A Shade of Kiev

  “It was… over a human girl…” My voice trailed off. Pain settled in my chest just thinking of Sofia. “A human girl I cared for. Perhaps even loved. I let her escape back to the human realm before all the hawks’ portals were finally sealed off.”

  Mona’s deep blue eyes reflected the moonlight as she turned to face me, her eyebrows arched. “That was brave of you. Selfless even. I didn’t get the impression that you were capable of such finer emotions after what you tried to do back in the prison.”

  “I was desperate. And starving. I barely knew what I was doing.”

  What the hell am I doing? Why am I trying to defend myself?

  I felt shocked by my reaction. I didn’t know why I was trying to paint a picture of myself as someone decent and virtuous. As someone capable of love.

  Why do I care what she thinks of me?

  Or perhaps I don’t…

  Maybe all this is my subconscious showing through. Maybe, now that I might have a chance to carve out a life of my own away from my father’s shadow, it’s portraying the person I want to be. The person I had hoped the human girl could have made me.

  Perhaps I do prefer light over darkness.

  I couldn’t deny that my mood swings had reduced since I first escaped my father. Without his presence, I’d found more room for my own thoughts in my head. I’d had a chance to experiment controlling my own willpower.

  I wondered then, if I practiced being someone else every day for long enough, whether that could eventually become reality. I might have failed at changing my appearance, but if nobody knew who I was at The Cove, maybe that didn’t matter.

  Can an actor ever truly become the part he plays?

  Do I want it enough?

  “Well,” the witch sighed. “I’m not convinced you’re not just saying all this to warm me up. I’m still dropping you off at The Cove.”

  Again, her words made me feel like punishing her for her audacity. I wanted to maim her. Instead I just nodded. I looked out at the endless expanse of water rushing past us, taking in deep breaths.

  “How did you train those things?” I asked.

  “Things? You mean my dolphins? I was taught by a mermaid.”

  “Are there many others like you?”

  “A fair number. We tend to move around in groups. Our chances of survival are obviously better that way.” She paused and ran her tongue over her lower lip. “But honestly, I keep to myself most of the time. My group is large enough to allow me to do that. I’m a wanderer in the true sense of the word. I don’t like the commitments that form when you’re around people for an extended period of time.”

  Asking her aimless questions was distracting my mind from her blood, so I continued.

  “Do you have family?”

  “Dead.” She said the word without a hint of emotion. “Do you?”

  My parents had died while I was still a human. I’d been a young boy when an epidemic had swept through our town centuries ago, taking them with it. As for my younger brother and sister, after my turning, I’d never seen them again.

  “No,” I said.

  But the words felt strange as I said them. For so long my Elder had forced me to address him as my father, and his other children as my siblings, that it was ingrained in me that I should still be acknowledging them as family.

  Pull yourself together, Kiev. You’re away from him now.

  You no longer have to live under his shadow. You have choice.

  You can become whoever you want to be.

  Chapter 6: Mona

  I wondered why I had started talking so freely with this stranger. He didn’t even seem interested.

  Perhaps, despite all my attempts to convince myself otherwise, I was just desperate for someone to talk to. Perhaps I felt I could confide in this man, open up to him in ways I couldn’t ever with anyone else, because I knew we would part ways in a few hours and I would never see him again.

  Whatever the reason, I found myself answering questions about my life. Though I was always careful to skirt around the parts that were hidden too deep to reveal even to this complete stranger.

  My hands became tired from holding the reins after a while. Normally I would stop Kai and Evie, but since Kiev agreed to hold them, we switched places. For a while, I placed my hands over his icy ones, guiding him on how to manage the dolphins. I tried to teach him to use the compass and explained when the dolphins were going too fast and what the optimal speed was. He was a fast learner and after half an hour, I was able to sit back and watch him take control.

  Now that I wasn’t navigating, I let my gaze fall on his face. I wasn’t sure I would ever get used to his red eyes. They sent chills down my spine whenever he looked at me. They reminded me of the devil himself and made me hesitant to fall asleep. The moment I drifted off, those blood-red eyes would be watching me.

  He had a strong jawline beneath his stubble, and his dark hair and eyebrows were at stark contrast with his pale skin. He was tall—almost a foot taller than me—and his body was strong and muscular, far too strong for comfort. He could easily overpower me should he decide to. My only assurance of safety was that he needed me to get to shore. If he killed me on board, he’d perish in the middle of the ocean. But that didn’t stop him from eyeing me with hunger every now and then, sending shudders running through me.

  I’d never been fond of vampires. I found it hard to trust creatures whose very existence depended on sucking the life out of others. And they were difficult to travel with. They were needy, craving human blood and complaining whenever they were given anything but. The only vampire I could stand was the captain of my ship, but perhaps that was just because I’d known him for so long.

  “Tell me more about this group you’re with,” my passenger said, turning his bloody gaze on me.

  “There are perhaps one hundred of us. Mostly vampires and werewolves.”

  He raised a brow at my statement.

