The Hawk: Part Eight

  Taking a deep breath, Seth gazed at where he had spent the last four months. The room didn’t look any differently than when he had been admitted to the Kerr Mental Hospital, although in leaving, Seth hoped whoever dwelled here next benefitted from the residual effects of one hawk’s wisdom as well as Dr. Sellers’ care. Seth’s door was wide open; he was waiting for that doctor to arrive, then escort him to the lobby where Aunt Sheila and Cousin Tovah were waiting. Seth would stay at the Goldsmiths’ home for the weekend. Then on Monday he and Tovah were flying to Tel Aviv.

  Stepping toward the window, Seth didn’t see the hawk. He had tried to consciously consider that creature only as a bird, yet occasionally Eric’s name popped into Seth’s head. Seth had last seen the hawk yesterday morning; was Eric already heading west? Seth would wait until that evening to call Laurie; Seth wanted to give it the rest of the day. But Seth wouldn’t be surprised if he never saw the hawk again. It was time for Eric to return to his family, even if Seth was making a detour.

  He wasn’t sure how long he’d stay with Tovah and her husband Ben; the invitation had been Aunt Sheila’s idea, but Tovah had eagerly embraced it, as had Seth, not that he wanted to visit Norah. He wished to experience a different locale, grasp a new history, then see how those changes affected his art. He couldn’t wait to sculpt and Tovah had said clay would be waiting. Not that Seth had any particular piece in mind. But for the first time in years the sense of creativity rippled through his arms, tingling in his fingertips. No unpleasant notions were associated, only the liberating concept of self-expression. And learning about that self would be part of the process.

  Dr. Sellers had sent most of Seth’s files to the therapist in Tel Aviv. Seth wasn’t bound to continue his treatment with Dr. Sofia Margolis, but Tovah had described her with enthusiasm, and Seth was intrigued with seeing a female psychiatrist. Dr. Sellers hadn’t put a timetable on that element of Seth’s recovery, and Seth wouldn’t worry about it. He would take each day as it came, and when the time was right, he would return to America. He smiled, recalling his mom’s tone as he’d told her this change of plan. Aunt Sheila had laid the groundwork, but Wilma hadn’t sounded overly concerned. This was also a new beginning for Seth’s mother and Seth hoped that once Eric was home and well that Laurie and Stanford could start over too.

  Seth felt no guilt over that pair’s estrangement; Lynne probably appreciated Laurie’s presence and Stanford had to allow room for…. Seth smiled, then headed toward his door. Footsteps resounded along the hallway, then Dr. Sellers stepped into the open doorway. “Good morning,” the doctor said. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine.” Seth cracked his knuckles. “It’s time to go.”

  “Yes it is. Your aunt and cousin are waiting.” Dr. Sellers smiled. “Anyone else to see you off?”

  “Nope. Haven’t seen…it since yesterday.” Seth had nearly said him; perhaps he would attach a human pronoun to any hawk he encountered in the future. “I’m sure it’s long gone by now.”

  “Well, I hope he has a good flight. Shall we?” The doctor motioned to the corridor.

  “Yes, let’s.” Seth chuckled, then followed Dr. Sellers out of the room. They walked swiftly, but the doctor’s steps slowed as they approached the lobby. Seth saw Sheila and Tovah standing near the entrance. For a moment his heart pounded, then he stopped about thirty feet from where the women chatted. Seth turned to face his doctor. “Thank you so much for many things.”

  As the men shook hands, Dr. Sellers smiled. “At times this job seems fraught with impossibilities. But in working with you, I realized the benefits of those implausible tangents. Reality is not always what we see, but where we are willing to be taken. It’s a fine line, but not always is the path obstructed.”

  Seth nodded, then glanced toward the women waiting for him. “Take care of yourself. If you see any hawks….”

  Dr. Sellers took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “If and when I do, be assured I’ll be courteous.”

