Happy Pants Cafe

  Harper pulled back and smiled at him, doing her best to give him a look of want and lust. “I’m really liking this truce, Austin. It’s like everything in the world has been set right again.”

  He smiled, and it was genuine. Ha.

  “So, tell me,” she said, “I’m curious. What was your plan tonight to win our bet?”

  “I thought we were putting the past behind us?”

  “Yes, you’re right.” She placed her head on his firm chest, knowing that his ego wouldn’t be able to resist explaining his awesome plan.

  “Well, I invited my parents.”

  “You did?”

  “They’re late but should be here any minute.”

  Under any other circumstances, she would be ecstatic to see his parents again. But tonight…I wonder what they think of Austin’s underhanded ways?

  “And then what?” she asked sweetly.

  “I was going to let you see them dance. The way they look at each other, it’s obvious that they are still in love even after all these years.”

  Harper felt a tiny flutter in her heart. How could Austin be so sweet and so sentimental and such a backstabber at the same time?

  Austin gave Harper a little twirl and then pulled her back, placing his lips against her ear. His breath was hot and his mouth was soft, and her knees went all wobbly.

  Dammit. She still wanted this lying deceitful man. But more than anything she wanted the ugly thing he’d done not to be true. This was the person who’d risked his life to save her once. She needed to believe he was good.

  “And then,” he whispered, “I had another idea.” He pulled her closer, and she felt the full strength of his body.

  Her breath stuck in her throat. “Y-y-yes? What was it?”

  “I found out that this party is actually a big wedding.”

  She pulled back to look into Austin’s eyes. “Really?”

  He pulled her back to him, this time using his hand at the small of her back to keep her tightly pinned to his muscled form.

  “Yes. So then,” he placed a light kiss on her earlobe, “I planned to make a complete fool of myself and ask you to marry me tonight.”

  “What?” Harper stopped moving, but didn’t pull back. Her heart stopped for a moment and then started to accelerate. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because,” he whispered, “I love you, Harper. I’ve loved you before I even knew what love was. And I wanted you to see that I’m willing to risk looking like a complete ass in front of the world for you. I wanted you to see that I’m willing to do anything to be with you. Because that’s what people who love each other do.”

  Harper felt her heart bust wide open. How could he say these things to her and deceive her like this?

  She pushed him away as hard as she could. “You lying sonofabitch. You say you love me?”

  She turned and ran, feeling the sting of not only his betrayal, but the heartbreak over his continued deception.

  She ran hard, hoping to hell he wouldn’t come after her like some cliché in an old movie. She was running for her life, running from that horrible feeling thumping away in her chest. She made her way through the crowd and slid under the rope, heading out toward the bustling parking lot.

  Dear God. What had she done to deserve this? Her bedrock was completely gone, leaving her standing on nothing but quicksand.

  She felt a strong hand grip her arm and pull her back. It was Austin.

  “Dammit! Get off me,” she barked.

  “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

  “I think it’s pretty damned obvious,” she screamed, “you lying piece of shit!”

  Anger flickered in Austin’s eyes. “I tell you that I love you, and you push me and then call me a liar. What’s the matter with you, Harper?”

  “You! You’re the matter with me. You got me fired, then took a job at my paper, and then you tell me you love me? How could you, Austin? How can you do that to someone, let alone a person you claim to love?”

  He was about to speak, but she held out her hand. “Wait. No. Don’t say anything because I know the answer and don’t need another lie from you! Love isn’t real. That’s how you managed to do it.”

  She turned, and he snapped her back again. “I did not get you fired, Harper. In fact, I asked Dan to hire you back.”

  “You’re lying. He said he offered you a job and you accepted.”

  “Yes. Those were his terms. He said he’d hire you back, but only if I came to work for him. But he wasn’t supposed to tell you because I knew you’d see it as charity.”

  “That’s not at all what Dan said. And he certainly didn’t offer me my job back.” Not that she would take it because Austin was right; she did see it as charity.

  “Well, I guess you’ll just have to make a choice, Harper. You’ll have to pick who to trust, because one of us is lying and one of us is telling the truth. Hint: one of us loves you and would do anything to make you happy.”

  “Love isn’t real.”

  “How do you know?” he challenged.

  “Because it’s not. I just know. Everyone falls out of love over time. It’s a fact.”

  “Some do, but not everyone. And the only way you’re ever going to know if love is real is by actually trying to love someone.”

  “I did love someone. And he broke my heart. Twice.”

  Austin looked at her, but his expression was unreadable. He pulled her close and then kissed her hard and pulled back. “You broke your own heart, Harper, by not trusting me. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

  “But I—”

  “Look at the facts, Harper. We’re perfect for each other. We’ve never found anyone who stacked up, because there is nothing better than this. But I can’t make you trust me, I can’t make you love me. You have to want it. You have to want to love me.”

  He turned and headed back toward the party.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” She wasn’t done yelling at him yet!