  “I didn’t really end up with them by design.” I sighed. “I’ve known the captain of our troop for years. I met him soon after leaving The Sanctuary. He and a werewolf saved me from a… difficult situation. Or you could say that we all helped each other. Anyway, since then we’ve stayed together. And gradually we picked up more people along the way, until the crew became what it is today.”

  “Vampires and werewolves,” he muttered. “I never knew the two races could live in harmony.”

  I smirked at the notion. “Oh, they have their fair share of squabbles. But in general, vampires and werewolves can work well together … at least compared to other supernaturals. We’ve tried adding other races to our crew in the past—ogres, mermaids, ghouls—but it rarely worked out. While wolves and vamps certainly aren’t the best of friends, if they have a shared goal, they are at least functional.”

  He leaned back in his seat and placed his feet up on top of an empty water barrel. There was an awkward silence as he continued to look me over. I wondered what he was thinking: whether he actually wanted to join our group, or if he was just asking questions because he was bored.

  “Is it really so bad in The Sanctuary?” he asked abruptly. “From what I’ve heard, it’s a place of freedom if you’re a witch—”

  I guessed that his question wasn’t asked maliciously, but it hit a nerve so raw it sent tremors tearing through my entire body.

  “I’ve had enough of your questions!” The words rolled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  He fell silent.

  I immediately regretted losing my temper. I’d been secretly enjoying interacting with him. Now I felt guilty.

  “I’m sorry… I actually don’t mind you asking questions. It helps to pass the time. I-I’m just starting to feel tired.”

  “I’m not stopping you from sleeping,” he snapped.

  For some reason, I didn’t want to risk upsetting him by saying that I didn’t trust him enough to close my eyes. Perhaps I was worried it would deter him from speaking to me freely.

  I qu
estioned why I didn’t want to fall asleep. I was certainly exhausted; I hadn’t slept properly for days. Of course it was true that, although he could follow the basic direction of a compass, he didn’t know where our ultimate destination was and he needed me to oversee his navigation.

  But I felt within myself a resistance that was distinct from and deeper than this. I didn’t want to waste the short period of time I had remaining with him on sleep. I doubted I’d ever meet another stranger in such short-lived circumstances again.

  “No, I need to make sure you don’t steer off course. I’ll be okay.” Eager to divert the topic away from the witches’ realm, I blurted out the first thing that came to my head. “So why are your eyes red? I know I said you were born with them, but I’m guessing that’s not true since you were born a human. I’ve never seen a vampire with red eyes.”

  He looked out at the ocean, almost as though ashamed of his appearance. He didn’t answer my question.

  I cast my eyes out of the boat too and scanned the waters. My breath hitched as I caught sight of a tiny island, the first landmark indicating the proximity of the mermaids’ territory. We were perhaps an hour away now. A strange panic gripped me. I wasn’t used to time passing so quickly, especially not on sea journeys.

  Before I could stop myself, I found myself asking, “Tell me about the human girl you fell in love with. Was she your first love?”

  A muscle in his jaw twitched.

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “Please,” I urged, wincing at how desperate I sounded.

  He frowned at me. “No, she wasn’t,” he said.

  “What was her name?”

  Again he scowled and kept his lips sealed.

  “What’s it like to fall in love?”

  He shot me a look, perhaps wondering if this was supposed to be some kind of joke. “Are you always this aggravating?”

  The truth was, I felt as confused by my behavior as he looked. This wasn’t me.

  But as I allowed myself to pause and search a little deeper into my soul, I realized. This was a question that I couldn’t ever discuss with anyone else without risking becoming on closer terms with them. A question that had run deep within me ever since I could remember. A question that I had never gotten out of my system. A question that would likely go unanswered for the rest of my life if I didn’t ask it of this stranger before he left my boat.

  “Just answer my question… please.”

  I snatched the reins from him and slowed the dolphins.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, anger rising in his voice.

  “Answer my question,” I repeated, trying to keep the tremors of desperation out of my voice. Embarrassment rose in my cheeks.

  Breathing deeply, he stood up and turned his back on me.

  “It’s not worth it.”

  “What do you mean?” His answer had thrown me off. “So you fear love?”

  “Yes,” he said, after a pause. I was surprised by his admission. “And no. Somehow, even with the pain, it reminds you that you’re still living.”

  “And what do you fear?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and remained silent for several moments. I stared at him, barely blinking.

  “Numbness,” he said finally. “Now will you keep moving?”

  Numbness.

  Chapter 7: Kiev

  I let out a sigh of relief as the shores of what appeared to be an island came into view. The sooner I rid myself of this witch, the better. I don’t know how much longer I can keep myself from clawing at her. I stepped outside the cabin to get a better look. Although the darkness was still very much prevalent, the horizon displayed signs of the sun about to peek through. I gazed up at the clear sky.

  My breath hitched.

  A large bird-like figure circled in the far distance. Then my eyes fell on the beach. Hawks roamed there too.

  I rushed back into the cabin.

  “Stop! Turn around!”

  “What?” Mona said.

  “Hawks!”

  Mona frowned. Then she let out a dry laugh. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?” The boat continued to speed forward at a terrifying pace.