  The men chuckled, then headed to the entrance. Tovah started toward them and Seth nodded at her. She smiled, then sprinted, stopping just short of the doctor and his patient. “Hi,” she said a little breathlessly. “Are you ready to go home?”

  Seth nodded, grasping her hands, then embracing her. He looked over Tovah’s shoulder, seeing Sheila wiping her eyes. She met his gaze, her smile wide.

  “Let’s go, I’d love some upside down cake.”

  Seth whispered that to Tovah, who pulled away. “She made one this morning.”

  “I figured she would.” Seth chuckled, then turned to his doctor, again shaking that man’s hand. “Again, thank you. Would you mind if I kept in touch?”

  Dr. Sellers nodded. “I’d appreciate that. And I’ll be on the lookout for that painter.”

  Seth laughed. “You won’t be disappointed. All right, let’s get on the road.” He gripped Tovah’s hand, then headed to where Sheila still dabbed at her eyes. Seth hugged his aunt, who began to cry in earnest. They stood together for a few minutes, then once Sheila had composed herself, she led Seth and Tovah outside. As they walked toward the parking lot, Seth gazed at the sky, imagining Laurie kicking stones along the pavement. Then a loud caw stopped Seth in his tracks.

  The hawk circled overhead, then flew to where Seth could see his aunt’s car. Seth smiled as the women commented on the bird. As they reached the vehicle, the hawk hopped about, but didn’t make eye contact. Inwardly Seth said his goodbyes as Sheila and her daughter got in the front seats. Seth took the back seat, keeping his eyes on the hawk, which remained on the ground until Sheila started the engine. Then the bird launched into the air, circling once. Seth closed his eyes, feeling a gentle peace run through him. When he opened his eyes, the bird was gone.

  As Sheila drove out of the parking lot, Seth didn’t look back at the hospital, nor did he scan the heavens. He gazed at Tovah, who nodded at him. She reached her hand over the seat, and he gripped it. The squeeze was brief, then Tovah released him, leaving Seth to his thoughts. He would call Laurie in an hour or so, telling him that Eric was on his way home.

  After receiving Seth’s call Laurie and Lynne couldn’t conceal their joy. Lynne started a pie, while Laurie took Jane for a brief walk around the garden. Sam’s unfinished portrait remained in the studio, but Laurie would leave that canvas where it was. He and Lynne had discussed it, as well as how Sam still drove the Bel Air. Laurie traded between driving the Snyders’ and Aherns’ cars, both in need of replacement, but for different reasons. As Laurie returned to the house, he wondered which vehicle would go first.

  Jane required a new diaper and Laurie hollered to Lynne that he was taking the baby upstairs. Lynne shouted her thanks as Laurie and Jane reached the nursery. Laurie had become adept at this task, although Lynne was trying to introduce the concept of toilet training. A child’s potty seat resided in the downstairs bathroom, but according to Lynne, Jane liked it only as a chair. Sometimes Laurie wondered how big Jane would seem after the baby arrived. He considered that now, getting Jane dressed, but no longer did Laurie worry that Eric would miss the next baby’s arrival. He might not share in Thanksgiving dinner, but by then he would be home.

  As Laurie and Jane came downstairs, the scent of apple pie wafted. Jane clapped, then wriggled to be put down. Laurie toted her as far as the kitchen doorway, then set her on the floor. She walked to where her mother stood, near the stove. Jane hugged Lynne’s legs, then gazed up. “Pie?” Jane asked. “Pie now?”

  “In about two hours,” Lynne chuckled. “Laurie, I just need another minute.”

  He collected Jane as Lynne opened the oven, placing the pie on the top rack. After the oven was closed, Laurie returned Jane to the floor. She went right for the stove, but didn’t place her hands on the door.

  “She knows it’s hot, such a smart girl.” Lynne put her hands on her belly, then took a deep breath. “She’s changed so. I hope he doesn’t think he’s missed too much.”