  “We’re the last couple on the list tonight. I’ll be waiting in front of the reverend.”

  Was he serious?

  Harper watched Austin disappear into the crowd.

  “Now can I see your breasts?” said a male voice.

  Sebastian stood there staring down at her chest with a beer in his hand.

  “Ugh!”

  Just then a bus pulled up and let a few people off. She hopped on.

  “Leaving already?” the driver asked.

  “Yeah. I’m done here.”

  ~~

  As soon as Austin left Harper, he went straight to go look for Dan. He was going to kick the shit out of that lying, cheating asshole. Then he was going to make him call Harper and tell the truth.

  Once back inside the party, he wove his way through the dense crowd, looking for his prize, but something stuck to his slightly muddy shoe. A sheet of paper. He stopped to pluck it off, but the moment he peeled it away and looked at it, the flashing lights of the tent illuminated the words.

  “What the hell is this?” he whispered.

  There was a picture of Harper and him at the top, and below was a profile of each. Name, age, occupation, family history. The next section was a set of instructions detailing that guests of the party, should they come into contact with either individual, were to attempt to “sabotage” their relationship. Several family members had been assigned particular tasks, so guests were asked to support them. Juan was to hit on Harper. Jodiann was to hit on him. Alberto and Sebastian were to act as wranglers.

  Austin felt the blood blister his veins. He marched off toward the house in search of Luci. When he found her in the kitchen, checking on the food, it took every ounce of self-control that he had not to yell at the woman. “What. Is. This. Lucy?” He held up the sheet of paper.

  Luci, who was in mid-sentence talking to a server, looked up. “Can you give us a moment, dear?” The server nodded and headed outside.

  She smoothed her hands down her apron. “W
ell, you can read, dear boy. What do you think it is?”

  “So you, your family, and your little Happy Pants cohorts have been trying to play Harper and me against each other?”

  She sighed. “Not initially, Austin. But yes.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I’m very sorry. This was the only way to break this cycle you two are in. But the issue is really more on Harper’s side, which is why her sister nominated Harper to receive our help in the first place.”

  “Help?”

  “Every year, I take on one individual and help them find their special someone. In Harper’s case, I’d had several men lined up to meet her, but then she found you—completely unexpected. However, after having coffee with you the other morning, I became convinced you might be the one, and my focus immediately shifted toward changing her views about love. Not an easy task because I recognized that she needed to find her own way. And, in my experience, stubborn people are always much more likely to change their views when they are put in a position where they must fight for something. But that silly girl was only interested in fighting for her job.”

  “You did this? You got her fired?”

  “Yes. But it was only temporary. Dan intended to hire her back just as soon as she realized that her job isn’t who she is, nor is it the end-all, be-all to happiness. I thought if I could do that, then she’d see there are more important things in this world: family, friendship, and love. That’s why I brought her here. I thought we might rub off.” Luci looked down at her hands. “But I-I just don’t know what that girl needs. I failed.”

  He simply couldn’t believe that Luci had done all this just to try to fix Harper and bring them together. It was devious. It was crazy and manipulative. It was kind.

  “Why do you say you failed?”

  “I’ve had security keeping tabs on her since she arrived; they just reported that she left.”

  Austin felt the earth soften beneath his feet. She left. She really left.

  “I don’t know what she needs, either.” He really wished he knew, because then maybe he could get through to her. “But you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.”

  He turned to leave.

  “Where are you going, dear?” Luci asked.

  “To drink tequila.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The next morning Austin woke up feeling the cold cement on his bare back. His head hurt like a complete sonofabitch. He noted the early morning crisp blue sky above and a taste reminiscent of boiled shoes in his mouth. Not that he’d ever eaten boiled shoes, but he imagined that was what they’d taste like.

  He moved his head from side to side, realizing that he was lying on the patio just outside the Happy Pants Café. He also realized that he wore no shirt or shoes either.

  What the hell?

  His brain throbbed, and he felt like he definitely needed to hurl. How did he get here? He remembered being at the party last night and then fighting with Harper.

  Chickens. Why am I remembering chickens?

  He recalled telling Harper how he wanted her and that he’d be waiting at the altar, only to be told she left.

  And I remember doing a hell of a lot of shots after Harper left.

  What had he been thinking?

  Apparently, he had not.

  He gripped the back of a chair to steady himself and noticed something tight and shiny around his ring finger.

  Fuck! A ring? What happened last night?

  Was this some sort of joke?

  He desperately tried to sort through the images in his brain. He vaguely recalled dancing with Jodiann to some crazy mariachi music, and then there were smidgeons of memories of standing in the crowd while couples recited their vows in front of a reverend. People had whistled and cheered and thrown confetti while toasting with the never-ending flow of champagne.

  So that’s what was wrong with him. He’d done tequila shots and then drank champagne.

  But why couldn’t he remember anything after the first few rounds of couples? And how did he get a ring on his finger?