  I grabbed hold of the reins and yanked them out of her hands, forcing the dolphins to a stop. She looked shocked and stood up, a new emotion traced in her night-blue eyes. Fear. I guessed what she was thinking; now I had caught sight of the shore, I no longer needed her.

  “Fool!” I hissed. “Go see for yourself!”

  She edged out of the cabin, her eyes not leaving me, as though I might pounce on her at any minute. I followed her outside and pointed toward the direction of the hawk in the sky, and also on the shore.

  She rummaged around in a storage box and retrieved a large pair of rusty binoculars. On peering through them, she gasped. Dropping the binoculars, she rushed back into the cabin and grabbed the reins. She guided the dolphins into an about-turn and we sped off in the opposite direction.

  “I hope they didn’t notice us,” she breathed.

  The hawk was still circling in the same spot in the sky. He was showing no signs that he had spotted us.

  “What now?”

  She ignored me, a deep scowl settling in on her face.

  “No. No. No,” she muttered to herself beneath her breath. Her cheeks had turned red.

  I was content with not having an answer immediately so long as we continued to speed away from The Cove. She closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, rubbing her forehead with her palm furiously.

  “I just hope that my crew left in time,” she croaked. “Before the hawks took control of the place.”

  “But why? What interest do they have in the merfolk?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine,” she said darkly. “Aviary is now a nation at war. The Cove is the nearest major realm to Aviary. Perhaps they believe that securing that place will assist in some way in their battle with the Elders… though I doubt the merfolk allowed themselves to be held hostage. I’m sure the majority of them will have abandoned their homes and moved to deeper waters…”

  She stopped, overcome by a deep yawn. I looked over and saw the look of sheer exhaustion in her face.

  “You still haven’t told me where we’re headed now,” I said. “But I don’t trust you to navigate us anywhere in this state.”

  “No, no, I’m”—she tried to stifle another loud yawn with her hand—“fine.”

  “If it’s me you’re worried about, you’re a fool,” I said. “I still need you. I’d have no idea where to even start now.”

  She glanced up at me briefly and the hesitation in her eyes revealed that she was considering my words. I stood up and looked at the sky again. All signs of the hawk and the coast had vanished. Evie and Kai travelled with supernatural speed.

  “All right. I suppose that we’re a safe distance from The Cove,” she said. “We can stop here for a few hours.”

  She still had a look of distrust in her eyes, but she seemed to understand her body would no longer allow her to deprive it of rest. She pulled the dolphins to a stop and tied the reins securely around a post. Rummaging around in a cupboard, she pulled out a small blanket and curled up on the bench, covering her face with the blanket.

  I walked to a corner of the boat and sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall. Having nothing else to occupy my mind with, I watched her settle into slumber. She twitched now and then, until finally I could hear her soft even breathing.

  As I sat there looking at her, I was surprised to find myself wishing that she hadn’t tucked her face beneath the blanket.

  Chapter 8: Mona

  I didn’t know how I managed to fall asleep with that monster sitting just a few meters away. I supposed my body simply gave me no choice.

  When I woke up, I was shocked to see that it was dark again. I’d slept through the whole morning and the entire day. At least I felt refreshed. But the thought of being so vulnerable to the vampire for so long terrified m
e.

  I slowly moved the blanket away from my face, afraid to look up and be met with blood-red eyes glinting at me through the darkness. But the vampire had vanished from the cabin.

  My throat felt painfully dry. I stepped out onto the deck and headed over to the barrel of drinking water. It was stale now, having been on the boat for so many weeks, and there were barely a few cups left. I could have drunk the whole lot in one go, but I had to pace myself. We were only a few hours away from our next destination, but I couldn’t run out of drinking water in case something else threw us off course. Drinking seawater wouldn’t make me ill like it would a human, but I hated the taste. Fortunately, my vampire companion didn’t seem to drink water at all.

  “Hello?” I called.

  I walked over to the edge of the boat and peered into the water. To my horror, both dolphins were out of their harnesses. Kiev was floating nearby.

  “What are you doing?”

  I dove into the water and rushed toward them.

  “They were hungry,” he said coolly. “And since you decided to sleep for so long, I didn’t want this journey to be further delayed by their meal.”

  “But you don’t know how to manage them,” I panted. “They don’t answer to you like they do to me! You do realize that if we lost them, we’d be—”

  “They seem to be answering to me quite well, don’t they?” He gestured to both of the dolphins, who were happily chewing away on mouthfuls of fish. “You underestimate me, witch. I’m a fast learner.”

  I reached Evie and pulled myself onto her back, glaring at Kiev.

  “I don’t care what you are. Just… don’t touch them again without my permission.”

  I realized that I was also craving food. I withdrew my dagger and eye protection from my belt, and ducked down beneath the waves. I surfaced with two large fish. I glanced over at Kiev who was still eyeing me.

  “Want one or not?” I asked.

  He shook his head.

  I split open a fish and started eating, tossing the other one over to Kai. He grabbed it in his jaws as soon as it hit the water.