has turned into my mom or something.

  Today is probably the coldest day of the year. Maria is already inside her car, I guess to keep warm. I fold up the collar of my peacoat up around my neck and then stop dead in my tracks.

  Beth’s
scarf. It’s missing. I must have left it on the lawn at Kent State.

  I feel terrible, probably more than I should, but there’s nothing much I can do now. Maybe Charlie picked it up and forgot to give it back to me. I hope I can find it before she notices.

  Katherine’s in shotgun, laughing into her cell phone and holding her hands up to the heating vents. She should be in the Period Seat, but I guess she’s trying to make a statement or something. So I slide in and take her spot, making sure I keep my neck hidden by my long hair.

  Katherine clicks her cell phone closed and spins around to stare at me. “Hey, Maria and Beth, you want to go hang out at my house?” No one says anything, but Katherine cackles. “Seriously, I can’t wait to tell you this secret, just as soon as we drop Ruby off.”

  I grind my teeth. I know I’m not going to say anything to Katherine, but I really want to smack her in the face.

  “Shut up, Katherine,” Beth says in a quiet, tired voice.

  “What? I’m just saying —”

  “Well, don’t. Don’t say anything.”

  Maria heads to my house first. A mercy drop-off, thank God. Charlie is there, sitting on the grass in his cute uniform, with his BMX tossed casually to the side. He flips through some papers on his lap, and he keeps brushing his floppy hair out of his eyes. My heart races a little bit. One nice surprise.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I say, exiting the car and slinging my book bag over my shoulder.

  Beth glances at Charlie and then she turns away from me. “So I guess you’re not coming over?”

  I duck back into the doorway. “Was I supposed to come over today?” I don’t think we had plans. In fact, I’m sure of it. She defended me a moment ago, and now she’s trying to start a fight? I don’t get it.

  Beth doesn’t say anything. Not even good-bye. So I just close the door.

  The girls pull away and Charlie waves. I plod toward him, trudging every step like my New Balances are filled with cement.

  He sticks his arm out and pulls me down onto the crispy grass. “Rough day?”

  I let myself fall into him. “I guess.”

  “Did you say anything to Beth?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about that.”

  He nods his head and hands me the stack of papers. “I Googled your dad last night. Didn’t come up with much, but I found a few articles where he’s mentioned in the forestry service and stuff. I think he was once stationed at Crater Lake National Park.”

  He hands me the papers, but I don’t take them. “So?”

  “So … I thought you might want to read up before you saw him.”

  I cross my arms. “Who said I was going to go see him? I never said that.”

  “I know that, Ruby. I’m just saying if you decide to.”

  “Hey! You didn’t happen to pick up my scarf from off the ground when we were at Kent, did you?”

  “No … why? Did you lose it?”

  My heart sinks. “Let’s just go inside,” I say, pulling him by the arm.

  “Are you sure? I can leave you alone if you want. You seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

  My mind is overflowing, but I don’t want to be alone. Because then I’d have to think about stuff. “Nonononono. Please. Come in.”

  “Good,” he says and folds up the papers and tucks them into his coat pocket.

  I use the spare key and Charlie stands quietly behind me. Once we are inside the house, it doesn’t take us very long before we are making out. Just enough for him to take off his coat, get the quick tour of the downstairs, and for me to ask him if he wants something to drink.

  But kissing Charlie against the cupboards doesn’t feel as good as it did when we were at Kent State. I guess all my problems are way too close to me now. So I press my mouth against his harder and harder and push down on his shoulders until we are both on the kitchen floor. My hands are going crazy, rubbing all over his back and arms.

  The automatic door clicks open from the garage underneath the house. The vibrations scatter over the kitchen floor and up through my skin. I should stop kissing him, but I don’t.

  “I think your mom’s home.” Charlie pulls back away from my face but I push on him until he rolls onto his back. “Hey!” he says, plucking my fingers off his shiny, metallic Western belt buckle. “What are you doing?”

  I laugh, but it doesn’t sound like my voice. And I hold on tighter.

  Footsteps creak up the stairs, but I want to push the envelope. The door opens. Charlie tries to pull away but I won’t let him. My short brittle fingernails dig into his neck.

  A gasp escapes from my mom at the sight of us in a tangle on the floor. “Ruby!” Her face is twisted up and she covers her eyes with her hand, like we’re naked or something.

  Charlie breaks free and stands up. “Hello,” he says, his voice shaking. And then “I should go” quickly thereafter. “I’ll call you later, Ruby.”