  He reached into his jeans pocket, partially relieved, partially mortified to find his car keys there. God, he better not have driven. His wallet was in his pocket, too. But not his cell phone.

  Slowly, with his nausea and headache threatening to bring him to his knees, he headed down the walkway.

  Oh, shit. His car was parked on the corner, close to the spot where he’d parked it before. Had he really driven drunk? He’d never done something so stupid before. He could only pray that he hadn’t killed someone!

  I’m such an asshole.

  He got in his car and headed for the farm. Twenty minutes later, he arrived to find most of the cars gone, trash everywhere—mostly confetti and streamers—and a crew of people cleaning up what looked to have been one wild night.

  He parked to the side of the gravel driveway and made his way inside. “Hello?”

  No one replied, but he heard clanking in the kitchen.

  “Hello?” He entered the nightmare of a room to find Luci in her bathrobe.

  “Austin, I didn’t expect to see you conscious for several days.”

  “What happened last night?”

  She smiled. “You, my dear boy, got what they refer to as hammered. What were you thinking, trying to outdrink a mariachi? This is impossible. Non-mariachi do not have the stamina and training.”

  Austin looked at her and tried not to vomit. The smell of leftover food and coffee made the nausea worse. “Please, I just want to know what happened.” He held up his ring finger.

  “Oh. That.” She shook her head. “You truly do not recall?”

  “No.”

  “You were not…yourself last night,” she said.

  Fuck. “What did I do? You have to tell me.” Ow. My head.

  She slipped something from her apron pocket and held it out. It was his phone. “Why don’t you take a seat on the porch and watch the video you took. I’ll bring you something for that hangover.”

  Confused, he took the phone and stepped out onto the back porch. The early morning air felt cool and soothing on his hot face. He took a seat on the first step and unlocked his phone. The video was shaky, but he recognized his voice. He was standing in front of a crowd of people who were cheering and laughing wildly. “That’s right! I’m a horse’s ass! I got stood up because I fell in love with the wrong girl!”

  Austin winced as he listened to a drunken, slurring version of himself record the crowd as he screamed, “But I’m not leaving this party without a bride. So here she is! You see this, Harper!” The camera zoomed in on his drunken face. “This is your replacement! At least she’s not afraid of love!” The camera flashed to Miss Happy Pants, the white mare. It wore a tiny little veil on top of its head. “To true love!” The crowd went wild.

  Oh, fuck. “Please tell me I did not marry a horse last night.”

  “Here is something for your headache and some water.” Ms. Luci handed him a glass and two tiny white pills. She sat down next to him and smiled.

  He shoved his phone in his pocket, took the pills, and drank the water. “Please tell me my parents never showed up.”

  “I’m afraid they saw the whole thing.”

  Aw shit. How did the horse manage to get a ring on his finger?

  “Did you watch the rest?” Luci asked. “There is some nice dancing toward the end.”

  “No. I think I’ve seen enough. I’m guessing the chicken scene is next.”

  “Oh, no. The chickens were right before this. We had to pry you out of the coop with a crowbar. You were sobbing like a little boy.”

  Fantastic.

  “Please don’t tell me I kissed your horse.”

  “No. But you did ride Miss Happy Pants around for a few laps. It was quite entertaining. I had the boys pull you down, though, before you broke your neck.” She gave him a loving pat on the back. “Well, I’ve got a lot of work to do. But feel free to stay as long as you like.” r />
  He rose slowly from the porch and made his way back to his car. He put the top up and got in. The only thing there was to do now was head home and lick his wounds. He’d lost Harper. He’d probably lost his new job, which he hadn’t even wanted and had only accepted in order to help Harper. He’d broken the law and driven drunk, and his parents had seen him defile the sanctity of matrimony in front of a rather prestigious and influential crowd. Oh. And you married Miss Happy Pants.

  Well, I guess you were right, Harper. True love is a hoax. At least for me.

  ~~

  An hour later, Austin was home. He parked in his garage and quickly made it into his condo—a split-level with a study and two bedrooms in the Marina District. He showered, brushed the ick from his mouth, threw on his favorite boxers, downed some Gatorade, drew the curtains, turned the TV on to ESPN to drown out any street noise, and crawled into bed, fully intending to stay there for the next seven days. The moment his eyes closed, he heard a furious pounding on his front door.

  His eyes flew open. Fucking hell. It had to be Libby. Well, this time, he was going to tell her to go to hell and stay there. He’d had it. The restraining order was in place, and he intended to use it.

  He marched downstairs and yanked open the front door. Standing there, completely furious, was Harper, still in her white dress from the day before, her short hair a total mess.

  “What the fuck, Austin?” She stormed in past him, and he closed the door. “You better have a good fucking explanation or, so help me God, I will castrate you.”

  He held out his hands. “Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Explanation for what?”

  Her big green eyes sizzled with fury. “I woke up and you were gone. Is this some sort of joke?”

  “Umm…I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

  She poked her finger in his face. “I knew it! I knew this was a mistake. I should never have come back to the party.”