  “Plenty to distract
him.” Laurie had been staring at Lynne, then he averted his eyes. She was a beautiful woman, or maybe in this state, Laurie better appreciated her loveliness. But there was much more to Lynne than her looks. Fortitude complimented her appearance, then Laurie chuckled, meeting her gaze. “Maybe I’ll get a motel room for a few days, give you all some privacy.”

  “Actually we’ll need you here.” Lynne’s tone was stoic. “I have no idea how long it’ll take him to transform and….”

  Her eyes grew misty and Laurie embraced her. As they separated, he gave her a hankie. She used it, then smiled. “I hope he remembers he needs to sleep. That was the problem the last time he was gone for so long. He was so restless. But between you and Marek and Sam….” She paused. “Not sure how much time Sam will be able to put in. We’ll just see how it goes.”

  “I’m happy to do whatever I can. Maybe once the rough part’s over, I’ll find another place to hang my hat.”

  “Laurie, you don’t need to leave. It won’t be easy, but….”

  He nodded. “We’ll see how it goes.”

  “That we will.” Her smile was small, then it took over her face. “You must be so happy for Seth.”

  “I am, but it’s funny, because who knows when I’ll see him next.” They sat at the table, then Jane wanted on Laurie’s lap. He picked her up, bouncing her on his knee. “From the way Aunt Sheila talked, he might stay in Tel Aviv for a while.”

  “A change of scenery might be very good.” Lynne looked around the room. “I wanna say it’s time for everyone to settle down, Seth, Eric, others too.” She clasped her hands together, then placed them on the baby. “But life is always changing. Eric will come back, then we’ll have this child, and….” She gazed at her middle, then laughed. “Then who knows? Laurie, do you think Stanford could be convinced to come out when….”

  Lynne’s voice cracked and while Laurie nodded, he wasn’t at all sure that Stan would travel in January. Laurie scooted his chair next to Lynne’s and Jane leaned toward her mother. “Maybe. We’ll just see how it goes.”

  “That’s all we can do.” Lynne cleared her throat, then put Jane on what remained of her lap. “Not much room for you sweetie. But that’s a part of becoming a big sister, learning to share.”

  “She’s gonna be a great older sister.” Laurie smiled, but his heart ached. “So will you call the Aherns and Marek with the good news?”

  “Yeah, I should do that. Or you could.”

  “Me?” Laurie shot up his eyebrows. “I’d be happy to, but….”

  “You call them. Plenty of good news to share.”

  “Indeed there is.” Laurie stood and as he reached the phone, it started to ring. “Wonder whose ears are burning?” he chuckled, picking up the receiver. “Snyder residence.”

  “Oh, well, um….” Stanford’s pause made Laurie shiver. “I hope I’m not calling at a bad time.”

  “Stan, oh my God, it’s so good to hear your voice.” Laurie smiled, then looked at Lynne, who nodded. “Not a bad time at all. Actually, I was gonna call you. Seth left the hospital this morning. He’s, uh….” Laurie’s chuckle turned into laughter. “He’s heading to Israel next week.”

  “Israel? Why in God’s name is he….” Then Stanford coughed. “Well, that’s unexpected.”

  “Aunt Sheila’s daughter lives there. Tovah’s flying with him, he sounds really excited.”

  “I see, well yes, it’s good that he won’t be…going by himself.”

  Laurie noticed Stanford’s brief pause. “No, he’s in good hands. So, how are you?”

  “Actually I called to tell you….”

  A stark silence made Laurie turn away from Lynne. Then Stanford took a deep breath, letting it out as a long sigh. His next words caused Laurie to nod, although nothing Stanford said was positive. Laurie didn’t interrupt, although at several points he wanted to say that Stan was being ridiculous. When Stanford finished his speech, Laurie blinked, but no tears fell. “All right, if you really feel that way, I’ll make the arrangements. I can’t give you any date at this point, especially since Eric’s on his way home and we have no idea how long he’ll need to recover.” Laurie said that deliberately. “And what with Thanksgiving in two weeks, you’ll just have to bear with me. If that’s not acceptable, I do apologize.”

