He Loves Me...He Loves You Not

  Callie slams the door and I listen as the sound of her footsteps fade away. Me, I’m torn. I don’t know if I should make my presence known or remain hidden. Part of me is afraid. Clearly he’s okay with Callie being privy to the information about his mother, but he hasn’t told me. So what if he’s not ready to tell me?

  Then the sounds of his sobs cut into my thoughts. The bed shakes from him trembling and my vision blurs from the wetness forming in my eyes. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through. I thought it was the end of the world when my parents separated and that is nothing compared to watching one of them die.

  I wipe my eyes with the palms of my hands. I’m coming out. I’m going to hold him. I’m going to be that crutch he needs right now. I’m going to comfort him. I’ll let him cry until there isn’t a tear left in his entire body.

  His cries cut out and I hear him dialing a phone number. The ringer on my phone squeals out and Henry hops up from the bed. His voice is thick, like it’s clogged with a coating of molasses. “Riley. Are you in here?”

  I reach out from under the bed and wrap my hand around his ankle. He jumps, startled and I clear my throat. “Yes. I am.”

  Chapter 14

  “It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.”~ Christian Nevell Bovee ~

  Henry grabs me by the wrists and pulls me out from underneath the bed. “Were you there the whole…?”

  I finish his sentence. “The whole time, yes.”

  He looks away from me. “So you heard everything then?”

  “Yes.”

  I can tell he’s a jigsaw puzzle. A million pieces scattered sporadically. Looking away only so he can put himself back together.

  “Everything?” he repeats, whispering.

  “Yes, everything,” I assure him.

  I’m observing him. Watching his profile as the muscles in his jaw flex. I take his face in my hands and he’s still not looking at me. For a second I close my eyes. I’m tearing up and what I really to do right now is be strong for him. “Henry, look at me,” I demand.

  He doesn’t meet my gaze.

  “Henry! Look at me!”

  He lifts his eyes slowly. The pale blue irises are swimming with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I place my forehead against his and sigh. “You know I would have been there for you.”

  His voice cracks. “You had your own problems going on with your parents and everything.”

  “That doesn’t matter. You know I love you. You know I would have been there for you in a second. What’s happening with my family is minor compared to this.” I hesitate for a moment and breathe. “What stage of cancer does she have and what kind?”

  “Pancreatic. Stage four.”

  I remember learning that pancreatic cancer is one of the worst kinds of cancer to have. “When did you find out?”

  He lifts his head, a serene look on his face. “Three years ago. We were optimistic at first and so were the doctors. They thought they’d caught it early enough. After her first round of chemo, she was doing so well. She went into remission. Then about eighteen months ago, it came back and it’s been a downward spiral ever since. She just keeps getting worse. In and out of the hospital. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. My dad tells me that I shouldn’t stop living. That my mom wouldn’t want me to be living next to her bed at all times.” A painful smile forms on his lips. “If she were here she’d tell me that she’s fine. Not to worry about her. To try and live.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Henry,” I tell him. “I’m so sorry I acted the way I did.” There was a point during our argument where he was trying to tell me something. I could see in his eyes that he was hiding something, but my own thoughts and concerns were the only thing I could think about. I’m the selfish one. I’m the one who is to blame for that fight. “Where does Callie fit into this?”

  Just mentioning her name makes me cringe. Callie, to me is almost inhuman, with a heart made of ice.

  A soft smile forms on his lips. “My Mom loves Callie. She used to tell me that Callie was like the daughter she never had.” He laughs, a restrained laugh. “I know that’s no excuse for what I’m doing with both of you, but my Mom is dying and I just couldn’t end it with Callie knowing how my Mom feels about her.”

  I exhale. “I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time believing that.”

  He scrunches his eyebrows together. “What?”

  “I’m having a hard time believing your Mom could love someone like her so much.”

  Henry shakes his head. “Callie wasn’t always how she is now. She used to be sweet. She used to be thoughtful. Somehow she’s morphed into someone different. Someone I don’t know anymore. Four years is a long time to be with someone and I think that most couples don’t anticipate the other one changing, but people do change. For a while when my Mom got sick again, I thought the old Callie I fell in love with would come back. I thought she’d be there for me, because that’s what you do when you love someone. I stayed because I knew how much it meant to my mother, and to see the look on my mom’s face when Callie would walk into the room, well, it was like a blinding light shining on the darkest of days. It made her so happy and I just didn’t have the heart to take it away from her.”

  Tears pour from my eyes and I feel like such a jerk. “I’m so sorry.” That’s all I can really say.

  He places his fingers under my chin and tips it up. “That day I saw you. It changed my whole life. You changed my whole life. You made me feel alive again. For the first time in years. I love you. I mean it.”

  A mixture of sadness and joy fills me up. All I can do is sob. I reach up and run my fingers through his hair. “I love you too. So much.”

