Exit, pursued by a bear

noses! What a turn-up for the book!

  He collapses in nervous laughter on to the chair

  PLACEK: No, I realise it's no laughing matter - but I can only laugh in order not to weep - and you have to admire the nerve of it ... Sorry, Colonel, of course you're right. Yes, I'll certainly see to that; there may be some difficulty in persuading him, but I'm sure he'll see reason eventually ... On the way immediately? Right, my assistant will meet your man at the reception desk ... Yes, the same one. Good bye.

  He hangs up, and after a struggle to suppress his laughter fails completely, ending in a coughing fit.

  ELENA (sourly): Well, don't keep it to yourself if it's so good.

  PLACEK: Sorry, Elena. As Grigorevitch said, it isn't really funny at all.

  ELENA: What isn't?

  PLACEK: Well, you remember how I said that your arrest the other day had scuppered Anderson's contact here?

  ELENA: Yes, of course. Obviously it had.

  PLACEK: Wrong, wrong, wrong! Guess what.

  ELENA: Oh for goodness' sake - we haven't got all day!

  PLACEK: Patience, Elena, patience - you should learn to savour the finer ironies of life.

  ELENA: What ironies?

  PLACEK (very deliberately): It seems that the contact did after all take place, and was in fact ... (pause for effect) with the patrol that picked you both up.

  ELENA: But surely that's impossible!

  PLACEK: I'd have said so, too. Shows how mistaken you can be.

  ELENA: And how do they know, anyway?

  PLACEK: One of them was spotted in a hard-currency shop where he had no business to be, and with a little encouragement eventually came out with his story. How he was suborned, Grigorevitch didn't say - maybe doesn't know himself yet. But you have to admit, if you've got contraband to hand over, what neater way than in the course of a police search?

  ELENA: Good grief. You can't trust anyone these days.

  PLACEK: That, surely, was one of your first lessons?

  ELENA: But the police!

  PLACEK: They're as human as anyone.

  ELENA: From what I saw, that flatters them. Oh, well, can we follow it through?

  PLACEK: I doubt it. Most likely the goods will have passed on through several more stages by now, and quite out of reach - the trail will probably be stone cold.

  ELENA: So we're back where we started.

  PLACEK: Afraid so. Still, at least there's no mystery about who got the message to his contacts about the altered arrangements.

  ELENA: No?

  PLACEK: We did it ourselves.

  ELENA: Ouch! So what happens next?

  PLACEK: Well, Grigorevitch wants to keep the whole thing quiet, understandably - too embarrassing to admit.

  ELENA: Quite.

  PLACEK: So he's simply insisting on a signed statement from the Professor, admitting to being a courier, before he gets his passport back. It's been typed out and sent over; would you pick it up at Reception? It's the same messenger you met before.

  ELENA (displeased): It would be! Right. (Moving away as Tony enters) Good morning, Professor.

  TONY: Morning, Elena. Morning, Placek.

  CUT TO THE HOTEL RECEPTION DESK, MINUTES LATER.

  A uniformed messenger, holding a brown envelope, is chatting up the frosty receptionist with no success. Elena enters.

  MESSENGER: Oh, there you are. What kept you?

  ELENA: We can't drop everything just because you've arrived.

  MESSENGER (glancing pointedly at her skirt): Ah, the time will come ... Doing anything tonight?

  ELENA (tartly): Quite a lot - and it won't involve you. Come on, hand it over.

  MESSENGER: OK. But I'll be waiting for the reply.

  ELENA: And that's all you'll get!

  CUT TO THE CONFERENCE OFFICE, SAME TIME

  Placek greets Tony.

  PLACEK: Ah, Professor. Ready to deal with Boehm and Vasiliev?

  TONY: Oh, those two.

  PLACEK: You had surely not forgotten?

  TONY: No, not really. Though I'd be able to concentrate better if I knew what had happened to my passport. Look, it's three days since I heard anything - what's going on?

  PLACEK: As it happens, I had some news only a few minutes ago.

  TONY: Good.

  PLACEK: You may perhaps not think so. The police chief has just telephoned and asked me to explain - though I must admit to being puzzled myself - that some other irregularity had come to light as a result of your interview the other day. He expected you to know what he meant.

  TONY: Well, I've a fair idea.

  PLACEK: I had better not inquire. But he requires you to sign a statement before getting your passport back.

  TONY: So I've to go back to the station?

  PLACEK (ironically): Strangely, he was most insistent that you should not. I have never known an officer in his position so reluctant to extend their legendary hospitality, but again, he expected you to understand why.

  Elena enters with the brown envelope.

  PLACEK: This should be it That was very quick.

  ELENA (handing over the envelope): The messenger was already waiting.