  “Oh well, certainly, I mean….” Stanford cleared his throat again. “I don’t wish to cause Lynne any undue worry.”

  “No, of course you don’t.” Laurie swallowed back bile that had crept up his throat. “It’s just that Sam’s busy with the kids right now. I really can’t give you a firm date.”

  Over the years Laurie had accepted Stanford’s singlemindedness. At times he came off as boorish, but underneath that mask was a loving man. Or toward Laurie Stanford had always exuded affection. Now a different person spoke over the phone, breaking Laurie’s heart. “Tell you what Stan. If you want my stuff out of the apartment, call my mother. Tell her what you’ve told me and I’m sure she’ll be happy to help you out. I just don’t have time for this kind of…pettiness.” Laurie almost swore, but didn’t wish for Jane to hear expletives. “Seth just got out of the hospital and we’re waiting for Eric to come back. Those and Lynne’s well-being are my priorities. I don’t have the energy for….”

  Again Laurie wanted to spill a flood of blue language. Instead he sucked in his breath, then gave a long sigh. “Give Michael my best, your sisters too. I’ll be in touch when I have time. Goodbye.” Hanging up the phone, Laurie trembled, then he shook his head. Turning toward Lynne, he flinched, for her face was streaked with tears. “Oh honey, it’s okay, oh Lynne….” Laurie went to her side, but he didn’t sit, for she leaned against him as soon as he was close. He rubbed her back, then caressed Jane’s head. She whimpered, then stuck out her arms, wanting to be held.

  “I’m sorry, my God, you don’t need all his….” Again Laurie bit his tongue. Then he pulled the chair over, taking a seat. Lynne still wept, but she handed Jane to her uncle. As Laurie cradled the toddler, Lynne reached for a napkin, blowing her nose. Then she wiped her face, meeting Laurie’s gaze.

  Her brown eyes were bloodshot, making Laurie’s heart throb even more. “Don’t worry Lynne, it’s gonna be….” Laurie shrugged, for he couldn’t imagine what might happen to make Stan change his mind. “It’ll be what it’s gonna be. I was gonna have to call him, guess that’s off my list.”

  Lynne reached for Laurie’s hands, grasping them within her own. “How did he sound?”

  “Resolute till the end. Maybe there’s a heart in that man somewhere.” But saying that make Laurie ache, for he knew Stanford so well. Then Laurie sighed. “He won’t call my mother, I’ll tell you that.” Laurie snorted, then he kissed the top of Jane’s head. “Most likely he won’t do anything. Agatha would have his head.”

  “What does she know?”

  “Only that I’m here and that Eric’s….” Laurie gazed at the phone, then he looked at Lynne. “She knows Eric isn’t in a hospital, I mean, oh Jesus, I have no idea what she thinks. What’s she said to you?”

  “Just that she’s praying for us.”

  He nodded. “She wanted me to tell Stan the truth. Well, I did, and see where that’s gotten me.”

  Lynne patted Laurie’s hand. “You always have a place here.”

  He gazed at her, was she his little sister? If she was, God had an intriguing sense of humor. “Right now there’s no other place for me.”

  She wore a small smile, but it was edged in sorrow. Stroking his cheek, Lynne nodded, then she gasped. She placed Laurie’s hand on her abdomen where the baby kicked hard. Those movements eased the agony within Laurie’s chest, but still the ache lingered, and there seemed no way to make it stop. Laurie took deep breaths, seeking peace and Eric’s safe return. He wanted to include Stan, but had no idea how to approach that man, not even in prayer. Instead Laurie inhaled the sweetness of apple pie and the warmth of a small child. And the vitality of one unborn, as if a channel to those far away.
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