  He cranes his neck down and brushes his lips against mine. A soft, loving kiss that exalts all of my senses. Then the kiss intensifies and we fall back on his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, warped by a haze of love and passion.

 

  His lips are against my ear. “I want you. All of you,” he breathes.

  That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from him.All I ever wanted is for him to choose me. Pick me. Love me. And he has. “You have me,” I tell him. “You always will.”

  Another deep kiss and I feel like the room is spinning, whirling around me. I’m on the tilt-a-whirl at the hometown fair. An elated feeling tickles my stomach. The wind whips through my hair and I’m laughing. I’m happy, giddy and full of glee.

  Henry’s teeth scrape against my bottom lip and I’m stuck in a diluted limbo that blurs the lines between fantasy and reality.

  I’m covered by a blanket of his arms, so warm and so hot that his body on mine sends an electrified wave of heat trickling down my spine. I’m already overheating and I’m craving another temperature spike. I want him to bring me to a rumbling boil.

  A soft creak from the door rings out in between our breathless kisses.

  “Is this the—?”

  Henry sits up quickly and I prop myself up on my elbows.

  Rosa stands in the doorway with her mouth hanging open. “What the hell is this?”

  Henry lies back on the bed, still trying to steady his breathing. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

  I glance between him and Rosa. She folds her arms across her chest and twitches her hip. I stand slowly. “Rosa, I can explain.”

  Rosa backs away from the door. “How long has this been going on?” Her eyes shift from me to Henry then back to me again.

  I can’t face her. So I just keep my eyes on the floor. I know she knows I’ve been keeping this from her. She knows me that well.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” There’s a hint of anger in her voice mixed with pain.

  Lifting my head I catch a glimpse at the look on her face. She’s sneering. Eyes narrowed. Shaking her head. It actually surprises me that it took her this long to figure out what was going on between Henry and I. “Seri
ously, Rosa.” I give her a desperate look. “Let me explain.”

  She backs away, shaking her head and bolts down the hall. I’m up in a flash, chasing her. I catch her, yanking her by the arm right before she starts down the steps. She moves away from the stairs and rests against the wall. Rosa scowls, keeping her head turned in the opposite direction. “Ro, would you look at me?”

  She ignores me.

  “Ro! You can at least let me explain!”

  She drops her head down and shakes at the floor. “I tell you everything,” she says, sounding more hurt that anything. “Everything.”

  I place my hand on her shoulder. “I couldn’t tell anyone.”

  Her head snaps up. “Why? Because of Callie? Did you think I would tell her?” she asks accusingly.

  “No,” I say. “Of course not.”

  Rosa peers down the hall at the cracked open door to Henry’s bedroom. She tilts her head toward the door. “Because of him?”

  I nod. “Please don’t be mad.”

  The hard look on her face softens and she sighs. Then she playfully slaps my shoulder. “You little slut! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! Here I am, worrying about you and you’re off with the next Abercrombie model getting your freak on.”

  “I’m not a slut!” I exclaim. “I love him.”

  In the beginning of my time with Henry, I’d thought the same thing. I kept thinking how I could be such a slut. So careless with my precious innocence, but I came to the realization that when feelings as strong as the feelings I had for Henry were involved our acts weren’t wrong. In the past, I’d been a thinker. I let my brain do the talking. That’s not smart, Riley. Or you don’t want to get in trouble. One thing I learned from loving Henry is that he taught me to follow my heart.

  Rosa cocks her head to the side. “So, I’m assuming Callie doesn’t know about you two.”

  “No,” I say. “She doesn’t.”

  “You better hope she doesn’t find out.”

  I roll my eyes. “Callie Banfield doesn’t scare me.”

  Rosa harrumphs, “Well she should.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Dude, don’t you remember what happened when she found out about Cari Struthers?”

  “Cari who?”

  “You know.” She lowers her voice being cautious. “That junior girl who had it bad for Henry when we were sophomores.”

  “Oh, yeah. The one who transferred.”

  “And I’m sure you know why she transferred.”

  I shake my head. “Ro, I love Henry and he loves me. There’s nothing Callie can do to scare me away. There’s nothing she can do that’s going to change the way I feel.”

  “Okay,” says Rosa. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  A second later, Callie stalks toward us and I clam up. Shit. Her face screams pure hatred. She’s huffing, like her entire body is full of hot air and that she’ll blow up if she can’t release some.

  She narrows her eyes at Rosa. “Hi.”

  Then her head turns toward me slowly, like she’s possessed. “It.” Her voice is trembling, fueled by rage. A second later she pulls her hand back and slaps me across the face.

  Chapter 14

  “In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love.”~ Lord Byron ~

  It takes me a minute to react to the slap as an irritating tingle spreads across my cheek. Instinctively I touch my face and my mouth drops open.

  “Stay away from my boyfriend,” Callie growls.

