Jennie Gerhardt: A Novel

  CHAPTER XXX

  The sullen, philosophic Lester was not so determined upon hisfuture course of action as he appeared to be. Stern as was his mood,he did not see, after all, exactly what grounds he had for complaint.And yet the child's existence complicated matters considerably. He didnot like to see the evidence of Jennie's previous misdeeds walkingabout in the shape of a human being; but, as a matter of fact, headmitted to himself that long ago he might have forced Jennie's storyout of her if he had gone about it in earnest. She would not havelied, he knew that. At the very outset he might have demanded thehistory of her past. He had not done so; well, now it was too late.The one thing it did fix in his mind was that it would be useless toever think of marrying her. It couldn't be done, not by a man in hisposition. The best solution of the problem was to make reasonableprovision for Jennie and then leave her. He went to his hotel with hismind made up, but he did not actually say to himself that he would doit at once.

  It is an easy thing for a man to theorize in a situation of thiskind, quite another to act. Our comforts, appetites and passions growwith usage, and Jennie was not only a comfort, but an appetite, withhim. Almost four years of constant association had taught him so muchabout her and himself that he was not prepared to let go easily orquickly. It was too much of a wrench. He could think of it bustlingabout the work of a great organization during the daytime, but whennight came it was a different matter. He could be lonely, too, hediscovered much to his surprise, and it disturbed him.

  One of the things that interested him in this situation wasJennie's early theory that the intermingling of Vesta with him and herin this new relationship would injure the child. Just how did she comeby that feeling, he wanted to know? His place in the world was betterthan hers, yet it dawned on him after a time that there might havebeen something in her point of view. She did not know who he was orwhat he would do with her. He might leave her shortly. Beinguncertain, she wished to protect her baby. That wasn't so bad. Thenagain, he was curious to know what the child was like. The daughter ofa man like Senator Brander might be somewhat of an infant. He was abrilliant man and Jennie was a charming woman. He thought of this,and, while it irritated him, it aroused his curiosity. He ought to goback and see the child--he was really entitled to a view ofit--but he hesitated because of his own attitude in thebeginning. It seemed to him that he really ought to quit, and here hewas parleying with himself.

  The truth was that he couldn't. These years of living with Jenniehad made him curiously dependent upon her. Who had ever been so closeto him before? His mother loved him, but her attitude toward him hadnot so much to do with real love as with ambition. Hisfather--well, his father was a man, like himself. All of hissisters were distinctly wrapped up in their own affairs; Robert and hewere temperamentally uncongenial. With Jennie he had really beenhappy, he had truly lived. She was necessary to him; the longer hestayed away from her the more he wanted her. He finally decided tohave a straight-out talk with her, to arrive at some sort ofunderstanding. She ought to get the child and take care of it. Shemust understand that he might eventually want to quit. She ought to bemade to feel that a definite change had taken place, though noimmediate break might occur. That same evening he went out to theapartment. Jennie heard him enter, and her heart began to flutter.Then she took her courage in both hands, and went to meet him.

  "There's just one thing to be done about this as far as I can see,"began Lester, with characteristic directness.

  "Get the child and bring her here where you can take care of her.There's no use leaving her in the hands of strangers."

  "I will, Lester," said Jennie submissively. "I always wantedto."

  "Very well, then, you'd better do it at once." He took an eveningnewspaper out of his pocket and strolled toward one of the frontwindows; then he turned to her. "You and I might as well understandeach other, Jennie," he went on. "I can see how this thing came about.It was a piece of foolishness on my part not to have asked you before,and made you tell me. It was silly for you to conceal it, even if youdidn't want the child's life mixed with mine. You might have knownthat it couldn't be done. That's neither here nor there, though, now.The thing that I want to point out is that one can't live and hold arelationship such as ours without confidence. You and I had that, Ithought. I don't see my way clear to ever hold more than a tentativerelationship with you on this basis. The thing is too tangled. There'stoo much cause for scandal."

  "I know," said Jennie.

  "Now, I don't propose to do anything hasty. For my part I don't seewhy things can't go on about as they are--certainly for thepresent--but I want you to look the facts in the face."

  Jennie sighed. "I know, Lester," she said, "I know."

  He went to the window and stared out. There were some trees in theyard, where the darkness was settling. He wondered how this wouldreally come out, for he liked a home atmosphere. Should he leave theapartment and go to his club?

  "You'd better get the dinner," he suggested, after a time, turningtoward her irritably; but he did not feel so distant as he looked. Itwas a shame that life could not be more decently organized. Hestrolled back to his lounge, and Jennie went about her duties. She wasthinking of Vesta, of her ungrateful attitude toward Lester, of hisfinal decision never to marry her. So that was how one dream had beenwrecked by folly.

  She spread the table, lighted the pretty silver candles, made hisfavorite biscuit, put a small leg of lamb in the oven to roast, andwashed some lettuce-leaves for a salad. She had been a diligentstudent of a cook-book for some time, and she had learned a good dealfrom her mother. All the time she was wondering how the situationwould work out. He would leave her eventually--no doubt of that.He would go away and marry some one else.

  "Oh, well," she thought finally, "he is not going to leave me rightaway--that is something. And I can bring Vesta here." She sighedas she carried the things to the table. If life would only give herLester and Vesta together--but that hope was over.