A Shade of Kiev

  Somehow, I didn’t feel like revealing to Saira the extent of Mona’s obsession. It felt like something that was intimate, just between the two of us. So instead, I changed the subject.

  “Why did Mona leave The Sanctuary?”

  Saira sighed. “She said that she found the place too restricting. She preferred the life of a wanderer.”

  “She wasn’t kicked out because she had no magic?”

  “That’s one theory.” Saira eyed me. “But she hasn’t claimed that. At least not to me.”

  “Where did you first find her?”

  “Actually,” she said, sitting back against the wall and making herself comfortable, “Matteo, Mona and I all met each other at the same time. We were all trapped in the same prison on the boat of some particularly nasty pirates. Matteo and I managed to break free from our cages, and we helped Mona too. It’s made sense to stay together since then. We were able to hijack a small boat and make it our own. Gradually we’ve built up the crew to what it is today.”

  Saira wasn’t telling me anything that I didn’t already know from Mona herself.

  “Why does Mona keep to herself so much?”

  “She always has,” Saira said, a concerned look on her face. “I’ve come to believe it’s just her personality. She feels… uncomfortable around people and prefers her own company most of the time. But I think she’s just been waiting for the right person to come along and offer her a little friendship.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. I was about to get up and leave but another question crept into my mind.

  “Are witches like vampires—immortal?”

  In all my years of dealing with witches, I’d never asked about a witch’s mortality. I knew that witches on Earth died after several hundred years; they died of old age, unlike vampires, who were immortal unless killed by specific means. But I wondered whether witches in this paranormal realm were immortal, being in their natural atmosphere.

  “As far as I know, they are,” Saira replied. “Though to be honest the only witch I’ve ever come across is Mona, and, well, she’s not exactly your typical witch.”

  That she isn’t.

  Unwilling to spend more time with the wolf, seeing that she hadn’t been able to answer my questions satisfactorily, I got up to leave.

  “I suppose the next time you visit you’ll have finished your task,” she called out of the window as I jumped to the forest floor.

  Her last words caused my throat to feel dry. Just recently I’d been longing to get this duty off of my shoulders. Now, the image of Irina standing in wait for me by the well flashed before my mind, and the thought of finishing my task unsettled me.

  I wondered if I might have been doing my task too well.

  What if I don’t want to stop trying to be Mona’s friend?

  What would that mean for her?

  Chapter 36: Mona

  He’d left his pants on the railing. Deliberately, I guessed—so he’d have an excuse to visit me again uninvited. Not that the vampire ever needed an excuse for anything he did.

  The next day, I decided to arrive early, and rather than wait by the well, surprise him by showing up in his room. Perhaps I’d find him asleep, and I could disturb him as he had disturbed me the night before. I emerged from the forest, his pants tucked beneath one arm, and walked into the entrance of the tunnels. The place seemed empty on first glance, as I had expected at this time of day. But as I walked further underground, footsteps sounded behind me. I whirled around to see Giles emerging from a corridor a few feet away from me.

  He raised his eyebrows on seeing me. Then his eyes darkened. I thought he was about to approach me but—to my surprise—he appeared to think better of it. He scowled at me and stormed off in the opposite direction.

  “Good riddance,” I muttered beneath my breath.

  I continued walking along the corridors until I was outside Kiev’s—Adrian’s—room. I placed my ear against the door. I couldn’t hear anything.

  He must be sleeping.

  I knocked.

  No answer.

  I knocked again. When there was still no answer I gripped the handle. I was surprised to discover that it had been left unlocked. I pushed the door open.

  The room was dark except for a dim lantern that burned in the corner of the small room. And it was empty. A shirt lay strewn on his straw mattress, but other than that, there was barely anything else contained in that room.

  I stood in the center, looking around at the grim decor.

  I felt disappointed that I hadn’t been able to catch him off guard. But more than anything I was curious as to where he would have gone in these daylight hours.

  I decided to wait for half an hour or so and if he still didn’t show up, I’d leave to wait by the well at our appointed time. I walked over to the mattress and laid his pants down near his pillow. Then I sat down and crossed my legs, staring at the front door and listening to the occasional drip falling from the ceiling.

  After what felt like at least half an hour, I got up and opened the door. About to close it behind me, I felt cool hands slide around my waist. Whirling around, I found myself face to face with Adrian, his eyes staring down into mine.

  Opening the door with one hand, he pushed me into the room until my back hit the wall. He placed both of his hands either side of me, trapping me against it.

  “Where did you go?” I asked, breathing heavily.

  He didn’t answer, but continued to gaze down at my face. I hated feeling like he was studying me. I lifted my hands instinctively to hide my face from his steely gaze, but no sooner had I lifted them than he caught them and pinned them against the wall. He pressed his body closer against mine.

  “What are you doing?”

  His lips parted slightly and I thought he was going to say something, but then he closed them again. Finally, resignation flickered in his eyes, and he let go of me, taking a step back.

  The silence felt awkward as we stood there, looking at each other across the room.

  “I brought your pants for you,” I muttered, pointing to them on the mattress. When he still didn’t speak, I continued, “Adrian, this evening, I want to take you somewhere I’ve been meaning to show you ever since our first date.”