  This time I let him. Mom is staring at me. Her eyes are welling up. When the front door opens and closes, she says, “You know that boys are not allowed in this house when I’m not here.”

  “Sorry, I forgot you were running a convent.”

  “Ruby —”

  She ruined her life, but I’m not going to let her ruin mine. “Mom, just because you’re afraid to be with guys doesn’t mean I am too.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that.”

  “Fine. I won’t talk at all. I know you like it better that way.” I stand up, snatch Charlie’s papers, and go to my room to finish my costume.

  We’re parked outside of Katherine’s house and she’s taking forever.

  I shield the morning sun from my tired eyes and discreetly flip through the stack of pictures hidden in the front pocket of my book bag. I almost forgot the locker-decorating stuff again this morning, but thankfully Maria called to remind me. So on my way out of the house, I grabbed a bunch of random old pictures of me and Beth, along with some streamers and curly ribbons and a roll of tape. Though the whole sentiment feels totally phony.

  I should have decorated yesterday, so Beth would arrive and be surprised this morning. But her birthday was about the last thing on my mind. I’m actually not thinking too much about it now, either. I’m just flipping through picture after picture of what our friendship used to be like. Even ones we took last May, during our freshman trip to Lake Erie, seem old and nostalgic.

  “Should I call Katherine or something?” Maria asks, tapping her horn again. “I really can’t be late today.” She catches my attention in her rearview mirror and rolls her eyes. Maria was supposed to stop by the office this morning and fill out a slip so that the PA announcers would mention Beth’s birthday over the loudspeakers during homeroom. But at this rate, it’s not going to happen. We’re not even going to make homeroom.

  “Here she comes,” Beth says, pointing across Maria’s lap.

  Katherine’s front door flings open wide and bangs against the outside railing. Her arms are flailing wildly, and she’s pointing and screaming at someone inside I can’t see. A little girl with white-blonde hair up in a sloppy, slept-on ponytail runs past the front door in a lilac nightgown and ballet slippers. She’s hysterical and grabs onto Katherine’s legs. But Katherine doesn’t seem to notice, too focused on whatever argument she’s in the middle of. She eventually shakes her sister free, steps outside, and pulls the front door closed so hard that the brass door knocker taps down three times. Then she stalks down the driveway, squeezing her book bag to her chest. As she passes in between the two cars parked side-by-side in her driveway, she kicks the old chocolate-brown sedan in the passenger-side door as hard as she can.

  “Uh-oh,” Maria says quietly, unlocking the back door. I slide over to the Period Seat, even though it’s Katherine’s second turn in a row skipping it.

  Katherine gets inside and fumbles for a cigarette, her hands raw and red and chapped. She pushes down the lighter on the console in between us and chews on the end of her filter while she
waits for it to heat up.

  “Are you all right?” Beth asks, turning around from the front seat. She tries to brush away a piece of Katherine’s hair from her eyes.

  Katherine leans back, just out of Beth’s reach. The lighter pops up. She ignites her cigarette and takes a huge drag that leaves behind a long line of gray ash. “I’m fine,” she says calmly, smoke pouring out the sides of her mouth. “Here,” she adds, fishing something purple and sparkly out of her pocket. She hands it to Beth.

  “What’s this?”

  “Just a bow I got at the drugstore last night. I thought you could pin it to your shirt or something today. For your fake school birthday.”

  “Thank you so much!” Beth says, flipping down the visor and pinning the bow on her red polka-dotted blouse. I hug my book bag and watch the clock on the dashboard. I’ll have to figure out a way to decorate her locker before Beth notices. I can’t let Katherine show me up.

  “You’re welcome. Now, listen. I have a favor to ask. About tonight.”

  With one more day until the party, the plan is to spend the night at Beth’s house so we can take care of any last-minute preparty stuff like the food, our costumes, and a good mix for the dance floor. We are also going to dip into the little airplane bottles and laugh our way though the lame and unscary Halloween movie marathon that always runs on cable.

  “Okay,” Maria says, stopping at a yellow light. “What’s up?”

  “Well, do you guys usually go out and mess around on Mischief Night?”

  Beth takes a spiral curl and coils it around her finger. “I think last year we TPed someone’s house.”

  Maria laughs and changes the radio station. “It was Joey’s house. And he totally deserved it, remember?”

  I don’t really remember who Joey is. And honestly I don’t know how Maria does it. I couldn’t imagine kissing anyone other than Charlie. Could she possibly like all the guys she dates? Is Davey really someone special to her, or are they all just interchangeable warm bodies?