  Rosa scowls at her and opens her mouth, but I don’t give her anytime to make a comment. In a blaze of aggression, I lunge for Callie and slam her into the ground. The loud thud from our bodies hitting the floor rings out and shakes the pictures hanging on the walls.

  She gasps and tries pushing me away as I grab for her hair. There’s only a small part of me that’s attacking her for the slap. The rest is for the years of nasty comments, torture and the last bit is for Henry.

  The sounds of his sobs pound through my brain enraging me further. “He doesn’t love you!” I shout. And I surprise myself by how crazy I sound.

  Henry’s bedroom door flies open and Rosa is tugging on my arm. “Riley, come on! Stop!”

  I’ve almost got Callie’s arms under control when Henry yells out, “Riley, what are you doing?”

  He’s distracted me and I look over my shoulder, taking in the panicked look on his face. The second my eyes meet his, Callie yanks on my hair and rolls on top of me. She throws a punch and I dodge it.

  Callie throws a second punch and I try to dodge it, but her fist slams into my shoulder. Henry has his hands around her waist, lifting her off of me and Rosa takes me by the arm and helps me to my feet. I lunge for her again and Rosa yanks me back. “Riley, stop!” she scolds me.

  I scream. So loud and boisterous that it’s like the chanting of several thousand Romans cheering for their favorite gladiator. Henry gives me a stern look. “Ry, you need to chill.”

  I’m outraged. “Are you defending her? She slapped me first!”

  “I’m not defending anyone,” he snaps. “I’m saying you need to calm down.” He shakes his head and looks at Rosa. “Can you take her outside?”

  “Sure,” says Rosa.

  “I’m not going anywhere!” I bark.

  “Yes you are.” Rosa places a death grip around my waist and I claw at her hands. “No way!” she yells. “I have three older brothers and guess who they practiced their wrestling moves with?”

  “Let me go!”

  “Nope.”

  As Rosa drags me down the hall I’m seeing red. I forget about how much I love Henry. I forget about his unfortunate situation with his Mom. The only thing that I can think about is how he might be taking her side over mine.

  I don’t care how long they’ve been together. I don’t care how she used to be because for as long as I’ve known Callie Banfield, she’s been an awful person. And I’ve known her for thirteen years.

  Even though the fight between her and I seems catty, all of my rage boils down to how I’m a good person and she’s evil and she always seems to win. Henry is mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. And she doesn’t deserve him.

  I’m breathing heavy. I’ve had it. Sick mother or not, he needs to pick one of us.

  Every time I tell myself I’ve had enough, he finds a way to suck me back in. He’s a black hole and I’m an asteroid. Once the asteroid comes in contact with the black hole’s gravitational pull, there’s no going back. I’ll more likely die or lose my mind than escape this relationship in one piece.

  Rosa nears the edge of the hall and I try to shake her off of me. “No way,” she tells me. “You’re going to calm down.”

  I scowl at Henry and shout, “You need to make a decision!”

  Me or her. Me or her. Me or her.

  He nods with an emotionless expression. He knows I’m right. He knows that he’s let this little threesome has gone on long enough.

  And as Rosa nears the top of the steps, silently I pray that he makes the right one.

  Me.

  Chapter 15

  “Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful.” ~ Daniel Monroe Tuttle ~

  Outside, I pace in front of Henry’s house. I focus on the porch swing, with its iron chains and hooks and oak planks as the wind blows, tossing it back and forth. I think of how many times I sat on that swing with Henry and how if Henry picks her instead of me, it might be the last time I ever look at it.

  Rosa watches me intensely. A look of worry takes over her child-like facial features. “You’re scaring me, Ry.”

  I’m scaring myself.

  Loud chatter and drunken laughter interrupts my thinking process. I stop mid-pace as several kids from my grade stroll across the perfectly manicured lawn to their cars. Two husky boys, linemen from the football team straggle behind the rest of the group and I’m careful not to make an
y sudden movements. They’re talking to one another and I’m trying to eavesdrop.

  “Did you hear all that noise?” I don’t remember this boy’s name, but he has a bulging belly and a bald head.

  The second guy is slightly smaller in girth and in height and he has thick orange hair that is sticking up—spiked. “Man, Henry is probably giving it to her real good.”

  Uncle Fester brushes passed me and raise an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you?” he asks orange hair. “If I had a girlfriend that looked like Callie Banfield I know I would be.”

  “I know,” orange hair replies. “Have you ever seen how short she wears her cheerleading skirt? Ouch. Staring at that ass gives me a toothache.”

  I turn toward Rosa, staring out as her pale face becomes a blur of white. My lips quiver. “He picked her,” I say mechanically. Tears stream down my cheeks, drip off my chin, and my knees buckle. Rosa is next to me in a flash and she catches me before I fall. I bury my head in the crook of her neck. “I don’t understand.” The words come out so hushed I can barely hear myself say them.