  His eyes remained on me as I spoke.

  “It’s probably getting dark outside already. I suppose we can leave now.”

  Wordlessly, he caught my hand and pulled me out of his room, not bothering to close the door behind him. As on previous nights, he swept me up in his arms as soon as we entered the forest.

  Once we were on the other side of the wall and walking along the beach, I pointed to a rock in the distance. He ran toward it, and I tugged at him to put me down. Unbuttoning my dress, I laid it on a rock and straightened my underwear. His eyes roamed the length of my body as I stood before him in the water. Then, tearing off his shirt, he walked into the water alongside me.

  When he motioned to pull me onto his back, I pushed his hands away and said, “No. Not tonight.”

  I swam away from him and ducked underwater, emitting the call that Kai and Evie had been trained to obey. It didn’t take long before they came swimming toward me.

  “Why do we need them?” he muttered on seeing the dolphins surface. “I can take us wherever we need to go.”

  “They remember the location of this place better than me,” I replied.

  I guided Kai over to Adrian as I mounted Evie. Adrian looked over the dolphin for a few moments before following my lead and sliding onto his back. Evie led the way through the waves, heading deeper and deeper into the ocean. Kai sped up until he was swimming alongside us, the two dolphins racing each other in the waves.

  I looked sideways at Adrian. My motion caught his attention and he looked back at me. There was something wrong with him this evening. Something was on his mind. He kept looking at me as though he wanted to say something, but reined himself in.

  We arrived at a formation of rocks far away from the main islan
d. I patted Evie on the head, encouraging her to go the rest of the way. She swam in front of Kai, circling the rocks until she’d spotted an opening to a cave. I held my breath as she ducked beneath the waves and we resurfaced moments later in a clear blue pool, surrounded by rocks. Kai and Adrian surfaced seconds after me. I got off Evie and clambered onto the rocks overlooking the pool. I stood up and Adrian climbed up after me. The rock afforded us a better view of this little enclosure, and as I looked around I realized that the place had grown even more beautiful than before. Multicolored shells clung to the rocks, small pools of pearls and precious stones glinting in the rays of moonlight that escaped from the gaps in the cave’s ceiling.

  When I turned to face Adrian, expecting to see his reaction to the gorgeous cave, I found his eyes fixed on me, ignoring our surroundings.

  “What is it?” I snapped. “You’ve been acting strangely all evening—”

  “Mona.” His deep voice broke through me.

  Hearing him say my name sent goosebumps running through me. I looked up at him, bewildered.

  “What? We’re supposed to be—”

  “I know. But I don’t want to talk to Irina. I want to talk to you.”

  “Th-that’s not why I brought you here—”

  “I know.”

  Terrified, I averted my eyes, looking anywhere I could other than into those crimson irises.

  “Why do you write these stories?”

  A cool hand reached for my face, tilting my chin up toward him. Unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, I closed my eyes.

  “Tell me.”

  Panic surged through me. I regretted bringing him to such a secluded place. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to escape from the questions behind his eyes.

  I sank to the ground, burying my head in my knees.

  He placed a hand over mine as it lay resting on the rock. Something about his strength lured me into a comfort that my brain was screaming I could never have.

  I looked up at him, wide-eyed and afraid.

  He kept his gaze steady. When I still remained silent, he reached to caress my cheek.

  This is Irina feeling for Adrian.

  That’s all.

  Shutting my eyes tight, I breathed out deeply and, trying to keep my voice steady, said, “Because feeling is easy in stories.”

  I looked up at him to see his eyes fierce with curiosity.

  Not Kiev’s eyes. Adrian’s eyes.

  This is Adrian.

  “What do you mean, Mona—”

  “Irina!” I cried out. “Don’t call me Mona while you’re touching me like this!”

  He pulled his hand away from me and shot to his feet.

  “I don’t understand you,” he said, his voice traced with irritation as he turned his back on me, looking out at the pool.

  “You don’t need to understand me,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “Nobody does. All you need to know are my boundaries.”

  “And what are your boundaries?” he snapped.

  I fell silent.

  I didn’t know anymore.

  Since meeting Kiev, I’d pushed my boundaries back inch by inch, and now they were unrecognizable. I could no longer see where they began or where they ended.

  I felt lost.

  At that moment, I was grasping for any bit of solidity. Anything grounding. I began to feel dizzy. I stood up and grabbed Kiev’s hand, burying my head against his chest. He tensed at my sudden motion, then relaxed as he wrapped his strong arms around me, easing me against his body.

  I felt secure in his embrace.

  I hoped that just by touching him, some of the strength in his body would flow into mine. Strength I desperately needed.

  I didn’t know where my boundaries started or ended anymore, but I did know that at that moment, Kiev was my rock. Keeping me anchored in the storm.

  I lost track of time as we lay down next to each other on the rock. I shut my eyes, listening to the steady beating of his heart. I breathed in the scent of his skin, stained with salt water. He rested his chin on my head, groaning quietly as he took in my own scent. As he ran his fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp, I lost myself in the comfort I’d found against the contours of his body.