  PLACEK (passing it on to Tony): So there you are. Have you a pen?

  TONY: Let me read this first.

  He opens it, moves away and reads.

  PLACEK: Of course. Elena, do you have the handouts that Dr. Markovitch asked to have photocopied yesterday?

  ELENA: Yes, but they've come out pretty badly - faint and blotchy.

  PLACEK: Are they legible?

  ELENA: Just about.

  PLACEK: Then let them be. If authors can't have everything ready in time ...

  TONY: But this is preposterous!

  PLACEK: What?

  TONY: Do you know what's in this?

  PLACEK: How could I, Professor?

  TONY: It says that I admit being a representative of organisations hostile to the Eastern Bloc, providing aid and support to illegal groups here -

  PLACEK: Ah, so I was right all along! At last it comes out!

  TONY: - and that I recognise that I shall be permitted no further visits to Warsaw Pact countries.

  PLACEK: That is surely understandable, in the circumstances.

  TONY: I'm not going to do it! Let me talk to him - you have his number, I suppose?

  PLACEK: I doubt whether that would help you. Allow me please to explain, Professor, as Colonel Grigorevitch put it to me. You have two alternatives: accept with a good grace the prohibition of any further visits, but complete this one to all appearances as an honoured guest; or make this present visit a great deal longer, less dignified and less comfortable than you had planned, with the same prohibition to follow.

  TONY: Oh. I see. And that's final?

  PLACEK: I should not care to argue with the colonel myself ...

  TONY: Is there anyone higher I could talk to?

  PLACEK: Not readily approachable - nor any more open to persuasion.

  TONY: Then if it's put as you say, I suppose the answer's obvious.

  PLACEK: I am glad that you see it so. It saves much unpleasantness. A pen? (Tony signs the statement) Is the messenger waiting, Elena?

  ELENA: He said so.

  PLACEK: Then, if you would take this down to him -

  She departs with it.

  PLACEK: Now - Boehm and Vasiliev ...

  TONY: What?

  PLACEK: Professor, I quite understand your distraction, but please bring your mind back to today's business.

  TONY: Oh, yes, of course. Sorry.

  PLACEK: In particular, how to stop an embarrassing public squabble between those two. I have arranged a little subterfuge to distract Boehm's attention at the end of Vasiliev's presentation and before the invitation for questions. The projectionist will "accidentally" drop the slides and ...

  FADE OUT.

  Return to Contents

  FADE UP: TONY'S LIVING ROOM, CHRISTMAS EVE, 1985, EVENING.

  As at the opening, but an
hour or so later. The Christmas decorations not already hung have spread over the seating. The broadcast concert is approaching its end. There is a knock on the front door, and Tony moves to answer it.

  CUT TO TONY'S ENTRANCE HALL, IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING.

  Tony opens the door. Eric and Placek are outside.

  TONY: Come in, Eric, and ... Good heavens! You!

  In his astonishment he stands blocking the doorway.

  ERIC: Happy Christmas, Tony. Yes, I thought you'd be surprised.

  PLACEK (uncomfortably): I too wish you a happy Christmas, Professor. I had occasion to visit London University on business from my Institute, and -

  ERIC: Best let me explain, if you don't mind. (Pointedly) It'll take some time.

  TONY: Oh, sorry, what am I thinking about? Come through.

  CUT TO TONY'S SITTING ROOM, IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING.

  TONY: I'm sorry about the state of the room - clear a space somewhere.

  ERIC: Left it a bit late, haven't you?

  TONY: 'Fraid so. I made the usual resolution with the usual result. Eric, I've a rather nice malt that I think you'll appreciate. (Less cordially) What about you, Dr. Placek?

  PLACEK: Not for the moment, thank you.

  Tony finds two glasses and pours moderate measures.

  TONY: You were going to explain, Eric. It had better be good.

  ERIC: Yes - rather involved, I'm afraid. Make yours bigger than that, you'll need it - cheers!

  TONY: Cheers!

  ERIC: Now, must be months ago now, amazing how time flies, but you remember my saying that one of their chaps breaking his own rules could be valuable to us?

  TONY: Yes, but surely - Sorry, I shouldn't interrupt.

  ERIC: Right. Did nothing about it at the time but in the event, no need. Dr. Placek himself approached the F.O. with an offer that in return for certain favours, he'd be willing to oblige us in interesting ways.

  TONY (disgustedly, to Placek): A few thousand, I suppose.

  ERIC: Thought you weren't going to interrupt. And no need for that tone, either. Not like that at all. Perhaps Placek had better explain this bit himself, after all.

  PLACEK: Yes, but I must first make an admission. Not an easy