  His deep voice rumbled through his chest as he finally broke the silence.

  “Mona.”

  I shivered as he said my name.

  “Look at me.”

  Trembling, I looked up.

  The heat of his gaze left me struggling to breathe.

  He reached his hands to my face, his thumbs brushing against my cheeks, and before I could stop him, his lips were on mine. Unlike how I’d imagined a first kiss might play out, I didn’t need to think. I didn’t need to wonder. But perhaps that was just because Kiev was a man who didn’t leave room for doubt.

  What he wanted, he took.

  I let out a soft moan as his tongue pushed through my lips. His mouth pressing against mine, he claimed all of me, not allowing me to surface even to gasp for breath. His hands slid down to my lower back, pulling me flush against him.

  My lips danced to the rhythm of his kiss, my body in beat to his drum.

  When he finally released me, I lay breathless, my hands flat against his chest. I stood up and stumbled back, staring at him in a daze, reaching up a finger to touch my lower lip.

  His eyes still blazing, he stared back.

  I suddenly realized how long we’d been out. The sky was beginning to lighten through the cracks in the rocky enclosure. Although neither of us spoke, we both understood that we couldn’t remain there alone any longer.

  I slid back into the cool water, as did he, and we both made our way out of the cave. I ducked my head beneath the waves and called to the dolphins.

  Shaking, I climbed onto Evie’s back and gripped on tight. I looked back to see Kiev do the same with Kai.

  We didn’t exchange a word as we hurried toward to the shore. Evie rushed forward, and I didn’t look back again until the sounds of Kai swimming became oddly quiet.

  I turned around to see that Kai had stopped, leaving Kiev floating in the water.

  “What’s going on?” I called back, my voice hoarse.

  “Kai,” Kiev said. “He… doesn’t seem well.”

  Panic gripped me.

  I urged Evie back toward them but as we approached, Kiev and Kai moved forward again, although much slower than before. I wanted to stop and check Kai, but the sun was dangerously close to the horizon and we had to get back. We still had some way to travel.

  I kept Evie going at the same speed as Kai, traveling at half their usual speed.

  I was relieved when I felt sand beneath my toes. We’d entered the shallow waters just before the main beach. As I was about to jump off Evie, Kiev swore. I whirled around to see they’d fallen behind again and this time it looked like Kiev had dismounted Kai.

  I rushed over to them, and as I got nearer, my heart leapt into my throat. Kai was floating motionless in the water. His eyes had closed, his mouth hanging slightly open. I gripped the large animal’s sides and rocked him.

  He didn’t respond.

  “No. No. No!” I breathed frantically.

  My entire body trembled as I continued to shake him, hoping that Kai would magically start moving again. Magic. That’s exactly what won’t happen thanks to me. The ogres were right, I don’t deserve to be called a witch.

  I broke down. Kiev grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace, trying to dry my eyes and calm me down. But I could no longer draw comfort from him. His actions only made me panic further. I pulled myself away from his arms.

  “Just leave!” I screamed at him.

  He stood there, frozen, his eyes wide.

  “Leave me! LEAVE ME NOW!” I bellowed at him until my voice broke.

  He stared at me for another few seconds before stumbling back and moving toward the wall, casting confused—perhaps even hurt—glances back at me as he left.

  Now that I was alone,
grief took me. I caught hold of Kai’s fin, and, mounting myself once again on Evie, travelled into deeper waters, dragging him along behind us.

  I only stopped Evie once we were a mile away from the shore. Then I kissed Kai’s head, my body racked with sobs, and let go of him, watching his motionless body disappear into the darkness of the ocean’s depths.

  Kai was just a baby in dolphin years. There was no reason for him to leave me now.

  I took Evie back to shallow waters and got off her.

  Still sobbing uncontrollably, I kissed her head too.

  “And this is where we part, my baby girl. You need to leave me now and never return. Don’t ever wait for me or try to find me again.”

  Although I wasn’t speaking her language, I felt that she somehow understood what I was trying to communicate because she nuzzled her head against my waist.

  “No, Evie. You need to be a good girl and leave me now. L-leave me.”

  I ducked my head underwater and let out a noise that I knew Evie would understand without doubt to mean that she was now set free—a noise taught to me by a mermaid when I’d first learned to train dolphins all those years ago.

  I pulled my head back above the waves and watched as my beautiful girl took one last look at me. Her eyes were endearing as she gazed up at me. I felt my battered heart split in two. I knew she loved me and didn’t want to leave.

  And it was precisely because I had let myself love her back that she had to. I hoped that I hadn’t waited too long. I hoped that I hadn’t left it too late. I hoped that she’d still be able to live a full and healthy life, unlike Kai.

  Evie slowly turned away and sped off into the horizon.

  I beat my fist against my thigh until I caused a bruise.

  If I had only let Kai go sooner, he might have been able to accompany her.

  I crawled out of the water, and barely able to support my own weight, stumbled forward along the beach. I staggered beneath the morning sun until I reached the rock pools I’d once sat near with Kiev, and found somewhere to sit out of view of the beach.

  I didn’t want to be found by anyone.

  I just need to be numb.

  “Numbness.”